24

Here is where we stand:

Despite the ongoing efforts of CTU, the terrorists managed to get the Lethal Atomic Rods of Doom into Manhattan and convert them into a dirty bomb at an all-night nuclear-rod-conversion shop. The terrorists told President Woman President that they would set off the bomb unless she turned over Generic Islamic Republic President Sham, whose hairdo has been gaining altitude with each passing hour and is now the height of Tom Cruise.

When the president refused to accede to the terrorists' demands, Generic Military General Brucker secretly ordered a team of commandos to kidnap President Sham anyway. But Jack and Renee defeated the commandos, who were terrible shots, possibly because they were wearing ski masks.

So now the terrorists have activated the timer, which means that unless Jack stops it, in 15 minutes the dirty bomb will go off in the Upper West Side, seriously depressing the condo market.

In subplot action:

• Agent Dana Walsh is about to be exposed as a mole, which is not surprising inasmuch as she has basically been walking around CTU headquarters with a giant sign that says "I'M THE MOLE, YOU MORONS."
• The Duke University Arrogant Wingtipped Demons square off tonight for the NCAA men's basketball championship against Butler, a plucky underdog team of scrappy youngsters from a university located in Indiana or possibly Iowa.
• Edgar is still dead.

We will attempt to monitor both 24 and the Duke-Butler game tonight, so our analysis may be even less coherent than usual. Stay tuned in the comments afterward to find out what comes out of the brain of The Amazing Steve. Meanwhile, here's a scientific poll:

Do you think the bomb will go off?
	No.
	Yes, but at the last second Jack will swallow it, so it will detonate harmlessly inside him.
	This is not technically relevant, but: anybody not rooting for Butler is heartless scum.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: This here is some tension.

UPDATE: Of course now they can use the dirty-bomb-countdown timer again.

UPDATE: Have you watched "Glee"? Well, you should.

UPDATE: "No one here knows that." There you have CTU in a nutshell.

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be great if just once Jack tried to lighten things up with, I don't know, a fart joke?

UPDATE: Jack is pretty much treating the POTUS as a low-level subordinate. Which of course she is, to Jack.

UPDATE: Bishop is not the brightest bulb on the black-ops tree.

UPDATE: Hastings makes the WORST speeches.

UPDATE: Chloe is not ABOUT to let Dana reroute the servers.

UPDATE: Seriously, how long does it take for CTU and the NYPD to get to a car when they know exactly where it is?

UPDATE: I would not let Agent Walsh anywhere NEAR the trunk line.

UPDATE: Agent Walsh is the Freddy Krueger of CTU.

UPDATE: A LEFT TURN! THOSE SNEAKY TERRORIST BASTARDS!!

UPDATE: Maybe it was a Toyota.

UPDATE: The old President Sham Switcheroo.

UPDATE: A PRIUS! THOSE BASTARDS!!!

UPDATE: How many times per episode does President Woman President say "I don't understand"?

UPDATE: Once again we are reminded: There is no place on earth less secure from terrorism than the Counter Terrorism Unit.

UPDATE: "Me? Why?" BECAUSE YOU'RE THE STAR, JACK.

UPDATE: This only turns Dana on.

UPDATE: If Jack punches Dana, Renee will be SO jealous.

UPDATE: Is that Debbie Harry schlepping President Sham around?

UPDATE: I can't believe they named a fake country "IRK."

UPDATE: A FLU SHOT! THOSE BASTARDS!!!

UPDATE: Butler 4, Wingtipped Demons 6.

UPDATE: Butler 9, WD 10.

BUTLERDATE: Up by 1!

UPDATE: The president also assures people several times per episode that We Are Doing Everything We Can.

UPDATE: OK, for the record: for like the sixth time this season, CTU knows EXACTLY where the terrorists are.

UPDATE: Hoosiers 20, WD 18.

UPDATE:When Jack says get down, you need to get the hell DOWN.

UPDATE: "Call CTU. I want to know what the HELL went wrong." Has this woman never watched this show?

UPDATE: Next week: The old president! Whatshisname!

UPDATE: OK, I am confused. We have the Lethal Atomic Rods of Doom, right? And President Sham is dead, and Agent Dana Walsh has been exposed. So.... what exactly is the plot about now? Maybe the Amazing Steve can clear everything up.

UPDATE: Butler 27, WD 28.

UPDATE: President Handbag. Thank you.

Comments

[Siouxie]

AAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKK!! A double-whammy eye bleach-worthy linkages. You are truly evil, Dave.

[homeybeef]

I will not get tired of the ads telling us that 24 is entering it's FINAL COUNTDOWN!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Dave, that was not fair. Not fair at all. Even the people of New York don't need that.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Fool me 12 times, shame on you.

I refused to click this week, Dave.

Never let it be said an old dog can't learn.

I did click on the Edgar du jour.

[Cassie]

Hi everyone :-D

2 hours of Jack... mmmm...

[Cassie]

New Castle tonight. He looks like Indy.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I'm not sure I can take two hours of this, Cassie, unless Jack at least tortures Dana.

[nursecindy]

I can't wait! I've been looking forward to this all week. Oh yeah. Go DUKE!!! I'm in North Carolina. I have no choice but to pull for them. I'm sure the guys from Butler are very nice and will not be sore losers.

[Cassie]

Jeff, you could switch to the NCAA final. :-)

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
Whoopee-tee-yi-yo. Get along little dogies. It's your misfortune and none of my own.
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
Uh, well, sir, I ain't a f'real cowboy. But I am one helluva stud!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
Frankly, you're beginning to smell and for a stud in New York, that's a handicap.
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
I'm walking here! I'm walking here!

*The BeeGees' "Stayin' Alive" begins playing*

Well, you can tell by the way Jack used his gun,
He's a weapon man; no time for fun.
Shots are loud and blood is warm,
He's been kicked around since he was born.

And now it's all right, it's okay.
And you may die another way.
You can try to understand
the plot writer's effects on man.

Whether you're a bomber or whether you're a plotter,
you wanna survive, wanna survive.
Feel Bauer's breathin' makes everybody shakin',
and they wanna survive, wanna survive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, wanna survive, wanna survive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, wanna survive!

Well now, you get low and Jack goes high,
and if you can't get cover, you'll prolly die.
Got the kevlar armor for your shirt.
You're a duckin' man, don't wanna eat dirt.

And now it's all right, it's okay.
And you may die another way.
You can try to understand
the plot writer's effects on man.

Whether you're a Potter or whether you're an otter,
you wanna survive, wanna survive.
Feel Bauer's breathin' makes everybody shakin',
and they wanna survive, wanna survive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, wanna survive, wanna survive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, wanna survive!

Life drainin' away. CTU help me.
CTU help me, yeah.
Life drainin' away. CTU help me, yeah.
Wanna survive!

Well, you can tell by the way Jack used his gun,
He's a weapon man: no time for fun.
Shots are loud and blood is warm,
He's been kicked around since he was born.

And now it's all right, it's okay.
And you may die another way.
You can try to understand
the plot writer's effects on man.

Whether you're a shooter or whether you're a looter,
you wanna survive, wanna survive.
Feel Bauer's breathin' makes everybody shakin',
and they wanna survive, wanna survive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, wanna survive, wanna survive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, wanna survive!

Life drainin' away. CTU help me.
CTU help me, yeah.
Life drainin' away. CTU help me, yeah.
I wanna survive...

(Repeat many times and fade out.)

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ is just stayin' alive...stayin' alive...") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ never cared for the BeeGees much. FreckleSack™, on the other hand, used to tear up the dance floor...")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!

[homeybeef]

The Rods.

[Jeff Meyerson]

OK, let the torture begin.

Of course I mean the writers torturing us.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Ready to go! Posting when I can! First hour should be up early, following some time later by the second hour!

See ya after the show!

[Cassie]

There's a bomb on the bus and it's gonna blow when you go under 55... oh... they didn't rip that off... yet.

[Siouxie]

Hey, Cassie, cindy...everyone ;-)

Good job, Andy!!

[Cassie]

*waves @ Siouxie*

[nursecindy]

Hey back. My drink (s) are ready.

[tw]

Edgar! I knew that was Edgar on Dave's Blog earlier today!!

[rockin01]

Hey, ya'll!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Is Ethan dead or just faking?

"I'd plan for mass panic."

Nice, General.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Why can't we have 'clean' bombs instead of 'dirty' bombs? Can't you use a little soap and water and clean it up first?

[nursecindy]

That one guy with the yellow tie looks like Maxwell Smart.

[ArcticAl]

General traitor is sure sucky to the President. Maybe he's looking for job security.

[Cassie]

Grrr... the audio's messed up. Dammit... cox cable... get it right. Chloe, I need you.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I'd say the General is facing a treason charge.

[nursecindy]

They need to put some wheelchairs and stretchers in those tunnels.

[Diva]

Beautiful, Andy!!!

[Cassie]

So they're resuming the Halo 3 VIP scenario.

[homeybeef]

Why did Jack pretend to fall?

[Kate]

Really? The VIP goes nuts?

[nursecindy]

What just happened? Is he a mole too?

[Siouxie]

President going rogue!!!

[ArcticAl]

So President Sham is tryong to do the honourable thing. How much do you want to bet that he's a double agent?

[Jeff Meyerson]

While President sham is arguing the bomb could go off.

[nursecindy]

Dave is missing some good stuff.

[Diva]

Like that's the first time that's ever happened, Siouxie. :)

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack, just quote the X Files. You're a Fox show after all: "Mr. President! Trust no one!"

[Cassie]

Redshirt... please die.

[Jeff Meyerson]

These kids are going to school awfully early, aren't they?

[Cassie]

You got that Andy.

[Kate]

Don't worry, Cassie, he will.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Shouldn't they call the terrorists and tell them not to set off the bomb?

[nursecindy]

I think Ethan is faking it.

[Kate]

I'm inclined to agree, otherwise he'd be dead by now.

[Diva]

Isn't that Zack's cell phone from the early seasons of Saved By the Bell??

[Gennita Low]

Hi everyone! Nearly forgot it's a two hour show! Jack vs Basketball!!!!

[nursecindy]

Finally! Some traffic in NYC.

[ArcticAl]

Is it a timex watch that will keep on ticking when the bomb goes offf?

[Cassie]

Tarin's redemption arc.

[Siouxie]

OK..so maybe THIS time they can trust the terrorists??

WhatsoEVER could go wrong???

[LeDud]

People....People who need people.....are....

[Diva]

Whee, Gen! Howdy! Yeah - just flip back and forth.

[Cassie]

Hi Gennita

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oh my god the tension!!!

[Jeff Meyerson]

I hate Dana. I even hate her stupid face.

[Kate]

Is it a true redemption arc this time, or is he fooling us again?

[nursecindy]

Hi Gennita!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

No, wait, that was just a burp. *BURP*

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Tarin, change your underwear."

[Siouxie]

Whewww!!

Can I change my undies now???

[Diva]

Damn. I WANTED the bomb to go off. At least that way we'd be assured of some violence.

[LeDud]

Was that 007 on the timer ? Ripofffffff

[rubreg]

Hi all :D checking in....
Alas, as usual, I can't watch live. Still well-equipped though. It's a double episode, so there's got to be a perimeter and some dammits, right? Right?? *drinks preemptively*

[Gennita Low]

Hi Diva! Awww...Rods didn't blow up.

[nursecindy]

I WANT THAT NEW LG TV!!!

[homeybeef]

Wow. That was...ummm...about what I expected.

[Daniel Kolle]

Three more ticks and Mr. Goldfinger would have hit the jackpot!

[Jeff Meyerson]

High ^s Siouxie.

[Diva]

cindy - capslock March is over. =^P :D

[Gennita Low]

Hi Nursecindy! I have wine tonight :)

[nursecindy]

Blog guys? Turn around so Siouxie can change her undies and no peeking!

[Cassie]

I was kind of hoping for a Die Hard with a Vengeance ripoff. Love the problem solving with the 3 and 5 gallon jugs of water to get exactly 4 gallons.

[Jeff Meyerson]

The game doesn't start until 9, by the way.

[nursecindy]

Gennita I have Diet Coke. I'm trying to be good.

[Gennita Low]

Siouxie and her Panties!

[nursecindy]

Dave's here!

[Diva]

cindy - i have dr. pepper. i'll join you in being good. :)

[homeybeef]

Diva, she's just yelling. Something we all need to do from time to time. Those times are usually during 24. And earlier during that pathetic display from the Cubs...

[LeDud]

What James Bond movie had the timer stop at 007 ? And why do I keep thinking of corn every time I see Ms Pres ?

[Kate]

Darn it, Cassie, I just cleaned the keyboard.

[Cassie]

Blog ladies,
Ever read J. R. Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood? I'm re-reading them again. Just like crack. Love Rhage and Butch the best.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

This glass door is no match for Jack. Then again, why did he break it out physically instead of just yelling at it?

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Can you hear me now?"

*drinks*

[nursecindy]

Diva, we'll be the designated bloggers tonight.

[Diva, who bleeds red and blue from April to October]

HOMEY DO NOT DIS MAH CUBBIES!!!! It's still early in the season!!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"Can you hear me now?"

Oh no, I sense a lawsuit from Verizon for trademark infringement...

[Kate]

I like snippy!Chloe.

[rockin01]

Chloe has Spidey Mole Senses

[Daniel Kolle]

Jack is so awesome he only needs to take two steps to improve his cell reception.

[ArcticAl]

Can you hear me now?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Nothing keeps your location secret like screaming "WE'RE CLEAR!" and then making a flock of pigeons fly off...

[Jeff Meyerson]

6 am and everyone is in the street.

[rubreg]

LeDud, was that Octopussy?

[Diva, who bleeds red and blue from April to October]

You betcha, cindy! :D

Cassie, I'll need to keep a lookout for J. R. Ward.

[The dead henchman]

TAXI?

[homeybeef]

Don;t worry, Diva. Cubs fan for life here. Hence the screaming I was doing earlier. Really, what the hell was that?

[nursecindy]

Since I went out in the sun the other day I now have more freckles than Freckles.

[Cassie]

Jack hailed a taxi instead of commandeering one like he usually does. Wow.

[Jeff Meyerson]

7th Avenue between 53 and 54th?

He got there from the UN? How?

[The dead henchman]

Good thing he isn't black...