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March 10, 2010

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Vomiting Vultures

(Thanks to Barb)

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Hey, it worked for pirates, didn't it?

Now all the lady vultures are going to be like "When you said he was hung, I didn't think you meant like that."

The Addams Family would be proud.

I'm just waiting for the kids reaction when the Decaying Vulture Carcasses (which also WBAGNBARB) start falling out of the trees on them when they are playing. Which is worse, Vulture Vomit or Decaying Vulture Carcasses?

Tosses up an F for his previous post as that should be WBAGNFARB.

um, eww. paging mr hitchcock...

This could work, too...

Let's send them to Washington.

Dead vultures hanging from trees around the playground? I'm psychic! I see therapy in the future.

Hmmmm.... wonder if this would work with Jehovah's Witnesses... Worth a try, by golly!

So, the sight of several of their dead brethren rotting in the trees is supposed to stop them vomiting?

Vultures vomit when threatened. Perhaps removing those members from the American Bar Association that are sitting up in the trees might help.

pad,
A rifle deters JW's pretty well. Just open the door, point the rifle at them, and say "We're not interested".

When I was a kid (late 70's) a retired 3 star general (he was a Lt with Patton in Europe) across the street did that. The Jehovahs Witlesses never came back.

Said the dead vulture hanger inspector to his crew: "Well done, men. Carrion."

I have always wondered why the Witnesses keep on coming to my door if they believe only 144,000 will go to heaven. Surely they have that many already. Of course, I know better than to ask one.
True story, we had a JW contractor do some work once. I took the day off to help them get the job done faster. For about six hours, I was preached at by the man and his two sons. I declined their invitations.
When I got the bill, it was more than twice what the estimate had been. I believe they charged me for "preaching time".

I also wonder what they keep coming back to my door. I have a crucifix on the wall which you can see when I open the door and a clock with the Pope on it on a desk that is also visible. (It was a joke gift from a friend) In addition I usually wear my crucifix and they still want to know if I know Jesus. I've done everything but dress up like a nun before answering the door. Now I just let my chihuahua growl at them. As for the vomiting vultures, why don't they just hang little dramamines and phenergans from the trees? That would cure their nausea.

Another true story: I got a complaint from a JW that a dog had bitten him on one of their evangelizing missions. I got the description and went out to find the culprit (the dog).
I tried to reserve judgement but no one in the neighborhood would tell me who owned the dog or where he was.

Jehovah did it. I'm a witness.

When the Witnesses show up, I usually tell them, "Sorry, I'm a Zoroastrian," and they wander off scratching their heads.

Sure hope the Zoroastrians don't start knocking on doors.

In all fairness to the JW's, they are trying to do something nice and not evil when they come to your door.

I think a German Shepherd might be slightly more effective with unwelcome visitors. Although some tiny dogs have seemed more likely to bite than some of the bigger dogs.

Even worse than a vomiting vulture is a vulture with "sour crop" -- the food is rotting in the throat sac and the bird can't get it down or out. A friend who used to work for Florida Audubon had to deal with these. At least two people wear scrubs, invert and massage the bird in the parking lot, then hose down the bird, the mess, and themselves. It was not her favorite job. If you had a sick vulture handy for the JW's, you could say "Witness this!"

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