« Previous | Main | Next »

March 16, 2010

UM, NO

Could parachute-wearing bears sniff out Osama bin Laden?

(Thanks to Jeff Tompkins)

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

right. and lets see if we can set castro's beard on fire while we're at it.
i sure hope this isnt another dumba$$ idea that homeland security wants to try...

Has to be said: WBAGNFARB.

I got a suggestion -
Send a few hundred Miami drivers over there. That oughta make 'em surrender in short order.

NOOO! Anything but people driving 15 kmph with their turn signal perpetually on ... We give up!

First question is who is going to shove those bears out of the plane? I have met bears in the woods a number of times and have never had an issue with one. If I were to start yelling, "Geronimo" and pushing them, that might change.
Second, does anyone else feel just a little sorry for those letter writers? And, yes, I am aware that there's nobody on earth that there isn't somebody that thinks they're crazy.

Could airborne bears catch bin Laden?
doo-dah, doo-dah ...

Brian Urlacher, maybe, but otherwise I agree with Dave.

I used to work at the White House, for the first George Bush, in the Office of Special Letter Response.

We got some real doozies in the mail. One of my favorites came from a gentleman who promised he could take out Noriega in Panama all on his own, if only we would provide him a helicopter.

His name? "Buck Striker, American."

Yeah, thanks for getting back to me, bon...... *eyeroll*

*snork* @ Buck the Blue American

Steve, I thought about how pushing the bears out of the plane would be a problem but I think a bigger problem would be putting the parachutes on them. I do feel a little sorry for some of those letter writers but I also think some of them are certifiably nuts. NTTAWWT meanie.

With a name like "Buck Striker" you'd think he could fly to Panama by the power of his sheer awesomeness.

I agree Will. At least he made the "Wall of Fame".

Cindy, it's the certifiably nuts ones I feel most sorry for. I took a friend to work once at a Home for the Mentally Uncertain. I stayed for lunch at the cafeteria.
All through lunch, this guy twice my size sat beside me, looking at me and growling. Very difficult to engage in conversation. (I found out later that several staff members had their fingers on Panic Button alarms).
Yes, it was an uncomfortable situation but, no, I did not dislike the guy for what he couldn't help.

Better than you aaaaverrrage bear.

Say what you will about the plan's overall feasibility, but the image of one bear distracting Bin Laden with his unicycle and juggling abilities, while another bear sneaks up behind him (Osama) and tears him to pieces like a spawning salmon is an image that I rather enjoy.

Yeah that's it, send Yogi and Boo Boo in there. Just tell Yogi that Osama has endless supplies of Picanic baskets.

Shades of Les Nessman...

Steve, I've worked with the mentally and criminally insane. I was working on a Psychology degree. There was one fellow I was working with that had killed 5 people. I always wondered what happened in their lives to make them that way but I also learned to never feel so sorry for them that I turned my back when around them. In fact the guy that had killed 5 people could be very charming when you sat down and talked to him and he was very nice to me but, I also realized that was how he probably got his victims. They were all women and one of them was his wife and another his mother in law. He died with Pancreatic Cancer before going to trial for their murders.

I guess the last person in the Pentagon who remembered the second world war bat bombs retired. Put firebombs on bats and release them over Japanese cities. Voila--war over! Problem was the bats had to be tranquilized to put the bombs on them and they never woke up before hitting the ground. Only casualty was a US general during trials who was hit by a falling bat!

If you thought that cat would tear your arm off when you tried to put it into a pet washer, I can imagine a bear's reaction to a gaping yaw at the back of an airplane.

It they really wanted to kill UBL, they would air-drop camels with bombs concealed in their humps. There would be a mutual, natural attraction between UBL and the camels, and they would seek each other out. When he got on one, BOOM!

Junk mailers and telemarketers don't to seem to have any trouble finding people. Get him on a few cold call and catalog mailing lists, and see how long it takes before he commits suicide.

Though the bear idea is ridiculous, training animals in warfare is not. The Russians trained dogs, who wore bombs, to chase tanks. Our government trained dolphins similarly to chase subs. In fact, B.F. Skinner trained pigeons to guide bombs towards targets. Interestingly, the last was less costly than the other two but was never implemented. They must not have trusted the pigeons.

I do like the idea of self-destructing parachutes. Next time G. Bush skydives for his B-day, it would be interesting to include dubya and give him one of these.

So the Jets are going to send the Chicago Bears on a scouting mission?

Isn't that the job for Seals?

Should we update the phrase to "Does a bear sh*t on a plane?"

Looney tune bins, crazy and outsniffed.

It was all a typo. They didn't mean "bear" they meant "Bauer." Why haven't we sent Jack Bauer?

Bear in mind that you'd have to make sure the parachute could bear the weight of the bear and that he plane had sufficient load-bearing capability. Then, once on the ground, the bear would need good range-bearing ability to bear down on the un-suspecting Osama.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, people of the blog!

Thanks, NotShilelagh, and same to you.

I see practical training issues. While you could probably harness a bear and push him out of a plane once, you aren't gonna be able to do it twice. If you think giving a bath to a cat is difficult...

Goodness, the creep's been living in a cave without running water for years. Why would it take a bear's sense of smell to find him? Just develop a smell-seeking missile instead of a heat-seeking one. Call it the BO-Bomb.

May the pun rise to meet you,
May the wi-fi always be at your back,
And may the Blog keep you snorkin' out your coffee.

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!!

The comments to this entry are closed.

-
 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise