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March 17, 2010

THEY NEED TO BAN THOSE THINGS

Key Defence Solicitor Name: John Hardie

(Thanks to Magnolia)

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Yes, some of us have had to have a license for years...

A very tiny...constable.

Does this mean I've been carrying a concealed weapon all this time?

exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.

Sounds like prom night.

Darn, just sent that in too late.

Amazingly, alcohol may have been involved.

Maybe he is a boner donor?

Well he always referred to it as a whacker.

If I had a nickel for every time that happened to me...

(and y'all wonder why I carry a machete)

Siouxz, I thought a nickel for every time that happened to you was how you bought your machete.

*ducks*

*ducks the backswing*

Send him to a penile colony.

a/k/a Australia.

He'll probably receive a restraining order.

Happy St. Paddy's day to you too, pad!

Nice ducks.

How tall was that officer? Do they have leprechauns in Scotland?

Assault with a dead weapon?

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in
1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar on this
very night. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to
be a long night tonight; the Murphy twins are drunk again."

I love that joke bonmot. I'm not sure I read this story right. A Lutheran was sitting on a sofa while smacking a police woman on top of the head while she was standing up?? Again, shoddy journalism. No pictures. Happy St. Patricks Day y'all.

LOL bon - heard it before but still funny as a hell!

cindy, that pic should say..Kiss me butt, I'm Irish!

Excellent, bonmot.

bon, bon, bon.

Nicely done in that you've extended the joke to maximal length, a key criterion in all Irish communication, along with unnecessary phrases such as "Do you know what I'm going to tell you?", and sentences with huge numbers of clauses, such as this one.

However, you failed to maximize the alcohol content of the joke by leaving out the key point that, as the pair found each additional point of congruity, said point became occasion and justification for the purchase of another round of Guinness, or a shot of whiskey.

I'm sure you'll be doin' better in the future.

Cheers, mate!

"Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November."

November? And we complain about slow-to-respond cops here...

the big St. Patty's Day parade is going on outside my office on Fifth Avenue right now. The train ride home tonight with lots of drunken kids should be a pleasant experience.

If you can't beat 'em........

Aye, padraig, you're making me lonesome for some of my family members that are now gone. You would start to say goodbye and then the stories started. And they were very lengthy. Usually after saying you had to leave you actually got to the car about an hour later. They say Irishmen are full of blarney and they are but they can also talk the horns off a billy goat.

" Evasive action "... ? What do they call that in self-defense programs... the kielbasa maneuver ?

Another mis-da-wiener.

An Irish Blessing.
May those that love us,love us.
And those that don't love us.
May God turn their hearts.
If he can't turn their hearts,
may he turn their ankles,
do we'll know them by their limping.

An Irish Toast
May you live as long as you want.
And never want as long as you live.

The first one was told to me by my Irish Grandma but I've seen it other places.
Happy St. Patricks Day! It occurs to me that St. Patrick would be a good thing for Florida. He could get rid of those pythons.

-d and +s in the above. It should be so instead of do.

Here's a great toast:

"Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends."

- Tom Waits

We get it o'cindy lass, thanks for the blessing. Maith a chalainn.

padraig, Tá failte romhat. Saol fada chugat.

btw, I'm not talking dirty to padraig. I said You're welcome and long life to you in Gaelic. padraig said I was excused for the mistake I made in my earlier post.

the big St. Patty's Day parade is going on outside my office on Fifth Avenue right now. The train ride home tonight with lots of drunken kids should be a pleasant experience.

Posted by: Braniff | March 17, 2010 at 01:18 PM

Braniff, the worst trouble we've had on St. Patrick's Day in the past was with drunk cops, to be honest, so be careful out there.

Maybe he just needed a light. Would have served him right.

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