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March 31, 2010

CURMUDGEON UPDATE FROM THE S.B.¹

In MY day, when we needed to raise money for something, we went to our neighbors and our parents' friends and people at our church, and badgered them into buying cookies or useless tchotchkes that no one would ever use. Or we held a car wash, or we had a spaghetti dinner down at the Junior High, or something, you know, normal.

It never would have occurred to us to write to celebrities or politicians (except maybe the mayor of Mt. Healthy² since he was surely someone's neighbor) to ask them to give us money so that we could go do something fun in New York or Paris with our musical group, scout troop, or club. When did this insane practice start? Who decided it would be a good idea, and what on earth made them think it would work? Do group leaders learn this tactic in Group Leader school? Do all the children in a given organization then blindly follow the directive of said leader, without telling their parents or any other authority figure who might talk some sense into them? Or are entire towns taken over by some strange mental health epidemic wherein they think Famous People just have no idea what to DO with all the buckets of cash they have sitting around in their living rooms³ and are itching to give some of it (it's so untidy!) to some random teenager, if only they knew of a random teenager to give it to, but unfortunately there are no teenagers in Famous People Land? Or what?

This has been today's Curmudgeon Update from the s.b.

¹See the Acronyms file on your left
²A refuge from the great cholera epidemic of 1850.
³Famous people often have more than one.

Comments

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Well said. What the heck are you talking about?

I know THAT's what I would do if I had buckets of money.

Is Dave the 'famous celebrity' giving away the buckets of money?

Oh my, I have never heard of this. I will keep an eye out for any letters that come into my mailbox from teenagers asking me if I will give them money (in my world*, I am famous, rich, AND have multiple living rooms).

*My world is not, nor has it ever been based on reality.

"Plz give me some gold, LOL"

(Sorry, a Warcraft flashback.)

These people should know that selling overpriced Krispy Kremes or chocolate bars or cookies makes WAY more money, unless you hit Oprah on a good day. Otherwise she will smite you.

*Wonders how many living rooms Dave has*

judi, can you ask Dave if he wants to buy a box of donuts?? (that's what WE badgered people with back in MY day)

'When did this insane practice start?'

Just after Eve appeared on ET tearfully explaining how it was all really Adam's fault, and that her new movie starts Thursday.

This, btw, is why I have relentlessly avoided fame & fortune.

Many a celebrity has gotten in hot water for giving money to teenagers.

Went to Catholic school. YOU ever try selling little statues of Mary and Joseph in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood? Too bad I didn't know a rich, Pull It Surprise winning author and rock star back then.

everyone knows the way to get money from celebrities is through compromising photographs!

"remember , you can't spell 'compromising' without 'promising'..." is how they put it in Group Leader school!

Sheesh, there's an entire industry built on getting non-profits in touch with people and other organizations with money to give away. I once did some contract work for a Chicago non-profit. I'd go online, login into websites and search their databases for entities that had donated to specific causes in the past and get their contact info so we could hit them up too.

These websites search election finance records, screen news reports about donations, inquire of non-profits, and buy and sell data amongst themselves. Then they sell database subscriptions to non-profits like the one I worked for.

It's big business.

BTW, would Dave be interested in financing my one-man liberty enlightenment operation? [grin]

Dear Ms. S.B.Curmudgeon,

That you actually open and read those letters is encouraging! We figure at some point you will get irritated to such an extreme that you will embezzle some of Dave's money and send it to us, just so we stop.

Heartwrenching letter to follow.

OT
Sad news for Siouxie and the S.B., the inventor of boxed wine has died.
/OT

So, I guess this means Dave won't be sending money for my kid's Boy Scout troop fundraiser?

*ducks*

more OT
A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table boxed wines. This is a pity as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palate but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain. Florida.

Black Stump Bordeaux is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good Sydney Syrup can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines.

Château Blue, too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

Old Smokey 1968 has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 Coq du Rod Laver, which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: eight bottles two boxes of this and you're really finished. At the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle box with a message in, and the message is 'beware'. This is not a wine for drinking, this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is Melbourne Old-and-Yellow, which is particularly heavy and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of Château Chunder, which is an appellation contrôlée, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation; a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy, and a prize winning Cuivre Reserve Château Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga, which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit.
/OT

R.I.P. Box-o-wine dude

I shall drink some in his memory.

*snickers* @ Coq du Rod

SB...

The answer is...maybe.

As if some Famous Person didn't deduct all his travel expenses as Charitable Donations!

Can I have some money now?

Perhaps you've heard of the U. S. Government? They do the same thing, but their requests are called tax returns and their collection efforts have teeth.

Those more righteous than me celebrities are always trying to hit us up for money for Haiti, farms, sick kids, Australian winos, Florida criminals, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad shutup. Why not beg at them for a change?

When St Francis got fed up with the world, he stripped, gave away all his money and was happy. Dave? Well, maybe forget the stripping part...

I'm shocked, Judi, shocked! Dave makes you open his mail? I do agree though. I can always tell when there is a fundraiser at school because all the parents are hitting you up at work. I caved in at Christmas and bought a can of popcorn from a very cute little cub scout who actually was going door to door with his dad. I paid 20.00 for it. When it arrived it was a very small little can with about 4 or 5 handfuls of popcorn in it. I don't care how cute he is next year the answer will be no.

My favorite fundraiser line is, "Would you like to help me win a trip to [insert name of fabulous vacation destination I have never been to myself even though I have been gainfully employed for the last 25 years instead of going door-to-door selling overpriced candy]?"

judi - would you please enlighten those of us who have not heard of this practice? to what, exactly, are you referring?

Just a few Idle thoughts, wiredog?

Judi, it IS a good idea, from the Group Leader's perspective. The GL can claim to his/her kids that they went all out trying to fund their little dream excursion by going right to a big-bucks celebrity source and bypassing all those stingy neighbors. The kids will have no idea, and the GL can blame the celebrity for not responding.

Now, please excuse me, I need to focus on getting the FBI to help me recover some scam contributions.

cindy, as non parents we are always getting hit up for 'donations' for various nieces and nephews etc. , which we are usually more than willing to do, with one exception: no, I do NOT want to subscribe to your crappy magazines which will then hound me to renew them unto the grave (at least).

Thank you very much.

Just checked my mailbox - no check yet. Maybe tomorrow?

I wuz perty sure I gnu of whut BSJ spoke, when she mentioned "tchotchkes" ... but I sorta researched the etymologisticalness of the term ...

From Wiki: " ... Leo Rosten, author of The Joys of Yiddish, gives an alternate sense of tchotchke as meaning a desirable young girl, a "pretty young thing." Less flatteringly, the term could be construed as a more dismissive synonym for "bimbo." These usages are not common outside of Jewish circles. The term (in the form tzatzke, with a tsade instead of teth-shin) is sometimes used in modern Hebrew as a slang word equivalent to "slut."

... um ... nevermind ... nuthin' I could possibly say would keep me outta serious trouble ... I hereby apologize to Blessed Ste. Judi ...

Does this have anything to do with the RNC spending all that money on sex and bondage clubs?

Didn't Dave once promise to drop bales of money from an airplane? I seem to remember something like that. I'm always watching the skies, just in case.

One of the groups my teenager belongs to, offers to work at local community events helping with parking, clean up, etc. for a donation to their group. The community event organizers get cheap labor, the group gets a donation to help fund various outings, and the parents, relatives, co-workers and neighbors don't get hit up to buy something.

And NC, I know how you feel, I once bought christmas cards from my son for some school event, that should have been made from gold with the price I paid for them.

Man, I know how it is. I keep getting these obnoxious fundraising letters from some jerk named " I.R. Service " .

Constant fundraising requests are nature's way of preparing one for parent- and grandparent-hood.
It's nature's way, don't fight it.

Dave keeps buckets of cash sitting around in his living rooms too?

I am on the board of three non-profits, none of which sends out random requests to "personalities" because it is ineffective as well as annoying.

Any solicitation of a potential new "major donor" (which may mean >$50) needs to include the name of an acquaintance of the donor who has provided the name to the organization.

Large organizations now use sophisticated targeting software, etc. in their "development" efforts, and major donors know how the system works and what info and procedures to expect. Unfortunately, many small local groups are clueless.

I get frequent solicitations: letters that get trashed, emails which get a canned reply that I'm already overextended in my charitable efforts, and phone calls that are told I don't deal with phone solicitations.

Judi has a simple answer: since I assume these letters are coming to the newspaper, refer them to McClatchy's corporate giving gnomes, and let them send the rejection letters.

I promise not to ask Dave or anyone on the blog to donate to my favorite charity.


It seems to me that if one has buckets of cash sitting around ones many living rooms, then one ought to welcome any suggestions about how to get rid of them. They are a fire hazard, not to mention a hazard to anyone walking through the room. Think of the litigation if a visitor were to trip over them. Send them to me, and I shall see that they are properly disposed of in an environmentally safe manner.

MadLibrarian, I agree with you. It's a little irritating to be begged for money for something you can't afford.

I only buy that kind of stuff if I know the person who's selling them. Because usually they take the money and then you wait for a few weeks hoping they remember to send you the food or whatever.

I also agree about the celebrities begging for money. Most of those actors/actresses probably have about enough money to fund most of it themselves.

But if anyone is trying to get rid of cash, I'd be happy to deal with it :)

I think the cause is the competition for money and fame. We have had many high profile cases in the last decade where a cute little kid raised something like ten million dollars for cancer research or terror victims or whatever. It is only natuarl that others seek to follow in their footsteps, and it seems like the 314 that you can raise on your own is just not good enough. Now when the stakes are that high, even a cute little kid is not going to make it very far with lemonade stands. So, the only solution is to hit up rich people for money and famous people for support.

Dave is famous and and successful, and getting him on your side is probably worth three or even four used car salesmen. You can't fault people for trying.

Hi judi - how much will you pay me if I promise not to ask for money?

btw- looove your rants - well said, as usual.

Miss judi, simply explain to them that Dave HAD buckets of money. Then he got a puppy. Puppies eat everything. But man, if it weren't for that...

I know that Dave is famous and successful but, I still can't help but think of him as being just like the rest of us. Just a nice, regular guy who is a lot of fun to be around. Unless the rest of you are famous and successful which would mean I am definitely on the wrong blog. I need to find the far from famous and not so successful blog.

Just hook the kids up with FBI brad. He found money he's trying to give away.

Judi - Just have Dave send his unsightly buckets to me. I'll hide them and then nobody will ask Dave for money because he won't have any he can say he doesn't have any.

I am always here to help, Judi.

I know a Nigerian prince who would look upon them as a godsend. Just have them write him.

Is Judi S.B. and if so what does it stand for? I have been a loyal (well not as loyal as some of you) follower of the blog for years and have never figured this out.

And no S.B. is not in the acronym file on the left.

Thanks

Lost in Lusby

S.B. = stealth blogerette

Just say no.

I guess the blog is taking a much needed rest this morning?

lusby: it is TOO in the acronym list. it's at the very bottom. i checked before i posted it!

elon: maybe it wouldn't be so irritating if it seemed the young person had any clue who dave is or what he does. they just send these letters out to "celebrities" (probably getting them from those lists someome mentioned earlier; dave does donate signed stuff to charity auctions quite often) without any clue who they are writing to and beg for money! and that just bugs me.

My own rant..Way back when my kids were in elem school and I was a PTA board member, I used to contribute dollars directly to the PTA instead of selling or having my kids sell CRAP. THe PTA only made a percentage of profits and the vendors got the rest. And, the stuff was cheesy and overpriced to begin with.

Besides, that way you don't annoy your friends, relatives, neighbors, and co-workers.

Love judi's rants....can always picture her with smoke coming out of her ears

The frozen cookie dough mocks me.

But that's not the worst. Some lady in my office was shilling bacon and sausage for her teenager. What a logistical nightmare.

I still don't see S.B., as a matter of fact I do not see any Aconym list, but in the infinite wisdom of my company, they invested a ton of money in new "web Based" software. What they did not know is that it only works with IE6 which is WAY outdated. So I may actually reading a blog from the last decade.

Anyway, back to the post, we finally got fed up with the fund raising game, so one year we went in and said flat out: "how much do you want?" We then wrote a check and we were done.

Lost in Lusby

N1lul,

Acronyms - In the "links" sections - LAST ONE - below "I'm with Stupid"

Click on that and at the bottom, you will see this:

The s.b. = "The Stealth Bloggerette" (aka judi)

Not money but a few years back I sent a letter to my favorite author ('s secretary) asking if I could purchase his new book, mail it to their office with included return postage packaging, to be autographed (to me ..not for Ebay sale :)and was told not only was this not acceptable but they would throw the book away if I dared send it to Mr. X. (no not Dave ..a friend of Dave's though). I told her that it didn't matter if if took 10 years but I didn't want to throw away 30 bucks if they were just gonna toss it. She said "then don't buy the book". Ever since, I've never asked a "celebrity" for anything ..not even where the bucket of water was to put them out if they were on fire.

You mean that link over there that says ACRONYMS! Nope don't see it.

Sorry about this you all. I deserve to be beaten with Dented Fish by the Vinyard Raiding Baboons.

Dented Fish by the Vinyard Raiding Baboons ...

Din't they open for the RBRs in Poughkeepsie, back in '06?

Wiredog, that is a CLASSIC! I heard that years ago, done, I believe, by the Royal Canadian Air Farce. (Yes that is, or at least was, a real comedy group on Canadian radio.)

So Paul, is that still your favorite author?

Big SHOUT OUT to all you Cincinnati natives (Mt. Healthy reference). Going back there next week to visit the mom-in-law.

Ha! Believe it or not Kristina it is! But I only buy his books used on Fleabay!

She said "then don't buy the book". Ever since, I've never asked a "celebrity" for anything ..not even where the bucket of water was to put them out if they were on fire.

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