24

Here is where we stand:

I missed last week, but from what I gather President Sham's evil brother Farhad was killed at least twice and is now completely dead, as far as we know. He was killed the second time by a terrorist named Marcos, who has locked himself into a room at a hospital, where he intends to detonate his vest bomb before Jack can use his reasoning skills to persuade him to reveal the location of the Lethal Atomic Rods of Doom.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

-- Crack CTU anti-terrorism agents Dana Walsh and Freddie Prinze Jr. were unavailable for countering terrorism last week because they were busy sinking the bodies of Kevin and Nick in one of New York City's many vast trackless swamps. It is not clear whether the two agents will remain An Item. It is clear that this subplot is challenging Audrey for the title of Worst Subplot Ever.

-- President Sham's daughter Kayla is doing It with Tarin.

-- Edgar is still dead.

I intend to watch tonight, but because of being up late last night and traveling back to Miami today and generally not sleeping I have essentially the same level of brain function as a turnip. So my comments, if any, will be even more random than usual. But as always we'll all be relying on The Amazing Steve to explain the plot in the comments after the show.

Meanwhile, here's a poll:

Should agents Prinze and Walsh get back together?
	No.
	Yes, but not on this show.
	Yes, but only if it involves Agent Walsh taking a shower.
	I don't care. What I want to know is: Why is Chloe dressed as a cocktail waitress?
	Speaking of which: Remember when Chloe tasered the guy in the bar? That was the BEST.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: Don't you HATE it when you want to talk to somebody about your relationship, and they're all, "Not NOW! We're in the middle of a radiological threat!"?

UPDATE: Hastings is one to talk about salvaging careers.

UPDATE: Wait... don't the rods kill you when you get exposed to them? I am SO confused.

UPDATE: "Son, if you don't let us treat that bloody nose, you could bleed to death before you get a chance to blow yourself to pieces."

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: You'd think suicide vests would be designed to make it less difficult to, you know, commit suicide.

UPDATE: THE KEVIN SUBPLOT WILL NEVER DIE.

UPDATE: Do we think they're going to milk the vest for an entire episode? Do we think "milk the vest" sounds obscene?

UPDATE: Whoa. Jack. Playing the Mom Card.

UPDATE: Jack knows the circuit pattern!

UPDATE: OK, he didn't know it all that well.

UPDATE: WHEN will they stop setting up perimeters? WHEN???

UPDATE: OK, this episode was about a 9.9 on the Lame-O-Meter.

NEXT WEEK: Incredibly, the perimeter apparently did not work.

Take it, The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[nursecindy]

^5 Cassie. GMTA.

[Diva]

WIPE. YOUR. NOSE. DAMMIT! ><

[Wes S.]

"Oh, and Marco? Those seventy-two virgins you were promised? They're all gonna look like your mom. So there."

[Cassie]

How many lights Picard? How many lights!

[homeybeef]

ALL THIS BUILD UP AND NO BOOM WOULD BE SUCH A PISSER.

[Twoina]

Jack only works one day a year. What's the going rate for that?

[rockin01]

Jack scores again. Marcos is a crying lil bitch in his hands.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

NOOOOOO! I WANT EXPLOSION!!!!

[SteveO]

Now, I think we can get him to talk with a complete about face and a couple of thigh shots!

[LeDud]

We're 50 minutes into an episode and all thats happened is that Jack threatened to kick his mom's butt. Am I missing something ?

[nursecindy]

Did he say he had 4 legs on him? wtfbbq?

[SteveO]

These terrorists must have gotten the vest at Best Buy; it has a counter!

[Diva]

So NOW he wants to live? Fine time to think of that!

[kombatkoala]

But they can't transmit?!

Nice LED-backup. I'm glad the creators of a 'failsafe' who want it to go off put an LED countdown on it...

[Wes S.]

Clean-up on Aisle 4!

[danceswithvowels]

Drink!

[nursecindy]

Well, he's a goner.

[Diva]

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BOOOOOOOOM!

[Loudmouth]

Slop everywhere and he comes out clean?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I always said those hyperbaric chambers were deadly...

[LeDud]

Wonder whats Jacks gonna say to mom ? "Your son helped us and then blew up. Thanks for your help"

[The Dead Henchman]

Well, that was a bit of an improvement...

[danceswithvowels]

Guts on the floor! Guts on the floor!
Lookin' like a pool of your guts on the floor!

And ceiling.

[homeybeef]

WONDERFUL

[Scuba Steve]

Just when you think 24 has crossed the line to a weekday soap opera, Jack pulls it back and slams the door!!!!!!!!

[Diva]

^5 Wes! I just said that out loud. LOL

[Twoina]

And door!

[Wes S.]

GMTA, Diva...

[Cassie]

So does Marcos' death count as a Jack kill?

[Diva]

So, this week they're ripping off a piece of The Rock. Geez.

[rockin01]

I didn't realize Marcos was that ticked off

[nursecindy]

Diva! You're such a sweet person. I never thought I would see you be happy that some poor guy blew up.

[danceswithvowels]

And more!

[Cassie]

snork@rockin

[danceswithvowels]

I think the hyperbaric bombination has healed Jack's stomach wound.

[Diva]

Thanks, cindy - but the suspense was killing me! LOL

[nursecindy]

He is doing the hokey pokey with my daughter iykwim.

[Davefan4 years]

Oh these crazy kids!

[Loudmouth]

Sham:Tariq was being held by IRK CTU

Jack:That explains a lot.

[LeDud]

I must admit I'm infatuated with the daughter. Do you think she's single ? Alive ?

[Diva]

emphasis on the "pokey," cindy.

[danceswithvowels]

Mother, I'm in Paradise. The, um, Paradise Hotel.

[Kate]

Yep. President's dughter is going to die.

[Twoina]

Mrs. Sham looks like Troi in Next Generation.

[kombatkoala]

Wow, a 24 character actually acting intelligently?!

[Wes S.]

Oh hell, the daughter's toast.

She'll probably WISH she were honor-killed...

[Funnyman]

Now that Tarin's been outed as a traitor, whadda want to bet that he really was setting up a meet with other bad guys? Plan B...hold Sham's daughter
hostage if need be...

so obvious

[SeeTeeU]

that was one uick shower

[nursecindy]

True Diva. I don't care if that guy is a terrorist. He's a hunk.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

That was the world's quickest shower...

[Diva]

OK, I have to admit it would be hard to resist a man who called me "perfection."

[danceswithvowels]

No more time together. I can't let this thing go over 4 hours, y'know.

[Daniel Kolle]

SET UP A PERIMETER!

[Kate]

Perimeter!!

[Loudmouth]

No more nookie for you. She locked the door.

[Cassie]

Perimeter drink!

[LeDud]

Their first spat. How many honeymooners face the same question: is the person I'm maried to a psychopath ?

[The Dead Henchman]

Perimeter again. He's so gone...

[kombatkoala]

They definitely 'milked the vest' that episode

[Wes S.]

Aw hell, another perimeter. Tarim will escape for sure and Kayla's definitely gonna be toast.

[danceswithvowels]

Quick shower, SeeTeeU? Or ick?

[Diva]

Dammit, the only blood in this whole episode was the dried crap on Marcos' face. I feel unfulfilled.

[Loudmouth]

Jack wants to take him alive. Tariq Toast.

[Cassie]

Castle is new. Mmmm... Nathan

[nursecindy]

Well! That was certainly another episode of 24 wasn't it?

[SeeTeeU]

an icky quicky

[homeybeef]

"NEXT WEEK ON 24: ANOTHER 40 MINUTES OF WOODEN DIALOGUE, ONE MINUTE OF ACTION AND SOME COMMERCIALS"

[Diva]

LeDud - Pauly Shore asked that.

[Wes S.]

What, Diva, you missed the shot of the blood all over the door and walls of the oxygen chamber?

[Twoina]

Castle!

[homeybeef]

SO 3 THINGS HAPPEN NEXT WEEK. GOT THIS WEEK BEAT.

[Cassie]

Wow, does CTU NY get infiltrated by frogpeople?

[Wes S.]

"Security! Security!"

Hey, Hastings, don't you know that "security" is the LAST thing you're gonna find in CTU?

[rockin01]

Next week at 3:52: a twist that will change everything! What- something actually happens?

[The Dead Henchman]

Oh great...they're going to attack CTU. Again. Sigh.

[Funnyman]

In thr preview:

Was that Hastings running down a tunnel yelling
"Security!!!"???

LOL!!!

[Loudmouth]

Why aren't CTU HQ about 3 stories down and hyper-secret and surrounded by a good buffer zone?

[danceswithvowels]

At 3:00 the writers have jumped the snork.

Amazing Steve, you can write next weeks now.

Sheesh.

[The Dead Henchman]

They having severe trouble taking people alive, huh?

[Diva]

OK, Wes, I'll give you that - but I didn't see it flowing OUT of anyone.

[LeDud]

I'm going to make a bold prediction. Marcos is alive and will be killed in the final episode after yelling "LOOK MA.....I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD ..."

[danceswithvowels]

At least we had 30 seconds of Victoria's Secret bodies to love.

[nursecindy]

Good luck Amazing Steve. As always I look forward to your recap. Especially since it is usually better than the actual show.

[Diva]

At 3:00 the writers have jumped the snork.

Brilliantly said, dances!

[The Dead Henchman]

If CTU can't be bothered to run background checks on its employees, to find out if they've got criminal records, I don't think there's much point looking there for security.

[nursecindy]

Also, good night and sweet dreams Dave.

[LeDud]

CBS has a lady in an elevator with an ax in her head. Was Jack on that show ?

[danceswithvowels]

No drivethru antiterror sales potential underground, Loudmouth. Can we supersize that perimeter for ya? Maybe a Happy Mule for the kids? Dipping sauce for the rods?

[Wes S.]

Dances: Locked doors would constitute at least a 100% increase in security at CTU.

They've got total surveillance of the whole damned city but they apparently are oblivious to whatever's happening right there on their front porch...

[danceswithvowels]

Thanks, Diva!

Dave, they only missed a perfect 10.0 this week because of the Russia judge.

That really blew. Even the Daily Kos explosion proved boring.

At least they didn't add any interpretive dance.

[Funnyman]

II agree dave
THE FOX "24" WRITERS

A) Do too many drugs
B) BLOW
c) SUCK
D) wouldn't know what to do with nuclear terrorists if--oh that's this season, last season, etc.

or
E) ALL OF THE ABOVE.

[danceswithvowels]

And Wes, yes, there's surely a reason those 72 virgins are eternal. Mom's a start but doesn't begin to cover it, I'm guessin'.

[Funnyman]

Loudmouth asked:Why aren't CTU HQ about 3 stories down and hyper-secret and surrounded by a good buffer zone?

Answer: Because if they were, more than 3/4 of the
agents couldn't find the office again.

Earlier (last week or two ago) Dave or somebody asked
if CTU could find the missing rods if the truck carrying the rods, with "NUCLEAR RODS" painted on the side crashed into CTU.

I regret I said (to myself) yes. I'm rethinking my
answer!

[danceswithvowels]

Locked doors, Wes? What are you, some kinda wise guy?

(Righteous use of their there on their on there, BTW!)

[danceswithvowels]

Funnyman, the signage would have to be more precise. It'd have to be written more like "I AIN'TN'T GOT NO NUKULAR RAODS WHAT THE TERRORISTANIS STOLLED NOSIR."

(Note: A special bomb materials permit must be obtained during the period of "seasonal employment in the terroristical pursuits" as defined by the motor vehicle division.

To apply for a special nukular permit:

* Present a migrant radiological/thug worker certification available from the County Nuclear Agent or New Jersey Heavy Employees Service Office
* Complete application with your boss' secret decoder ring number "inserted" on the application, IFCOD
* If application is obtained at a New Jersey Extortion Service, the office manager must vouch for the applicant. To wit:
o Cross out "EMPLOYED BY ME" and insert "WHO WANTS TO NO (NOT NOWE)"
o Cross out "NAME OF FARMER HOGGETT, MILLENNIUM HAND, AND SHRIMP" and insert office manager's name, "title" and *SNORK*.)

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Almost done! Hang on!

[danceswithvowels]

I think it's just you and me Steve. And Bueller.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Previously time on "24", we saw that: Fahrad sure didn't know when to stop calling people to ask for help; Kevin and Nick are playing an extreme version of "Marco Polo"; Tarin's escorts have the ability to hear conversations while they're locked in a trunk, 20 feet away from the phone call; CISCO must be paying a lot for product placement; Chloe can make a remote control out of anything; Terrorists leaders can talk people into blowing themselves up, but never go first to show them how to do it properly; Marcos is really, really terrible at being a terrorist.

The following takes place between 2 am and 3 am

2:00 am – Fortunately for Marcos, he hid in the one hyperbaric chamber that had a schematic for the exact bomb he's got strapped to himself. That's the first thing that went right for him today. Outside of there, Jack gets the lowdown on the make and model of the chamber, because he's been looking for one for his house. It'll take about forty minutes to drill into the chamber.

2:02 am – Chloe already has all the information about Marcos including his mom's name, what his father did before committing suicide, and his favorite breakfast cereal ("Explodios!"). Jack asks CTU to go get Marco's mom and to bring her to the hospital, because this is exactly the sort of thing that a mom could talk a kid out of doing.

After Jack hangs up, Hastings tells everyone in the CTU conference room that he expects the terrorists are going to hit a high-value target. That surprises everyone that had bet they were going to hit a low value target, and they're upset they lost their bets with the "high value target" bettors. Hastings asks everyone to watch their monitors, radio transmissions and smoke signals for any sign that the terrorists are moving the bomb. The meeting breaks up and Hastings notices that Dana and Cole are back at CTU, but aren't making out in the elevator the way they usually do, so he's suspicious.

2:04 am – In that elevator, Cole tells Dana to act natural, so of course, Dana acts completely unnatural. Cole says that after the terrorist threat ends, he wants to talk over what happened. Neither of them is the least bit concerned that the elevator might be wired for sound.

2:05 am – The door opens and Hastings is waiting for them. He tells them they have "Holy Hell" to answer to. Cole tries to joke with him that he had a nun named "Holy Helen" as a teacher in grade school, but that doesn't go over very well. Hastings puts Chloe in charge of Dana, and sends Cole to get Marco's mom. He tells Chloe and Dana that they might have a chance to salvage their careers, which we know is code for they might be able to leave before the show gets any sillier.

Dana takes the Black Pebble of Information Technology, and ceremoniously hands it to Chloe, who takes it and is now in charge. She takes her place at the Lead Cubicle.

2:07 am – Somewhere on the streets of New York, the lead terrorist tells Samir that not only have they been able to penetrate the security system of the hospital, but they're also able to watch Marcos while he tries to reconfigure the bomb. Marcos has been smart enough to activate part of the bomb, but not smart enough to realize that exploding part of a bomb would be good enough to explode the whole thing.

Commercial

2:13 am – Samir arrives at the secret warehouse where the rods are located. They dramatically open the case to dramatically look at the rods, but the rods have nothing to say, so they sit there looking very dramatic.

At CTU, Dana tells Chloe that nobody has been able to detect any kind of radiation signature anywhere. Chloe tells Dana she's glad she didn't get fired, which is Chloe's way of showing respect for a fellow analyst.

Dana asks Arlo for an update about the terrorists, and in exchange Arlo questions her about what happened to that "other guy" and whether he's gone or not. Dana resists the urge to say, "Oh, he's GONE alright", but confirms that Kevin is indeed "gone". Arlo shows a brief glimpse of non-creepiness by telling her that he's glad that she and Cole are still a couple, but then reverts to lizard status once more by hitting on her. Dana actually thinks he's kidding.

12:16 am – Marcos continues to work on the bomb while Jack observes, thinking that if HE had the bomb, the thing would have already been fixed by now. The communications link into the chamber is up, so Jack talks to Marcos.

Jack tells him that by blowing up a bomb in New York, the IRK are going to be in deep trouble, because New Yorkers generally don't stand for that kind of thing. They'll have most of Manhattan's population invading Hasan's fictional country if that happens, and there's NO accounting for what would happen then.

Marcos responds that Hasan signed "my country away". Jack feels it necessary to point out that not only was Marcos born in the US, that he used to watch Barney when he was young, and that in fact his name is really just Mark. Marcos won't listen to Jack and goes back to trying to remember enough of his electrical engineering classes to get the bomb wired up. He's up to 2 LEDS on his jacket.

Commercial

2:23 am – In a hotel room somewhere in New York, Tamir is in bed with Kayla. He gets off a phone call with a friend in the state department, who he called to brag about what just happened and to find out about getting political asylum. They'll be able to get it, but they'll have to go into hiding for about a year or so. The fortunate part of that is that they won't be able to work in the US while the asylum petition is being granted, so this might be their way off the show. He tells her that they'll have to dip into their savings, and they'll have to do a lot more shopping at the Dollar Store from now on. Kayla's phone rings, but they don't answer.

2:24 am – Dahlia is the person on the phone, and she leaves a message to have her daughter call her back. She has an important message about, oh, a large dirty bomb that could go off at any minute, and that it would be a good time to get the heck out of New York. She hangs up in time to see Hasan.

She and Hasan rehash their subplot for a while: Tamir was arrested because Hasan is paranoid. They decide to involve the police. He gets so confused he calls Dahlia "Kaylia" by mistake, but she doesn't notice. He tries to comfort her.

2:26 am – Over at Marcos' mom's apartment, she's packing to go to her sister's house. Cole pretends to be a pizza delivery guy, and doesn't let her know that he's really from CTU until after she gives him a very generous tip.

Cole tells her that Marcos has been a very bad boy, has been surfing the Internet in all the wrong places, and now he wants to blow himself up. Well, not so much "up" as "completely apart". She leaves with Cole to go talk to Marcos.

Commercial

2:33 am – Dana tells Hastings that Cole will be at the hospital with Marcos' mom in about ten minutes. She decides that this would be a great time to bring up the whole "I was gone at a bad time" again with Hastings, and realizes that all she's getting for her trouble is another chewing out. She rapidly apologizes and makes a mental note to leave things well enough alone. Her phone rings.

2:34 am – Dana answers the phone and it's Milton from Office Space! Milton says his name is a probation officer named "Prady", and he's looking for Kevin. He's suspicious that Kevin called her a couple of times. He wants to meet with her. He has to get the address of CTU, mainly because he's from out of town. If he were a native New Yorker, he'd know exactly where CTU is, since they all seem to know.

2:36 am – Marcos is getting a LOT better at the whole "wiring the bomb" thing, because he just got the third LED to light up. The crew outside continues to drill into the chamber, which at this point will spray little Marcos bits through it since he's really close to finishing rewiring the bomb.

2:37 am – Cole arrives with Marcos' mom, and Jack explains the situation to her.

Meanwhile, Dana calls Cole in a panic, because of Prady. Cole tells her to make something up about Kevin, like he got tickets to an off-off-off Broadway water ballet, or SOMETHING… just anything to throw him off the trail.

2:38 am – Jack tells Marcos' mom that she needs to do whatever she usually does when Macros is a bad boy, since she's the only one he'll listen to. Marcos sees her and freaks out. He can't believe that she's there. He's so embarrassed that she would show up at his first explosion. She tries to talk him out of it.

2:39 am – While this is going on, Chloe notices that there's a signal degradation in the video feed, and she's pretty sure that someone else is watching everything that is going on. She's not talking about the millions of people watching right now; she suspects that the terrorists are watching this channel to see if Marcos is going to blow up or not. She also suspects they're routing this to a pay-per-view channel to drum up extra terrorist funding.

2:40 am – Macros tries to convince his mom that she's really a great mother, other than the whole thing where he turned into a spy and wants to blow himself up. Jack tells them to disconnect the video feed, because of the pay-per-view going on. Marcos tells her goodbye, they grab her and pull her out of the room. Marcos gets the final LED going, when Jack goes in to have a talk with him.

Jack explains that he knows all about New York, and if the dirty bomb goes off, he'll personally take Marcos' mom to a restaurant near the detonation site and will force her to order something she's not going to like to eat and make her pay for the meal. But first, Jack's going to make her clean up all the Marcos parts from the inside of the chamber, because they're going to need to use it again later today. Jack tells him that she'll be singing "My Radiation" ("People try and blow us up, talking about my radiation"…) soon.

Macros can't believe what he's hearing. This day has been really, really bad for him. He makes Jack promise to not hurt her, in exchange for not blowing up. Marcos exits the chamber.

2:44 am – The terrorists who had been watching the video feed since it gave out switch back to using binoculars and see that Marcos is out! Jack's working on the bomb trying to deactivate it. NOW we find out that there's a fail safe code, and Samir wants it transmitted. Everyone in the room with him looks at him as if to say, "NOW you tell us you had a fail safe code? Why didn't you say something before??"

The four LEDS on Marcos' jacket start blinking, which is the universal bomb code for "something bad is about to happen". There's a nice little timer in the jacket too, which starts counting down. This must have been the deluxe version of the bomb vest, because you can bet the lower-priced version didn’t have all these options on it. Jack struggles with the bomb, but realizes he can't disarm it. He asks Marcos for the name of the person putting all this together, and he names Hasan's head of security, Tarin. Jack tries one last time to disarm the bomb, tells Macros that he can't do it. He pushes Marcos into the chamber, tries to shut the door and... well, the bomb disarms Marcos. Disbodies and dislegs him too.

Jack is thrown clear of the explosion, but this will do nothing to help his tinnitus. He asks to talk to Hasan.

Commercial

2:53 am – Jack calls Hasan to tell him that Tarin is in on the plot, which is the first time the word "plot" has actually be used correctly on the show. Hasan tells Jack that his daughter has run away with Tarin.

2:55 am – Dahlia finally gets a hold of Kaylia. Even SHE can't keep her daughter's name straight. Dahlia can't believe that Tarin is in on the plot, but finally gives up her location. She hangs up just in time to see that Tarin has been watching. Tarin wants to leave but Dahlia stalls, and goes to get dressed.

2:59 am – Jack explains to the rest of the agents that nothing exciting is going to happen, so they're just going to end the hour here.

3:00 am – TIME'S UP!

NEXT TIME ON "24" – KIDNAPPING at 3:15! THREATS AT 3:24! 3:52 A TWIST HAPPENS! HASTINGS YELLS "SECURITY"!

SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

[rockin01]

Bueller here. I NEVER log off before Steve works his magic!