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February 08, 2010

24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Renee "went dark" (if you catch our meaning) (our meaning is "had sex") with the Russian mobster Vladimir in an effort to get him to arrange the sale of the Deadly Nuclear Rods of Death to Jack, who is posing as a non-credible German. Vladimir tried to have his henchpersons whack Jack, but of course that didn't work, so Vladimir has agreed to meet with Jack in what we are sure will be an amicable get-together.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

-- Bazhaev the kingpin Russian mobster, a believer in the tough-love school of parenting, shot his son Oleg, thus ending that particular subplot.
-- Highly qualified agent Dana Walsh met with her pondscum ex-boyfriend Kevin and gave him a keycard so he can go steal impounded drug money and then leave her alone forever, which of course will not happen, as Kevin is the persistent yeast infection of ex-boyfriends.
-- President Woman President and Generic Islamic Republic President Sham continue to blather ponderously about whatever in dramatically lit rooms.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after for the always helpful wrapup by the always Amazing Steve.

Meanwhile, here's a poll:

Do we think Renee will survive this season?
Yes.
No.
I'm not sure she'll make it to the first commercial break.
This is off-topic, but: I have never once heard the Geico gecko say anything remotely clever.
Montpelier.
  
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE:  Which is creepier: The Wolfman, or the E*Trade baby?

UPDATE: "Jack seems to be in control." Har.

UPDATE: The more psychotic Renee gets, the more men want her.

UPDATE: Somehow I think Kevin will find a way to screw this up.

UPDATE: 4660! That's MY code!

UPDATE: Section 3101! That's MY section!

UPDATE: Math is not Kevin's strong suit.

UPDATE: Jack so so going to kill this man.

UPDATE: Wait... he shot Oleg like 20 minutes ago, and already they're burying him?

UPDATE: The Semi of Doom.

UPDATE: Does Eric Clapton really need the money?

UPDATE: I mean, he's Eric Freaking Clapton.

UPDATE: Advertising a cellphone.

UPDATE: President Sham is a badass.

UPDATE: This is why you so rarely see Nobel Prize winners who live in trailers.

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Where is Jack? Where is Chloe? Marwan?

UPDATE: Are these people not on U.S. soil? They can't detain anybody, right?

UPDATE: Renee IS Anthony Perkins.

UPDATE: Jack threw that knife BACKHANDED.

UPDATE: Just a stab wound to Jack's abdomen. The equivalent of a zit for a human.

UPDATE: I think Jack and Renee really could be a happy couple, except that he could never sleep safely when she was around.

UPDATE: The Rod People are coming!

UPDATE: That's a nasty fake shirt stain.

UPDATE: This show would not be able to exist without secret underground tunnels.

UPDATE: The thing about the Charles Barkley Taco Bell ad is, it raises the issue that if you eat at Taco Bell, you could look like Charles Barkley.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack gets jump-started. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

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Just popping in and saying that I'm going to have to watch 24 on Hulu tomorrow (and not with you fine folks). Enjoy the subplots and I'll see ya next week.

I hope that Renee goes to shoot Vladamir in the thigh but aims a bit high (which makes Vladamir talk in a higher voice). He so deserves it.

Aw, Homey - I'll miss ya!

Dave - that was UNCALLED FOR. >< I even watched your hungover morning fresh video clip and that's the thanks I get? I need some hydrochloric acid to wash out my eyes....and the empty sockets that will be left behind. ><

"Renee?" I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the end of this season...

Especially with the whole Starbuck subplot. Which should be lost in space as soon as possible.

Checkin' in.

I personally love the etrade baby. So the Wolfman is definitely creepier.

Hey, Cheese. I SO wanna see that movie. :)

"Renee?" I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the end of this season...

Especially with the whole Starbuck subplot. Which should be lost in space as soon as possible.

Posted by: Wes S. | February 08, 2010 at 08:54 PM


The starbucks sub plot? Are they using radioactive coffee now?

mature subject matter and scenes of violence...

YES PLEASE!

Well, that was the most boring House ever. It was like watching 24 with Jack driving around NY City talking on a cellphone all night.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
You talkin' to me?
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to?
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
You talkin' to me?
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
Well, I'm the only one here...

*Taco's "Puttin' On The Ritz" begins playing*

If you're true
And you dont know who to go to
Why dont you see whose thigh he hits
Bauer on the blitz!

Different types who wear tac armor
Slacks with holsters and some kevlar
JackSack™ kits
Bauer on the blitz!

Clad up like an undercover plotter
Trying hard to look like Harry Potter
Or sea otter!

Come, lets mix some rad explosives
And throw in some nice corrosives
With tiny bits
Bauer on the blitz!

Have you seen the red and blues
Up and down Park Avenue
On that famous thoroughfare
With their pistols in the air

Cop hats and starched collars
Doughunuts and a few dollars
Spending every dime
It's a victimless crime.

If you're true
And you dont know who to go to
Why dont you see whose thigh he hits
Bauer on the blitz!

Different types who wear tac armor
Slacks with holsters and some kevlar
JackSack™ kits
Bauer on the blitz!

Clad up like an undercover plotter
Trying hard to look like Harry Potter
Or sea otter!

Come, lets mix some rad explosives
And throw in some nice corrosives
With tiny bits
Bauer on the blitz!

------ FUNKY INSTRUMENTAL ------

Clad up like an undercover plotter
Trying hard to look like Harry Potter
Or sea otter!

If you're true
And you dont know who to go to
Why dont you see whose thigh he hits
Bauer on the blitz!
Bauer on the blitz!
Bauer on the blitz!
Bauer on the blitz!

------ FUNKY INSTRUMENTAL ------

If you're true
And you dont know who to go to
Why dont you see whose thigh he hits
Bauer on the blitz!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ fully endorses the continuation of the space shuttle program.") and

ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ does not want to go into space...she just needs space!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away

the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the

last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the

show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!

I'm in!

That was pure evil, Dave.

That footage of the security forces cracking down on people? It looked like the scenes outside the Tonight Show set before Conan was forced out...

Good one, Tropic.

Hi everyone

Nice, Andy!

It's snowing again in TN, but I managed to find my my home again to Denise's continued amazement.

GAH! Dave! You might have warned us about the mullet photo. That thing is lethal!

Wolfman

The Wolfman is way creepier. And subtle.

I saw an interview with "Dana" where she talked about asking the producers when she could hit the Duke boy back or at least knee him in the gonads, so I'm hoping - praying even - that it happens soon.

Otherwise...

"Unanimous support for the treaty" from the UN. Well, that's a sure sign that the treaty isn't worth the paper it's written on...and Madame President and the USA are about to get hosed.

Oh wait: this is TV. I almost forgot...

Wow she just totally spills it to him.

Oh boy! Wooden dialogue!

I'm calling it now, Renee's cover was just leaked by Madame President. Somehow, it's going to make it into the ear of one of the Russians.

I vote for the Wolfman. I will pay to see that creepshow.

Jack don't need no stinkin' back up!

But Conan ran off with the Rods of Death.

Sam Samudio Lives!

Oh great madame prez. Tell a diplomat that you're running an undercover operation to get the nuke material. Of course diplomats are soooooo good at keeping secrets.

It's Clark Bauer.

Satelite photos add at least 10 pounds.

Starbuck plot needs to disappear.

LOL Chloe!

Way to tell Arlo, Chloe.

I'm already nearly comatose.

C'mon Ernst, shoot him!

Put your hand on the roof ... detached, please.

Can't we at least have more German gesprachen?

"I didn't think you were for real...and now that I see you in those glasses, I KNOW you aren't."

Who dat Ernst guy?

Never let go of your hostage.

"As an act of good faith" right after the spectacular act of bad faith where Vlad tried to have Jack whacked.

Oh, brother...

That Renee, always the peacemaker

It vas a misunderstanding.

Sure, Vlad.

Like the thumbless guy you shot in the head.

I keel you!!

Is that a Scottish Russian?

He's understandably upset. He didn't last 5 minutes earlier tonight.

"I'm fine really. I found some power tools."

"OK Jack, you can take over. But I have to warn you, sleeping with him is part of the job."

How does she recognize him when he put his glasses back on?

Was he groping her butt?

Sounds like Achmed the Terrorist to me.

I keeeeeeeeeel you!

La Femme Jackita! (though she wouldn't have picked those glasses evah)

"Let's get this done or everything I've done has been for NOTHING!"

Wow, Renee. That sounds like something a person who'd submitted themselves to Vlady baby's amourous attentions would say.

Must have been the worst three minutes of your life...

Poor Man's Leo DiCaprio is so damn trusting... gas them.

Rather than just shoot this numbnuts in the head she's risking her job and a possible 20 years in Federal prison.

Dumb Dora.

Kmobatkoala, is Sean Connery playing Russian AGAIN?

Code is 1668. That's 1337 for, um, LGGB.

4660? What an unbreakable code!

Set up maybe?

LOL @ Gennita
I'm still waiting for Nikita or Michael to show up. Operations, Madeline and Mick already showed up.

Whatever happened to Freddie. He's disappeared. Did I miss something?

Kevin and the other guy aren't even wearing GLOVES to their breakin at the police lockup?

What a professional bunch.

The scriptwriters, I mean.

Too many codes! Oh no, he wooden dialogue generator has a new protocol module!

so is this like a puppet master maoving her puppets?

Of it's too many numbers..I can't count that high

Cool! dyslesic thieves!

Bert and Ernie would have found this locker more quickly...

"It's like Christmas."

Yeah, in Hazzard County.

Hey, Kevin's buddy talked...or at least grunted.

"The left...that's the opposite of the right, Kev."

No guards in the evidence lockup?

They're getting confused. Too many numbers.

I think these guys need to go back to kindergarten for some remedial counting.

Tropic! Brilliant!

drove home in a good old snowstorm but got here in time.

"Total mistake! Back off."

This is not Wuthering Heights, is it?

"Man, there's too many numbers."

What do you expect when you're dealing with morons, Jenny?

Greedy greedy

COMMERCIAL BREAK!

Phew! I was almost asleep from the excitement!

Hey, Jeff, quit ragging on the Duke boys! They were Mensa members compared to these two. (Also, they were way cuter. ;-) )

Cassie, they're thinking of doing a Nikita reboot! Would our Nikita come back as Madeleine?

*Applauds Andy's WONDERFUL parody!!!*

Thanks for the warning on the eye-bleachable links everyone!

^5s Renee (and waves!) - you said it!

I think we're about to learn that Kevin works for .... TypePad!!

I think wine is needed...hold my spot!

Whoa, Gennita. Yeah she would since she's the one in charge.

Love that show.

Tash - only the final link was bleachable.

Thanks for the compliments, everyone. :)

So russian mobsters are polite when they talk to their contacts?

How low Rene has sunk, being asked to slice bread...

Gen, that was awesome.

DRINK!

Vlad looks like he's experienced in the "drink" department.

So, nukes are loose in New York and Dana is only worried about Arlo hitting on her and Kevin?

*drink*

He said it!

But then he also said, "Renee, cut me some bread."

Or was that "break"?

Er, would be awesome, I mean. *sigh*

DRINK! Don't have to tell me twice. glug

It's like Christmas. Like when Mom would give us codes to find our presents in the Mayberry evidence room.

Wow. Stoli and Heckler und Koch. What a great combination.

So Vladamir is trying to make Jack jealous. He doesn't know what kind of fire that he's playing with...

Jack said "noo-cu-lar" again.

*drink*

"I don't like you breathing down my neck before you stab me in it..."

Bad guys don't really say things like "nuclear materials" do they?

Wodka?? Wooden Russian bad guy dialogue generator...

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