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January 21, 2010


A MAN has been banned from a public park - after he allegedly tried to have sex with a TREE.

(Thanks to Ralph)


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It has to be said - The hussy tree was asking for it.

So he got wood?

One has to ask: could alcohol have been involved?

A neighbour said: "I have seen him about and he seems a quiet lad."

If it's knot a hole, what is it?

If he tried to blow the tree, would they send him to an ENT for therapy?

Maybe he felt his sexuality needed to branch out . . .


The Tree Boinker WBAGNFA Major Motion Picture starring him.

He's ready to party!

Jus' tryin' to get a nice piece of ash, man.

Hmm...that's not tree sap.

Sugar maple?

Um...take II:

tree sap

In fairness, the tree was rather willowy.

Pussy willow?

There's either a shortage of women over there or the ones they do have are not very attractive.

Siouxie, have you been "tapping" somebody's "tree", IYCMD?...

It's tree -hugger-... HUGGER... H-U-G-G-E-R!

Allen, I love trees too ;)

Must not have been any bush around.

Mum, Dad .... meet Magnolia.....


Siouxie -- that's quite a woody.

*Snork* @ Siouxie's pic.

Wow! Are those arboreal?

Check out the knot hole on that birch.

"I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK"

Ah, yes--Siouxie does love her favorite woodies...

Somewhere there is lonely, desperate women, in a bar crying out, "Why???" after reading this. Does this mean he has to stay 500 feet away from trees? Will he be a registered tree offender?

He could be a registered woodpecker.

When you see the phrase "bonk the plant" in print, you know you're looking at some fine journalism, lol.

LOL bon. Good one.

I've heard of rug burn, but bark burn must be nasty!

A candidate for an insane a-xylem.

(Which is a great Scrabble word.)

Anyone else notice we have commented more on this post than the others? What does this say about us as a blog? Other posts show some chicken licker went to jail, another lady loses her hibisk, hibc flowers, and all I can think of is this nut didn't fall very far from the tree.

How much wood would a woodchuck &#%! if a woodchuck could &#%! wood?

Also, the perfect house warming gift to get him:

Trees, pavement, bicycles. Are the Scots too cheap to buy condoms or something? Or is this just a plan to not have to plant any more trees, lay anymore pavement or build anymore bicycles? Got news for ya, that's not where they come from.

If the tree has nuts is it a homosexual affair?

Yes it is Loudmouth.(NTTAWWT)

Speaking of trees...

A Canadian woodpecker wintering in Mexico encountered a local woodpecker. Eventually they fell to arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed that Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could dent.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to penetrate a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (as woodpeckers conceive that term).

The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it, and the two of them flew to Canada. There the Mexican woodpecker successfully drilled the so-called 'impeccable' tree, almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to dent that tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Tiger Woods was right when he found that your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

Good one Ralph! *SMACK*

A male tree? Female? Prolly doesn't matter ... since he made his attempt in the lumbar region, the prevertedness (NTTAWWT) of his actions is not in doubt ...

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