24

Here is where we stand:

Jack had planned to move to Los Angeles with Kim and her family to lead a quiet life, but just as he was about to leave New York and cause the entire season to end in the first 30 minutes, Jack got sucked into a plot to kill the head of the Generic Islamic Republic, President Sham, who has been negotiating a nuclear treaty with President Woman President and also bonking a professional journalist who has been set up as the fall person for the plot by the real plotters. Jack and Chloe tried to explain this to CTU Director Brian Hastings, who does not believe them because, in keeping with established CTU-director tradition, he has the anti-terrorism instincts of lasagna. So now Jack and Chloe are Going It Alone against a terrorist group that will stop at nothing, including using duct tape on innocent civilians.

Also there is a personal subplot involving highly qualified CTU agent Dana Walsh, and although we have no idea what this subplot is, we strongly urge the writers to continue developing it, even if it requires eliminating the scenes involving terrorism.

Edgar is still dead.

I cannot join you tronight; as you read these words, I am on an airplane bound for a secret desert location to engage in professional work activities. But as always you are welcome to post your thoughtful analysis in the comments, where we also hope to see the traditional post-episode recaps by The Amazing Steve, who was even more amazing than usual last night, which makes us frankly wonder how the heck he does it.

Comments

[Jeff Tompkins]

They should change the name of the show to "CTU After Dark: starring Agent Dana Walsh." Or don't change the name, just the, uh...plot, or whatever they're calling it.

[Peter]

Haha, Brian Hastings is played by the guy who was Bubba in Forrest Gump. You know, the shrimp guy!

[trustf8]

Jack is Back
Back is Jack!
We do so like the new Jack Sack

Brand new show
Here we go!
A few things, Jack, that you should know:

We like you tough
We like it rough
We do so love your rough tough stuff

Shoot, Jack, Shoot!
Gun 'em down
Too much talking makes us frown

Take em' out!
Don't make us pout
We love to hear you scream & shout!

You may shoot them with a gun
In the thigh is always fun
With an axe - swing, Jack, swing!
We like it when you swing that thing

Steal some cars
Make 'em crash
We do so love the smash & dash

If you must do it with a fox
Pick a hot one, no lummox.

Go, Jack, Go!
We're on your side
We do so love a wild ride.

[Siouxie]

Ready. I'll be mostly watching and reading since I've been sick all day. Hopefully tonight's episode won't put me to sleep will be as exciting as ever!

[homeybeef]

Sorry to say, Siouxie, but "as exciting as ever" could still put a newborn to sleep.

[Cassie]

Hi everyone!

Glad to be back. I missed blogging last night because I had to work. Argh.

Hey, isn't Starbuck a ghost? ;)

[CJrun]

Dave, or perhaps Michelle, better set up a perimeter (Drink!), 'cause Nurse Tammy will be climbing balconies once she reads this post.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Dave, be honest. You know you're really going to Vegas to see the ancient Queen of the Nile, or her favorite lackey.

*ducks whirling machete*

[nursecindy]

Get better soon Siouxie. Should I send this guy over to make you feel better?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Let's see:

9 millimeter check
duct tape check
drinks check
adult diaper never mind

Ready!

*drinks*

[nursecindy]

Jeff Meyerson if you post another picture of "you know who" you're going to need the rest of that mattress Jack used last night. IYKWIM!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
LOOK! IT'S! A! BIRD!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
NO! IT'S A PLANE!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
NO! IT'S SUPER JACK!

*Christopher Cross' "Arthur" theme begins playing*

Once in your life you may meet him
Someone who shoots your thigh around
And next thing you know
You're vision's fading down

Wake up and he's still with you
Even though you left him way cross town
Wonderin' to yourself
"Hey, how was I found?"

When you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
I know its scary but its true

If you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
The best that you can do
The best that you can do
Is fail to live.

Bauer, he does as he pleases
All of his life with JackSack toys
And deep in his heart he's knows
It's just a ploy

Living his life one day at a time
He's giving rebels a pretty hard time
He's laughing about the ways
They want him to die.

When you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
I know its scary but its true

If you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
The best that you can do
The best that you can do
Is fail to live.

(instrumental)

When you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
I know its scary but its true

If you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
The best that you can do
The best that you can do
Is fail to live.

When you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
I know its scary but its true

If you get caught
Between Bauer and New York City
The best that you can do
The best that you can do
Is fail to live.

(fade out)

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ is NOT a Myth!") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ refuses to be Busted!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!

[Siouxie]

Thanks, cindy!!!

[Wes S.]

Here we go again...

[Cassie]

I got mail from Bank of America asking me to switch to them. Should I be afraid?

[nursecindy]

We don't need the recap. The Amazing Steve already gave us an amazing recap.

[rockin01]

Reporting for duty- hi, ya'll!

[Siouxie]

*raises glass of gatorade in Sparky's honor*

[homeybeef]

this is so f***ing stupi...oh, it hasn't really started yet. Read this again in a few minutes.

[Jeff Meyerson]

he really does look like Sam the Sham.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Ready to go! See ya after the show!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Siouxie: His favorite drink was Maker's Mark. :)

[spazztic]

Mike Farmer is named Davros?? Isn't that the villain in Doctor Who?

[nursecindy]

is that an xray gun that told him he missed the bone?

[Siouxie]

Doesn't Dana look like she could be Peggy Lipton's daughter??

Mebbe not...

[Cassie]

"I'm continuing to press her."

A pun on being a reporter? LOL

[danceswithvowels]

We're making progress ... on dinner.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Hey Freddy, lay off the downers, trust me.

[Loudmouth]

Ohhh. I guess I better turn on the TV. How bad is that. I brought my chain saw for the WDG. That thing could keep the whole neighborhood warm.

[Bnatural]

Isn't this CTU Los Angeles? It looks exactly the same. Maybe they sell franchises to all the cities...

[Cassie]

Hey they're playing Minesweeper!

[nursecindy]

Ooooooh all the pretty lights! She does look like Peggy Lipton.

[rockin01]

Can someone decrypt this conversation between Dana and FJP? Please?

[The Dead Henchman]

Davros? The bad guy's name is Davros? Guess one of the writers is a Dr. Who fan...

[Jeff Meyerson]

The corner of Broadway and West 23 in Queens?

WTFBBQ?!

[Wes S.]

So Jack got from downtown Manhattan to Queens in about five minutes of show time?

He's actually moving faster in New York than in LA.

[nursecindy]

Jim the cop isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer is he?

[rockin01]

Jack: "Chloe, I need something to go on!" Wow, after all these years he picks NOW to use the bathroom...

[The Wild Olive]

asking questions = getting dead, I bet.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"I don't want to hurt you."

Yeah, that thigh shot thing...just a flesh wound.

[Loudmouth]

I don't want to hurt you Jeem. but I will kill you no matter what

[Jeff Meyerson]

Now I can kill you.

[Siouxie]

Buh bye...

[Cassie]

"We're not going to make any trouble for you."

yeah cuz you'll both be dead.

[nursecindy]

I'll bet Dave misses us and is thinking about us. Or maybe not.

[Gretchen]

Oh - this should be interesting....

[sevenof9fl]

And I'l leave both of you alive . . . (hardy har har)

[Wes S.]

No, Jimmy, you won't make any trouble for "Mikey"...once he parks one your head and one in your wife's.

Who's dumber: Jimmy...or the NYPD guys who did the background check on "Mikey?"

[homeybeef]

Jack got soft on interrogations

[Gretchen]

That is some shineeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy leather Jack's got there.

[Jeff Meyerson]

It's hard to establish a perimeter when you're alone.

[Siouxie]

Gee...never trust a terrorist.

[The Wild Olive]

yes, that is one sessy murse/shiny coat combo!

[Wes S.]

Yep...so much for Jimmy and the wifey...

[Siouxie]

Taser!

[nursecindy]

Why did he call Chloe and then hang up? Nooooooooooooooo! Somebody shot Jack!!

[spazztic]

Don't TAZE me bro!

[Mitch]

What a shocking development this is.

[homeybeef]

These cops are looking for pain.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oh these cops don't know what they just got themselves into...

[Jeff Meyerson]

They got a lot of dum@ss cops in Queens.

[The Wild Olive]

sweet tazer of love! Uh oh, vigilante cops!

[Gretchen]

Now the renegade cops shows up. Great.

[sevenof9fl]

Uh oh. There's 2 cops that are gonna have a REALLY bad day when Jack wakes up.

[Chad4359]

BEERTIME

[Bnatural]

Jack torture #1!! Will he survive??

[rockin01]

Yikes- the thug cop used to be on The Wire! What is this season- Unemployed Actors Relief?

[Mitch]

Gun up or gun down, Jack gets sidelined.

[The Dead Henchman]

That bald guy is from The Wire. Guess he always plays cops.

[Cassie]

How convenient those cops showed up so quickly. Tazer Cop has to be working with Mikey.

[T-Mill]

How does Jack kill someone tonight:

A. Ketchup packet
B. icy glare
C. multiple thigh shots
D. High Cholesterol
E. Montpelier

[Loudmouth]

Once again, Jack the cop killer. Which year was that recycled from?

[Wes S.]

I'm thinking NYPD isn't going to be too happy with the producers and scriptwriters...

[sevenof9fl]

Dear Cops: The man you just taze'd came back from the dead to kill One Billion Terrerrists.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[rockin01]

C'mon, T-Mill- too easy: F, all of the above...

[nursecindy]

The correct answer is always Montpelier.

[homeybeef]

These cops and Jack = a clear cut situation with the promise of comedy. Tell your friends.

[Mitch]

T-mill, I vote for halato...halitos...bad breath.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Let's get him inside and kick the crap out of him "resisting arrest".

"But he says he's with CTU."

"(BLEEP) CTU"

[Cassie]

Perimeter Drink!

[Wes S.]

Looks like Human Target guy forgot to tell the passengers to sit down, buckle up and put their seatbacks, tray tables and stewardesses back in their upright positions before trying aerial acrobatics with the 787...

[nursecindy]

She is still wearing the cocktail dress and still hasn't washed her hair.

[Jeff Meyerson]

What, is CTU headquarters on every NYC map or what?

[Gretchen]

Kevin has breached the perimeter!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Whoever said Frodo and the drug addict sister yesterday hit it on the head.

So stupid.

[Cassie]

I wonder if CTU NYC is going to be infiltrated by terrorists.

[nursecindy]

Was that security guard wearing lipstick?

[danceswithvowels]

Kevin Wade = I've w*nked.

Pardon my French, but it had to be pointed out.

[Wes S.]

Didn't we already have this plotline three or four seasons ago, with Sean "Hobbit Dude" Astin and his on-screen skanky sister?

[Mitch]

That guy looks a little like Leonardo DeCaprio.

[Gretchen]

@Nursecindy - Yeah. It's 24 get comfortable with the look.

[rockin01]

Wow- is Kevin Wade driving the Mystery Machine? I KNEW there would be a Scooby Do moment sooner or later!

[Cassie]

Yep Leo from Departed. We know how that ended.

[Siouxie]

blah blah blah blah blah

[Wes S.]

"I'm not that person anymore."

Oh yeah, Starbuck? Then why are you wearing a slinky cocktail dress to work?

[The Wild Olive]

Ewww. I am having bad boyfriend flashbacks! Make it go away!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Just shoot the scuzzball and be done with it.

[Nekulturny]

Why don't his beard and hair match? Just for Men?

[Loudmouth]

Who wants to bet dumbass kevin will be implicated in the plot and die resisting arrest?

[Mitch]

That "please" was not very convincing.