24 SEASON PREMIERE
Last season, there were many developments in what we like to call the "plot." The main one was of course that the White House was taken over by terrorist frogpersons. That was definitely the highlight of the season, and possibly of all human history.
Other than that, we honestly don't recall much of what happened last season, except that at the very end Jack Bauer was continuing to die, as he had been for months, from exposure to the Deadly Death Canister of Lethal Doom. Fortunately, in the off-season he was cured, thanks to a risky experimental medical procedure that involved being pressed from both sides by live human bosoms.
Jack is now living in New York City, so we can safely assume that there will be a terrorist attack there. If the authorities had any sense, they would immediately evacuate any metropolitan area within a 50-mile radius of Jack. (Of course if the authorities had any sense, they would not be on 24.) Meanwhile Chloe is back working for the CTU, which is now headquartered – Here's a coincidence! – in New York City. The president is still President Woman President. Edgar is still dead.
We'll attempt with little success to analyze the action here; stay tuned in the comments at the end when The Amazing Steve will briefly remove the syringe from his arm and explain what happened.
ADVISORY: Be advised that tomorrow night at (we think) 8 Eastern Perimeter Thigh Stabbing Time there will be another two-hour episode. Be further advised that we personally will be on an airplane at that time, so we will be unable to blog it. In fact, under current TSA anti-terrorist regulations, we will be unable to even think about blogging it. Or, pee. Or, think about peeing. So tomorrow night you will be on your own. (To answer a question in the comments: There will be a post here tomorrow night where you can post your analyses.)
UPDATE: This is not directly related to the season premiere of 24, but: It appears as though Hulk Hogan is going to get his prized toilet seat back.
UPDATE:The show that's on before 24 looks a lot like 24.
UPDATE: Here is the best comment so far, especially considering that the show has not started. From Jeff Tompkins: "I have established a perimeter made up of various types of Lance™ crackers. Ready."
Also this, from a sonnet written by ford79:
So how's Kim's DNA affecting Jack?
His hair's now blond. He has a killer rack.
RELATED UPDATE: Meanwhile on the Golden Globe awards: Bazooms!
UPDATE: OK, about the parachute thing on the show before 24: Are you kidding me?
UPDATE: I thought crack was illegal in New York City, along with trans-fats.
UPDATE: This is a lot of corpses during the opening credits. A good sign!
UPDATE: Good to know you can still hot-wire any random car by touching any two random wires together.
UPDATE: Jack was a millisecond away from ripping the head off that stuffed animal.
UPDATE: The president (or whatever he is) of the Middle Eastern nation looks like Sam, of Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs.
UPDATE: Good to know the Wooden Dialogue Generator is still working!
UPDATE: I can take only so much of Jack being mellow.
UPDATE: Wouldn't it be great if the mole turned out to be... Jack's granddaughter?
UPDATE: Is that a gun in your pants?
UPDATE: He's going to reinstate her credential, if you know what I mean, heheheheh.
UPDATE: OK, do we know Victor? I have no memory of Victor. Or, for that matter, last week.
UPDATE: "There's a big hit going down." That's how they really talk! Really! They use hep lingo!
UPDATE: CTU looks like a sports bar, only tackier.
UPDATE: CTU porn!
UPDATE: Why is the blond CTU amazon babe wearing a cocktail dress? Not that I am complaining.
UPDATE: "The Islamic Republic?"
UPDATE: Ethan is taking his Viagra.
UPDATE: "I ain't dead yet." Thanks for the foreshadowing, writers!
UPDATE: So.... rather than just go get Jack and Victor, they have Jack walk Victor through the streets of New York. OK! Nothing can go wrong with that plan!
UPDATE: Helicopter = bomb.
UPDATE: Suddenly, for no reason I can think of, I want to buy a Sprint brand phone.
UPDATE: He shot off the lock! They are pulling out ALL of the stops.
UPDATE: Thanks for playing, Victor!
UPDATE: Why couldn't there, just one time, be a good journalist?
UPDATE: 23 hours to go.
UPDATE: Seriously, that is a cocktail dress.
UPDATE: A half-hour! I guess they can get the interview done in that time.
UPDATE: Chloe has yearned for the moment when she could debrief Jack.
UPDATE: We're supposed to suspect the wife. Therefore, we should suspect the daughter.
UPDATE: Or the little rodent guy with the bad hairstyle.
UPDATE: Rodent guy it is.
UPDATE: Hot babe subplot!
UPDATE: 22.5 hours to go.
UPDATE: CTU: Eight Straight Years, and Counting, of Being Wrong.
UPDATE: Gosh, I wonder what Jack will decide... Will he leave? Or will he... become involved with the plot?
UPDATE:Yes! Jack has joined the team and will do whatever it takes to keep this man alive.
UPDATE: Is that a polygraph machine, or a manicure device?
UPDATE: I sense that this is the slow buildup to the slam-bang episode finale.
UPDATE: A little less than 22.25 hours to go.
UPDATE: Tick.... tick... tick....
UPDATE: THEY TOOK JACK'S SACK! THOSE FOOLS.
UPDATE: Whew for them. They gave it back.
UPDATE: Wow. A thigh shot NOT FIRED BY JACK.
UPDATE: OK, that finale was not much in the way of slam-bang.
UPDATE: Take it, Amazing Steve.