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January 17, 2010

24 SEASON PREMIERE

Here is where we stand:

Last season, there were many developments in what we like to call the "plot." The main one was of course that the White House was taken over by terrorist frogpersons. That was definitely the highlight of the season, and possibly of all human history.

Other than that, we honestly don't recall much of what happened last season, except that at the very end Jack Bauer was continuing to die, as he had been for months, from exposure to the Deadly Death Canister of Lethal Doom. Fortunately, in the off-season he was cured, thanks to a risky experimental medical procedure that involved being pressed from both sides by live human bosoms.

Jack is now living in New York City, so we can safely assume that there will be a terrorist attack there. If the authorities had any sense, they would immediately evacuate any metropolitan area within a 50-mile radius of Jack. (Of course if the authorities had any sense, they would not be on 24.) Meanwhile Chloe is back working for the CTU, which is now headquartered – Here's a coincidence! – in New York City. The president is still President Woman President. Edgar is still dead.

We'll attempt with little success to analyze the action here; stay tuned in the comments at the end when The Amazing Steve will briefly remove the syringe from his arm and explain what happened.

ADVISORY: Be advised that tomorrow night at (we think) 8 Eastern Perimeter Thigh Stabbing Time there will be another two-hour episode. Be further advised that we personally will be on an airplane at that time, so we will be unable to blog it. In fact, under current TSA anti-terrorist regulations, we will be unable to even think about blogging it. Or, pee. Or, think about peeing. So tomorrow night you will be on your own. (To answer a question in the comments: There will be a post here tomorrow night where you can post your analyses.)

UPDATE: This is not directly related to the season premiere of 24, but: It appears as though Hulk Hogan is going to get his prized toilet seat back.

UPDATE:The show that's on before 24 looks a lot like 24.

UPDATE: Here is the best comment so far, especially considering that the show has not started. From Jeff Tompkins: "I have established a perimeter made up of various types of Lance™ crackers. Ready."

Also this, from a sonnet written by ford79:

So how's Kim's DNA affecting Jack?
His hair's now blond. He has a killer rack.

RELATED UPDATE: Meanwhile on the Golden Globe awards: Bazooms!

UPDATE: OK, about the parachute thing on the show before 24: Are you kidding me?

UPDATE: I thought crack was illegal in New York City, along with trans-fats.

UPDATE: This is a lot of corpses during the opening credits. A good sign!

UPDATE: Good to know you can still hot-wire any random car by touching any two random wires together.

UPDATE: Jack was a millisecond away from ripping the head off that stuffed animal.

UPDATE: The president (or whatever he is) of the Middle Eastern nation looks like Sam, of Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs.

UPDATE: Good to know the Wooden Dialogue Generator is still working!

UPDATE: I can take only so much of Jack being mellow.

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be great if the mole turned out to be... Jack's granddaughter?

UPDATE: Is that a gun in your pants?

UPDATE: He's going to reinstate her credential, if you know what I mean, heheheheh.

UPDATE: OK, do we know Victor? I have no memory of Victor. Or, for that matter, last week.

UPDATE: "There's a big hit going down." That's how they really talk! Really! They use hep lingo!

UPDATE: CTU looks like a sports bar, only tackier.

UPDATE: CTU porn!

UPDATE: Why is the blond CTU amazon babe wearing a cocktail dress? Not that I am complaining.

UPDATE: "The Islamic Republic?"

UPDATE: Ethan is taking his Viagra.

UPDATE: "I ain't dead yet." Thanks for the foreshadowing, writers!

UPDATE: So.... rather than just go get Jack and Victor, they have Jack walk Victor through the streets of New York. OK! Nothing can go wrong with that plan!

UPDATE: Helicopter = bomb.

UPDATE: Suddenly, for no reason I can think of, I want to buy a Sprint brand phone.

UPDATE: He shot off the lock! They are pulling out ALL of the stops.

UPDATE: Thanks for playing, Victor!

UPDATE: Why couldn't there, just one time, be a good journalist?

UPDATE: 23 hours to go.

UPDATE: Seriously, that is a cocktail dress.

UPDATE: A half-hour! I guess they can get the interview done in that time.

UPDATE: Chloe has yearned for the moment when she could debrief Jack.

UPDATE: We're supposed to suspect the wife. Therefore, we should suspect the daughter.

UPDATE: Or the little rodent guy with the bad hairstyle.

UPDATE: Rodent guy it is.

UPDATE: Hot babe subplot!

UPDATE: 22.5 hours to go.

UPDATE: CTU: Eight Straight Years, and Counting, of Being Wrong.

UPDATE: Gosh, I wonder what Jack will decide... Will he leave? Or will he... become involved with the plot?

UPDATE:Yes! Jack has joined the team and will do whatever it takes to keep this man alive.

Bestlpnew 

UPDATE: Is that a polygraph machine, or a manicure device? 

UPDATE: I sense that this is the slow buildup to the slam-bang episode finale.

UPDATE: A little less than 22.25 hours to go.

UPDATE: Tick.... tick... tick....

UPDATE: THEY TOOK JACK'S SACK! THOSE FOOLS.

UPDATE: Whew for them. They gave it back.

UPDATE: Wow. A thigh shot NOT FIRED BY JACK.

UPDATE: OK, that finale was not much in the way of slam-bang.

UPDATE: Take it, Amazing Steve.


Comments

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Fermented fruit libations…..check!
Living room perimeter secured…..check!
Wooden Dialogue Generator set to stun…..check!
Disbelief washed, dried, and hung in the closet for the forseeable future…..check!
Photo of Jack Bauer in a dress set as my new computer background…..doublecheck!!
Still miss Marwan…..check!
Stock of exclamation points nearly depleted…..check!
It’s 30 minutes to thigh-shootin’ time! Let’s go, dammit!

testing...

Woot! First comment of the new season!


Damn. I peaked early. >< *sigh*

Please tell me judi will give us a place to hang out tomorrow nite!

engage Briggs & Straton wooden dialogue generator.

Diva, I spent the offseason laying in some stiffer suspension cables for my disbelief.

I was sort of hoping they would have the new Paseo Bridge finished by now, so I could use the cables from the old one. Alas, they didn't.

diva, it happens to all of us...try thinking about baseball...

Have the rules of the drinking game been established for this season?

...OK, why did the Human Target guy take off the bulletproof vest? Doesn't he realize he might get shot again before the episode is over?

That's a mistake Jack wouldn't have made...

At the least, Human Target guy could have given the vest to Tricia Helfer...

Anyone else watching 2 grown men wrestle in a fort on Human Target?

Rule Number One of the 24 Season Eight drinking game: If the plot starts making sense to you, you aren't drinking nearly enough.

I think I saw Drunk Urinal guy at a show on Friday night. He was trying to paw every blonde in sight. Never before I have been so fervently thankful not to be blonde.

I have established a perimeter made up of various types of Lance™ crackers. Ready.

"Kim"
A 24 sonnet

You think your kid's a pain? Consider Kim.
Despite the work of Jack, that stalwart mensch,
When Terri died at Nina's evil whim,
Kim blamed it all on Jack. Ungrateful wench!

Now, through the years Kim's popped up here and there
And when she does, some bad stuff comes to pass
With A-bombs, cougars, Tony's hit-man pair
And (poor old Edgar) nasty Sentox gas.

When Jack took ill, Kim traveled from afar.
Though some might say she's just a little dim
(She thinks a Prion's just a hybrid car),
She gave her stem cells, risking life and limb.

So how's Kim's DNA affecting Jack?
His hair's now blond. He has a killer rack.

Why did the human target train window blow IN?

Checking in. Here and ready to go.

you all know that those of us who watch grey's anatomy are being subjected to whatshername, don't you? and cher is on the golden globes.

Locked and loaded! Ready to go!

Nice work, Ford79! The closing couplet is especially good. :-)

About the only thing I remember from last season is a lot of stuff blew up, Jack got sick, and some kid called him grandpa. I have reminded my children not to call, which means of course they will, have my diet coke, and tissues at the ready. The tissues are in case somebody on 24 that I like gets hurt.

UGH on both counts, judi. I'm watching too...may or may not make it here till the final hour...gotta watch a little Desperate Housewives too ;-) I'm DVRing it.

13 more minutes to Bauer-time...

Only problem for tonight is that Comcast has has crapped out on me 4 times today already. They had best not ruin my Jack Bauer time >:I

Mr. Blonde Cylon has some 'splaining to do. That's his tie on that train door. (On "Human Target")

Wonder how long it'll take before TypeCrap freaks out...?

As I watched dude shoot up the seats on the subway car I way thinking 24 started early...and who is that guy acting like Jack with a 'tude.

Agent Freckles just said she was "going dark" on the promo. PLease advise.

Hey all,
Just as with last year, if you want to follow along a more mediocre 24 Live Blog, I'm doing it here: http://bit.ly/5GXsTx

Stop by, won't you?

Wait, I've got it. Silver Steak.

This "Christopher Chance" guy on Human Target and Jack look like they would make a good team.

Welcome all. The train on the "Human Target" just crashed. Amateurs. "24" doesn't normally jump the rails until the sixth episode, or so.

Sorry, kids, I can't participate in tonight's evisceration of 24. Am watching the Golden Bosoms Awards.

But, when it comes to Terror v. Jack, my money is on Jack. Jack and the dress he stole from me in 8th grade.

Norman, we have to have a GAME to drink? I thought it was just a given....

*Waves @ Wes!*

Heya, homeybeef! How you been in the off-season? :)

Ford - you made me cry with the beauty of your poetry. *sniff*

Judi, Cher has had Golden Globes ever since she got that surgery back in '75.... ;-)

Seriously Suzy?! That is such a guy thing to do. I feel less somehow.

Aw, Suzy. We'll miss you!! :)

*waves @ Sharkie!*

Whew, almost forgot.

HI DIVA!

I've spent my off season waiting for and getting excited for the most exciting show on television: Lost.

Until that comes back I guess I'll just watch 24.

Interesting how slowly dying from "exposure to the Deadly Death Canister of Lethal Doom" looks amazingly like a hangover.

Dave - bazooms + fake tan = Golden Globes.

Anyone wanna volunteer to proof read my posts before I click on Post?

Reporting for duty! I know I said I was done with 24 after last season, but this season HAS to be better, right? RIGHT?

Riggs and Murtaugh, together again!

Is it okay that I have already warmed up with a few practice shots of the liquor of my choice??? Or did I already break the iron clad Bauer 24 drinking rules...

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
NO! SOUP! FOR! YOU!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
LATE NIGHT WITH DAVE!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
WHO YA GONNA CALL?


*Ray Parker, Jr.'s "Ghostbusters" theme begins playing*

JACK BAUER!

If there's someone strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
JACK BAUER!

If it's someone weird an they don't look good
Who ya gonna call?
JACK BAUER!

He ain't afraid of no knife!
He ain't afraid of no knife!

If you're seein' thugs runnin' thru your streets
Who can you call?
JACK BAUER!
A terrorist man blowin' up your fleets
Oh who ya gonna call?
JACK BAUER!

He ain't afraid of no gun!
He ain't afraid of no gun!

Who ya gonna call?
JACK BAUER!

If they're all alone pick up the phone
And call...
JACK BAUER!

He ain't afraid of no bomb!
I hear he likes girls clothes.
He ain't afraid of no bomb!

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

Who you gonna call?
JACK BAUER!

If you've had a jist
Of a freaky mist, baby,
You better call...
JACK BAUER!

OW!

Lemme tell ya somethin'...
Shootin' makes him feel good!

He ain't afraid a no nuke!
He ain't afraid a no nuke!

Don't get caught alone, oh no
JACK BAUER!

When he busts through their door,
Unless they just want some more,
I think you better call...
JACK BAUER!

OW! Who you gonna call?
JACK BAUER!
Who'll stab your eye?
JACK BAUER!
Ah, I think you better call...
JACK BAUER!
Who you gonna call?
JACK BAUER!

He can't hear you...
JACK BAUER!
Who'll shoot your thigh?
JACK BAUER!
Louder!
JACK BAUER!
Who you gonna call?
JACK BAUER!
Who you can call?
JACK BAUER!

(fade out)

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ is back baby! BACK! And fully believes that Jay Leno is NOT funny! You're next on Jack's list, Leno! Better watch out!") and ChloeSack™ ("Which full supports CoCo!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!

Human Target guy on a plane with no snakes. lame

LOL rockin

"Physic do not occur in real scientific method..."

It's so good to be back! //looking over perimeter of wine glasses LOVE YOU ALL!

"Realtime" - in what universe?

Well, nothing has blown up yet.

In Real Time!

YAY!!!!! I need my Jack fix! I need my Jack fix!
By the way all Canadians are like Jack. It's just that we have a bad day like hos only every 7 years or so.

I guess the shooters must be this season's patsy Arab fall guys...

Manny's henna treatment went awry.

One guy dead. Nice start.

Manny got stiffed...

Red shirt

Sweet!!! Multiple deaths in minute 1! I have high hopes for this season!

Crack pipe! Headshot! And we aren't even five minutes into the show.

Just what I've always dreamed of- a Shield crossover! Bring on Vic Mackey!

Where is Shelly Volante??

Blue Tooth wearers are this season'e red berret

Little Red Riding Hood?

Is the current Governor of California doing the voice-over for that guy with the goatee?

Is that Ba'al with rifle? (Stargate fans know who I mean.)

Shoot sideways and your gun will jam.

I wonder if they thought about using some of those cash for clunkers cars for the car chase scenes?

JACK SLEEPS!

9mm's come with 100 shot clips?

It's a LOST polar bear! He's on the island!

Jack! Asleep! It's your last nap for 24 hours, sweetie.

Thought Bauer woke in someone's home like Margot Kidder.

Jack's grandkid is just about as ungrateful as his daughter was...

Jack watches FoxNews!

I disagree...that WAS a cartoon! It was Fox News, after all...

Jack is wrapped about her little finger.

first a dress now a doll. Jack is getting soft.

Kim's married to a jerk!

Grandpa Jack! Shut up kid, if you value your thigh...

Notice Jack limbering up his trigger finger...That'll come in handy later.

The husband is a goner.

Jack is gonna chop off Kim's guy's hand, isn't he?

Yeah, go ahead, YOU ask him...don't mind the thigh wound he gives you...

Oh for a city cougar.

Hey, Jack's granddaughter is the "minced fish" kid! I love that kid. :D

Hey, Gennita and Renee! Nice to see you two. :)

Dismantle this!

id it a drink every time someone makes a final answer joke on the blog?

So who thinks Kimmy's hubby will end up a corpse by the end of the season?

Blah, blah, President Woman President, blah, blah....

Who is this wonk with the "Dance Fever" haircut?!

In response to Dave, we have left trans-fats and have entered banning salt. Crack will come much later...in Bloomberg's 20th 4-year term...

*raises hand for Wes*

Nice hair...on the dude. He's hair is better than Madame President.

"City cougar?" By this time, Kimmy herself is approaching cougar status...

negotiator helper has very healthy hair -- think he might be channeling john edwards' stylist.

Isn't that they guy from Slumdog Millionaire??

Did Madame President give that guy lashes???

We are so devoted, the only way FOX will tune in is for my husband to sit on the floor.


Oh crap!! Madam Woman President is still alive.

THPBPBPBT to the Tropichunt Guy and *high five* to Diva! :-)

So, which one of us is paying attention to the ersatz "plot line" this season? I'm too busy blogging....

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