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November 22, 2009

THERE'S A HUGE BLACK MARKET FOR THOSE THINGS

Somebody has stolen a 5-foot distelfink.

(Thanks to Occam's Lady Schick)

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With the aid of an informant formerly known as Willy "Big Bratwurst" Sauerkopf, now in the federal witness protection program, the FBI has obtained a confession to this theft from Horst "The Dachsund" Obersnorker. Obersnorker told agents that the distelfink, worth an estimated 400 Euros on the European black market, had already been spirited to a mountain hideaway in Switzerland. A Swiss police spokesman, Lt. Dieter Wankelmotor, said that a little-known Amish-Swiss crime network, known as the Edelweissguys, is responsible for numerous such thefts throughout the northeastern and midwestern United States.

Lol, meanie. Didn't George Segal star in a remake of a Humphrey Bogart classic about this?

They'll catch the thief. The Amish community has already texted all their contacts, and put this all over Twitter.

It's made of plywood, so it's not a proper distelfink.

Distelfink? I knew a girl whose fist did stink, but we won't go into that.

Maybe he shouldn't keep his distlefinks in the driveway.

Once while attempting to inspect a Mennonite food producer, his daughter told me that he wasn't home, that he had gone down the road to a "Frolic". Well, I just had to go.
This turned out to be a type of barn-raising. It was fun to watch but it wasn't anything like what I'd been imagining.
By the way, you haven't lived until you've seen a horse-powered bread dough mixer. Think tread mill.

Distlefink
Was a friend of mine
doo-doo-doo-doo

Why do distelfinks suddenly disappear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, cops seem to be
Closing in on you.

Why do Hex signs seem to go away
Every time you have a stay?
Just like me, cops seem to be
Closing in on you.

On the day that you arrived
Local Amish got suspicious
And decided to create a task force just for you
So they planted wires in your buggy, got your
Prints, and read your mail for clues.

That is why all the cops in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they seem to be
Closing in on you.

Wahhhhhhhhhhh ah-ah-ah-ahhhhhhh, closing in on you......

Another useful addition to my vocabulary. Thanks, Amish

*snork* at meanie...

distelfink
5 foot tall
keep old scratch down
if he comes to call
it's a knick-knack that attacks
leave it the hell alone
distelfink
ain't coming home!

Distelfink
All my troubles far away, I think
Everything gone but the kitchen sink
Oh how I miss
My distelfink

*snorks* to the poemists!

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