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October 22, 2009

SLUTS

FEMALE redback spiders eat male mates who do not spend enough time on foreplay.

To keep cranky females happy, their partners have to spend about 100 minutes on courtship, doing things such as vibrating their webs and rubbing their tummies.

But once the fickle babes are brought to a peak of amorous and receptive behaviour, they will let a stray male mate with them even if he hasn't done any courting at all.


(Thanks to Ralph)

In other spider-sex news, we have this.

(Thanks to Rafi Farber)

And in vaguely related alarming spider news, we have this.

(Thanks to Siouxie, Andy Walker and PhilB)

Comments

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Absolutely

Seems that the gift of a vibrator would be both safer and more productive for the males.

As for the last item, we're going to need a bigger bathtub.

*Imagines the reaction if my wife came home to find me rubbing my tummy in the middle of a thrumming web in the bedroom*

Story #2--Nothing could make me THAT interested in securing my paternity...

I think Vibrating Web opened for ABBA in 1979.

Looking through the latest NatGeo, there's a pic of a praying mantis eating a hummingbird. Pity the pic isn't online yet. Maybe next month.

The Redback is the Australian version of a Black Widow. Many times, after mating the male will flip himself into a position to be eaten. This supposedly offers his offspring a better chance of survival because the mother is well-fed. It has been said that a man will do anything to get sex. Probably at least half of us would remain celibate If we knew we would die after the act. The other half would go for it.

Female rednecks are much the same.

Ick! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME! ALL of them!!!

*shudder*

Hammie, just have the handcuffs ready.

Don't ask.

The second story was from early 2007. I remember sending it in then.

/end amazing memory feat before second cup of coffee

;)

"Hey baby, wanna let me vibrate your web?"

Get it right, guys.

Jeff - I imagine that if a woman gets old and alone, after a few years without sex, there probably would be a cob web in there.


Go for it.

You want BIG you come to my country. Large females are not the exclusive domain of golden orb spiders in this neck of the woods.

*goes back in time to SMACK Jeff*

Thanks, Siouxie, I needed that.

But what was it for?

No comment.

Spiders have moyles? Who knew?

Did you say mohel?

Yes.

You heard about the moyle who never charged for circumcisions?

He only took tips!

More mixed signals from you women. I used to get in trouble from spending time on the web for sex, now it is expected?

Suddenly I know more about spider sex than I ever thought possible.

"The scientists think their work may have clarified why clusters of males are seen around some females when other females remain uncontested."

Sounds like a lot of bars I frequented when I was younger.

Kinda like a redneck divorce, eh?

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