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September 21, 2009

CANCEL THOSE DINNER PLANS

It turns out that the world ends today.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Comments

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They mentioned that no man knows the date or hour so who told them?

Ok..butt...do I have time for a happy hour drink?

You have to love the subtle use of color that is used to highlight the message.

Siouxie, Cindy, drinks are on me!! (I'm using the credit card...)

oh thank god. someone told me a long time ago to live each day "as if it were my last" and i've been drinking bourbon and boinking anything in a skirt for years and i'm exhausted.

I'll certainly be dead before I can read that entire page. So in a way, they're right.

Crap! If only I had seen this before I got to work.

Wow. How foolishly absurd ca

*packs cooler with ice and box-o-wine in handbasket*

*jumps in*

All aboard!!!

Wow... I really have to go find Ford, have a few pints, peanuts and then hitch a lift. Sure hope I can deal with Vogons....

Shotgun!
*Grabs case of Guinness and a towel*

*WAVES @ & makes room for Hammie!!!*

OK, everyone, let's keep this orderly. Please listen up or read the signs to see which line you belong in, and then board quietly but quickly. We will launch in numerical order by ship.

Handbasket no. 1: Politicians, first line on the left.
No. 2, telemarketers, second from left, that's it.
No. 3, Vegas lounge entertainers, third from left.
No. 4, cable tv company employees, let's go, fourth from left
No. 5, apocalyptic visionaries, you're next.

OK, the rest of you please stand by until we announce your ship. 1 through 5, cleared for launch....

*Waves @ Siouxie!!!*

Ooh, a box of fresh wine!

Sh!t. I just bought green bananas yesterday.

They mentioned that no man knows the date or hour so who told them?

Posted by: nursecindy | September 21, 2009 at 10:30 AM

..a woman.

Gee, did the NY Post cover this today? I don't believe anything if it's not in the Post.

*sigh*

And I had just met the nicest guy. Monkey Man will have to do.

Utter nonsense. Everybody knows that the world ends on December 21, 2012. The Mayans said so.

And, since they accurately foretold the rise and fall of the Roman Empire, everything Nostrodamus predicted (and they predicted it first!), the faked moon landing and the invention of Snuggies®, I'm inclined to believe them. Even if they don't have a website. What, they were supposed to think of everything?

Took me 10 minutes to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the web page, where I expected to find a plea for donations. What I found was even worse: there's a big link button labeled "NEXT: (Please Read On)"

Yes folks -- he has more.

Too much text? Skip to the graph...

*looks at graph*

*head explodes*

Thanks, Allen. That made a hell (har!) of a lot more sense.

The world cannot end today: Jack Bauer is NOT dead yet! As long as he's alive, we'll be fine!

So I suppose according to Rush Limbaugh and his laughable ilk we have Obama to blame for this too...

*Files lawsuit contesting "You can't take it with you" adage*

No Steve. They're blaming Bush. Again ;-P

*Am ready to die after reading only 1/3 of that nonsensical drivel*
Best part: Gog and Magog, a vocal duet for your dying pleasure

Um... Why does my post look like it has artwork at the top? Perhaps that's part of the Rapture...

Must be the end of the world... Bot is eating my posts.

Wait, wait, wait....

I've got tickets to Monday Night Football tonight!!!

No way I'm gonna miss that for some friggin' rapture thing. It's just going to have to be rescheduled for tomorrow night.

GO FINS!!!

Brian!! I'm jealous!

GO FINS!!!!

Say HI to our newest owners...JLo & her cuLo!!

OK, wait a minute.

Israel's impending strike on Iran, China and Russia resurgent, the swine flu pandemic, global economic crisis, Democrats in complete control of the government...

I thought the tribulations were supposed to come after the rapture.

Beam me up, please.

If that's what websites are like in Heaven, I'll live with being Left Behind.

Yes Siouxie, I'm very excited. I can only hope that maybe I can find a cocktail napkin that Marc Anthony wiped his sweaty brow with, or perhaps I might be priviledged enough to hear Serena drop a few f-bombs. It would complete me.

(Goes to puke at the thought of what it's come to...)

Thanks for the graft Allen. Now after looking at that graph I need some Tylenol. I cannot believe that all of the politicians are going to fit in one handbasket though. lairbo the Mayan's do have a website.

Luckily, I've experienced my own private rapture(s).... so who cares about tribulation? Would like somma that boxed wine tho.

meanie you forgot the handbasket for the people who invented call waiting,voicemail,and automated calling services. *Please hold. Your call is very important to us.* Sure it is.

GO COLTS!

Worst.

Apocalypse.

Ever.

Ah, the site even offers a guided tour of Hell: http://home.flash.net/~evt/helltour.htm

Apparently, the gateways of hell look like "giant, dirty types of slinkies that move continuously." Lovely.

Tash - help yourself. Gots plenty.

Who's bringing the weiners?

Look, honey, the shoes are fine. They go really well with the purse, OK? And, no, the lines do not show. Now, come on! It's almost time .....

What?! Your contact lenses? .... How should I know?

*Puts head in hands*

Meanie do you think this red blouse will clash with the fires of hell? Maybe I should wear this other one. It's a little cooler and I think the color goes nicely with my hair. What do you think?

Ok..one last thing. Does this handbasket make my butt look big??

*Tosses weiners and marshmallows into the basket*

Might as well take advantage of the flames....

I cannot believe that all of the politicians are going to fit in one handbasket though.
Posted by: nursecindy

1) It's a very big handbasket.
B) two words: La Machine

It's groups like this that make me say, "Get off my side!!!"

Guy dies; decends to Hell. On arrival, starts cursing up a storm.

Devil comes over. "Hey, hey now. Calm down. We just get a bad rap on Earth."

"You like golf?"

"I love golf".

"We've got six eighteen hole courses. Open twenty-four seven. Your own locker. All free."

"Hmmmmm. Not bad."

"You like tennis?"

"I love tennis."

"We've got all kinds of tennis courts. All free."

"This ain't sounding so bad . . ."

"You like wine?"

"You betcha!"

"Complete wine cellar. Open all the time. Anything you want. All free."

"This is sounding pretty good. But who are those folks off over there, in the fire and brimstone, gnashing their teeth and rending their flesh?"

"Oh, those are the Baptists. They just wouldn't have it any other way."

On the graph I think I spotted the departure of the Last Train to Clarksville.

The guys will bring weiners, Siouxie!

All my teams won yesterday, so the Apocalypse is right on time!

Is there a special geezer section of the handbasket*? Because I'm thinking I'd like a cushioned seat and a foot rest and large print on my instruction card. Oh, and air conditioning.

*Handbasket for complainers

Meanie, don't forget the especially uncomfortable handbasket for the makers of Typepoop, crammed in with their green spiderwebby thingies.

I guess I don't need to worry about sending in my mortgage payment this month...

I showed up at the library one day while in college and no one was there. I was convinced the rapture had come and gone. Turns out no one (or very few) is at the library at 10:00 pm on a Friday night in July.

Gee, I didn't know Dubya's term ended in 2009... (yes, I read the whole thing).

Just in case, I'll wait until Thursday to pay bills.

Good thing I haven't mailed my rent check yet. I guess I'll go out to the bars tonight.

"All Hell breaks lose (sic)"?

Well, I'm still here. Anyone else?

Cindy... Mayans??? That sounds waaaay to much like the Knight Rider theme for me!

I'm guessing that graph with the circles and arrows had a paragraph on the back of each one explainin' what it was.

*gets in the geezer basket*

Well the world didn't end here either. Everybody may want to mail those rent and mortgage checks just in case. Can we still put the politicians and typepoop creators in a handbasket with the telemarketers?

Russia and China together invading America is as likely as pigs sprouting wings and beginning to fly.

the world ended yesterday, but the spam carries on...sigh.

If God is watching us, might as well keep him entertained.

Not so fast folks! Autumn doesn’t officially start until after about 5 PM (EDT) today. Keep an eye open for cars at stoplights with no one in them—and other such stuff. OTOH, there may not be anybody taken up, which means that we are all sinners. Seems like I heard that somewhere—maybe the Bible.

I remember 10 years ago people were saying Nostradamus did not predict anything after the year 2000.

And the EMP will be provided by Iran; they're already practicing the technique in the Caspian.

Oh yeah, been there done that. The world ended in 1993. It was dull as ditch water. People always think the apocalypse is something special, but half the time, people are to busy living their lives to even notice.

Personally I think they talk it up to much in the bible.

Yeah, well, the fun was supposed to start on Rosh Hashanah, which apparently ended at nightfall on Sunday September 20 (contrary to the site's calculations).

Update: the site has been updated, it now says the Tribulation begins on September 23, 2009. Where it doesn't say "Fall 2009." Also there are a lot more question marks than I recall from Monday . . . .

Update, Sept 24, 2009: The Rapture will take place no later than the end of the month of Tishri, which will be October 18, 2009. That is, IF it occurs this year.

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