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July 29, 2009

WHAT WE WOULD POST ON OUR IN-HOUSE BULLETIN BOARD IF WE HAD THE NERVE

A wild suggestion to the person who dropped a spoon down the drain in the kitchen: You could pick it up! 

Yes, this is a radical thought, along the lines of ‘park your car between the two lines, not just wherever you happened to end up' and 'when you make a mess on the toilet seat, wipe it off,' but what the heck. Forward-thinking liberalism is what we are known for in this business.

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I'm willing to be this was the final straw of many that broke the camel's back.

judi, you could always sign it with Dave's name. Or Gene Weingarten's. I could see him doing something like that.

*sigh*

Office kitchens should come with spy cameras so that those responsible could be macheted by Siouxie... (judi, it doesn't help to put up signs; even though you are in the communication business, doesn't mean that people actually READ!!!)

/end rant

How could they possibly have time to pick up a spoon when they are obviously spending all of their time wiping up the mess they made in the microwave?

I tried making a suggestion like that to Mrs Death once, about 11 years ago.

In semi-related news, our only child is about to turn twelve.

I'm pretty sure that a spoon can never be used again if it has been in the drain. Best to allow it to dissolve in situ.

cleaning the microwave??? bwaaahhaaaaaaaaaahh.
we used to have a sign over the sink in our old office -'your mother doesnt work here - you will have to clean up after yourself'... ok, and it was a long time ago... and it was a bit sexist. but we were trying to be nice. that didnt work. we should shoot them i think.

This is why I never go in the office kitchen.....

It's much safer to just mosey on down to Wendy's or McD's...

And YES, I said mosey.

judi, judi, judi you poor deluded soul. I would think that by now you would have learned the standard mantra:

"That's right, it's Dade County, it's Dade County..."

First rule of kindergarten, which is really one of the very few you need in life: Clean Up After Yourself.

Once at work I started a rumor they were going to remove the microwave because nobody ever cleaned it after they messed it up. It worked! For a while anyway.

At one of my old offices, someone would sneak in and eat the meat out of people's sandwiches and leave just the bread.

What, like they weren't going notice?

But who makes a mess on the toilet seat? If you're going to make a mess on the toilet seat, why not just lift it up?

What are ya, a bunch of hoverers?

Now dropping a spoon down the toilet would be another issue. I mean, who would take a sppon to the toilet.

Wait..oh, that's disgusting !!

judi, did you just imply that if a toilet seat is dirty it must be the work of a conservative?

Granted, I did once go to a lesbian bar and went in the unisex bathroom to put all the toilet seats up, but I was young and unaware back then. I've grown up quite a bit in the last month.

...not the work of a conservative, but the typical work of a liberal who has his head up his a*s.

...but more likely his mind.

One of my coworkers (still don't know who) used to steal lunches - even ones that were CLEARLY half-eaten leftovers! A colleague of mine fixed the problem by leaving catfood sandwiches in the fridge for a while. Yes, they got stolen. They were the LAST things stolen for a good long while!

As for the toilets - please. We used to have a regular vandal (mighta been the same one who stole the lunches) who would regularly (as in 2-3 times a week) leave a sickening mess in the bathrooms - often on multiple floors. In his/her case it was absolutely deliberate. And disgusting.

OT

Warning to all South Floridians: My daughter just got her Florida driver's license. Let the praying begin!

/OT

(I even donated blood while waiting - good Karma vibes)

judi, I'm the one that always has to clean up after everyone at my office. If not, I wouldn't want to eat there. Pisses me off too.

So Siouxie, I guess she'll be the one following the rules???

Gets rosary beads out for Siouxie. May she be as good a driver and her mother and sister.

So judi, how was your day?

An office manager indicated that there had been enough metallurgy experiments involving silverware and microwaves and the results are in: Pretty much every time a fork, spoon, knife or spork will destroy a microwave that is left on for 3-4 minutes.

I have never seen a metal spork, but I'll take his word for it. I made a point of not wondering aloud if the metallurgy experiments were just a way of not having to clean out a really bad microwave.

One of many titanium sporks in the hiking market.

*snork* @ Al.

Thanks, cindy! Bringing out the 'big guns' for this one.

Brian - I can only hope so! (she's a pretty good driver, actually. I'm just afraid of the idiot drivers we have)

Don't put spoons in the drain, and don't fry bacon naked. Two hard and fast rules..
(I have other Hard and Fast rules, too)

Yer a freakin' communist hippie, judi! Where do you get off expecting people to clean up after themselves and not pee on toilet seats? It's their gun-totin', god-fearin' right to be slobs, dadgumit!

"Nekkid Bacon" WBAGNFARB

Wouldn't it have to be "Nekkid Bekkin"?

Nekkid Bekkin ...... I like it, Mike

In my office, that spoon would've been abducted immediately. Some well-meaning but clueless person brought in a nice set of actual cutlery for us to use, and left it in the kitchen. Within 48 hours, every knife, fork, and spoon had disappeared. If our building burns down, the fire marshall will find melted forks in the rubble.

From leaving a spoon in a drain to cooking bekkin while nekkid. Only on this blog.

Whut??? Kevin Bacon is naked????


I hate it when I come in late.....silly baby and his "needs".

The obvious reason for leaving a spoon in the drain is to catch the knife it wants to run away with. Doesn't anybody remember Edward Lear?

Punkin, that's the problem with babies. It's me,me,me all the time. Feed me, change me, hold me, burp me, don't forget me in the buggy at Walmart again, etc. They just don't get that you need some me time.

" I wouldn't eat anything out of the lunch sacks that say ' Dr. Spengler ' on them, if you know what I mean. "

My wife knows I clean the kitchen and do dishes every night. She takes full advantage of the situation.
On the subject of hard and fast rules, I gave my daughters two when they were learning how to drive.
1. Never drive faster than the car immediately in front of you.
2. Never argue with a Semi.

At our house, whoever cooks, doesn't have to clean.
I like to cook.

My Dad always said "deccelerate in, accelerate out",
"100 yards is all you need to signal", and "no one gets to drive if you crash the car".

Judi:

Give the guy a break.

He walked into the kitchen, grabbed his meal from the fridge, started to open it, and then was suddenly overcome by the smell of the LEFTOVER SALMON which was being MICROWAVED. He dropped his meal, the spoon slid into the drain, and he ran out before his gagging turned into urp at the smell of microwaved fish.

A spoon in the sink's drain is better than vomit in the sink.

Steve - regarding #1: Particularly if the car in front of you turns out to be an unmarked police vehicle. Don't ask me why I know this.

You probably learned #1 the same way I did Guin. However he was very nice and just gave me a warning.

Back in the day I had an office job and there was a similar thievery problem. I marked all my items with a medical label marked STOOL SOFTENER. Never had a problem.

This sounds like the type of town that would also outlaw kid's lemonade stands.

Once when I had been sick and was only just starting to eat solid food again, I suddenly had overwhelming urge to have queso and chips- only thing that sounded good. I ate about half, but when I put it into the fridge (in a bag) I labeled it, "Do not eat or you will get gastroenteritis". No one touched it, even after I forgot about it- they cleaned around it for a week. Yes, I did throw it away.

I would laugh, Ketchum, but a town in Mass did that. Two cops asked a kid for his permit and shut him down. They found out later it was the local hotdog vendor didn't want the competition.

Speaking of disgusting smells Manatee, I once printed out the Urban Dictionary entry on "courtesy flush" and taped it to the inside of all the stalls in the men's room. It was not taken with much grace, and a corporate-wide memo soon followed.

I went shopping at an Asian grocery store. I just had to buy the most disgusting thing I have ever seen offered for human consumption -- a jar of pickled mudfish.

It was in a clear jar, with a picture of a mudfish on the label. The mudfish itself looked like a furry eel, while the contents of the jar looked like sewage with scales.

Now apparently, the purveyors of pickled mudfish are locked in a fierce battle for market share, because there were several varieties on the shelf.

The ingredients list on the one I chose read "Mudfish, rice, salt." Good. I hate all those binders in my mudfish.

I put it out in our lunch room with a sign that said "I will pay $10 American to the first person I witness eating a healthy dollop."

Perhaps not surprisingly, there were no takers.

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