THIS JUST IN FROM YACHTING MONTHLY

Sailors make better lovers

Key Nautical Term: "self-calibrating turgidity anchor"

Be advised that this link is not totally safe for work, unless you are judi.

(Thanks to Danny)

Comments

[jon]

And, of course, self-calibrating turgidity WBAGNFARB

[Allen at Division]

I got your self-calibrating turgidity anchor right here, baby!...

[nursecindy]

I had to look twice to see if Judi had posted this. All I can say is (and I probably shouldn't):
"Ahoy maties! Permission to climb aboard?"

[Allen at Division]

Cindy, just grab onto the turgidity anchor to steady yourself as you climb aboard...

[nursecindy]

I've never been on a sailboat before Allen so I don't know what that is.

[ron]

I have a sailboat Cindy,and I'm a sailor.

[Allen at Division]

Just grab anything you can almost get your hand around. You know, to steady you...

A sailing virgin, eh? *eyebrows raise*

♫ Waa-aay up she rises,
Waa-aay up she rises,...♪

[Cheesewiz]

There used to be a sail manufacturer by the name of Hard. Naturally their tee shirts said, " Sail with a hard on."

Swear to God!

It's all starting to make sense now.

[oneblankspace]

In days of old, when far more ships sailed the seas, there would at times be a maiden wench on board who would give birth with the father unknown. Such a child was referred to as a son of a gun.

[MartiniShark]

"....according to a survey made with other sailors."

[padraig]

cindy, just keep keelhaulin' them mizzenmasts and all the sailors will make a towline for your yardarm.

[nursecindy]

padraig I don't speak 'sailor'. I do appreciate all the offers to let me ride on your boats though. So thoughtful.

[Mot the Hoople]

Anybody who's ever been on a boat will know that there're more phallic symbols on board than anywhere else. The poor boys in blue have a lot to aspire to.

[Art]

Hate to break it to you but the article is somewhat suspect. Onzin Institute is Dutch for Nonsense Instute, Dr. Hijgen Krachtig would be translated as Heavy Breathing.

[Horace LaBadie]

Break out the spanker, Mr. Christian!

[Richard the Weasel-Hearted]

Way to take the wind out of their sails, Art.

[Danny]

Re: Art @ 5:43: yachtpals.com, the source Yachting Monthly cites, posted the original story "01 April." Art's right. I withdraw the submission.

[nursecindy]

So nobody is going to teach me how to sail now? Bummer.

[MartiniShark]

well Cindy, based on the photo they may not have been interested in you anyway.

[nursecindy]

So I guess you're going to let them teach you how to sail? Just kidding. I've heard you're a stud. Siouxie and Annie told me.

[MartiniShark]

Siouxie and Annie have to stop lingering outside my window. Or maybe I should park somewhere else.....

[Siouxie]

wha?? Sharkie, last time we lingered, you were dancing to this:

♬ In the Navy...where we can sail the seven seas...♫

Very studly, I might add.

[MartiniShark]

(shakes head) Why must Siouxie automatically go there when she hears about sea men.

[ScottMGS]

There once was a lady from Bangor
Who slept while the ship was at anchor
She awoke with dismay
When she heard the mate say
Hoist up the topsheet and spanker

[Loudmouth]

Sailboats use wind and wind blows. So sailing is just being blown from one port to another.

[Schoolmarm]

...according to a new study by boffins in raunchy Amsterdam.

boffins? Aren't those like penguins? No, wait, those are puffins...

[YachtPals.com]

The story was originally published at yachtpals.com as an April Fools hoax, and the real joke is that, despite the fact that the article ends with "APRIL FOOLS," it has now been accepted as fact, and plagiarized into several languages.

ONZIN is dutch for nonsense, the Doctor's name translates to "Heavy Panting," and the Author's name means "First April." Finally, there is no such thing as a turgidity anchor, self-calibrating or otherwise.