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April 05, 2009

WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET

Yesterday I took my daughter and one of her friends to the Miami-Dade County Youth Fair, which is a standard county fair, with stands selling food such as deep-fried Cholesterol On A Stick, and rides that enable you to throw your food back up before it can attack your body, and people trying to lure you into games where you can win a stuffed animal the size of a UPS truck (retail value $1.38) which you then have to walk around carrying for the rest of the day.

There are also many stands selling random useless crap made in China by people who are surely thinking (in Chinese) "Who the hell BUYS this crap?" My daughter and her friend each had a little money to spend, and they decided, after much pondering, to go with the novelty splat egg. This is a ball made of soft plastic with a "yolk" in the middle. The idea is that you throw on the floor, where it splats, so for a moment it looks sort of like a broken egg, but then it forms back into a ball. Ha ha! What fun!

Anyway, when we got home my daughter threw her splat egg on the floor, but it didn't splat nearly as well as when the guy demonstrated it at the fair. So I said, in a manly dad voice, "Here, let me try it." She gave me the egg, and I threw it in a manly dad fashion at the kitchen wall, where it of course broke, spewing its inner fluids all over.

Men, you know how women have that special Woman Look that they give you when you have done something particularly stupid? I am here to report that they know how to give that look at age nine. I apologized, and my daughter told me it was OK, but I could tell she was sad. In a short time, she had become attached to her splat egg.

So this morning I Googled "splat egg throw," and up popped this:

250

Which looks like exactly the model of splat egg I am in the market for. So I ordered one, plus three backups. We live in wonderful times. In the old days, I would have had to drive manually back to the youth fair to get a replacement splat egg, thus running the risk of further direct exposure to corn dogs.

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What a good Dad. Not only did you spend the day with your daughter but you replaced her splat egg after you broke it. And yes, we women know how to give this look at a very early age.

i want one but cj would probably break it.
wanders off to give cj "the look" just for good measure.

It's a skill that's conscientiously passed down from mother to daughter, Dave. But you're a good daddy for restocking the family supply of splat eggs. Maybe you'll earn enough credit to get the "look-givers" in your household to go easy on you for a while.

The mother Splat will be very angry, too.

Oh yea, that look. Wait until a teenager gives that look in The Coach Store. They don't teach that situation in parenting class.

love the youth fair! elephant ears and the gravitron-- woo-hoo!

Four or five hundred dollars is a small price to pay for your daughter's happiness Sharkie. Right? Besides, you just don't understand! Everybody else's parents buy them. It's so cute and then the female promises she will never, ever ask for anything else again as long as she lives. Or until tomorrow. Which ever comes first.

"That look" may be the secret to the economic recovery. It encourages the immediate spending of large sums of money and infusing the economy with a much need stimulus.

Got any splat bacon, Dave? I'm hungry.

P.S. - You might have, as a consolation prize, allowed Sophie to "splat" a dozen real eggs on the driveway. Then hose it off, place the shells in the garden for fertilizer and your cost is about $2.00.

Dave, it was indeed a small price to pay since Mrs. Blog wasn't there to give you the Adult Look.

The problem was when I got her Coach shoes for her birthday and then the adult women saw them and wanted them as well.

Ahhh...how proud I am of Sophie for mastering "the look". You are indeed an awesome Daddy although I do have to agree with Jeff. Getting "the look" from Mrs. Blog is WAY worse. And you know it.

Sharkie, I know where you can get a great deal on a coach purse to match the shoes. NYC, Little Italy.

Nora, I too love the fair for the elephant ears and the rest of the yummy junk food. Unfortunately, I don't throw it up after the Gravitron. It does, however "gravitate" to my butt.

Actually I have a Coach connection, regional director in the area. That only means I can get things cheap-er, but not cheap.

Dave, I think 'the look' is carried on the X chromosome.
Do they still have spin art at youth fairs? You know, where the card spins and you squirt paint on it. I used to love that.
You can't look at it too long though without getting dizzy.

Well duh. The whole POINT is to go to NYC for the shopping. Silly man.

*gives the look*

NotSherly, I did too but I don't know if they have that anymore. My girls and I mainly stuck to the rides which we LOVE.

Puts me in mind of a quote from the great P.G. Woodhouse:

"At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies."

WODEhouse, sorry!

Men learn too, though. Guys must learn quickly how to do a stoic "who, ME?" look.

Dave, you BROKE Sophie's splat egg?

*gives The Look combined with an eye roll*

Siouxie, how about the games where you can win an ill-fated goldfish?

I was looking to buy a Boston Terriers hockey jersey for the Frozen Four this week and got lectured about how many hockey sweaters I already own. I returned with the amount of shoes that are forever being purchased. Then I hear that I don't "need" another hockey jersey. I countered with how does the term "need" apply to shoes that cost more and are worn less than my jerseys?

There were looks traded back and forth in that conversation - and I probably will see another when the jersey comes in the mail.

My deal with my daughters was to hit the discount stores in Manhattan, so my daughters could go to school monday with new clothes and say "My Dad took us to the Fashion District in NYC, I got these jeans there." Just be sure to remove those Daffy labels. BTW-they have tax-free weeks once in a while.

I would have just averted my gaze and walked away. No need to senselessly stock up on eggs.

Real New Yorkers know you only buy C0ach & other "designer" bags from the Senegalese guys on the streets, or (as Siouxie said) in Chinatown.

Ask slyeyes, she knows.

Elon, you have a lot to learn, young grasshopper.

Suz! I love giving "the look/eye roll" combo. Add a "hair flip" and you can stick a fork in 'em. They are DONE.

SherlyNot, I once won the goldfish. They, of course, never made it home alive. Which is why I stick to the food court and rides.

Martini, just tell hew she can wear her heels to the next game ADVICE DISCLAIMER-I am twice divorced.

I suppose it goes without saying that "Sophie and the Splat Eggs" WMAGNFARB.

This has been whe week of buying the prom dress and accessories. How I yearn for the simpler days of egg splat.

is grateful to have boys. you know, boys would have broken it themselves within 30 minutes of purchase. and never ask for a coach purse.

I hope you had those overnighted! Think of all the time her friend gets to play with hers while Sophie doesn't!

Wayne, I feel your pain. Been there, done that...twice. The prom thing, not the divorced thing. *I* was smart and only married once ;-P

Jeff, I love Chinatown for LV and the Tiffany jewelry. My fav Coach place is right across the street in Little Italy. Best food too!! I've gotta get out there sometime soon. My friend keeps bugging me to visit. It's already been a year and I miss it!

And Sharkie?? YES, WE DO NEED ANOTHER PAIR!

"Elon, you have a lot to learn, young grasshopper."

It's worked so far, Sio. You just can't give in or dwell upon the consequences.

Dave - did you clean up the mess on the wall? Somehow that part of the story was skipped.

Anyone else get the feeling that Dave's proud of being macho enough to bust that splat egg?

Annie!! miss ya, girl!

I'm off to enjoy this gorgeous Miami day! Laters!!

I foresee years in therapy after this childhood trauma.

Have fun, Siouxie! Miss you, too.

Also available from that website, the How To Kit To Turn You Kid Into A Germaphobe: CSI Hands

Sharkie, you DID buy the matching purse and wallet didn't you? You cannot have the shoes without the matching purse.

I once took a Laker jersey and had it tailored into a minidress. Then I bought high-heeled sneakers to go with it. Never heard a complaint about either purchase.

To all you nice Southerners and Westerners who so kindly listened to us complain about our weather,
First of all, thanks, and
second, it is a lovely day here in lower* New England. The hyacinth are blooming and the daffodils are starting and all is right with the world.
This ends your weather service update.

* I have no idea what it is doing in the North Pole where ron is.

Oh, and Wyo, turn off the snow there wouldya. You're missing spring.

I post here regularly under a different name, but I know this is going to be an unpopular comment so I'm deflecting grief.

Selling knock-offs is a crime. It may be a popular thing to do, the sale of them may be prolific and seemingly unstoppable, but it is against the law, for plenty of good reasons. When you buy one of these items, you may not be breaking the law yourself, but morally it is the same as if you bought one of the real thing that had been stolen. In addition, the money you pay for these things has been proven to go to organized crime (including drug dealers and prostitution rings) and possibly even terrorism.

http://www.brandchannel.com/features_effect.asp?pf_id=187

http://ihatecounterfeitbags.info/dontbuyfakes

If you can't afford the real thing, then learn how to live your life without luxury status items.

I was only making a point. I did not say anything approaching the suggestion that more shoes could not be purchased, simply equating the respective obsessions. The hockey sweaters are worn in a regular rotation with two optional selections for seasonal use (UM Hurricanes and Bud Racing). Basically, what Siouxie said:

YES, I DO NEED ANOTHER JERSEY!

er, me too.

Lovely weather we're having.

OK, so in Nevada, they actually have a whole town like your county fair. It's called Virginia City. My folks like to go there and have a few favorite merchants that they get some pretty high end trinkets to decorate their house with. Having not been trapped into novelty shopping in decades, this place looked really fresh to me. T-shirts and metal signs on one wall, root beer made with real sugar on another. You know the drill, because unlike me, you see this stuff at least every couple of years. So I see this Pepsi clock with a neon light and it looked neat and if it wasn't too ridiculous, I thought I might buy it. But it was in a store that was closed already. Well, of course, my Dad knows the guy who owns the store, and when we get back to their house, he calls him up and asks about the clock and says I'd love to go back there and get it if I can get a good deal.

Next morning, I head up there, and the guy is waiting in his store. He's opened two hours early. And there are giant price cards below the clocks, which I hadn't seen before. They said $350. No way I am paying $350 for a Pepsi clock, no matter how cool the neon. But he'll let me have it for $200. And since he gets rich off of takes care of all my parents' high end trinket shopping needs and he came in two hours early, I'm kinda obligated to reach a deal. Yeah, I bought the clock.

Found it on the Internet later that day for $170.

Bosco, do you know how many shoes you could buy with $200?

Annie, I've mentioned it here before I'm sure (I'm just giving a disclaimer, not chastising you for not keeping track), but my buddy runs a shoe show. I've dropped $400 on a pair of sneakers there, so the answer to your question, sadly, is "one shoe".

Guin Jr. is a master of The Look. However, it is now ineffective because she works at the grocery store and earns her own money. Get 'em out and working!

My first husband was a knock-off.

When I was 40, I could finally afford the real thing. :)

Whenever a situation arises where I know I can expect to get The Look, I whip out the laminated photo of me killing The Big Hairy Spider.

Things seem to settle down then.

Whenever a situation arises where I know I can expect to get The Look, I whip out the laminated photo of me killing The Big Hairy Spider.

Things seem to settle down then.

Punkin, I'm still saving up for the real thing.

*sigh*

Punkin, I'm still saving up for the real thing.

*sigh*

Siouxie said that once for me.
*sigh*

Siouxie, if you find the real thing see if he has a couple of brothers. One for me and one for Annie.
*sigh*

Will do, ladies! The research is sure fun though ;-P

Mr. Telecom has very expensive hobbies - he loves to scuba dive, and take trips where good scuba is available. He will be near Siouxie, crossgirl, EC, Martini, CJ and Dave in a few weeks. He is also an avid photographer, with all that goes with that. He can afford his hobbies and I can afford to occasionally gift him with something good. When he wants to buy a $300 softball bat, I don't give the look, or bat an eyelash, because I know that we are going to Hawaii in June, or the wine country in autumn, and I got a Coach wallet for Christmas and Bruin season tickets for my birthday. It all comes out in the wash, is what I say !

I WILL, however, give the Look for the very frequent bad jokes, and atrociously bad puns he seems to think are hysterical. Which usually contain some form or other of bodily function/exhalation/excretion, etc.
Other than that, I think he's pretty safe.
And he DOES kill the big hairy spiders - maybe we need to laminate a photo of that, ala Meanie.

*why not - he takes pictures of EVERYTHING ELSE*

No surprises here...

Melvin Durable
melvindurable@gmail.com

Tel! Too bad you're not coming with him so we can plan another blog get together!

First, the ability to generate and use knowledge to innovate .

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