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April 22, 2009


Here's a story about a woman who got fed up with her 10- and 12-year-old daughters' fighting, so she ordered them out of the car and drove away. Everybody agrees this was wrong. But some people feel it was understandable. Discuss.

(Thanks to Andy the TropicHunt.com Guy)


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I thought all Moms did this. That's what my mother said as she drove off...

*chin quiver*

when i tie them to the bumper and have them job along behind, that's still okay, right?

emotional distress...haha...I'll bet they STFU next time.

I can see it being emotionally scarring if the kids were like 5 or 6 but at 10 and 12?? Some kids that age are total brats. My youngest used to ALWAYS wander off the second we'd go inside any store - this was when she was a teen - and one time I left the store with her sister and waited outside in my car away from where she could see me. She freaked out a bit but...she learned to at least let me know where she was going.

The next time this mom tells these two that if they go cross-eyed, they'll get stuck and stay that way, they'll think twice about it.

Understandable, but as a lawyer in this society she should have known what would happen next. At worst she should have driven around the block and come back for them.

"I used to pull over and make the kids change seats. Also, I make sure the kids have their iPods and their games..."

SHEESH! No DVD players?

I think the best way to deal with this is to take the kids away from their mom and dad and make sure the parents never see them again.

Because we must prevent these kids from being further traumatized!

The sad thing is, some people will say that, and really mean it.

I have 2 kids who fight like you wouldn't believe - one in the front, one in the back, and they're trading kicks and punches that whiz by my head as I'm driving. As far as I'm concerned, she's to be commended for not pushing them out while the car was moving. The clue to their awfulness is that "the 12 year old eventually caught up with the mother, but the 10 year old was found by a Good Samaritan" wandering the streets. Really? The 12 year old "caught up with the mother"? I guess she had to ditch her sister in the process so she wouldn't slow her down. Or the 10 year old refused to go with her and preferred to wander around, throwing a fit and being "emotional." I'd bet anything this woman had tried everything else in the book and had been endlessly patient before it came to this. The irony is if she believed in just giving them a slap in the mouth she wouldn't be in trouble, but because she tried to get her point across without violence she's arrested. I say judge not unless you've walked a mile in her Manolo Blahniks. I feel your pain, sister. Abused mothers of the world, unite!

I'm confused. What, exactly,did she do wrong?

There were a couple of times when my kids were small that this would have seemed like a good idea. Usually though, instead of putting them out of the car, I thought about jumping out of the car myself. They always seemed to know how to drive better than I did anyway. Everytime I was at a stop light, and it turned green,if I didn't go immediately my youngest would say, "It don't get no greener." She still says this and it drives me nuts.

--"Ma'm, because of your actions you will facing jail time and you will be removed from seeing your children."

--"I'm sorry, could you repeat that, because it sounded like you said I'd have some damned peace and quiet."

"Shortly afterward, Primoff [the mother] called Scarsdale police from home to say the 10-year-old was missing, said Scarsdale Detective Lt. Bryant Clark. He directed her to White Plains police headquarters, where she was arrested."

In response to this part of the story, I would like to express the following opinion: Ha ha.

As any child psychologist will tell you, there is no point in making empty threats.

I am pretty sure that this mom knew the area and would never leave them unless she was sure they'd be safe. She was probably waiting around the corner - if one of them caught up with her. I don't think they're being fair at all. Those girls deserve to be put in someone's care for a while. Maybe THEN, they'll appreciated their mom.

Being a good mom is a thankless job.

/Mom rant

Believe me, I've been tempted...

ummm, momhon, she'd still be in trouble if she popped 'em. some good samaratin, if not the child itself, would have called social services. parenting often sucks.

And she will be abandoned to the worst nursing home in NY when she is of age.

this incident is also being discussed on the free range parenting blog run by "america's worst mom" lenore skenazy.

so if she let the girls go shopping by themselves one day, in the same area, would she have been arrested? i think 10 and 12-yr-olds it would be legally okay... and whoever commented on the 12-yr-old ditching her sister, yeah. pretty crazy to arrest the mom, especially if it "wasn't clear if they had cell phones."


A very long time ago when my little sister was 4 and my mom would take her shopping or on errands and my sister did not want to walk anymore, she would just sit down (my sister not my mother). When my mom would pick her up, my sister used to yell "Help! Save Me! Help!" It was funny to passers by then, but today my mother would probably be in prison.

Hasn't this women heard of Ducktape?

I also agree with^ Judi, she shouldn't have been arrested.

Take those girls away from their abusive mom and put'em in New York foster care....that'll teach'em. Better yet, New Jersey foster care.

"wasn't clear if they had cell phones."

When did that become standard equipment? The last thing I would do is reward a brat with a phone.

Forgot to put in link in above post.

Soon to be an episode of Law & Dorder?

On one hand, this was definitely wrong. But we can all agree it's understandable.

I personally would've let them walk as I drove a few yards ahead of them, a block or 2 would've made a difference, I would've have drove off, but arresting the mom? that's just crazy!

Rosanne had it right "no wonder some animals eat their young"

One time, I pulled the car over and turned off the ignition. The squabbling kids were in the car while I waited in front.

A passing cop just smiled. He realized that I was waiting for the arguing to be over so I could continue driving.

My oldest still remembers the two times I pulled over. Once was on the way to visit his brother in the NICU.

Driving away without at least one of the kids is one of the goals every time we pull out of a parking lot. We discourage lollygagging.

ops, I meant to say "I wouldn't have drove off"

If it's not "cruel and unusual" ... it's not "punishment" ...

Oh ... that's for murderers, rapists and pedophiles ... nevermind ...

Like Chris Rock said, "I'm not saying it's right, but I understand."

So she wanted the kids to walk 3 miles (about a little less than an hour) to cool off. It wasn't exactly the Bataan Death March, was it???

You're right tonymus but I'm betting the kids acted like it was worse than the Bataan Death March. But if the Mom had told them there was a new (insert name of latest, must have game console here) in it for them, they would have done it without any complaints.

Reminds me of a friend of mine's contribution when a group was discussing whether or not you should spank your kids. He pointed out that one person's "punishment" can be another person's "child abuse," and today, if a neighbor is upset at that you gave your kid a swat, a call to a child protection agency might mean your kids are removed.

Then he added, "So I just get my kids behind the ear with a lit cigarette...social workers NEVER look there."

He was kidding. Pretty sure he was kidding.

my mom did that!

to me....in Pennsylvania

Reminds me of the story of a friend of mine. Red was a BIG man, with a BIG booming voice, and he called all the girls he ever met, "Wendy", so he didn't ever have to remember who you were. Once, Red took his family on a cross-country trip, with Mike, Candy, RJ and Grandma all in the back seat. The boys would not settle down, and that got Candy to whining something fierce. Red boomed and boomed, but they would not let up. He finally pulled over, and without missing a beat, turned around and administered the "hand of death", slapping everyone in succession. Yes, Grandma too. After that, Grandma rode in the front seat.

The solution is not to have more than one kid.

But I could be wrong. woof

ummm, crossgirl, I didn't say she SHOULD have slapped them in the mouth, I said she was TRYING to do the right thing & still got arrested! And think again about a Good Samaritan calling the cops. Yeah, that happens once in a while, but mostly it's unseen. I DON"T slap MY kids, but I know people who do. I've always been very anti-smacking, but I also know older adults who talk about getting a "whoopin'" and who weren't psychologically scarred. A smack is different than a beating. And after many years of parenting that indeed sometimes sucks, and having a sturdy boisterous large 10 year old boy who screams like a scalded pig if you give his hair way less of a tug than women get at the hairdresser's every day, I've adjusted my ideas on the permissibility of the occasional smack. Just not in the face. Although come to think of it, I grew up with all Italian friends, and the smack in the back of the head from Mom was a staple (see "I Love You to Death"). There's an old Hungarian saying: "Hit 'em in the head, they won't get lame."

P.S. to telecomdropout: my grandfather had 5 kids, 4 of whom were rottenly behaved. My mother said he carried a stick in the front seat, so that when it heated up in the back seat too much he'd reach in the back with the stick and clear the decks. I used to think that was kind of extreme, but now that I see how only two can create dangerous havoc in a car, I think he was restrained.

..wonder if she's still a partner in her law firm?

I have two, close in age, and I have on many occasions pulled over and said, "We're not going home 'til you two stop it!" It's worked so far. Mine aren't yet 10 and 12 though. I am ... scared~

This was in a Desparate Housewives episode.

I don't know if my dad ever threatened my brother and me with kicking us out and leaving us there, but he did knock our heads together once. Hard.

We stopped arguing and fighting in the back seat of the car after that.

Wow. I've weitten lot of comments and deleted them. A lot of what our our parents did would not pass muster under the current thinking.

You are right WayneHere. While my mom drove the car she would whip a fly swatter back at our legs if we were bickering.

Mr. Telecom reminds me that in HIS family, this was called "road work". His family had a VW bus, and if his parents couldn't get the boys to settle down, they'd get to do road work, running alongside the bus. Mr. Telecom has applied this same logic to his own sons.

3 miles is far when you are 10 and 12 years old. I don't think they will be doing this again unless they thought they won because they didn't see their mom for that amount of time.

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