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April 28, 2009

SHOWDOWN IN NEVADA

Led Zeppelin vs. the Mormon cricket horde.

(Thanks to Kristin Bennett)

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Will the bugs get Dazed and Confused, or just Trampled Underfoot?

Didn't the Mormon Cricket Horde open for Whitesnake?

We're gonna need more drugs.

*Led Zepplin blaring or starving*
*Led Zepplin blaring or starving*
*Led Zepplin blaring or starving*

Dang, this isn't easy.

Led Zeppelin vs. The Mormon Cricket Horde. Is that like the Osbornes vs. the Osmonds?

Perimeter!

anticipating an imminent attack, will be ready with a perimeter defense

This of course means it will be completely ineffective and the crickets will parade right through.

Don't overdo it, or they'll develop resistance.

If the town only has 13 residents, how busy can the real estate agent be? Is the broom really necessary or couldn't he just wait until September and the march is over? I know I'd be more likely to relocate without swarming Mormons. Or crickets.

I'd use hard rock against crickets, but my throwing arm isn't that accurate.

It seems like it would be easier to move the 13 residents.

I think I saw The Mormon Cricket Horde open up for Hootie & The Blowfish back in '92...

Those critters look the same as a bug we get here called Parktown prawns, they give off a stinky black ink when agitated and people here have a pathological hatred for them. One guy I know emptied out the gas from his lawnmower all over a horde of them on his lawn and subsequently burnt his car and his house to the ground.

My money's on the Crickets. They were pretty good when Buddy Holly played with them.

And now Buddy Holly is DEAD! Coincidence??

The Swarming Mormons would also be a good name for a band.

Those crickets nearly destroyed all of Utah once. This is why there are so many statues saluting sea gulls in Utah. The Gulls ate the crickets and saved the crops.

>> Don't overdo it, or they'll develop resistance...<<

( Removes Led Zep CD from player; substitutes Celine Dion CD. )

ba da dump ba da dump da da da da dump da da da da dump da da da da dump da da da da dump da da da da dump da da da da dump da da da da dump da da da da da da de dump dump dump da da dump....

Bats also dislike screechy music. To discourage them, I tell people to put a radio in the attic, or a boom box with Barry Manilow.

What I'm asking is: How the heck did they pull off a Fourth of July parade with a dozen residents?

Secondly: Put some Disturbed or Avenged Sevenfold on, maybe some Mudvayne? Those crickets will run for the hills.

Whole Lotta Bugs! ♪mmmrrrrehhhhhhh♫

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