« Previous | Main | Next »

April 23, 2009


What to do if you encounter a cougar

(Thanks to trustf8)


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

I was always told not to make eye contact, and definitely don't buy her a drink. If she gets too close or gets you alone, think about the fat chick you used to tease in high school so you go limp.

Ya know. Throwing sticks at us won't get you very far.

DO NOT turn and try to run. Good one.

We can still catch you whilst wearing our strappy high heels.

So true Siouxie. Throwing sticks at us will just make us mad and if we have to chase you in strappy high heels we'll just get even madder.

When you encounter a cougar, ask "Would you like to be on a reality TV show?"

Somehow I think that will only encourage them.

Get her a chance to sing on American Idol...or just sing to her.

Actually, as a kid I really did come into a cougar in Florida...there we were, three of us kids, enjoying our bunker (covered with tarp) that we had dug, and down came the cougar, and we screamed and there you are...the cougar went out the back, we went out the front, and it actaully works.

Screaming works for human cougars too. All men should try it.

Order her an appletini, tell her she could be Angelina's better looking younger sister, then run like the wind. With a little luck she'll be too distracted with the wobbly martini glass to chase you down.

Fat lotta good this does me NOW!

try to look as large as possible

Wouldn't that attract her more? Also, isn't there some sort of underwear for that?

shouting and throwing rocks or sticks at the cat.


Tell her you like "The-Barry-whoms-name-can-never-be-said" and invite her over to listen to ALL his records.

... quietly slip out while she's retching.

I usually just buy her a drink...

I just want to know WHERE to encounter one...

No, you have it all wrong. Embrace the cougar!

The scratches you'll get from the encounter will be more than compensated by the story you'll have to tell afterward!

Here kitty, kitty . . . .

Simple - Make us her purrrrrrrrr.

or grrrrrrrrrrowl.....

is this the title of ashton kutcher's new book?

This is extremely helpful info. I just hope that when I'm in the woods and encounter a wild cougar I can boot up my laptop, find a wifi signal, and pull up this page in my favorites folder - you know, before it mauls me.

Whatever you do, DO NOT offer food.

It WILL bite the hand that feeds it.

Only two suggestions?

What about these Cougars?

A younger MartiniShark wouldn't have to have a computer. He would be able to remember these instructions. I guess it's true. The memory is the 2nd thing to go right Sharkie?

Sheesh. We're really not that dangerous.

I'd like to amend my previous answer. Cougars can be easy pickins. They are comfortable in their skin, at their peak, so to speak, and not necessarily looking for a long time relationship. Two appletinis then it's ankles over ears.

*awaiting slap from Siouxie*

Corection Pinky: here pu$$y, pu$$y...

jon, good boy!!!

oldmanatee, I know where there will be colony of wild, but not feral, ones about 6:15 PM today...

throws an extra "r" up there.

Siouxie will get you in a minute. Until then, *SMACKS* Joshua twice. One for me and another for Annie who is at work. btw, I prefer Cosmopolitans.

Tell her you still live with your mother and watch HER run away screaming.

I think, Cindy, since I remembered that I had the instructions in the folder that serves as proof that my mind . . .what was I saying?. . .oh yea, STAY OUT OF MY BEER!

oneblank, please consider sliders and high balls and keep everything from the low inside. Watch for bunts and the sacrafice, especially the sacrafice as these apply to both species of cougars and can be easily mistaken for fair game.

Whatever you do, don't let one come home as more will want to follow - sorta like the extended family-thing.

And whenever fielding, ALWAYS keep in mind the "infield fly rule" as there's no such thing as "fielders choice"!

*positively guffawing at nursecindy*

Somebody get the sharpies™

...I really did come into a cougar in Florida...

*glares @ & SMACKS Joshua* As you wish.

I, too, prefer Cosmos and it takes a heck of a lot more than two ;-)

fivver - yep.

ec, guess you're on for Happy Hour later??

Noticed that DPC.

*wonders which is the typo*

... thanks so much for keeping it discreet, Chris!

It's not often (ever?) we get "discreet" and "The Dave's blog" in the same sentence, yet alone the same thread...

*wink, wink to Sioux*
May the place be as crazy as it was last night. Omigosh!

Well K F5, I AM an original... an original what I don't know, but an original!

Close your eyes, and think of England.

"Originality" scores high points here!

... though MeThinks the "discreet" wish is a bit much to ask this group ... ;-)

My wife wants me to pour a circular footer for a birdbath. So I'll be using DiscReet™ this weekend. But not now, I'm at work.

So now it's cosmos? What happened to mojitos? It's so hard to keep up difficult to keep track.

It's Five O'clock somewhere and I'm the closest!


I still think Mojitos are splendid. Love tequila bloody Marys. Absolutely adore lemon drops, when they're made correctly - as a shooter. And stingers are yummy, yummy!
Also acceptable: Cuba libres, 7&7s, 2 Canadians...
Never really fancied any of the 'tinis.

Sigh. Whatever happened to a fifth of Jack Black and a 12 pack of Bud?

Don't care for beer either, never have. Try it periodically, but no sale.
Jack's okay, but I prefer the way CC mixes w/the ginger ale

Good fun, today. Bye for now, folks.

SYL, Sioux.

Later, ec!

As much as I love my boxed wine, I never order that at a bar. Beer tonight.

I ran into a cougar once. She bought me the drink so I wouldn't go running.

One of the best nights ever.

I pursued cougars before they were called cougars,I believe.Back in the dim past of my youth.I remember it being rather a fine sport.

A late, back-from-meeting *snork* @ "Kim Bauer"...

Don't break a hip.

i was getting all jealous about the drinkies tonight but then i remembered it was ladies night at the dive bar on the way home. weee!

i mean, i have to work late tonight, cj.

How Canadians deal with cougars

vs. real Americans

or drug addled youth

Loud, the last 2 links were great! spent bout an hour just cruising the mag. The ice fishing article was wonderful!
Thanks again

Here's how they handled one this week in Montana (sorry no linky thingy):


I'm getting conflicting information on the intertubes about cougars around here. One site says there aren't any, but another one says there are.

If called by a panther, don't anther.


Went to have a look at the site, and saw this in the Google Ads box under the dire warning posted higher up:

Looking To Meet Cougars?
Meet A Cougar Near You Today. 100% Free. Join Now.

I suppose that's so you can practice looking larger than life and not running....


Re: Ralph's 7:01 post . .
Date a cougar in new Hampshire dot com? There's an internet site for everything.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise