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March 30, 2009


Here is where we stand:

Last week Jack managed to steal the Deadly Fatal Bioweapon of Death from henchpersons working for evil puppetmaster Jon Voight. Unfortunately, the henchpersons got it back by shooting 153,000 rounds of ammunition at Jack from a helicopter. Fortunately, all of these rounds missed because Jack was crouching next to a pile of rocks. Unfortunately, Jack was exposed to the bioweapon, which means he might die, in which case the season would be over and we would have to spend future Monday nights reading the works of Marcel Proust instead of letting this show slowly turn our brains to risotto.  

Fortunately there's a good chance that Jack will survive, because he is contractually obligated to do an eighth season. Unfortunately we cannot be so certain about Tony, who was captured by the henchpersons and could be killed for the second time in his 24 career. Meanwhile President Woman President's hideously unlikeable daughter Olivia -- who is getting WAY too much screen time that should be devoted to Renee the highly competent FBI agent -- got poor old Ethan fired and is now basically running the country. In other bad news, Henry the First Dip has emerged from his coma and is delivering lines of dialog.

Edgar is still dead.

Be advised that analysis from me may be on the light side tonight, because Mrs. Blog is covering a tennis tournament, which means I am responsible for childcare, which means humanity is doomed I may be tuning in a little late.

Stay tuned after tonight's episode for the wrapup by The Amazing Steve. Meanwhile here is a scientific poll:

Jack would say "Dammit!", then resume torturing whomever he happened to be torturing at that time.
The bullet would fall to the ground, screaming.
The bullet would enter Jack, but the hole would heal instantly; later he would poop the bullet out.
But only after the season ends, because he never goes to the bathroom.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: If they try to check Jack's prostate, they are DEAD MEN.

UPDATE: As a thoughtful commenter pointed out last week: If they could move the bioweapon via helicopter, why did they put it on a truck in the first place?

UPDATE: President Woman President is thinking, Not ANOTHER imminent homeland threat! This is like... a bad melodrama or something!

UPDATE: Renee is going to debrief Jack.

UPDATE: In the end, they'll vote to give Starkwood a bailout.

UPDATE: Hey! That guy! Who is that guy?

UPDATE: Time for that crucial third or possibly fourth beer.

UPDATE: Even as we speak, Jack's antibodies are shooting tiny bullets into the East Congo virus's tiny thighs.

UPDATE: Get me the White House Dithering Room!

UPDATE: A Seal Squad! Yes!

UPDATE: The northeast quadrant! I KNEW it.

UPDATE: Like they could EVER keep Jack from going on this raid.

UPDATE: It's important to wear safety glasses when you work on bioweapons.

UPDATE: That sly fox Jon Voight! The old Wrong Quadrant Gambit!

UPDATE: So to summarize: Nothing happened.

UPDATE: Seriously. Nothing happened.

UPDATE: Good luck with this pile o' nothingness, Amazing Steve.


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Good even fellow disturbed and bent denizens. I have come to a conclusion: with the promise of seeing a nekkid Jack tonight I have decided to become a bio-terrorist.

I will be engaging in a very localized and maticulously targeted attack of a nefarious gas at Agent Freckles with the expectation that she will have to go starkers as a result! (Insert diabolical laughter . . .HERE)

Montpelier otra vez!!!

Though I am deeply afraid of inadvertently double-posting yet again, I'll say that this was the toughest poll yet. Would the bullet fall to the ground screaming? It could. . . And of course, there's alway Montpelier. Whatever that means.

Would the "deadly fatal bioweapon of Death" be Walkers Squirrel Chips?

Mary- the correct answer is ALWAYS Montpelier. It's best not to question why...

The answer is always Montpelier, isn't it?

...And I see Typepoop is still broken; it still refuses to post anything after my last comment no matter how many times I refresh the page.


If Jack doesn't stop making goo-goo eyes at Agent Freckles I'll be the one pooping bullets.

alright, Jack Bauer night! I didn't think I'd make it tonight. The muffler almost fell off of my car. Who wants to give me ride to Midas tomorrow?

*Jumps behind blog bar & pours round of Kamikazes for all*


Speaking of TypeCrap, it still is giving fits on the names. I was that woman from above, not some random lesbian NTTAWWT

Jack has been exposed to the virus...or has the virus been exposed to jack bauer?

I'm already out of tonic water. Guess it's Grey Goose on the rocks tonight!

Sharkie, after that post about your favorite purses on FB, I was not surprised ;-P

Ya know, maybe those were my favorite to see women with??? I never said I OWN those.

I have it on good authority that tonight, Jack gets nekkid. That's right, NEKKID! We will finally see what Bauer Power really means.

Hola, everyone.

Hi everyone!
Let the drinks flow as fast as the bullets!


J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("You want reality? JackSack™'s got your reality RIGHT HERE!") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ sometimes doesn't like reality too much...")


This "24" intro was brought to you by reality, which wholeheartedly believes in "24" because it is completely accurate.

Red, red wine.

Of course, Sharkie... Sure.

Suzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Jack Bauer Power Wow-er!

(Clinks with Cassie)

Gotcha, Mitch.

Wow. Jon Voight's makeup artist did a damn fine job!

House will end up alone? Good thing the world has been killed by the 24 bioweapon already, eh?

Sangala! Drink!

EvilTony still scares me.

I'm here to see some nekkid thighs!!!!!

Suzy, we KNOW what Bauer Power really is, but it would be nice to see it in action, IYKWIMAITYD.

I hope we see Carl tonight

Is all this shooting from last week?

Suzy Q, So are we going to see the real Jack Sack(TM)? :-)

Madam President Senator Mayor's been shot...

......Wait what?

Jack is exposed! Pole vault!

Oh, yes.

Jack's about to get nekkidized. I'm ready!

Wow... X-File episode... I want naked Krycek!

It's 11:00 pm. Bad things should happen because they will avoid the evening news.

YES!! Undressed!

Is he getting nekkid already???? ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time to cue the stripper music...



We can only hope, Gennita.

The woman didn't have to ask him twice to undress.

Jack must have REALLY loved that gun. Did you see the look of extreme reluctance on his face when he gave it to the CDC guy?

Oh it wouldn't affect Jack. He's already demented.

Oh yeah!

Check packages!! woooohooo!

Boxers, huh??

"This is not a reaction. I've had these scars."

The ones on his back are gone, though...

The needle...it bent as they tried to inject Jack!

Yessssssssss..the skivvies, too, Jack!

"This is not a reaction."

And the ladies say something else.

Hose job!

What was that about, he looked like a Ken doll?

Aww..now Jack's all wet...oh darn .

Jack is on the balls tonight!

Ha! A strategically placed thingamajig!

OH, MY EYES! They shouldn't have followed that shot with Janis, for pity's sake.

Expose more please, Jack!

I'll say he was exposed!

Agent Asshole is still alive? Why?

I like that purple blouse.

@MartiniShark - a Ken doll that got into the hands of a little brother with a lighter...

I'll drink several glasses to that.

And the helicopter drops on Romano

Bad guys have an orchestra on that tarmac?

And meanwhile, Zombie Tony is being taken to meet Jon Voight.

Am I passing out wardrode compliments? I need help.

A canister? What season IS this?!

I would offer to lend Jack some clothes...but I don't want to.

NO! Not Tony!!

Can we go back to naked Jack?

who understands what I mean when I say that the life and times of Charles Freck have gotten more interesting these days

LOL @ Cassie's Romano's comment.

Now they are weapons - plural?

Are they going to turn - to quote the commercial - The Most Deadly Biological Weapon Ever (TMDBWE) into hand grenades or something?

Torture? Yes!

HE read his myspace profile! That is low!

It's official: I HATE TYPESAD!!

Agent Speedle looks like he's peeing.

Like I said: the bioweapons are bags of Walker's Cajun Squirrel Chips.

I wish somebody would just punch Jon Voight. I hope he doesn't get nekkid. Yikes!

You'll be alive, Tony. You'll wish you weren't of course.

Tony: I don't remember anything since after I went to the Pet Semetary. And you can't make me.

"I'm giving you a way out."

Bend over Tony

Greg, you're messing up my comic timing.

This slumber party is getting a bit violent.

The bio-weapon affected everyone's vocal chords.

To TypePad people: Sometimes it's better NOT to log in. Just sayin'.

At least Jon Voight is handicapped by his own version of Larry.

Really, the two of them ought to get together. They'd make a lovely couple...


Think about what I said, Young Man, or next time I'll send you to your room without any supper!

Is it time for the pillow fight now?

Collect a fluid specimen??

Spinal fluid specimen? Ouch!

We need some specimen, Jack. Here's the cup.

Damn... Jack's got clothes on

If they give him a spinal tap will he have to smell their glove?

Where's nekkid Jack, dammit?!!

Cool, Spinal Tap will be in the show!

Cool, Spinal Tap will be in the show!

Did Jon Voight just call Tony "young man?" I mean, I know everyone is compared to him, but do you really have to date yourself like that? Especially when you're the head of the giant evil conspiracy? Appear more as a father figure than an executive? Is that in the handbook too?

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