Here is where we stand:
Last week Jack managed to steal the Deadly Fatal Bioweapon of Death from henchpersons working for evil puppetmaster Jon Voight. Unfortunately, the henchpersons got it back by shooting 153,000 rounds of ammunition at Jack from a helicopter. Fortunately, all of these rounds missed because Jack was crouching next to a pile of rocks. Unfortunately, Jack was exposed to the bioweapon, which means he might die, in which case the season would be over and we would have to spend future Monday nights reading the works of Marcel Proust instead of letting this show slowly turn our brains to risotto.
Fortunately there's a good chance that Jack will survive, because he is contractually obligated to do an eighth season. Unfortunately we cannot be so certain about Tony, who was captured by the henchpersons and could be killed for the second time in his 24 career. Meanwhile President Woman President's hideously unlikeable daughter Olivia -- who is getting WAY too much screen time that should be devoted to Renee the highly competent FBI agent -- got poor old Ethan fired and is now basically running the country. In other bad news, Henry the First Dip has emerged from his coma and is delivering lines of dialog.
Edgar is still dead.
Be advised that analysis from me may be on the light side tonight, because Mrs. Blog is covering a tennis tournament, which means I am responsible for childcare, which means
humanity is doomed I may be tuning in a little late.
Stay tuned after tonight's episode for the wrapup by The Amazing Steve. Meanwhile here is a scientific poll:
UPDATE: If they try to check Jack's prostate, they are DEAD MEN.
UPDATE: As a thoughtful commenter pointed out last week: If they could move the bioweapon via helicopter, why did they put it on a truck in the first place?
UPDATE: President Woman President is thinking, Not ANOTHER imminent homeland threat! This is like... a bad melodrama or something!
UPDATE: Renee is going to debrief Jack.
UPDATE: In the end, they'll vote to give Starkwood a bailout.
UPDATE: Hey! That guy! Who is that guy?
UPDATE: Time for that crucial third or possibly fourth beer.
UPDATE: Even as we speak, Jack's antibodies are shooting tiny bullets into the East Congo virus's tiny thighs.
UPDATE: Get me the White House Dithering Room!
UPDATE: A Seal Squad! Yes!
UPDATE: The northeast quadrant! I KNEW it.
UPDATE: Like they could EVER keep Jack from going on this raid.
UPDATE: It's important to wear safety glasses when you work on bioweapons.
UPDATE: That sly fox Jon Voight! The old Wrong Quadrant Gambit!
UPDATE: So to summarize: Nothing happened.
UPDATE: Seriously. Nothing happened.
UPDATE: Good luck with this pile o' nothingness, Amazing Steve.