24

Last week the evil Dubaku was killed in a carbon-neutral car crash, but not before paramedics, acting on medical advice from Jack, sliced him open and removed his internal memory chip, which revealed the names of all 287,500 moles working in the federal government. For a minute there it looked as though the whole season was about to end, but at the last minute Tony appeared with a new subplot involving the evil Juma, who is very upset at the U.S. because he's about to lose control of his imaginary African nation, Sangala, which, as alert commenter Mike pointed out last week, is an anagram for "lasagna."

Juma is about to launch a strike on Washington, D.C.. The units are in place, and the operation is on schedule. We know this because at the end of last week's episode, one of the top moles, Ryan Burnett, who is chief of staff to Senator That Seventies Show, received a text message that said, quote: "Units in place. Operation on schedule." That is exactly the kind of terse, no-nonsense, emoticon-free text that professional terrorist moles are always sending each other.

According to the trailer our sources, the target tonight is the White House, which of course the terrorists will penetrate easily because, hey, it's only the White House. There will be shooting and a threat to kill President Woman President. We don't know if Jack will rekindle the flame with Renee the highly competent FBI agent, but we certainly hope so. We do know that Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after the show for the recap by The Amazing Steve™. Meanwhile, here's a survey:

Do you think the terrorists will whack President Woman President?
	Fine by me.
	Maybe they could just put her into a coma, so she doesn't have to keep delivering her lines.
	No. Jack will kill the terrorists JUST BY SHOUTING AT THEM.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

In case the buttons aren't labeled right: the first one is for voting; the second one is for viewing the results; and the third one indicates that you need to stop drinking, because there is no third one.

UPDATE: Chloe and Janeane: A couple of cybergals, talkin' datatbases.

UPDATE: Wait... IS BILL A MOLE?????????????????

UPDATE: Perhaps I am an idiot, but: I have NO idea why Jack is choking Bill.

UPDATE: OK, I'm going to the comments to see if anybody understands what the hell is going on.

UPDATE: Apparently nobody else does either.

UPDATE: When did Jack change into a suit?

UPDATE: TASE HIM, BRO!

UPDATE: I know this is wrong, and I feel terrible saying it, but: the best parts of this show almost always seem to involve Jack violating pretty much the entire Constitution.

UPDATE: Those Geico ads? With the little pile of money with eyes? Enough, already.

UPDATE: Only a fool messes with Chloe.

UPDATE: Somebody needs to shoot the White House Wooden Dialog Generator.

UPDATE: "I can pull the trigger 128 more times before this battery dies." Must be lithium ion.

UPDATE: They never listen to Jack.

UPDATE: Wait... is he suggesting Jack tasered the Blessed Virgin Mary?

UPDATE: By my calculations, this is the 3,879th time Jack has been taken into custody.

UPDATE: When a man loves a woman, he scrambles a chopper for her.

UPDATE: Wherever agent Renee goes, there's a guy a few feet ahead with a hair blower.

UPDATE:  Aqua-Woman!

UPDATE: I still don't get why Jack choked Bill. Maybe he just hadn't choked anybody for a while, and Bill happened to be the closest person.

UPDATE: OK, it is not possible for a boatload of guys to attack the White House. Right? RIGHT??

UPDATE: Frogpersons!

UPDATE: So they're drilling into the White House from the Potomac River? OK! Sure!

UPDATE: "Let's move." Smart! As opposed to: "Let's just stand here dripping wet from being frogpersons."

UPDATE: OK, looking ahead: The nation is on high alert, because they know there's about to be a terrorist attack in Washington. So probably there are not very many people guarding THE ACTUAL WHITE HOUSE.

UPDATE: At least the Park Ranger got to deliver several lines of dialogue before he was perforated by terrorism.

UPDATE: Bill is not trained in coercive techniques.

UPDATE: A secret entrance into the White House! Sure!

UPDATE: On TV, computers can do anything.

UPDATE: OK, so there are, like, eight people, total, guarding the president?

UPDATE: Agent Renee is shovel-ready.

UPDATE: This may be the most preposterous episode ever. And that is saying something.

UPDATE: There's this little enemy army running around the White House! Sorry, but I just can't get past that.

UPDATE: "They know we're here." Har!

UPDATE: Those bullets are doing serous damage to the wallpaper.

UPDATE: "How is it possible that they were able to get around our security protocols?" Simple, madam president: The writers are smoking crack.

UPDATE: John Voight is expecting a Shipment.

UPDATE: "Stress is the fertilizer of creativity." Along with the crack.

UPDATE: On 24, nobody in authority ever wants to do anything.

UPDATE: Morse code? MORSE CODE??

UPDATE: I mean, doesn't anybody have a cell phone?

UPDATE: Jack is going to shoot climate change in the thigh.

UPDATE: There is no drama like eyeball-cutting drama.

UPDATE: From now on, they're going to be much stricter about guarding the White House.

UPDATE: Next week: explosion!

UPDATE: Take it, the Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Siouxie]

FIRST to vote Montpelier!

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Ready to go! See you after the TWO HOUR show tonight....

[trustf8]

Thanks, Dave, for steering us in the right direction.

[homeybeef]

Well I look forward to watching 2 hours of this...fine show. But it will not be until later as it is my birthday and I am going out for a few drinks. Thank you Fox for the Jack Bauer-ful gift but it will have to wait.

Good luck with the "plot" everyone!

[AC]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If during the next 2 hours you find yourself suffering from the concept that you're following along on a live blog that's much too good, check out mine for lower quality fare. Think you can follow along to 2? Tutu?

[nursecindy]

Siouxie I followed your lead and also voted Montpelier. It's the only sane choice.

[Siouxie]

Happy bday, homey!

[Wes S.]

"Carbon neutral" 24.

Oh, wow. I suppose the notable lack of thigh-shooting by Jack this season is to cut back on the amount of gunsmoke and particulate matter released into the atmosphere? And I can't wait for the next car chase, where Jack will try to catch fleeing terrorists on a Schwinn:

"STOP, DAMMIT!" (*pedal pedal huff puff*) "STOP OR I'LL SHOOT!" (*puff pedal pedal gasp wheeze puff*)

Actually, given DC traffic, he might have better luck on the bike...

[Suzy Q]

Lasagna is the only choice.

[Wes S.]

Not the only choice, Suzy: I'm having spaghetti.

Which isn't, so far as I know, an anagram for any place name on "24."

[Suzy Q]

24 countdown checklist:

Dinner: Check! Filet and fresh green beans. Yum.

Wine: Check! An extra-large goblet of cabernet at the ready.

Internet connection: Well, maybe check. We'll see how long it lasts. Damn tree-trimmy people with their Intenet Cable Gobblers!

You other crazy kids: This had better be a check!

Bring it on!!!!

PS: Siouxie, remember those brownies I made with the homemade coffee frosting, that one time in band camp? I made them again for a party Saturday night, and I have leftovers. You are missing out, girfriend!

[Siouxie]

Yummmmmmmmmmmo, Suz!!! Those brownies were to DIE for!

[Siouxie]

bleeep bleeep

[Horace LaBadie]

The secret weapon that Jack will be forced to use to save Washington.

[Suzy Q]

Bleepity bloop, where is THC guy?

[Wes S.]

Wow, Horace, and Renee already thought Jack was cruel and uncaring...

[Siouxie]

Here he comes

[Suzy Q]

I feel sorta...contipated without THC guy's intro.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOURS!
JACK BAUER POWER HOURS!
JACK BAUER POWER HOURS!
JACK BAUER POWER HOURS!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAHS!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R S!

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("In these financially uncertain times, who would you rather have at your side? JackSack™ or a the entire collective power of all of the U.S. armed forces. Yes, we knew we couldn't trick you. JackSack™. BECAUSE IT CAN!") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ is deeply saddened by what happened to JaneaneSack™ and passes along its condolences...")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "24" intro was brought to you by AIG. Since AIG has received bailout after bailout, it can afford to keep "24" on the air indefinitely!

(*stabs laptop battery in the thigh*)

[T-Mill]

That is a disturbing picture for the Edgar is dead reference.

[Suzy Q]

Dead guy walking!

[Gennita Low]

I don't want to be a steer so I am here, Dave!

[Wizzy]

AC, sorry, but dis is dee onlee blog 4 me.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Ow - just broke my nose on that poll. I was dancing and bam! Dammit, Jack.

[Suzy Q]

Oh, thank god, THC guy arrives!!

[Wizzy]

The FBI is so freaking incompetent.

[jt]

What the...? House is looking ROUGH!

[Suzy Q]

Brave soldiers? More like a buncha wimp-asses.

[danceswithvowels]

Code Blue! Lasagna/Sangala rejection in progress!

[Wes S.]

Looks like General Juma has been taking lessons from the Iraqi Foreign Minister...

[T-Mill]

CNB network. I don't have that channel. I wonder if they are warring with my Cable company like when they took away CBS int he middle of football season.

[Wizzy]

Do we have to hear "Sangala" anymore?

[danceswithvowels]

Hmmm, John McCain is now Admiral Smith.

[Siouxie]

It is very long and very stiff...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Juma in da city!

[Suzy Q]

President Lady: blahlbahblah

Other Guy: for shizzle, madam.

Where's the blood?

[Tori Lennox]

"He'll be here. In a body bag."

[Gennita Low]

Huh, this is what happens when you eat too much lasagna

[Siouxie]

Jack will save him!

[Wes S.]

Oh how conscientious! He tossed the syringe he used to murder Dubaku into a sharps container!

[Wizzy]

Suzy, be patient. I'm sure it will come.

[Suzy Q]

Why isn't he wearing red scrubs? He's certainly not long for this cruel orld.

Wow - a 10-second Code? Lazy.

[Gennita Low]

Hi Everyone, two hours of mole finding!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Uh-oh! He had a pre-existing condition! You KNOW his insurance won't cover that!

(This snarkism brought to you by the absent DeskDiva)

[Wizzy]

Contemporaneously???? WTH kind of word is that?

[T-Mill]

Jack is never wrong!!!

[Suzy Q]

Yay - Chloe and her Ugly Green Sweater!

[Gennita Low]

Chloe, you should know by now it's not over. These things last at least 24 hours!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Jack will save him in a one-gallon Ziploc bag.

[Suzy Q]

GEt him before he lawyers up!

[danceswithvowels]

We don't know how wide the infection has not spread in the government. Some of you in the FBI here may not be moles, and we need to figure that out. Without your knowing it.

[Siouxie]

DELETE

[Gennita Low]

Let's subset, baby!

[Suzy Q]

Well, SOMEone got deleted.

NotChloe: You got a tampon?

[Siouxie]

ooooh if looks could kill

[Wizzy]

I SO love Chloe's non verbal communication.

[jt]

That's not Janeane Garafolo, that's a MAN, baby!

[WoosterGirl]

I'm here, I'm here!

Are Chloe and Janice in an ugly-top contest?

[Tori Lennox]

If Chloe's eyes were tasers, Janeane would be on the floor in agony.

[Suzy Q]

EvilDeadTony: whisperwhisperwhisperiloveyoujackwhisperwhisper

Jack: Huh?

[danceswithvowels]

Or I could extract your subsets one-by-one into one-quart clear plastic bags, so-called not-Janeane.

[Siouxie]

He's driving off a cliff?? With Bill?? Like Thelma and Louise?

[Wes S.]

Oh please, won't somebody torture Garofalo...? And Senator That Seventies Show while you're at it...

[WoosterGirl]

Who's that young White House guy talking to the bad people? Is he rogue?

[Wizzy]

that guy looks like an older version of Graham Bauer.

[Suzy Q]

Drunk 'em up, guys! Always a good idea when THE ENTIRE COUNTRY IS ABOUT TO BE ESSPLODED!

[Wizzy]

Oooh, he talks so dirty!!!

[Gennita Low]

What? Rogue operative vs moles in our agency? No way!

[Wes S.]

Yes, Jack Bauer saved lives today. And he took a few, too.

[danceswithvowels]

Not a ROGUE OPERATIVE!

[Suzy Q]

A Senator? Looking "the other way"? Oh, heavens, no!

[Jeep]

Jack's an Exhibit A

[danceswithvowels]

Jack Bauer is "Exhibit A"! That explains it.

I guess.

[Wizzy]

He's a SEXY thug, though, and will shoot your thighs if you don't watch out!

[Siouxie]

Meaning she can do what the hell she wants Senator Red!

[Suzy Q]

Cat fight with Prez Lady! I wanna ticket.

[Gennita Low]

Oooh Senator and Madame Prez in a street fight!

[WoosterGirl]

OK, who's That Seventies Show guy?

Sorry, wasn't around last week...

[Wizzy]

Ooooh, hot bill. hot bill.

[Suzy Q]

Oh! Bill! I wasn't expecting you.

*hairflip*

[bluorangefyre]

What the...??? Bill?!?!

[Suzy Q]

Yes, Jack, tie him up REAL GOOD.

[WoosterGirl]

OOh, ooh, let me handcuff Bill! Let me!

[Wizzy]

Bill, you can help me!! Help me!!

[Siouxie]

He doesn't want to implicate Bill. He's just such a great guy.

[T-Mill]

Dude, you can't kill Bill!?!?!

[Suzy Q]

Aw, no, not Mr. Bill!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I need to get Jack to train my puppy. I'm sure after him shouting "GET ME A BEER, NOW!" that she would know how to go to the frig, open the door, get the beer, open the bottle, pour it in the glass, and bring it to me on a tray. All without ever having done any of that before.

[Gennita Low]

Oooh a love hug from Jack! You loved it, Bill, admit it. No means yessssss!

[Wes S.]

Oh, there's Chloe's tazer. What was that Marine doing with it...?

[Wizzy]

JACK!!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!!

[danceswithvowels]

Go to sleep and good night, kill off Juma tonight!

[Jeep]

did Jack just kill Bill? That IS rogue

[Shelly Volante]

WTF? I'm soooo confused.

[jt]

That's two people today Jack's done that to...(Freckles earlier.)

Maybe he should just learn the Vulcan nerve pinch?

[Wes S.]

So...he tied up and choked out Bill to keep Bill "out of it...?"

Well, he's certainly out of it now....

[EdgarLives]

What the HELL is going on?

[Gennita Low]

Now where is the whip for Bill?

[Suzy Q]

I think I need to give Bill mouth-to-mouth, STAT.

[Wizzy]

No, he just knocked Bill out. Did you hear him whisper gently "Don't fight it, don't fight it..."

**sigh**