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February 26, 2009

EVERYTHING IS AMAZING AND NOBODY'S HAPPY

Gather 'round, grasshoppers, and get a grip.

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Does anyone else find the sound on Youtube to be kinda crummy?

A cranky geezer.

Whining about whiners. I was gonna hit him with my skillet, but it's way over in the other room.

Is this a bad time to curse the bot?

Did he get to the Party Line service telephone yet?

More Youtube fun, from Jim The Realtor.

Here, Meanie ... some new batteries for your hearing aid.

Thanks for posting this, Dave. Freakin' hilarious!

Love the 'sitting in a chair in the sky".
I'm happy now.

Completely off-topic, for people who love chocolate, the 5 pound Cadbury Creme Egg.

He's exactly right. Just think of it: the people on this site are sitting at work/home/in an airport..., watching a video on their computer screen of a TV show clip that first aired who-knows-when, and are able to type comments like this that can be read by everyone in a matter of seconds.
But can the people at my local Wendy's ever get my order right? Ohhhh noooo! That's too much to ask for.

*wild applause*

In the old days when some neighborhood kid was on my lawn, I'd stick my head out the window and shout, "Git off my lawn ya little snot monkey!" And I liked it. Now a days, with all our fancy-schmancy tech-no-lo-gy, all we have to do sit down the compter, line up the laser guided pop-up lawn taser, click the mouse, and what the little snot monkey flop around on the lawn like a bluegill on the bottom of a johnboat. Gawd, I love tech-no-lo-gy.

The would be "watch", not what...ever.

Thanks, MOTW. I get a bit edgy when I switch from my iPod to lo-def media.

I remember dialing in to a radio show to win a prize. "Be the Twentieth caller!" Having to D--I--A--L the number over and over ... there was no re-dial feature yet.

I think about stuff like this all of the time!
The amazingness of my piece of crap car!
I mean really, imagine, not so long ago it would have taken weeks for people to journey the amount of ground that I travel on any given day.
I can shoot from Boston to New Hampshire for the afternoon without even breaking a sweat, how incredible is that?
My friends all laugh at me for talking about stuff like this but I really do think some of the stuff we take completely for granted now is really amazing.
Nice to see I'm not the only one...

I miss the days when I could walk outside and not hear a phone ring.

I'm waiting for a lazer snow melter.

And when everyone is whining about the "depression" going on I think if we have food on store shelves and they are not rationing it yet, we are doing pretty well.

I'm a curmudgeon. I hate my cell phone. I have to have it for business, but I just don't want to be that connected. It's like forever being on a leash.

M'ville - a depression is defined by having plenty of stock on the shelves, but nobody has the money to buy it. (Ask GM)

This all started with microwave ovens. They used to run commercials bragging how they could cook a potato a minute faster than their competitor. Now people get in from work and say, "I've been home 30 seconds, why isn't dinner ready?!"

I loved the telephone analogy - of course I would ! I remember cables as big around as my thumb, just to run a single line phone, and waaaay back in the day, cables all came in one size, *short* so you literally HAD to stand next to the phone to talk. (Unless you knew someone in the biz)
Sheer genius, that guy ! So funny !
Thanks, Dave !

I, for one, would like to thank judi for posting this. I guess Dave has been fired.

ron - no more posting until all that snow is off the driveway.

And there was NO REMOTE CONTROL DEVICE!!!

How did men survive?

*snork* @ "Is the speed of light to SLOW for you???"

GIVE IT A SECOND!!!

LOL this is hysterical.

My dad had kids to change the channel for him. And fetch him beer.

Oooops ! Thanks, Siouxie - didn't mean to disparage anyone ! So sorry Judi ! I LOVED this video ! Thanks, Judi !

*jumps and adds an 'o' to to*

Yeah, Annie - my Mom ALWAYS said she had all of us to wash dishes - who needed a dishwasher ???

Pogo---take a look at anyone at Wal-Mart. Americans have approximately five years or more to go without any food before things get desperate.

My grandmother still has one of those dial phones and still uses it. I love it. Well, unless I had to dial 911 or something.

Siouxie, thank you for pointing that out to me. (judi, not Dave) Hard to read that small font w/ my eyesight. My mistake (a.k.a., my bad). (Bad! Bad!)

Siouxie - my boss is like that, too ! He thinks if he clicks something, that it should pop immediately. He's always complaining how slow the computer is, when in fact, it's really NOT that slow, but he's downloading pictures ! Cracks me up, how he should complain, since he just learned how to use it last year !


And not very well, might I add.

Tel, MOTW - just giving ya'll a hard time ;-)

judi asked me once if people actually noticed when she posted stuff and I said OF COURSE WE DO! I've been guilty of it as well.

Poor gal's been fired so many times, I just wanted her to know we love our s.b.

I remember a lot of scientific advancements that these younger generations of snot monkeys take for granted ... running water, flush toilets, telephone, electricity in the home, air conditioning, automatic transmissions, television, more than one station for radio or TV, efficiency in the postal system ... but then, I'm old, so I can recall a lot of that sorta stuff ...

Yup, this guy's makin' all the statements I think of every time sumbuddy whines about not havin' enuf luxuries ...

Tel, my sister is the same way. She (who only learned how to check her email recently) will click on an icon - not once, but several times - because it does not pop up instantly. Then she had 20 screens popping up at once LOL

I love it.

had = has

"I've been home 30 seconds, why isn't dinner ready?!"

Posted by: MartiniShark | February 26, 2009 at 01:59 PM

Annie, may I borrow your frying pan? Mine's in the trunk, with the body rose fertilizer.

I have a cellphone and each month's phone bill is worth a laugh at our house. My wife will have used about 400 minutes. Each of my two boys, about 150 minutes (they text more than talk). Over the last two monthly bills I had a total of 3 minutes.

OtU probably saw this. My grandparents lived out on the farm and had a magneto phone (the kind where you turned a crank to send a signal to the operator). They had a party line, and they answered their own ring (1 long, two short).

Then in the late 50s the lines were upgraded straight to TouchTone and Direct Distance Dialing (1 + area code). In the "big city" we were still on rotary phones and had to call an operator for long distance.

Both my boss and my co-worker just learned how to use their computers. My boss lives for J-Date and my co-worker hangs out on Facebook. They BOTH do exactly what your sister does and they SWEAR to me that they only clicked once.
Yeah, right.
Then they freak all over the place because they can't figure out how they got 20 J-Dates or whatever. Pop-ups are also fun, because those REALLY throw them for a loop. My co-worker always gets so confused - he's taken the "dumb test" so many times, yet he's STILL dumb !
About computers, anyway.

Stupid bot - I DID preface my post with a *snork* @ Siouxie, but it's not there now.

Tel, you shoulda clicked several times ;-P

And we wonder why WE are not the boss of us. I'm always saying that they should require passing a course "Office Machinery For DummiesCPAs" before they get their degree.

Don't get me started.

Sioux - when some of us got our degrees, "office machinery" consisted of typewriters and pencil sharpeners.

'Course as soon as office computers became available, I started programming them.

Speaking of phones.. Does anybody remember that when you would move you had to wait for the phone company to come and install your phone? We moved a lot when I was growing up because my Dad was in the Air Force. I hated waiting for the phone company. But you didn't talk on the phone then as long as you do now because the receivers weighed about 10 lbs and your arm got tired. On the plus side, if somebody made you mad you could slam the phone down and they knew you were mad. It's just not the same with pushing the off button.

No kidding, Sio !
I always perform "computer magic" - which totally amazes them. They just can't live without me and my rockin' skillz.


(Start, task manager, stop task. Close and re-start task)
See ? Magic !

yes, cindy, and they used to CHARGE YOU $50!!! to connect the PHONE!

*hands T-FAL fry pan to Siouxie*
We love you, s.b.! I like to see who posts what, and how the approach to humor differs a bit.

I've seen ALL ages get flummoxed waiting on techware. My kids are mad I don't have a T-1 line at home like they do at school.

My old boss was so bad we finally handed him an etch-a-sketch. No pop-ups, and it did exactly what he told it to do.

And you couldn't walk around while you were on the phone because you were tethered by the telephone cord. I remember when they came out with those super long phone cords and thinking how brilliant that was!

LOL yep. And then these were the latest technology.

Thanks for the help Annie.Much appreciated.

We haven't heard from Punkin.She could be snow bound.She lives down at the other end of this snowdrift that is the State of Maine.

judi - they still charge you $50 to connect the phone, only they don't connect the phone. It's a keyboard entry on their end.

Way back someone (your friendly phone tech) had to actually bring the phone and connect 4 wires, only two of which actually did anything, but they didn't want you to know that.

I think the worst part of the telephone was the lack of privacy. Invariably, the phone was located in the most public place in the house, because it needed to be where anyone could grab it. So those phone calls from your boyfriend were always announced, loudly, throughout the house, and suddenly, EVERYONE needed to be in the living room with you. Don't even try to lower your voice or whisper or pull the phone as far away as possible - you could almost SEE them leaning towards you !

I know, Tel. No phone s3x. Um...Annie told me.

Nah, pogo, you actually used all 4. 2 for tip and ring, and 2 for power.

And there was NO REMOTE CONTROL DEVICE!!!

How did men survive?

Posted by: Siouxie | February 26, 2009 at 02:08 PM

Yes there was. They were called "children".

Siouxie - you could have one-sided phone s3x, but all the giggling and muffled answers always tipped the family off ! Then all of a sudden, the 15 minute time rule was enforced. My Mom was definitely a party-pooper.

My hero.

Oh, and the $50 install fee ? They had to have a phone guy, who sits in the Central Office where your phone line lives, go over to the actual rack where the line terminates, and apply a "bridge clip" to the pins your phone line is on. This turns on your dialtone.
He probably makes $100/hour by now. They have a very powerful union.

True dat, Tel.

Remember pulling on the chord so you would be able to get inside your bedroom or the bathroom so you could have your privacy?

I don't either.

Yeah, Siouxie - our phone was indestructible, but the connection on the back of the phone was always broken, due to extensive stretching.
For us, it was the kitchen.

I remember when HTML looked difficult.

Actually, My old Mac had a modem, with a death match game. This was in 1986(ish).

Oh yeah, think about this. Someday, when you describe books, you will feel really old when saying, "And then I had to turn the page."

i LOVE this guy! thanks, judi.
telecom, i think we had the same mom. i still haven't outgrown my dishpan hands. perversely, i tell my boys the same thing.

we actually had our phone beside the steps going upstairs out of the kitchen, and my dad attached a buzzer system (like a doorbell) to the side of the staircase, so that we could buzz whoever was getting the call to come get the phone, without having to shout. my just-older sister was a teenager then so she got the easiest signal: three short beeps. all the rest of us had some combination of longs and shorts.

also, i got an EXTENSION IN MY ROOM for my 16th birthday. nowadays, if a 12 yr old doesn't have her own cell phone, it's shocking child abuse.

My dad worked for Michigan Bell. I think we had call waiting in 74 and touch tone before that. He was an installer, so we had phones all over the place. I turned out just as nuts as the rest of you, so it was apparently no advantage.

Telecom - I have an old lineman's handset I use to "debug" my wiring. It's rotary, but it only has 2 conductors. I know today the entire circuit is carried on a single pair.

judi, I got my own (well I shared with my sister) extension at 16...AND a brand new pink princess phone!

I would stretch the kitchen phone cord into the basement. Then the water heater (fuel-oil) would kick on, making a hellacious racket, and that was the end of my 'private call.'

I suspect my brother would run the hot water just to make the water heater go on. He was a sneaky one.

That must be pogo's border collie posting as him again.

Aaaahhh, pogo - a "butt set" ! I have one too, but mine is touch tone AND has a speakerphone ! Neener !

Judi and Siouxie - I had to get into the phone business just to satisfy my deprived childhood of never having more than one phone in the house and never having any privacy. Traveling and living in hotels satisfied my privacy, and managing large telephone installations satisfied the other.

pogo, you get the phone as well as DSL on that same pair.

cg - you gotta pass that stuff down ! They'll NEVER appreciate you, til they can tell stories of how hard they had it and how tough you were !

Olo - you can tell I'm in advanced geezerhood, thanks to all my "1A2" knowledge. Your Dad will know what I mean !
I graduated high school the year you got your call waiting !

T-com...I have those old Bell training books. Recently had to write something about tip and ring, (wrt 568A, POTS, etc) and couldn't get my head around it. Found those books at Dad's house, and in five minutes knew all I needed. Copyright was late 50s.

Man, those must be worth some $$$, Olo !
Used to love using POTS around folks who didn't speak telecom - you'd say, "well, he'll need a POTS line here, for his private line..." and then they'd want to know what it was. Had a hard time convincing people that it really meant, "plain old telephone service". Really.
It got even more fun, as we started installing the big switches.
*sigh* I'm now wistful for my old career.

I might have to sell them on ebay.

*muttermutterbunchakidsmuttermumblemutter*

Olo ... actually, it wuz the work and discoveries of Nikola Tesla that provided much/most of the needed info to develop the "clicker" ... another example of his work bein' stolen by the likes of Marconi, Edison and Them Others ... merely sayin' ...

Magneto phone? Yeah, I've still got a "ringer box" somewhere ... we useta hook two wires to it, and hand 'em to a freshman in 9th grade science class ... then sumbuddy on the other side of the lab table would turn the crank ...

We lived on the worng side of a line of demarcation where we din't get a phone line from one server, and the other side wouldn't put up the poles and line to reach only two or three subscribers ... so ... no phone, unless we spent the winter in town, when the grandparents went snowbirding in Texas ...

That was a "turn the crank, and tell Central whut number y'all want" system ... and the number never had more than two digits ...

When the system upgraded, and an RTC bought out the private owner, we had the mag/crank phone that would ring central, but we all knew that the dial phones were gettin' installed (no charge, part of the deal) ... so we'd each write down the phone numbers @ school every day, and as soon as we got home (on the day OUR phone wuz installed), we started callin' classmates to give 'em our NEW PHONE NUMBER ... [ANdrew 6-4242! Whut's Shorty's? Jane's? Angie's?]

Party line stuff made it so that they had timers on ALL phone calls in the system ... after about 10 minutes, we'd get a rapid beep for a few seconds, which warned us, and then about 15 seconds later, more beeps and a termination of the call. Havin' quick fingers to dial again, for the "puppy love" calls, meant trineta beat the folks on the party line, so y'all could talk again ... and again ... and again ... um ... that's whut my classmates said they did, anyway ... yeah ... I heard that sumwhere ...

ANNIE! Really? Didja tell him to tip it upside down and shake it, to "reboot"?

(That's an old Dilbert gag, but so much of his stuff is a depiction of RL, I know there's techno-idiots out there that actually believe that stuff ... )

I remember back in the day, before we had robotic cows.

Jon Stewart had a similar rant, starting at 3:35

Siouxie, before you sharpen your machete look back at my post and note it was gender neutral, i.e. the quote could very well be attributable to a female.

Over here our rule is first one home makes dinner, second one brings the beer.

My princess phone (also received at 16) was yellow, to match my curtains in my room. These days I dread being in the car alone with my almost-12-year-old daughter as there is only one topic as far as she is concerned: Why She Should Have A Cell Phone. My favorite: so she could call me from her friend's house when she was ready to come home. When I pointed out that her friend's parents had an actual land line (in a few years, no one will know what that means anymore, just like kids have no idea what an "e-ticket" ride was), she switched to how much she was inconveniencing her friends by using their cell phones. I was unmoved by her plight.

Oh yeah, well when I was a kid, all we had for telephones were tin cans on a string (this was shortly after the invention of the wheel.) Real telephones were for adults only.
I led a deprived childhood -- there was no remote control because there was no TV in the house until I was 12, and then it was black and white. I had to entertain myself by reading books instead.
The kind that were printed on paper.

ftr - neither one of my boys (10 and 12) wants a cell phone.

Martinishark's rant "I've been home 30 seconds, why isn't dinner ready?!" is actually old-school chauvinist. The dad came home at the same time every day, expecting dinner on the table. Mom just took care of the house. Now we've got careers AND cleaning to deal with. Git your own meal, I'm working two jobs already.

We've come a long way, baby, but I'm not sure we're going in the right direction.

How was I chauvinist when I said I do half the cooking? This is a bi-partisan house, in every sense.

" ... e-ticket ride ... " ? ? ?

I'm so old I've only got one idea of to whut that refers ... and I'm perty sure that's incorrect ...

Dang ... well, it's better than the alternative ... or so I've heard ...

Once upon a time, when you went to DisneyLand (aka The Magic Kingdom), upon paying admission, you received a booklet of tickets to use for rides. When you used up the tickets, you had to buy more in order to go on the rides. BUT (and this was the seriously evil, but brilliant part), There were different types of tickets, ranging from A to E. A was for all the lame, boring things that no one wanted to go to (except maybe your parents), like the animatronic Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address. B was for all the baby rides, C was for the mildly fun rides, etc.; all the way up to E, which was for the way cool rides like the Matterhorn, the Jungle Boat Cruise, and the Rocket Trip to Mars. The E-ticket rides were truly the best, and they were the tickets that you always ran out of first. We always came home with all the A tickets, which you couldn't give away. Astronaut Sally Ride referred to the Space Shuttle as an "E ticket Ride". The first time I truly felt old was when I had to explain the concept of the E-ticket to a bunch of twenty-something-year-olds at my office. It had not existed in their lifetime.

*totters off to bed*

CORRECTION: *Shoves Australian Shepherd off pillow and then goes to bed* (He also tends to steal the covers - although once he actually ate the down comforter instead - feathers everywhere for days)

Ah ...

I graciously thank y'all, marfie, for that trip down memory lane ... (and, yes ... my "guess" wuz incorrect ... too modern ... )

My one-and-only visit to Disneyland occurred at a time when I wuz insufferably smug yet incredibly naivé ... I wuz a college freshman ...

This wuz also back in the days when one could actually see Knott's Berry Farm from the parking lot @ Disneyland ... yeah, THAT LONG AGO ...

That outing (with my parents, and a cousin who's 20 years older than me) was as an observation, sorta ... we "did" the place, but the only money we spent was admission, and I dropped 25-cents @ a shooting gallery, impressin' my folks and cousin with my skill and expertise ...

That wuz it ... no rides (tho I now recall the signs that explained whut y'all said, above) and no food/drink ... we walked, went to the "free" displays and such, and left ...

Livin' more than 1,500 miles away, I never really worried about the opportunity to go back (even with the kids, couldn't afford it then), and we never got the MMC channel on TV, so the allusive reference wuz not really part of my vernacular ...

tnx again ...

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