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February 20, 2009

ATTENTION, HUMANS OF EVERY POSSIBLE GENDER

Do not read this

(Sent in by a total loon Matt Filar)

¹ Really.

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OW! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

*Crosses legs*

went to sleep with an ex-girlfriend ... didn’t know how it got there... He and the girlfriend had been drinking

I think the above answers all our questions about how and why.

Oh, I love to crochet!

I'm trying to think how much rum it would take for me to "sleep through" such an act. I'm up to a case, and still adding bottles.

Investigators are looking into the incident.
"Hey Rookie, we got a job fer ya!"

As long as they used the non-hooked end, this sounds like it wouldn't be a problem.

Ok...even that's way too kinky for me.

This should knit their relationship even more tightly together.

Well, he didn't pay any attention when I used the knitting needle.

Next time, it's gonna be the potholder loom.

Also, we need to know what size (it's safe, go ahead {hee, hee} and click the link) hook was used. Too big, and "iiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww"; too small and they are actually rather stabby-sharp. (Mom crochets quite a bit, so I know.)
8 - F might be OK...

I think he knows how it got there...

Do they know about the shrivel factor?

She was simply measuring him so she could make him a knitted thong.

Dear God, Annie. That's just wrong.


EYE BLEACH!!

*takes crochet needle and stabs eyeballs*

ATTENTION, HUMANS OF EVERY POSSIBLE GENDER

Huh? I thought urethra a male or a female.

It takes very fine motor skills to crochet that way.
I'm guessing.

It's not just your grandmother's pastime anymore.

Alcohol and/or local anesthetic was involved.

knit one

purl two

I don't want to think about this anymore.

Maybe she was tryin to steal his kidney.

...stitch one, hurl two.

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwiee.
but i do love to crochet.

I'm from Limestone County
Drinking beers with my ex, waking up with a needle in my bone
I'm from Limestone County
Getting that needle taken out by people I don't even know
And linked to from Dave Barry's Blog.

LOL BoscoH!

Note to self - do not click on a link that the host tells me not to click on.

**rubbing eyes furiously**

I want to know what form of alcohol was involved here, so I can purge the house.

*Wonders if the girlfriend had gone to see He's Just Not That Into You*

*Makes list of possible genders*

Hey, there really is no 3! (2 and a half, maybe....)

*snorks* @ Dread "sounds"...

*assumes fetal position*

Nice proofreading on that headline.

I love the ad for Bradford's pawn and guns which accompanies the story. Guess the guy should count himself lucky that it was just a crochet hook...

TONIGHT'S TOP 10 REASONS SHE BURIED A CROCHET NEEDLE IN HIS URETHRA...ehhh, here we go, kids:

10. Trying to give whole new meaning to expression "What a needle"
9. Two words: Wounded Crosstitch
8. This'll be a yarn they can tell their..well, never mind
7. Some people tie the knot; she was trying to sew it up
6. There's got to be a joke in here somewhere about being pricked with a needle, but we'll be DARNed if we can find it

5. Sew what?
4. Trying to blanket him with her love
3. Wanted to make sure story wasn't buried in back of newspaper
2. He wasn't exactly sticking to his knitting, if you know what we mean

And the #1 reason she buried a crochet needle in his uretha...
1. Quilting bees gone wild

TONIGHT'S TOP 10 REASONS SHE BURIED A CROCHET NEEDLE IN HIS URETHRA...ehhh, here we go, kids:

10. Trying to give whole new meaning to expression "What a needle"
9. Two words: Wounded Crosstitch
8. This'll be a yarn they can tell their..well, never mind
7. Some people tie the knot; she was trying to sew it up
6. There's got to be a joke in here somewhere about being pricked with a needle, but we'll be DARNed if we can find it

5. Sew what?
4. Trying to blanket him with her love
3. Wanted to make sure story wasn't buried in back of newspaper
2. He wasn't exactly sticking to his knitting, if you know what we mean

And the #1 reason she buried a crochet needle in his uretha...
1. Quilting bees gone wild

Hey Meanie-here in NY the state says there are 5-female, male, hermaphrodite, transsexual, and "other"-we're complicated here!

Another reason could be that she wanted to perform a cheap vasectomy.


Ok..you guys can uncross your legs now.

Thanks for the thought Siouxie but no, I cannot.

Maybe she thought of those ship-in-a-bottle thingys and figured, if I could get inside with a crochet hook, maybe I could 'hoist his mainsail' and he'd have a decent ship instead of just a lousy little dinghy.

Me, I like Urethra's music.

Dunno what the article is about.

*sticks fingers in ears-la la la- in case someone tell me*

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