CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now they want to take away our precious constitutional right to call people up and persuade them to give themselves rectal examinations.

(Thanks to John Regan)

Comments

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

No, to given themselves . . .

[Annie Where-but-here]

If he called you and you actually listened to him, your HMO would pay for your phone call, classifying it as a lobotomy.

[Diva]

The Understatement of the Year So Far...

"New York police have arrested construction worker, John Brady, 49, in a rather odd crime."

[Siouxie]

*now, bend ovah*

[Diva]

I love the first of the "related topics" below: NY Bar Exam Results Statistics. Seems to me they're insinuating that attorneys have a particularly clear view of their own internal digestive system....

[Annie Where-but-here]

Can you rear me now?

[Dorakay]

"It is unclear why Brady is in construction and not telemarketing."

*snork*

[Jeff Meyerson]

I can't help it but...ROTFLMAO

Key question:

Didn’t this guy apprentice with Bernie Madoff?

[shellinoz]

Brady was finally apprehended after a 34-year-old woman became suspicious after giving herself a rectal examination when she realized later that Brady “did not represent a medical establishment.” She then called police.

After?? After? Maybe we should outlaw phones...or phonebooks at least.

[Adora]

I guess they had nothing better to do while they waitied for the zillions of dollars to roll into their bank accounts from dead Nigerian princes.

My favorite response:
"you’re assuming they weren’t just waiting for an excuse"

[Siouxie]

LMAO Annie!

*ring*

*ring*

*hello? who's this?*

*rectalgram*

[Bumble]

These folks really had too much time on their hands... among other things.

[Alex]

He should've used his creative marketing skills to sell the Wunder Boner as a rectal exam aid.

[insomniac]

"o.k. now drop your pants and bend over."

"you're that guy, who makes people give themselves rectal exams!"

"no, sir, this is the i.r.s, just so you're ready..."

[Siouxie]

whoa?? where did all the posts go???

[Siouxie]

LOL insom...like my daughter would say - true dat.

[CJrun]

Sio, they're on the phone.

[Brillo]

I've had people tell me to do that on more than one occasion, but it never occurred to me that they might be doctors....

[Telecomdropout]

I'm STILL shocked that people would ACTUALLY
A) believe he's a doctor OVER THE PHONE
and
B) do what he says

How do we know for sure that he was successful getting people to do this ? I certainly wouldn't admit to it ! And, the biggest question of all, WHY ???

[crossgirl]

bwahahahahahaha!!!

[Annie Where-but-here]

How do they hear the phone ring, with their heads so far up their asses?

[Siouxie]

We're gonna need a bigger probe...

So we lost an hour?? wtf?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Not sure, Sioux. Maybe the bot needs a rectal exam.

[Siouxie]

Or some fiber.

[Brillo]

Anybody have Dave's phone number?

[Telecomdropout]

Whoa, Siouxie - where'd all the posts come from ???
They weren't there when I posted half an hour ago !

[pogo]

"I have always wondered who actually falls for marketing gimmicks on the telephone about free trips and prizes."

Probably those with subject-verb agreement problems.

[pogo]

TCom - the bot pulled them out...

[Siouxie]

And there they are.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drugs.

[Just Ducky]

Same New Year's resolution again this year, Sio? ;-)

[Loudmouth]

At least in the office they use KY and rubber gloves. Think of the home test kit.

[Siouxie]

Ducky, it's a yearly struggle ;-P

Loudmouth? latex gloves & baby oil. Not that I'd know anything about that.

[Siouxie]

Oh and a hand mixer.

Don't ask.

[Loudmouth]

Ring...ring. Hi are you over 50. It's important that you get your camera, stick it up your butt and send the picture to ??? Dave Barry for analysis.

[Just Ducky]

Siouxie, you should adopt my resolution:

Drink More Wine in 2009!

It's one I just might be able to keep.

[MartiniShark]

Siouxie, I'm hoping to get invited to one of your Tupperware parties now.

[MartiniShark]

(spouse walks into bedroom) Honey, have you seen the keys? I need to -- (freezes in place for a few moments) Ooooo, sorry. Didn't know you were on the phone with the doctor.

[Telecomdropout]

Pogo - are you saying the bot answered the phone ???

[Angry Rectal Examiner]

Rectum?! I nearly killed 'em!

[Telecomdropout]

Hey Ducky ! That was MY resolution too !
Scheduling our yearly trip up to our local wine country to replace all the wine glasses we broke last year for the end of this month. Love to go wine tasting !!!

[Siouxie]

Ducky, just because I've given up drugs does not mean I've given up my boxed wine. In fact, I have a glass of Merlot-in-a-box as we type speak.

Sharkie?? Tupperware™ parties?? uh...yeah sure. Of course they are.

[Cat R]

*snork!* Loudmouth said "analysis".

[Loudmouth]

Smell my finger. This is a test.

[Just Ducky]

Good job, Telecom. Wish I could go wine tastin' with you.

Um, Siouxie? Any extra Merlot for a poor, thirsty duck? Please?

*Holds out glass*

[Jeff Meyerson]

Some years ago there was a guy calling women in various suburbs of NYC who convinced them that to save their marriage (I believe) it was absolutely necessary for them to go out and have sex with the first man they met, who turned out to be...guess who?

At least he got something tangible out of it. I don't even want to think what this guy is getting.

[Siouxie]

*pours a tall glass of Merlot for the Duckness*

For you?? anytime!

[Just Ducky]

Siouxie, you are the best! And your Merlot ain't bad, either.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Energizer Tupperware parties....

[Siouxie]

*Batteries not included*

[Clankazoid]

This is bad 'cause... who's going to believe it anymore when your real doctor calls and asks you to give yourself a rectal exam ?

[crossgirl]

hello? do you have prince albert in your can?
no, i mean in your can. could you drop trou and check please? i'll hold.

[Annie Where-but-here]

hold what, cg?

[Burger King]

"Hold the pickle, hold the..."

Huh? Oh. Sorry.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Sheesh, Cat. You and your vegetable euphemisms.

[Siouxie]

Ca you hear me NOW?

[Siouxie]

Ca??

[Jazzzz]

I wonder if these people have "roll-over" minutes....

[CJrun]

*on hold*

Hmmm. This one is sneaky.

*closes curtains*

[Just Ducky]

Jazzzz, I think they have "bend over" minutes.

[Siouxie]

*tosses a Lou Rawls CD, KY and some lavender candles to CJ*

♪ You'll never find....no matter where you search...♭

[Jazzzz]

Good Siouxie ! Or Barry White....."Deeper and deeper...."

[Derek Zoolander]

OMG. Cross laughing till I cry off my '09 list. Dang this is funny. I'm in no condition to post.

[Cheryl Howard]

(damrned explorer--ya'll know what I'm griping about)

[Alex]

"At least he got something tangible out of it. I don't even want to think what this guy is getting."

I think the question of why a guy wanted his poop in the mail has been answered.

[Meanie the Blue]

OK, raise your hand if you went out and had a colonoscopy at Dave's urging.

Still feeling superior?

[Siouxie]

There there, Mean one...you need to put that whole experience behind you.

[Siouxie]

67

[Siouxie]

68

[Siouxie]

#69

I am now...outta here! Nite.

[SW]

He was only calling people within 25 miles of Mianus.
------------
"Honey, who's on the phone?"

"Ssssh - I can't hear you. I have my finger up my a$$."
------------
The tip off was when he said his office number was HEmorrhoid 6-5000.
--------

[Betsy]

Jeff...there was a guy callin' women saying he was a doctor at the hospital where I work, and then asking them a series of questions about their health, gradually segueing into things like "...and what did you have to take off to have your last vaginal exam?"

I was the on-call admin that week, and was amazed at how many questions they answered before the pervert alarm went off. He turned out to be a med record clerk at another hospital nearby...we tracked him down because he was calling patients with unlisted numbers. Duh.

[SW]

"...and what did you have to take off to have your last vaginal exam?"

The afternoon?

[Cat R]

Now if you're feeling miserable, if you're feeling blue,
Here's a little ditty that'll help to pull you through.
All the clouds will disappear and the grey skies turn to blue,
Just stick your finger in your rear when you hear ♫ ring-a-ling-a-loo ♫.

You stick your finger in your rear when you hear ♫ ring-a-ling-a-loo ♫.
Your finger in your rear when you hear ♫ ring-a-ling-a-loo ♫.
You just follow "doctor's" orders when he tells you what to do
You stick your finger in your rear when you hear ♫ ring-a-ling-a-loo ♫.

*Nite, folks!*

Slinks out ®

[gabbygirl]

First time poster here (I hope this works!!)

I can't believe nobody has said it---

"When rectal exams are outlawed..."

[gabbygirl]

First time poster here (I hope this works!!)

I can't believe nobody has said it---

"When rectal exams are outlawed..."

[gabbygirl]

First time poster here (I hope this works!!)

I can't believe nobody has said it---

"When rectal exams are outlawed..."

[SW]

Well...did it work?

[SW]

If you're feelin' down and dirty
There's a service I can render
When the clock says two, two-thirty
Then it's time for your rear-ender
Call me
Lube up your hands, and then
Call me
Pull down your pants, and then
Call me
Call me and move it around

[Alex]

"When rectal exams are outlawed..."

...our buttholes will be safer.

[queensbee]

well, and exactly what were people expecting to find if they did this?? DUUUUH.

riiing: do have prince albert in your can?

[ron]

Any ideas how they perform self rectal exams while speeding down the highway while yaking into a cell phone?Do they send pictures?

'scuse me while I text you my results.

[Jazzzz]

welcome GG.... I see the bot stuck it's finger up your a$$ right away. Congrats !

[Meanie the Blue]

Likewise welcome, GG. Don't let the bot frighten you away - it can be, well, a real @sshole sometimes.

And thank you for holding up a blog tradition.

[Betsy]

Hey there, GG! You have now undergone the official bot initiation. It will continue to victimize you at random intervals, just to keep you humble.

But keep posting...it's all worth it in the end.

So to speak.

[Siouxie]

Welcome, gg!