24

Here is the situation inside the perimeter as far as we can determine from the schematics:

The Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) has been dismantled, probably because the authorities finally realized that it was directly responsible for 93 percent of the terrorism that has occurred in the United States over the past six years. Jack Bauer has been ordered to Washington, D.C., to receive a huge federal bailout.

No, seriously, Jack is in Washington to face charges that he has done bad things. We are going to go out on a limb here and speculate that there will be Unexpected Developments, including the return of Tony, who as you recall used to be dead, which as far as we know Edgar still is. We further speculate that these developments will lead to some kind of Crisis that will involve President Woman President, Chloe, Bill, Janeane Garofolo, and Alice as the housekeeper.

Are you ready? Andy the TropicHunt.com guy is.

UPDATE: I hope these motorists got the terrorist coverage.

UPDATE: Senator Craig!

UPDATE: Jack don't need no stinking lawyer.

UPDATE: Is Senator Craig the dad from That Seventies Show?

UPDATE: Hot federal chick to the rescue! She needs Jack.

UPDATE: Hackers!

UPDATE: Jack is SUCH a charmer.

UPDATE: "If he goes off, I'll call you." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: If not for the fact that we've been seeing previews for six months showing us that Tony is alive, we would be shocked that Tony is alive.

UPDATE: It wasn't Tony's body in the grave. It was Jimmy Hoffa.

UPDATE: I HATE it when the C.I.P, module goes out of phase.

UPDATE: The White House gets its information from CNN, just like everybody else.

UPDATE: "Here's your briefing package." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: The old Lost Son Subplot.

UPDATE: I hate it when I lose sync.

UPDATE: I for one am tired of Jack sitting around in a suit and talking.

UPDATE: They're saving energy by keeping the Situation Room really dark.

UPDATE: Apparently half the lightbulbs in the executive branch have been unscrewed.

UPDATE: The terrorists have messed up air traffic. In other words: situation normal.

UPDATE: The PI looks like G. Gordon Liddy.

UPDATE: Seriously, people: TURN ON THE FREAKING LIGHTS.

UPDATE: Jack is slowly undressing.

UPDATE: Code name Hatteras? That's MY code name, dammit!

UPDATE: OK, basically, wherever Jack goes, terrorism occurs. LA finally got rid of him, now he's in DC, and bingo. The solution is: send jack to iran.

UPDATE: "He won't need to put his hands on anybody." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "I can handle Bauer." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "Jack, you're coming with me. And you're doing this my way." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: For the record: If we get to the one-hour mark, and the only violence has been a car crash, I am going to be VERY disappointed.

UPDATE: I have a bad feeling about the Africa subplot.

UPDATE: If it gets any darker in the White House, they'll have to wear miners' helmets.

UPDATE: Gabe has been hitting the minibar.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Don't mess with the hot federal chick.

UPDATE: They should have requested a non-sniping room.

UPDATE: Maybe the pilot of GSA 117 had to use the head.

UPDATE: The highlights of the first hour! This shouldn't take long.

UPDATE: Jack has the alley.

UPDATE: Janeane Garofolo keeps repeating to herself, "They are paying me a lot of money."

UPDATE: I've been on worse flights.

UPDATE: The federal government should definitely stop using Vista.

UPDATE: Yep. That's the module, all right.

UPDATE: The White House spokesperson reminds me of Our Miss Brooks.

UPDATE:

UPDATE: President Woman President said "bastards."

UPDATE: Surprising, the number of Fords in this show.

UPDATE: Oh, just KISS HER, Jack.

UPDATE: By "near miss," they of course mean "near collision."

UPDATE: Uh-oh. The Africa Subplot is the actual Plot.

UPDATE: Hey! They stole this plot from Science Fair.

UPDATE: "How far would you have gone?" Heheheh.

UPDATE: Now we're talking. Jack has his gun back.

UPDATE: Why is Jack wearing an overcoat?

UPDATE: "Cover me." Heheheh.

UPDATE: How come the screens on TV-show computers NEVER display normal-looking things?

UPDATE: Verdict: VERY slow start. A plot about a module, which sounds way too much like the plot about the circuit board. We will watch the previews of tomorrow night, hoping for signs of life.

UPDATE: Not much to hope for. We now turn you over to The Amazing Steve, who will, we hope, make sense of all this.

Comments

[Cheesewiz]

Tony is not Mr. Big

[Diva]

Crimus. Now TONY'S whispering?! Oy.

*waves a happy hello at dances!*

[Cassie]

Methos... Emerson... hell you turned evil too? Where's Duncan?

[Cat R]

my volume control can't keep up

[danceswithvowels]

Module? Looks like a heat pipe. Extremely passively *boring*.

[Dave (not that one)]

The press secretary is not as pretty as Agent Renee.

[Suzy Q]

President Lady wants maximum exposure? That doesn't sound too good.

[Layzeeboy]

If the president wants maximum exposure she should be on another show

[Cassie]

No wonder Methos lived so long. He's out for himself.

[Nicky G]

press secretary is do-able

[MartiniShark]

Can't wait for the spackle used to get Tony and Juma together in this plot.

[danceswithvowels]

Hiya Diva! Cat! Dave, Ridley, and ever'body!

[Nicky G]

Impeach Ugly President Bitch

[Siouxie]

She should try Travelocity...

[Suzy Q]

I wish Jack would barge in and slap the Whisper off all of these people! Arrrgh!

[Cat R]

hi, dances!!!!

[danceswithvowels]

Keep Methos away from Diet Coke. Short half-death.

[JamieIrons]

Cycle of violence.

Oh, please!

[Wizzy]

Who is this Emerson dude? I do not recall him from anything, but he said he and tony have been "doing this" for "years."

Hm

[Cheesewiz]

OH good, she's got his word.

[Wes S.]

Why are you lamenting "the cycle of violence?" THIS IS "24," DAMNIT!

[Nicky G]

was that Ike Turner?

[Diva]

LOL, Siouxie. :D

[Cat R]

Suzy, I agree -- but Jack does it too!

[Suzy Q]

Nicky, misogynist much?

[Diva]

GMTA, Cheese....

[Homey's Wonderful Ex]

i assume we will find out before may?

[tw]

Unplug technology? Hasn't she seen Terminator 3???

[Cassie]

"Oh this is unacceptable"

Oh yes. I want bloodshed. Dammit

[Gennita Low]

I love all these ladies-in-waiting strutting around the White House.

[MartiniShark]

She referred to them as "bastards". At least she didn't say "those people'.

[Cheesewiz]

good cell signal in the basement of the old Columbia bldg.

[Cassie]

Never give away your position, Red shirt.

[Wes S.]

Apparently somebody finally established a perimeter. Maybe during one of the commercial breaks.

[EdgarLives]

"It's just technology! We should be able to unplug the bastards!"

Thanks, President McCain.

[Gennita Low]

Oh, oh, driver boy is gonna die next.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Why is the FBI playing "Call of Duty" when there's an assassin in the building?

[Travis]

Jack? Remorseful? Screw this reboot. Just bite hte guy already!

[Cat R]

Oh, Jack, you patriot, you.

[Diva]

Cassie said "dammit!" *drinks copiously to make up for the rest of this shoddy hour*

Oh, crap - Jack is clean-shaven and wearing Don Johnson's castoffs. WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?!

[slyeyes]

*yawn*

Come on, Jack! Stop talking and start shooting!

[Nicky G]

jack bauer fan club president;; thank you

[Cheesewiz]

Show Jack. Don't tell.

[Suzy Q]

Pensive Jack is Pensive Again.

[Dave (not that one)]

Barf!

[sicarie]

Lennert is TOAST.

[Cassie]

What the hell was all that for Jack? Giving the Red shirt a few more seconds to live?

[Nicky G]

puke

[Cheesewiz]

Jack's going to be taking bubble baths next.

[Wes S.]

Finally: a mole.

[Suzy Q]

It was a dark and whispery night...

[sicarie]

Yep, it's an inside job - Tony's still a good guy trying to figure out "the big picture."

[Diva]

I knew it!!! Tony is not evil!!

(Jack smiles? Hu noo?)

[Cassie]

Dammit... the FBI's infiltrated again, but not by Super Soldiers

[Siouxie]

"She's real good..."

[Travis]

Alpha Team? Where is Team Discovery Channel?

[Raoul]

Agent Walker is DAMMMMNNNN good!

[Suzy Q]

*snork* at Cheezwiz!

[Layzeeboy]

Yeah, I won't run or anything

[Gennita Low]

Tighten that jaw, Jack.

[Homey's Wonderful Ex]

ur letting him get out of the car? are u kidding? he doesnt know jack at all....

[Wes S.]

"Mind if I step out for some air?"

When did Jack start acting subtly?

[homeybeef]

Time for Jack to go rogue!

[Cat R]

Jack doesn't need air.

[Wizzy]

sure thing, just stay close. riiiight.

[Wizzy]

perimeter and grid in one breath!!!

[Cassie]

perimeter!
Drink!

[Siouxie]

PERIMETER!! DRINK!!

[JamieIrons]

Brown shoes don't make it!

[danceswithvowels]

Agent Walker? Any relation to Ranger Walker? Course, River Tam could kill him with her brain.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

PERIMETER! DRINK!

[slyeyes]

See that man walking away?? DON"T LOOK He's the shooter. DON"T LOOK!

[Dave (not that one)]

Perimeter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cheesewiz]

Perimeter and grid in the same sentence.

[Layzeeboy]

He got through the perimeter!!!! DRINK!!!

[Travis]

PERIMETER!!!

[insomniac]

a light perimeter!

[The Dead Henchman]

She said perimeter! That was HOT!!

[Diva]

"You're right - he's not one of ours."

So I'll stand here and just comment about it until he gets away.

[Cassie]

Hey it's Mulder and Scully.

[Tori Lennox]

She's letting Jack drive!

[Suzy Q]

Jack has to go in alone, don't you get it, Red? Jack is a "rogue." Repeat after me.

[Dave (not that one)]

Jack's Driving.

[MartiniShark]

Good thing Jack was only in "time out", now he can go to work.

[Gennita Low]

Who's on the leash, huh?

[tw]

Now they're driving around DC trying to find terrorists....Die Hard 4!

[Loudmouth]

Perimeter looks light, duh. Always light, never works.

[Cat R]

*busted by the hubby and kids live-blogging 24*

They think I have officially gone off the beam.

[Diva]

PERIMETER!!!!

*GLUGGLUGGLUG*

GRID!!!!

*GLUGGLUGGLUG*

[Bassey]

OOOH, they're going rogue!

[slyeyes]

Ouch! Now my jaws hurt!

[Cassie]

Is Mirrors worth watching?

[danceswithvowels]

Notice: Comcast makes people creepy.

[Nicky G]

More tequilla?

[Wes S.]

I've been drinking all along. It's the only thing keeping me awake at this point...

[Diva]

Cat, no! You're among friends here!!

[b shaw]

Ooops .... now she's gone rogue, too. Hmmm wasn't this an old plot line

[Dusty]

"UPDATE: Oh, just KISS HER, Jack."

That's not the right move!

[Cat R]

Man, these commercials are LOUD

[Nicky G]

anybody want to buy some rollover minutes?