24

Here is the situation inside the perimeter as far as we can determine from the schematics:

The Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) has been dismantled, probably because the authorities finally realized that it was directly responsible for 93 percent of the terrorism that has occurred in the United States over the past six years. Jack Bauer has been ordered to Washington, D.C., to receive a huge federal bailout.

No, seriously, Jack is in Washington to face charges that he has done bad things. We are going to go out on a limb here and speculate that there will be Unexpected Developments, including the return of Tony, who as you recall used to be dead, which as far as we know Edgar still is. We further speculate that these developments will lead to some kind of Crisis that will involve President Woman President, Chloe, Bill, Janeane Garofolo, and Alice as the housekeeper.

Are you ready? Andy the TropicHunt.com guy is.

UPDATE: I hope these motorists got the terrorist coverage.

UPDATE: Senator Craig!

UPDATE: Jack don't need no stinking lawyer.

UPDATE: Is Senator Craig the dad from That Seventies Show?

UPDATE: Hot federal chick to the rescue! She needs Jack.

UPDATE: Hackers!

UPDATE: Jack is SUCH a charmer.

UPDATE: "If he goes off, I'll call you." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: If not for the fact that we've been seeing previews for six months showing us that Tony is alive, we would be shocked that Tony is alive.

UPDATE: It wasn't Tony's body in the grave. It was Jimmy Hoffa.

UPDATE: I HATE it when the C.I.P, module goes out of phase.

UPDATE: The White House gets its information from CNN, just like everybody else.

UPDATE: "Here's your briefing package." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: The old Lost Son Subplot.

UPDATE: I hate it when I lose sync.

UPDATE: I for one am tired of Jack sitting around in a suit and talking.

UPDATE: They're saving energy by keeping the Situation Room really dark.

UPDATE: Apparently half the lightbulbs in the executive branch have been unscrewed.

UPDATE: The terrorists have messed up air traffic. In other words: situation normal.

UPDATE: The PI looks like G. Gordon Liddy.

UPDATE: Seriously, people: TURN ON THE FREAKING LIGHTS.

UPDATE: Jack is slowly undressing.

UPDATE: Code name Hatteras? That's MY code name, dammit!

UPDATE: OK, basically, wherever Jack goes, terrorism occurs. LA finally got rid of him, now he's in DC, and bingo. The solution is: send jack to iran.

UPDATE: "He won't need to put his hands on anybody." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "I can handle Bauer." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "Jack, you're coming with me. And you're doing this my way." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: For the record: If we get to the one-hour mark, and the only violence has been a car crash, I am going to be VERY disappointed.

UPDATE: I have a bad feeling about the Africa subplot.

UPDATE: If it gets any darker in the White House, they'll have to wear miners' helmets.

UPDATE: Gabe has been hitting the minibar.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Don't mess with the hot federal chick.

UPDATE: They should have requested a non-sniping room.

UPDATE: Maybe the pilot of GSA 117 had to use the head.

UPDATE: The highlights of the first hour! This shouldn't take long.

UPDATE: Jack has the alley.

UPDATE: Janeane Garofolo keeps repeating to herself, "They are paying me a lot of money."

UPDATE: I've been on worse flights.

UPDATE: The federal government should definitely stop using Vista.

UPDATE: Yep. That's the module, all right.

UPDATE: The White House spokesperson reminds me of Our Miss Brooks.

UPDATE:

UPDATE: President Woman President said "bastards."

UPDATE: Surprising, the number of Fords in this show.

UPDATE: Oh, just KISS HER, Jack.

UPDATE: By "near miss," they of course mean "near collision."

UPDATE: Uh-oh. The Africa Subplot is the actual Plot.

UPDATE: Hey! They stole this plot from Science Fair.

UPDATE: "How far would you have gone?" Heheheh.

UPDATE: Now we're talking. Jack has his gun back.

UPDATE: Why is Jack wearing an overcoat?

UPDATE: "Cover me." Heheheh.

UPDATE: How come the screens on TV-show computers NEVER display normal-looking things?

UPDATE: Verdict: VERY slow start. A plot about a module, which sounds way too much like the plot about the circuit board. We will watch the previews of tomorrow night, hoping for signs of life.

UPDATE: Not much to hope for. We now turn you over to The Amazing Steve, who will, we hope, make sense of all this.

Comments

[Diva]

Oh, man. The $hit's gonna hit the fan. They're closin' up the file folders in front of 'em.

[daisymae]

What happens if they go into AFrica and don't find WMDs? Does she think they'll forgive her just cause she's a woman?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Why does this computer guy Jack is working with remind me of Rob Schneider from SNL?

"Jack-o, killing terrorists and making copieeees...."

[Suzy Q]

Lessee...we have Mean Tony, Fake CTU, Jack In A Suit and no Chloe. What else can go wrong?

[Homey's Wonderful Ex]

evil computer takes too long to log on ... sorry I'm late :(

[Wes S.]

So...having run out of material from previous seasons of "24" to mine for new scripts, the screenwriters are now ripping off "Die Hard 2?"

[Bob]

Janeane Garafalo you suck. Go back to Air America. Bring back Chloe

[Wizzy]

hey that guy used to be on my soap. Joe. He used to be A.C. Mallet on Guiding Light.

[Diva]

Ooh, President Woman President has BALLS!!!!! YeeHAW!

[MartiniShark]

She called that wonk out. May as well call him Madam Joe from now on.

[Gennita Low]

Okay, I missed something--what happened to the Tall Son?

[JamieIrons]

That was Chris Williams...

Maybe he'll reprise his Krazee-Eyez Killa role from Curb Your Enthusiasm...

[sj]

you think obama will ever say that to hillary?

[EB]

and....

[Dave (not that one)]

I know the Situation Room is in the basement, but couldn't they paint the walls down there?

[Cheesewiz]

Hey the Homeland guy was one of the grunts in Band of Brothers.

[The Dead Henchman]

I'm with SecState on this one. How's this Africa thang any of our business?

[Suzy Q]

Irregularities in the air traffic controllers? Get the Immodium!

[Diva]

RUH roh, homey - I sense some woman trouble....

[Wes S.]

MJ - Real Kim, not ManKim. Go over to blogs.4bauer.com and scroll down; they have an article where they talk about bringing her back.

The blogs.4bauer live thread ongoing now also mentions it.

[insomniac]

madame pres: you mean we have to change the national password from '12345'?

[daisymae]

She doesn't like the timing...

[slyeyes]

It would take the FAA 12 hours to ground all flights, yet one snow storm does it in minutes.

[Diva]

sj, I can ONLY hope.

[Cassie]

LOL@slyeyes

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wait, it will take 12 hour to ground all the flights, yet on 9/11 they did it in a few hours?

[daisymae]

Tell her to take daily Cialis...then she's ready no matter what.

[Diva]

good catch, Tropic.

[b shaw]

a real-time basis? If Madam President needs to be briefed on a real-time basis, all she needs to do is read this blog. Madam President - look at that comment. Their is an issue with Oceanic Flight 815!

[EdgarLives]

I hope the plot this year isn't really just about home grown terrorists... how will we figure out who the bad guys are if they don't have dark skin and evil accents?

[Wes S.]

Tropic, that was before they created the TSA.

Ever stood in line at an airport security checkpoint? Same thing on a greater scale...

[Diva]

sly and Suzy - y'all are sportin' it tonight. The Pet Sematary comments are terrific. :D

[MJ]

So are they gonna give Jack a gun or what?!

[EB]

(Blast DirecTV!)

[Cat R]

*slinks in*

I'm on battery only. Let's hope it lasts.

[stnmstr]

Jack in a suit---come on !!!

[Bassey]

CNB = Cable News Bitches?

[Cassie]

They are intentionally trying to keep us sober. Dammit.

[Nicky G]

This bitch would never be elected president. She is way toooooo ugllleeeeeee

[The Dead Henchman]

No shootings...no perimeters...no tension...sheesh! Come on, guys...let's rock!

[slyeyes]

In local news, we were just informed the actress playing Renee is watching this premier here in St. Louis.

huh.

[Suzy Q]

I would just like to point out that it has been well over a half hour since anyone has gotten kidnapped or shot. Just sayin'.

[Diva]

*waves at Cat* Hiiiii!! *prays for Cat's batteries*

You did mean the computer, right? ;)

[Cat R]

both eyes open -- good plan!

[EdgarLives]

I'm really glad the president has BOTH eyes open...

[Cat R]

hi diva! yep

[Siouxie]

*offers Cat some of her extra batteries*

oh...that kinda battery...nevermind.

[Gennita Low]

Ooh, he mention tribal war in Malaysia. Must call home and ask mom.

[Homey's Wonderful Ex]

bitch boy?

[Wizzy]

Oh, Roger's death was suspicious?

[slyeyes]

Who's Roger?
And no one really dies on this show.

[Diva]

And oddly enough, we have a CIP program where I work - the Community Information Program. I'm SO going to start calling it a "module."

[EB]

I suppose now they'll call it 24 - 7???

[daisymae]

Was Roger the tall good looking kid we saw on REdemption?

[Suzy Q]

Where's a sniper when you need one? That guy's a perfect target.

[EdgarLives]

Well that was a boring phone call

[Cheesewiz]

Have the girlfriend talk to Jack

[The Dead Henchman]

She works for a BROKERAGE FIRM? She's in on it!!

[Layzeeboy]

When did Sloan-Kettering start a brokerage firm?

[tw]

Keep it off the manifest? Oooooh, that's breaking the rules. I bet he's going to get hauled before a Senate subcommittee!

[Wizzy]

Roger is the First Son.

[Cassie]

Damn that's a young SS guy.

[Diva]

OMG - we go from President Vader to SS agent The Young Anakin?!

[homeybeef]

I really miss Chloe

[Suzy Q]

I'm renaming this show "Whispers in the Dark." Gawd, SPEAK UP, people!

[Cheesewiz]

A glitch at DHS? Really unlikely.

[Diva]

Me, too, homey!

[Tori Lennox]

How old is that Secret Service agent of the First Husband's? Twelve?

[Raoul]

Rennneeeeeeeeeeeee!

[EdgarLives]

GARRAFOLO'S FREAKING OUT

[Wizzy]

The tie is coming off!

[Layzeeboy]

Well, that would be the first time Garafalo got screwed IYKWIM

[Cat R]

breathe, janeane, breathe

[Homey's Wonderful Ex]

oooo he took the tie and jacket off

[Cassie]

Jack's tie is off. Oh no...

[Suzy Q]

Freaky dance move there, Janeane.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Uh oh, Jack is TAKING OFF HIS TIE! HE MEANS BUSINESS!

[The Dead Henchman]

Jack took off his tie...hoping he's gonna choke somebody...

[MartiniShark]

I'd like to see Garafalo pull off "calm". she's always a mewling shrill.

[Renee (the First)]

Slyeyes -- there's a Renee? I'm on "24" now? Ooh, I feel so special!

(But I'm not in St. Louis! Your anchorperson better check his or her sources again.)

[jt]

I'm still trying to figure if this is 24 or the West Wing...

[Nicky G]

This FBI guy looks like Rick Carlilse.

[Robert Carr]

Paul McCartney

[Wes S.]

"Gabriel Schekter." That's even better than Grishanov...

[EdgarLives]

SHOOT HIM IN THE THIGH!

[Diva]

OK, we had the First Ramparts. We clearly need an equable name for him. How 'bout the First Zipper?

[Cassie]

"Break in and torture the guy?"
OMG please yes.

[MartiniShark]

Don't make Jack whisper at you, you fool!!

[Wizzy]

You DON'T. You JUST DON'T.

[Loudmouth]

How 'bout if I torture you, puke.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"..slam me against the wall."

Hey, he's either been reading the Jack Bauer Play Book or has watched the show.

[Suzy Q]

Jack's going off on Subpoena Guy. Shoot him, Jack!

[Gennita Low]

Wow. There are some tall guys in DC.

[b shaw]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SHOOT LARRY IN THE THIGH ... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

[Cat R]

ooh, a leash

[Wes S.]

"I can handle Bauer."

FAmous last words...

[Gennita Low]

Famous last words: "I can handle Bauer."

[Cheesewiz]

The FBI honors the law?

Paging Mr. Hoover, Mr. Hoover.

[Cassie]

"But I promise you I can handle Bauer."

OMG how many times others have tried that and how many are dead?

[Cat R]

oh no she di'n't!