24

Here is the situation inside the perimeter as far as we can determine from the schematics:

The Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) has been dismantled, probably because the authorities finally realized that it was directly responsible for 93 percent of the terrorism that has occurred in the United States over the past six years. Jack Bauer has been ordered to Washington, D.C., to receive a huge federal bailout.

No, seriously, Jack is in Washington to face charges that he has done bad things. We are going to go out on a limb here and speculate that there will be Unexpected Developments, including the return of Tony, who as you recall used to be dead, which as far as we know Edgar still is. We further speculate that these developments will lead to some kind of Crisis that will involve President Woman President, Chloe, Bill, Janeane Garofolo, and Alice as the housekeeper.

Are you ready? Andy the TropicHunt.com guy is.

UPDATE: I hope these motorists got the terrorist coverage.

UPDATE: Senator Craig!

UPDATE: Jack don't need no stinking lawyer.

UPDATE: Is Senator Craig the dad from That Seventies Show?

UPDATE: Hot federal chick to the rescue! She needs Jack.

UPDATE: Hackers!

UPDATE: Jack is SUCH a charmer.

UPDATE: "If he goes off, I'll call you." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: If not for the fact that we've been seeing previews for six months showing us that Tony is alive, we would be shocked that Tony is alive.

UPDATE: It wasn't Tony's body in the grave. It was Jimmy Hoffa.

UPDATE: I HATE it when the C.I.P, module goes out of phase.

UPDATE: The White House gets its information from CNN, just like everybody else.

UPDATE: "Here's your briefing package." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: The old Lost Son Subplot.

UPDATE: I hate it when I lose sync.

UPDATE: I for one am tired of Jack sitting around in a suit and talking.

UPDATE: They're saving energy by keeping the Situation Room really dark.

UPDATE: Apparently half the lightbulbs in the executive branch have been unscrewed.

UPDATE: The terrorists have messed up air traffic. In other words: situation normal.

UPDATE: The PI looks like G. Gordon Liddy.

UPDATE: Seriously, people: TURN ON THE FREAKING LIGHTS.

UPDATE: Jack is slowly undressing.

UPDATE: Code name Hatteras? That's MY code name, dammit!

UPDATE: OK, basically, wherever Jack goes, terrorism occurs. LA finally got rid of him, now he's in DC, and bingo. The solution is: send jack to iran.

UPDATE: "He won't need to put his hands on anybody." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "I can handle Bauer." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "Jack, you're coming with me. And you're doing this my way." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: For the record: If we get to the one-hour mark, and the only violence has been a car crash, I am going to be VERY disappointed.

UPDATE: I have a bad feeling about the Africa subplot.

UPDATE: If it gets any darker in the White House, they'll have to wear miners' helmets.

UPDATE: Gabe has been hitting the minibar.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Don't mess with the hot federal chick.

UPDATE: They should have requested a non-sniping room.

UPDATE: Maybe the pilot of GSA 117 had to use the head.

UPDATE: The highlights of the first hour! This shouldn't take long.

UPDATE: Jack has the alley.

UPDATE: Janeane Garofolo keeps repeating to herself, "They are paying me a lot of money."

UPDATE: I've been on worse flights.

UPDATE: The federal government should definitely stop using Vista.

UPDATE: Yep. That's the module, all right.

UPDATE: The White House spokesperson reminds me of Our Miss Brooks.

UPDATE:

UPDATE: President Woman President said "bastards."

UPDATE: Surprising, the number of Fords in this show.

UPDATE: Oh, just KISS HER, Jack.

UPDATE: By "near miss," they of course mean "near collision."

UPDATE: Uh-oh. The Africa Subplot is the actual Plot.

UPDATE: Hey! They stole this plot from Science Fair.

UPDATE: "How far would you have gone?" Heheheh.

UPDATE: Now we're talking. Jack has his gun back.

UPDATE: Why is Jack wearing an overcoat?

UPDATE: "Cover me." Heheheh.

UPDATE: How come the screens on TV-show computers NEVER display normal-looking things?

UPDATE: Verdict: VERY slow start. A plot about a module, which sounds way too much like the plot about the circuit board. We will watch the previews of tomorrow night, hoping for signs of life.

UPDATE: Not much to hope for. We now turn you over to The Amazing Steve, who will, we hope, make sense of all this.

Comments

[Cat R]

1000?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Woo-hoo! I think when we hit 1000 all the blue writing turns red. Something like that.

[djtonyb]

Ok, my posts are coming and going... I have done my part to bring this up to 1000 and am going to bed now!

G'night all!

*leaves the nightlight on at the blogbar*

[Annie Where-but-here]

Hard to say when you hit 1000 when the bot keeps eating/puking the posts. I think the bot's working for Tony.

[Cat R]

Yeah, I can see them when I hit "preview" but not when I simply refresh. Weird. And the counter is stuck at 999. Shoot it in the thigh!

Nite, all! It was fun!

Slinks out®

[Annie Where-but-here]

Nite, Cat. Sweet shootin' in that link!

[Jeff Meyerson]

I can't wade through read all 1066 comments before I have my coffee, so tell me: did anyone mention this plot was ripped off from the last Die Hard movie?

Look at the traffic! What is this, Sunday morning at 5 am?

Posted by: Dave (not that one) | January 11, 2009 at 08:49 PM

Exactly! When was there ever that little traffic in D.C. ever?

Back after coffee.

[Meanie the Blue]

I read 'em all, but as usual failed to see the show or live blog with you all. Doubt that I will be able to tonight either.

Brilliant stuff from some of you guys, especially Suzy Q and Sly.

And, as expected, Steve's wrapups were stellar and hilarious. From the comments about the actual show, I think a writer's coup may need to be considered.

Yes, Jeff, the Die Hard plot was immediately noticed by a lot of commenters, as well as by The Amazing One.

*Pours Jeff a double shot of espresso*
*Wonders what is up with the no-link unbolded commenter names and the bold, linking dates and times*

[Meanie the Blue]

Oh, and Woo! for White House Spokesperson Brooks.

[Jeff Meyerson]

HEY -- I saw this bit in one of those Bruce Willis movies

Posted by: slyeyes | January 11, 2009 at 08:58 PM

Yes, I see sly and others did catch the multiple Die Hard bits.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I do not think Tony is for real bad. Marwan (sp?) would have let them crash "as a demonstration" of what they can do..

Posted by: Wizzy | January 11, 2009 at 09:13 PM

Exactly, Wizzy! Although he did sell the thingy to the Bad African guy.

[slyeyes]

Last night, I had this feeling that I was missing something. How did everyone know about this Roger person being the First son and being dead. President NotHillary was familiar to everyone but me. I thought I was watching the premiere, but everyone already seemed to be several steps ahead of me.

OK, now I get it. 24: Redemption. Due to work and family concerns in November, I not only didn't see it, I didn't know it existed. I would say I'd rent it and get caught up.....but I think I'm caught up now.

By the way, I checked out some of the other 24 blogs --- this one totally rocks

[Jeff Meyerson]

*calls 24 number*
*listens intently*
*writes down message*
"Be...sure...to...drink...your...Ovaltine."
A crummy commercial?!?!

Posted by: Diva | January 11, 2009 at 10:01 PM

*snork*

Nice Christmas Story reference, Diva.

Overall, the blog was (as usual) way better than the show, though at least Jack was conscious this year.

Questions:

What happened to The Biscuit?
Did Chloe have Morris's baby?
Where is Kumar?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Great job as usual, Amazing Steve.

And kudos to Dave for the Our Miss Brooks geezer reference.

And Ridley blogged in from China!

Excellent job all around, people.

See you tonight.

[danceswithvowels]

As noted, the good writers from previous seasons had thought they'd be safe in Valencia during the strike  that's 2 hours of television you'll always regret  the season got off to a slow start.

<TooLong;Didn'tRead...>
The changes to the bot are a mixed bag, IMNSHO. The linked names are now reserved for TP accounts. Understandable, I s'pose, but it eliminates one channel for humorous commentary, for non-TP folk at least. You can change your displayed name but your email address doesn't show up so noone knows that it's you. Pity.

On the plus side, the anchor to each post is now right there in the bright blue timestamp. No more digging through the html! Send links to your humorous comments to all your former friends!
</TooLong;Didn'tRead...>

[danceswithvowels]

<TooLong;Didn'tRead...>
One other very nice change to the bot is that when you post something, you end up down there, by the bottom. Much nicer than having to scroll past over 9000 others again, to get to the butt of the conversation.
</TooLong;Didn'tRead...>

[Jeff Meyerson]

Some of us don't like change...just sayin'.

;)

[Jeff Meyerson]

sly, just read the commentary here from November.

By the way, President Allstate is much more entertaining on The Unit than the entire two hours of 24.

[Wes S.]

Steve: excellent recap as always.

I'll be wondering if, having ripped off Die Hard 2 and Live Free or Die Hard in the first two hours (and inching toward ripping off Tears of the Sun with the whole General Goomba African subplot), which Bruce Willis movie the scriptwriters will use for inspiration tonight.

My money's on Hudson Hawk.

[Leetie]

Two things I noticed...

1. After the new Chloe (Janine G) was told to triangulate Agent's cell phone, Jack and the agent were seen zipping down what looked like South Capitol street at one point, at a smooth clip. Between 9 and 10 am on a weekday. HA HA HA HA HA!

2. The scene from inside the car featured endless fields of green going by for a bit before switching back to a bustling metropolis. HA HA HA HA HA!

Ok. Going up to read Steve's account now.

[Wizzy]

In case anyone is interested, I wrote my own little review of last night's premier. I had to include my favorite quote from SuzyQ too.

http://wizzyswandrings.wordpress.com/2009/01/12/24-hits-misses/

[Margaritaville]

Dammit. It's been so long I forgot this was going to be on.

[Siouxie]

Marg, do NOT forget tonight!

[Suzy Q]

Jeff: Kumar went to White Castle.

[Mike Antonucci]

Sometimes dead is better.

[Cheryl Howard]

What did I miss?

[Khai]

Steve you are hilarious! I love your write-ups...I'm definitely addicted to this site from now on.

[marfie]

I have never seen an episode of 24, but I always read the blog comments. I may watch tonight, but I have a very bad feeling that it isn't going to measure up to either The Amazing Steve or to all your pithy comments.

Question: If they've stopped using the word "perimeter" on a ludicrously regular basis, what's the new drinking word? I want to be prepared.

[NotSherly]

Steve, I agree with everyone else. Your recaps make 24 look great.
Jeff, you are right. There was more tension in the first 5 min.s of The Unit (which unfortunately runs concurrently with 24) than in the whole 2 hours of 24, unless you count the tension involved in trying to watch, type and blog read simultaneously.

[Siouxie]

marfie, we don't need no esteenkin' drinkin werd...

I will be reading Steve's brilliant commentary once I get home.

[Jeff Meyerson]

which Bruce Willis movie the scriptwriters will use for inspiration tonight.

My money's on Hudson Hawk.

Posted by: Wes S. | January 12, 2009 at 10:06 AM

As long as it isn't The Fifth Element I'm happy, Wes.

NotSherly: in the Eastern Thigh-Shooting Zone, The Unit is on after 24 so we're good.

[Willie Wonka]

Did I miss the first episode? . . . . oh DAMN!

[sister mary martha]

I am confused by something and I hope someone here can help without me having to scroll through over a thousand comments (although I have read quite a lot of them and enjoyed them).

I remember that someone was killed and it was made to look like suicide. But I thought that was the President Nothilary's son's friend. I thought President Nothilary's actual son showed up at the inauguration although it did seem as though there would still be looming danger.

so...there was some guy that was a drug addict and a stock broker or something...I thought he was the fake suicide.

Can someone remember what on earth that was all about?

[NotSherly]

Bravo Amazing Steve and all the Barry Bloggers last night!