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December 22, 2008

CHRISTMASTIME PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

We have faith that you can create an even more hideous festive holiday sweater than our pitiful attempt:

Sweater

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No.We. Can't. judi.

That looks like someone barfed on it.

The lights, the candycanes, the snowmen I understand. But what does a panda bear have to do with Christmas? And it looks like it would hit you right at the stomach. Which would draw more attention to the area. Therefore, I will not be buying this. With the candle over the Panda bears' head it looks like he just had a semi-bright idea.

I saw this exact sweater in that lady's car a few posts back.

I'm sure Sophie could design a vest that would be a 'joy' to wear.

Nice one, M'ville!

ah, nothing screams 'holiday spirit' like a culturally confused yet tasteless garment. where can i get one?

From personal experience, judi's looks like Darth Vader when viewed from across the room.

M'ville made a caganer!

Siouxie - LOVE IT! I'll take two, for when the first one gets mussed.

Look, Sio, the Bokken! Burn it!

Thank you, Annie and CJ!

It took Siouxie all of 6 seconds to get naughty with knitting.

I love it.

Annie, mussed? or muffed?

I'm mass-producing these in every color.

It's the season, Annie. I get all perky and amazingly so, start to sneeze a lot.

That's an amazingly bad sweater.I don't think I could dream up a worse design.

I just read something about sneezing and sex.

Careful, Sioux - yule put an 'I' out with that thing.

I went for the understated look for my Pimped-Out Holiday Sweater Vest

Scott, I always knew you were such the hoe. Well done, indeed!

Thanks, Siouxie. I licked liked yours, too.

For a truly sucky effort, see this!

Hey..that's mine!!!

This one's for Siouxie and Judi and the other Blogettes (and others that enjoy that sort of thing, NTTAWWT):

Jolly Elves' Candy Cane

humbug! i made a great sweater but can't find the save or share or whatever link thing. anyone help me out? oh and pass the eggnog. *hic*

(cg - bottom right corner says 'keep sweater' or something like that.)

I found the perfect wrapping paper for Siouxie's sweater.

Dang-it! Sorry, Sio; I started from yours, then tagged "Make Your Own," but the url appears to have remained as yours. That especially sucks, as I took a long time on mine!

BOOGER!

I was thinking Dark Side of the Moon.

crossgirl, you have to email it to yourself, I think.

Here's my feeble attempt. This is why I don't knit. You're welcome.

i'm just missing that bottom part of my screen where you have options. i suspect the grinch is involved. hrmph.

Siouxie and I think alike....vewy scawy...

tree, not bush

MtheB? I give you two "noggs up" for your design. It's sick, twisted, and just about perfect.

Nice bush, Punkin....

I wasn't going to post on this, but I had too..
With all the self-elfing at work I've done these last few days, I think I just reached a new low.

Hmmm. How low do you have to reach when you self-elf?

Whut?

speaking of elves...

'twas the night before Christmas, and all ‘round the blog
not a creature was stirring, except my dumb dog

who curled by the fire, his tongue wet and swift,
and gave himself a ‘yule bath’ if you get my drift

the children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while crystals of ritalin danced in their heads;

and mamma in her slippers and tattered old housecoat,
lay prone and snored in a haze of doral smoke.

i lay down myself, and was very nearly sleeping
when out from the study i heard such a beeping

that i ran down the hallway, and stopped at the door
as a voice said “you’ve got mail”, and then, “you’ve got more”.

there were messages from sweden, thailand and france.
a pill to make johnson rip right through my pants.

prescription drugs that i could add to my stash,
a nigerian royal with oodles of cash.

there was so much data! too much information!
my pc was clogged with profane execration!

what once was a tool for e-communication
had been reduced to a digital vexation!

while deleting this junkmail, to my bloodshot eye appears
a curious sight, a chubby elf with pointed hat and ears.

A regular-size laptop he had strapped on his back,
and a wireless modem peeked out of his sack.

his eyes -- how they shifted! his hands never still!
his breath extraordinary! my dog would be ill!

then i saw that e-mailed at a lightning fast pace,
and the poop-eating grin that wrinkled his face,

i said "you are the source of this cyber-space wasteland!
the king of all spammers who ever did spam!”

while i thus sputtered and fumed at him vainly
he said “first amendment” and flipped me off plainly.

my mama had taught me, that’s not “number one”
i knew in an instant just what must be done

"tho ‘tis a sad world, this’ll make it one better"
and shoved him willy-first right into the shredder.

i couldn’t dispatch the crapweasel completely,
a little too buzzed i was and he wiggled and broke free

he ran behind my monitor and as he escaped
he sent me three emails about low mortgage rates

so, all ‘round the world on this eve of christmas
as we dream our dreams and hold on to our wishes

my holiday gift to all blogits then this is:
at least it really burns when he pisses.

A poem by mud!

My Christmas is complete. :)

*HumbugSNORK @ mud*

Excellent, Mud. Pirateboy---I won't ask what you were googling!

Nice one, Margaritaville!

I'd BUY that one!

:D

Bambi Roasting on an open FIRE!,
Jack Frost Nipping at your nose.

That was great, mud. You deserve a nice "sweater" for Christmas!

You people are sick. Sick I tell ya!

*snorks @ mud and @ all our lovely sweater creations*

For more Christmas Cheer, a horse walks into a Karoke Bar. (I'd advise starting with the Palomino, then timing the entry of the others, butt what do I know? It's not as if I played with this when I should have been doing something constructive.)

*long, loud applause for Mud's rant poem*

Moon, I would sell it to you!

CJ's singing horsies are ok, but nothing beats The Drifters and the Reindeer version!

PB, I love that one too LOL. Excellent animation.

Áûâàåò

I think Fabebleag stuck a knitting needle in his eye.

Or elsewhere, CJ.

I've been enjoying this a lot and this one, too.

Well, I've been known to polish the BlogBar in Myrtle Beach, so ya can't top the Drifters, by much. The Mills Brothers were still the greatest, IM(not humble)O; no decent Christmas tunes though, that I can think of- not really good stuff from when they were younger.

A panda? What gives? Any why would anyone POST this?

Snork @ Mud! First time I've snorked all day.

Doesn't look very celibate, to me.

Meanwhile, for our Jewish friends, here's a gift that even squirrels can appreciate.

Ooooohhh, Seriously, if I were you, I'd just go ahead and climb in the sled to H E double L !
You may want to pack the Jaegermeister, while you're at it ...

There's a difference between tacky and boldly tacky.

I don't get how to save my sweater, and I've created a couple truly hideous ones. :(

Guin - You click "Send Sweater to a Friend" and put your own email addy as both Yours and Your Friend's. They'll send you a link.

This is so perfect! The small company my dad works for had a themed Christmas party this year - wear the ugliest holiday sweater you can find!

My mom and I had a blast at the local second-hand store picking out two of the most hideous ones I've ever seen. The one my dad wore looked like a red & green argyle sock exploded; my mom's had lace everywhere and looked like every decoration in the world was just thrown at it to see what would stick. Truly hideously awesome and we all laughed like crazy.

They said it was a fun party (one of the white elephant gifts was a certificate for a lap dance at the local strip club called the 'Hanky Panky', but I think my parents ended up with chia pets!)

I think this ugly sweater theme would be great for a family Christmas party!


Ho ho ho!

I prefer the more simplistic patterns.

Brainy, I humbly bow to your genius and tackiness. Here, have a scrambled egg nog.

Hey! That's mine! ;] (see my sweater for mud)

how do you turn off the MUSIC? yikes.

Leave it to Siouxie to create an innappropriate design on this site. Holiday sweaters are meant to be an expression of family values! I am rather disgusted!

Upper right corner, Judi. Click the little sound lines coming out of the speaker. I had to find that *real* fast!

Siouxie, I like that your latest creation is "safe".

judi, there's a little music icon on the top right corner. The music is just ICK!

CJ you're not the only one that can play with a candy cane ;-P

Sharkie, I'm appalled. And gobsmacked. Mostly disturbed. Butt you all knew that.

Last one ;-) See what you started, judi???

Ho ho ho II

Santa really, really loves his elves!

Sorry! Bad linky!

Try this one, you pervs

You are all evil (especially you, mud), and that is why I love you.

i can barely see the sweaters. there is nothing anywhere unless i change the resolution on my computer. i HATE asinine websites like this that make no consideration whatsoever for alternate resolutions.
:)

nope. i went all the way to too-tiny-to-SEE resolution and still never saw any turn-off-the-music icons. and i know what they look like!

awww dang, judi! I thought we'd gone and made you proud.

PB you are just as preverted ;-P

Nite all....all this depravity creativity has made me sleepy.

*AAAAAAAAAAAAACCCHHHHOOOOOOO!!!*

stupid sneezing

judi, I couldn't see it either until I realized I didn't have a full screen swindow going. If your window is already maximized, then that's not it, I guess.

swindow?

*pulls down s*

Siouxie's Hanukkah bush?

I had the opposite problem Judi - I had to unmute my computer in order to hear the ghastly John Tesh ringtone carols. Try your computer's volume setting to end the scourge.

LOL CJ.

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