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November 21, 2008

GUYS

They will not ask directions.

(Thanks to Meanie the Blue)

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Pilot: We turn to the left, right?
Air traffic controller: Right.
Pilot: We turn right then?
ATC: Have you left yet?
Pilot: Am I right that you just said left?
ATC: Right.
Pilot: *takes another drink*

won't ask directions and can't be taught new tricks.

Shucks, I don't need to ask directions. I've got lots of folks telling me where to go.

Well, Blue, that explains why you stay in New Jersey - you just can't find your way out!

I know I shoulda taken a left turn at Albuquerque.

*WAVES* @ fivver!! LTNS! How you doin?

Shake a coke can filled with pennies at them. Works every time.

Annie, your little bribe is nothing compared to guy pride.

Pilot: You read the flight plan, right?
Copilot: Right!
Pilot: So none of the directions are left, right?
Copilot: None left, right.
Pilot: None left or right?
Copilot: What?
Pilot: So I go straight?
Copilot: Right!
Pilot: What?!
Copilot: Third base...

GPS was invented by guys so we never have to ask for directions, then some misguided individual gave the friggen' thing a woman's voice.

*SNORK* @ Mot!! Oh you know it was the inventor's wife's idea....

*smacks Mot*
Need directions for sitting in the corner?

*smacks Mot's upside the head with GPS*

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit LaGuardia.

Actually, newer GPS's give you the option of choosing a voice. Siouxie told me to pick the macho Cubano voice:
"Make a hard left turn. Harder. Oooh, yeah, baby, like thaaat...."
I may be lost, but I'm happy.

*yanks 's from upside Mot's head*

*takes Siouxie's extra 's' and brands it into Mot's backside*
Didn't need directions for that! ;)

If you look really closely, you can see the pilot of the stopped jet giving the other one the finger.

It doesn't do any good to ask for directions because all the gas station attendants in NJ are from other countries . . .

They should just get one of the stewardesses to blow Otto

up.

Who says left is the wrong way?

Who's driving this beyatch, anyway? You want me to park this thing and come back there? I'm not the one who even wanted to go on this trip! It's no sweat off my back to just go home.

Hey, C'bol - you left the danged turn signal on again!

Well! I still plan to turn again at some point, don't I?

What's a "gas station attendant"?

Emmett, Those of us in the civilized states (NJ and Oregon) don't have to get our hands all smelly and dirty from pumping our own gas. We have people to do it for us. And we don't even have to tip them.

"What's a "gas station attendant"?"

It's a guy named "Patel" sitting inside in bulletproof booth with a cash register.

"You have arrived at your destina..."

CRASH!

Braniff - you forgot to mention that it is ILLEGAL in NJ to fill your own gas tank. Maybe it's to avoid things like THIS.

Meanie - is fill your own gas tank a euphemism in NJ?

Like...

"Gosh a'mighty, I'd sure like to fill her gas tank."
"Dude!"
"Also, something about four dollars a gallon!"
"Yo!"
"And clean fuel injectors and appropriate tire pressure would be part of what I'm talking about, as well."

Sounds like C'bol needs an oil change.

*cackles at those who told him it was stupid to install floor jacks in his bed*

*still thinks floor jacks made of memory foam would be better*

'floor jacks'...fine. But hydraulic lifts?
You crazy.

How 'bout one of them wedge platforms that Manuel dude has?

Manuel has a very nice stick shift. Siouxie told me.

ha!

"Look honey, I put floor jacks in our bed!"
"Ooh! Kinky!"
"I'll say! Of course, they're only for until the hydraulic lift comes in."
"You are sick."

It was a female pilot on that plane (I just happen to know the family.)

Annie...ewww

C'bol: no euphemism. It really is illegal. Too damn dangerous for us hicks to do it ourselves.

There are not many of us capable of filling our own gas tanks, euphemistically speaking.

Meanie - good point.

"How come we never see Derrick anymore?"

"He figured out he could fill his own gas tank."

We’re going the wrong way? How does he know where were going?

They should know you can't make a left turn anywhere in Jersey. Meanie, do I not speak the truth?

Very much the truth, Layzee. And often it's not a "straightforward" 3 right turns or simple jughandle alternative either. I'm surprised they don't make you do vertical loop-the-loops too.

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