NAKED NEWS UPDATE

Key quote that made us spit tea on the floor: Together, with another responding officer, the two walked up to the home and found the naked man, then on the couch, conducting a lewd act with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil.

(Thanks to Layzeeboy)

Comments

[Siouxie]

What? no feather boa and rubber chicken? Amateur.

[russellmc]

and he does it "24/24"

does this mean he'll be shot in the thigh soon?

[rebekah]

OK, I can sort of understand what the plastic bag and moter oil were for but what the heck would he be doing with the claw hammer.

[klezmerphan]

Shoddy journalism writing.

Take this quote:

"The neighbor also told police she doesn't appreciate that he walks around naked for all to see in her neighborhood."

Is he walking around her neighborhood naked?

Is he walking around in his house naked, and the neighborhood all can see?

Geez!

/Rant off

[Bob]

She said, "He does it 24/24. He's not right."

24/24 what? Somethings not right!

Note: Notify Jack Bauer, I think we have a new plot!

[Meditrina]

I agree, klezmerphan. "He's just not right."

Ya think?!!!!!!

[Colonel Mustard]

Rookie. Try it with a candlestick in the library.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Ball-peen hammer, ya knucklehead. Claw hammer is sooo '90's.

[WriterDude]

Idjit. Everyone knows that you're supposed to use machine oil with a claw hammer.

(And oil paint if it's a framing hammer.)

[Jeff Meyerson]

rebekah: trust me, you do not want to know what he does with the hammer.

Key "only in a police report" line: Around 10:30 p.m. Monday evening, a Fort Wayne officer was driving in the 4500 block of S. Hanna St. when he noticed a naked man standing in front of a large picture window of his home with his genital region clearly visible to those on the street.

Genital region?

Is that anywhere near Armonk?

[Recovering 24 Addict]

A claw hammer??? I do not want to know. I am afraid it may haunt me to my dying day.

[DavCat]

I wonder if this guy is familiar with this couple:

Lover died 'with bulldog clips on nipples'
http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/queensland/lover-died-with-bulldog-clips-on-nipples/2008/08/05/1217702033157.html

[Wyo Cowboy]

Well, now. isn't that special.

There's a part of me that thinks his neighbors need to get a life. (that don' mean I don' think this guy's nuts, however.)

[WriterDude]

(psst, R24A -- I'se talkin' to ya on the previous thread... ;-)

[WriterDude]

Wyo, the problem seems to be that his neighbors have to think of his nuts.

[Jeff Meyerson]

DavCat's linky

Sweet!

[Annie Where-but-here]

*goes out to get more curtains for CJ*
We're gonna need bigger drapes.

[Siouxie]

*goes off to hide nipple clamps*

I agree, Wyo. The guy may be nuts but iffin he wants to oil up his nuts and hold 'em with a hammer clamp and put 'em in a baggie WHILST in his own home...who are we to judge??

[Siouxie]

um...make that a claw hammer

*goes off to hide the hammer clamp*

[Margaritaville]

I really don't want to know the exact mechanics of that action. Really.

[queensbee]

ok. so this dude is whacko. yes, yes, and was whacking... never mind. but now we cant be nekkid in our own houses???? who's the peeper here, huh?ok, so the blinds were open. ok. so um, yuck. i'm still trying to figure out what he was doing with the hammer.... this is way past weird. and his neighbors need to get a life... hey let's see if the guy down the street is nekkid... at least he wasnt taping it to show on UTube.

[rebekah]

You guys are right, it is probably better not to know.

[Guin]

"at least he wasnt taping it to show on UTube.

How do you know? Have you looked?

[Layzeeboy]

C'mon folks, use your imagination. A hammer has a long, slender handle that is made of wood (think slivers). Motor oil? Any lubrication in a storm, as they say.

Also, I must add that I knew I'd get judi's attention when I sent this in. I put "naked guy" in the subject line. I think she opened it even before the electrons had regrouped from cyberspace. Thanks, judi.

[GreatCircle]

Great God, I always grimace when I see "Fort Wayne, IN" listed in the news summaries on this site.
But hey, only four more weeks and I get to go back out there for two more semesters!

Related: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0806082hammer1.html

[ScottMGS]

GreatCircle's link - he's made the big-time!

It wasn't the neighbors that called. From the report it appears that the police just glanced up and saw this guy - full-frontal delicto (or some such legal jargon) in the front window. That's exhibitionism, not voyeurism.

Now, if his neighbor - who had a bit to say on the matter - was sneaking around in his yard to catch a glimpse of him through the blinds en el buffo (or some such foreign jargon), then that would be voyeurism.

'Course, we don't know the rest of the story. Where's Paul Harvey when you need him?

[ScottMGS]

Also, it was about 10:30pm so he'd be well-illuminated back-lit.

[Siouxie]

OMG Scott! I SO did not need to read the sordid details.

EWW.

Hammer bangin'??

EWW.

[Ben]

Its not that you can't commit lewd acts with claw hammer, plastic bag, and motor oil in the privacy of your own home. It's that you can't do this in front of an open window, with your curtains wide open. And your door wide open. A little discretion is in order.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"He removed the hammer from..."

Check please!

Sometimes cops really are not paid enough.

[Allen at Division]

Hammer: "Can't touch this..."

Judi, these types of stories merit a new category--"Thinning the Herd". He'll be up for a Darwin Award soon, 'cause now he's read about the nipple clamps...

[padraig]

"Officers... took Miller in double-locked handcuffs to the Allen County Lock-up instead."

Hope they remembered to handcuff him with his hands in back. I know I'm not gonna be the next one to sit in the back of THAT squad car.

[Siouxie]

pad, they better have lined that seat with plastic. And lots of bleach.

[David]

Hmmm...I assumed he was using the hammer handle as an dildo rather than as a hinky ball-stretcher.

If he does this 24 out of every 24 hours, he is the answer to the energy crisis as well as the erectile dysfunction nightmare affecting millions of American men.