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July 29, 2008

TIP FOR JAIL DESIGNERS

There shouldn't be holes.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

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What some would refer to as a "design flaw" some others might refer to as a "major oversight".

"Haines said the jail is being inspected to make certain no more design flaws go unnoticed."

I dunno. Sounds pretty radical to me.

MicroSoft would call that a "feature".

This reminds me of another slight design flaw.

"initially it was felt to be degrading and demeaning for inmates to dig their own holes, like animals, so we provided them with some! it doesn't say much for today's prisoner when it took them 10 years to find it. however in response to the public outcry, the pod is being reclassified as 'just for fatties'. this will either prevent escapes or encourage a healthier lifestyle among the population. both ways the public wins!"

Architects perfected the art of including features long before CAD let them repeat the mistake dozens of times with the click of a mouse.

The architect for our building ordered shelves to hold 11" binders a quarter inch short, resulting in a 15% unplanned reduction in storage capacity. It isn't using a Swiss cheese model for holding prisoners, but I still get to deal with the implications every day.

I bet the Kimball Architect firm was too busy looking for that one armed man to notice a little thing like that.

Our building architect missed the width of a computer room by 3 feet resulting in a loss of 25% capacity. Seems they've never built computer rooms before?

"They did, however, share a common pod..."

Does Kevin McCarthy know about this?

My Dad had to engineer a comfort station at a water pump station. He is not an architect -- he usually did dams and water towers.

Shortly after the pump station was constructed, a large coworker had to "go to the euphemism." The coworker ended up lodged into the space and could not get himself off the toilet.

My Dad's solution was pretty elegant: There's plenty of water to keep the gentleman alive. Let him lose the excess weight and eventually his backside will be small enough to let him get up.

Sledgehammers were used instead. To the best of my knowledge, my Dad never apologized to the man.

In one of the offices I worked in, all of the "Emergency Exit" doors only opened IN.

We had to shut down for almost a week to have them fixed and check for any other design eccentricities.

*waits patiently for diet-challenged inmate to sue for design flaw illegally favoring skinny inmates*

Whew! Tight, but just manageable.

Hey, taxi!

Two felons, they fell in a flaw
They fled thru the flaw from the law
Through the flaw they sure flew,
Broke a nail and did sue,
Now that flaw is the very last straw.

"fat, dumb, and incarcerated is no way to go through life, son."

(with apologies to Ogden Nash)

Whee! Posted at last!!

Compare to number of escapes from Sheriff Joe's Tent Prison--Zero.

*Looks at Annie's blog.*
*Looks at posting date*
*Looks at watch.*
*Waits*
*Taps foot*
*Waits*
*Looks at watch again*

*waves new post @ Hammie*
Sheesh. You just had to ask nicely.

I'll vote for you if you will run a real story (UNLIKE the WaPost) about Gary Condit, Chandra Levy, Jonbennet Ramsey and the rest of whom they've gotten rid of for the the high-ranking corrupt (Like Palfrey & Britton). You can get the raw data from my website, www.rickhyatt.freeservers.com, especially my Picasa Album, "The Condits' Long List Of Victims - And I knew Many of Them."
In fact, if you run this story, the voter turnout will be the largest in American History, anyway, I swear.
You honestly WOULD have a shot at the White House.
Rick Hyatt
Former US Army Military Intelligence

OT rant:

ARRRRRGGGHHH! I HATE COMCAST!!

/OT rant

That is all.

Whoa....big, deep earthquake here...no damage, just a roller (I'm northwest of LA)...do NOT freak out...we're just swingin' a little on the West Coast. :)

Preliminary reports are saying it's a 5.6 or 5.8 in the Chino Hills area, east of LA, towards Riverside. Except for feeling like I was on a swing for a moment, no big deal here. I do believe it's time for a beer, though. :)

Quivers down my backbone. Shakin' all over.

Maybe the big guy upstairs is trying to tell you something, lil rascal. And I don't mean your upstairs neighbor. ;p

Wonder if this opened up a few flaws in the LA Downtown Correctional Facility.

Reporting in from Beautiful Downtown Burbank - yep, nice rolling quake coming through. Felt it initially as a little shaker, but then it started the rolling bit.
We have been due for a while, so glad it was a little one for work time.

Looks like it rattled pretty close to the Mouse House. Maybe G0d is sick of "It's a Small World" too.

Yup, Telecom - perfect relief for the San Andreas, no? I felt that first snap, too, then got to sail the 7 seas in my house for a minute or so.

Haha! It's funny...and fitting you mention that. Arrived at the office a while ago and some people from the hospital next door were working upsatirs of our suite. Making some noise rolling large storage carts around, happened many times before. But, my wife asked to go tell ask them if they could be quiet, she was about to do a diagnostic workup case oresentation to a patient. Big words for 'splain the procedure lucy. So when the ceiling started rumbling, and the train drove over us...we thought it was the guys upstairs moving the carts around. Then I noticed my printer was beginning to hurl itself onto the top of my head. I reached out to prevent it from konking me, but then my monitor was about to hurl itself into my lap! Then women started sayin, "OHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDD!" I looked for Obama, but He was nowhere. Then I yelled "Earthquake!!!!!!!!" Everyone was freightened including the men who stopped making all the noise upstairs. They had run for their lives downstirs and gathered under the orange tree outside our front door. Janet who works for us and had lived here as a child said she had never felt an earthquake like that having moved to Chicago when she was small. She was scared to death, but I could tell she was releived to be out of Chicago and the hardship she faced paying the incredibally high state sales tax the 'tards running Illinois have imposed.

Well, that was fun. Earthquake, 5.8, 29 miles ESE of Downtown L.A. in Chino Hills.

Everyone ok?

I'm in Santa Monica (20 miles west of downtown), which seems to have withstood it quite well.

Any Boxer or Feinstein sightings? Hope not.

Off to the buffet ;)

We're doing ok here in Burbank - but we don't know the duration of the quake - anyone got news on that ?
I prefer the rolling ones over the sharp jolting ones, but either one can be deadly.
Having trouble reaching my Mom in Eagle Rock, but Mr. Telecom reports that his bldg. swayed a LOT, and was still swaying when I called. He's in the Wilshire area, just across the street from the Wiltern theatre.

DESIGN FLOORS? For pity sakes, Don't they have enough frills in our prisons nowadays? HI DEF TV, Weight rooms, Conjical visits,.... Starbucks (I made that last one up)

What's wrong with linoleum?

Those designer floors are made in China and the resulting bamboo shortage is killing those cute 'panderers' (Sic)

My 'Mouse House' linky has a update on the quake, downgraded to a 5.4. If you have to have an earthquake, this is the kind to have. Let the San Andreas pass gas and move along. Just no 'snap, crackle, pop' of Northridge.
lil rascal, glad to hear you're ok. And I use that term loosely.

LA Times (their server was offline for a while, most likely due to the quake) managed to find some damage downtown. I'm sure they'll keep looking. Cue the parade of 'on-the-scene-at-the-pile-of-bricks' reporters.

I note that Annie popped open a beer four minutes before the sun passed the yardarm...AAaaarrgghh!

If you want to see how it compared to all the little shakers that happen each day, here's the link to the US Geological Survey earthquake site.

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/eqcenter/recenteqsus/

We're watching the newscasters swarm looking for possible damage. Sometimes I think they smash things intentionally just for heightened drama-

"We're here, live, on the scene of this tragic tragedy, where a plaster penguin figurine has tragically lost its life, falling off a shelf to its tragic death."

CJ - I'm a Northridge survivor. Consider it a terremoto toast.

Must they wiggle the camera shot so much? I keep thinking they're having aftershocks.
*grumble, grumble*
On the other hand, only 123 more days of hurricane season.

Being a native Californian, I have been through many, many quakes. Lost a lot of stuff in the Northridge quake - but the house is still standing. The Sylmar ('71) quake had a bigger effect on us, as quite a few of our public works stopped working. We had no running water for a few days, and were without electricity for a day and a half. We were quite young then, so it was more of an adventure. The most ironic thing of all: we lived down the street from the Sparkletts water facility and could not get water from them at all. We ended up having to go to Occidental College, up the street from us to get water. They were also first with running water, so they let us all shower there too.

Nobody noticed the escaped felon's name? Britney would never forgive you.

Nobody noticed the escaped felon's name? Britney would never forgive you.

I'd like to blame the bot, but as they say in Margaritaville, it's my own ... fault.

Annie, put your toys down, ferchrissakes! I can understand your wanting to "feel the earth move," but this is overdoing it a bit, don'tcha think?

Ahem, Suzy, please note that it hit just two minutes after you raged on this blog at Comcast.
Please don't ever get mad at me.
Or it could have happened because Hammie was whining about the scarcity of my blog posts. I posted and whammo!

Thanks for the updated post, Annie. Everyone enjoy the aftershocks!

But...but..Comcast sucks!  And you don't, Annie.  At least not in public.  That I know of.

Curse Comcast if you must, just quit praying to San Andreas, patron saint of Xanax.

I'm having a glass (or three) of wine in support and sympathy of the Victims and Survivors of the No-So-Great Quake of '08.  Oh, don't thank me.  It's the least I can do.  Really.

Personally, Suzy, I think you need 5.4 glasses. Just to show that solidarity. ;)

Reported on CNN (I'm told) a garage in my neighborhood twisted during the quake. I hope my garage is still standing. Wouldn't want a bigger pile of junk to fall on top my already unmanageable pile of junk. Is CNN still in business?

lil - that's why you put all that junk in your garage. To hold it up in an earthquake. I'm sure the garage that twisted was one of those evil, tidy garages.

rascal, the information from the field got a bit scrambled. What actually happened is that a reporter interviewed your neighbor in front of her garage and she said you're twisted.

My neighbor is 'Sheba' the bar girl from Iran. Remember? She rings my doorbell and forces her way in my house shouting, "You best guitar player in werld." I doubt she noticed the earthquake. Tremors.

My wife and I keep looking at the mess in our garage and hoping somehow, someway, someday it will fix itself. It's not a habit, but it feels good to be free from the clutches of 'compliance' at some level.

I would like to post a picture of my 'problem' if it's Ok. Remind me.

Yesterday I discovered we have 'crabgrass'. And someone pointed my sprinkler the wrong way. Six months ago. I'll never get around to the 'problem' this year.

Very glad to hear you Left Coasters rode the wave in fine shape. Heard the one tragedy there was the shutting down of The Mummy ride at one studio. (Your version of tragedy may vary)

You should fix your landscaping immediately. That way one of the roving/marauding reporters can stand in front of your house saying, 'The garage is a complete loss, but his lawn is fabulous.'

MS - the tragedy here is that we didn't get to call it a day and go home. Some of my co-workers look like they could use a cold adult beverage. I really just want to have a cold adult beverage, even though I'm not that shook up. Any excuse will do.

There was a slew of reporters here at the office one day. a guy walked into the hospital next door and opened fire. His mother passed away and he blamed the hospital. True. Some of the local guys were her. Kent Shocknek was hiding under a desk. I was so dissappointed when Diane Diamond didn't show. I gave the finger to Jamie Floyd.

rascal, they can probably sew that back on.

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