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July 26, 2008

INVASION OF THE GIANT GRASSHOPPERS

This is the time of the year when South Florida is infested with humongous meat-eating grasshoppers, who have no natural enemies, including Iran, and who just sit around laughing grasshopper laughs, knowing there is nothing you can do about them. Here's one I found this morning infesting one of our window screens:

Grasshhopper

For the purpose of size comparison, here is the planet Jupiter:

Jupiter

And here, once again, is Don Rickles:

Rickles

Comments

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Whoa - scary!

I meant Rickles, of course. The grasshopper looks like dinner.

Wait... Which one is Rickles again?

JEBUS!!

It's too early for creepy critters! EEEEEK!

(I do like that cute little grasshopper)

ewww. that looks like some kind of crab or lobstah or something. ewww. i hates bugses.

More like a crawfish, I'd say.

It's annoying how some bugs can be beautiful and creepy at the same time. Like when I see that picture, I think yellow and red with black stripes is kind of stylin'. But if something that large and buggy-eyed landed on my arm I would scream and scream some more.

In other screepy crawly news, I got an hour and a half tour of slugs and snails in a museum. Some were alive and slippery. Others had imbided too much alcohol and were not doing so well. I learned: 1. Slugs in a bucket are neat. Slugs squished under your bare foot requires heroic screaming efforts.


Slugs in a Bucket WBAGNFARB.

in new orleans, the grasshoppers spit at you.

In Vegas, Rickles spits at you.

In Vegas, Rickles spits at you.

they used to have bigger ones in Alabama that were a racy black with yellow and red accents.. They were like three inches long, and all joined NASCAR

I'm just wondering how the Blogs clean that planet-sized window. Gonna need a bigger bottle of Windex™.

*shudders*

Those hoppers totally skeeve me out. If it's their season, I'm just staying indoors. With wine.

Dave, you need to relax.

Watch a movie.

blast you, Steve. you just cost me $15. I clicked on your link, and then remembered I wanted this one.

How about when the land crabs migrate in select parts down here? They used to get in the house, and we'd need a hockey stick to clear a path to the car. Knew a guy who had a tire punctured by one. And the worst thing is you can't eat 'em!

Oh, that would be this one...

That grasshopper looks colorful enough to STOMP ON RIGHT AWAY!!!!! I was wondering if there were actually any *good and sensible* reasons to live in Miami?

We're gonna need a bigger stick of buttah.

That would make a lovely tattoo. The grasshopper, I mean.

*cancels appointment to get Don Rickles' tat*

yeah..the grasshopper.

Think it through Annie: You have a new tattoo that is tender on your . . .we'll say arm, and people keep smacking it with a rolled-up magazine. Could take months to heal.

Doesn't red coloring on bugs signal 'POISON'?

Ginormous Poison-Spitting Grasshoppers.

Fun.


"Check, please!"

I thought of that MartiniShark. Could be fun.

I would imagine that thing makes a heckuva racket, especially if it's hanging on your window screen. Again, the bug, not Rickles. I know he makes a racket.

Then I'm guessing you ain't getting the ink on your arm.

by accident, a recording of don rickles was sent on the voyager probes. after visiting jupiter, it headed into interstellar space. what you didn't know is, his routine has been intercepted and decoded.
They look like grasshoppers. Keep watching the screens!

You could always hire a hitman to take care of the grasshoppers.

Those yaller grasshoppers are easy to kill in their 'yaller' stage. By stepping on them. Once they turn black, they. can't. be. killed.

Your Urban Myth Monger

Jupiter looks imposing sticking it's tongue out which is about a large as the grasshopper's snickerdoodle.

"I am Cain. I choose a peaceful solution."

"Yes, grasshopper! That is alway (sic) the first response!)"

We had one of those up here in Jacksonville, FL.
4 inches and 3 inches tall.

Good thing they are peaceful . . . for now.

Jumps up to snatch that last ")" out of post...

I visited the Entomology Dep't building at Louisiana State University (LSU! Geaux, Tigers!!!) about 25 years ago, so don't know if it's still there. But they had a display of insects native to Louisiana. One was a beetle-type creature that could stand flat-footed and F*CK a Shetland Pony! Jus' sayin'...

Giant Poisonous Killer Grasshoppers (wbagnfarb)

And, speaking of invasion...has anyone seen the French army??

rascal, I will agree on Pierce Brosnan's deeply disturbing low-range screechinglack of singing ability but...he did look DAYAM GOOD!

Siouxie, that link was mean.

Thast was not Pierce? Peter. You know. Jennings. I'm playing the trailer right now. My wife stepped back here where I am situated in the back room. The song was playing when she walked in. She said, "Oh, that's the song, Mamma Mia! Haha!" I love it when she's happy. "Haha!" "Haha" Haha" I'm buying the soundtrack and playing it 24/7. Car. Home. Office. I'll need multiple copies of it. "Haha" "Haha" "Haha"

and now doesn't seem to be working...guess it's meaningless.

lilrasc, I am just tooooooooooooo afraid to open that link... I'm guessing it's worse than a BM link! *SNORKS* (can you give me a hint?)

Same with Siouxie's link, and Annie's links...

***Freaking have to explain to the IRS auditor how my business expenses include replacing my computer once a month after *SNORKING* beer all over my current one!!!!***

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

(Again, has to jump up, and insert the "F" to make it: "ROTFLMFAO")

Annie, tonight, you sleep with the fishes...

obviously, if I can avoid Siouxie's machete, jus' sayin'...

Hey, I'll admit that ABBA is/are my favorite guilty musical pleasure. But I'm waiting for the DVD, because by the time I get around to Wall.E (?) and The Dark Knight, Netflix will have it.

frodo, still around? Got a question for you.

I, for one, welcome our new grasshopper overlords.

Ok, think Fiddler on the Roof:

Grasshopper, grasshopper
Lurks in my grass
Waiting to bite
Me in the @ss

Grasshopper, grasshopper
Perched on my screen
An insect mujahideen.

Or, to prevent said meat-eating grasshoppers from entering one's backyard in the first place, get on of these

Dang, Afkat! Does that thing run on bat'ries? And did it eat all the hair off that pu$$y? :-O

Going back to that position of the grasshopper on the screen (look at that kick!'), if you could fit one of Sophie's Barbie can-can's on that, we could easily title it as one of the Rockette's, or what were those other famous dancers? I knew when I started to type this - and now it's gone.
*adds assisted living facility to speed-dial*

*thump to forehead*
Jackie Gleason's June Taylor dancers!
*not that I'm old*

Sandy I was going to guess the Lawrence Welk dancers....not that I'm old either.

*clap on*

dagnumbit - and I killed the thread too.
*Shuffles off*
*calls grown children to complain*

I'm that old. what of it?

thanks ducky, i'm reading cj posts through the window while he cooks. of course i had to sing your post. now the neighbors think i'm crazy. oh. what's that cj? no, they did not know i was crazy before i started singing...

Thing about those grasshoppers is, the make great bait; the fish go nuts over them. Until after they take the first bite. After one bass takes a bite of one of those and spits it out, coughing, all of the others point and laugh.

Fish are mean, that way.

Aren't grasshoppers supposed to be better when they are covered in chocolate?

J-Ducky, now I've got show tunes running around in my head, and it's all your fault!

I must admit, however, that some of them are fabulous. (NTTAWWT)

OK, that last one was me. cg was messing with my laptop.

Crossgirl - quit messing with the top of CJ's lap...this is serious stuff here. I'm old, dammit!

*Flaps in for a moment*

Crossgirl and PB, you're welcome. My work here is done! ;-)

HEY!!! This is a family blog.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me, I need to go spank somebody for messing with my laptop.

that grasshopper looks hot to me!

the human has a head like a kneecap, though...

One other word of gentle grandmotherly advice, CrossGirl - messing with his laptop may seem like all fun and games, until someone gets his/her eye poked out by his hard drive. Word to the wise.

*snork* @ insom

*admits to looking that one up*

Thanks to Karen Carpenter's A Kind of Hush:

There's a kind of bug
All over the yard, tonight.
I know it ain't right
But I'm killing em' dead
By using jack lights.

So listen to the insects scream,
Get closer maybe you will hear what I mean,
their wicked eyes gleam....

The only sound that you will hear
is when I yell "Get your a@@ in gear!,
Please squash this bug, dear."

There's a kind of bug
All over the yard, tonight
But it's pretty creepy
so I'm letting it live,
You go kill it,
goodnight!

has the crapcam been replaced? Dave's bug photo and the Costa Rica photos seem to be of a higher quality

WD... been away, but if you're (not... your or oh FI, you know) What's your (not, FIA!) question?

*Starts coffee maker and sets out croissants, assorted pastries (not pasties) and lots of crispy maple bacon*

Good morning!

*Is concerned about The Blogs and wonders if the giant killer grasshopper is still attached to their house*

YOINK: (snaps up croissant and bacon, taps foot in front of coffee maker)

Siouxiee, so you know, it's too early for Manilow pics.

PirateBoy: Herman's Hermits did that song in 1967, 9 years before The Carpenters version.

*warms up geezer bus*

Hola, Sharkie!

In my defense, those links were posted last night ;-P

*grabs bacon* - off to walk the mutts!

Gathered that, just wanted to prevent unseemly linkage before the coffee has its chance to work.

*flashes Lifetime Geezer Bus pass at Jeff, steps aboard*

I didn't know the Carpenters did Herman's Hermits covers!

So somewhere in Heaven Karen is about to belt out "I'm Henry the VIII, I am!"?

*Shudder*

More orange juice, please?

The Carpenters' version is more memorable. Except, of course, for Pirateboy's version. Can't wait until P'boy covers this song.

I definitely read 'maple bacon' as 'male bacon'. I have no excuses, it's after noon.

(helps self to nuther cup of coffee)

Fweeeee-eeet! Annie! Intentional Manilow on Sunday! Half the distance to the goal!

Isn't it a bit early in the season for a football referee?

Isn't it a bit early in the season for a football referee?

Yikeroo! Get that thing away! (Don Rickles, that is)

*SMACK* Annie! I can SEE how sneaky you are.

Manilow fashion show. gurk.

Annie? Real coroners don't Barry people.....

we've come to seize your Barry. not to praise him!

*SNORKS!* You all need a Barry... um, enema!

*Note to self: ("On second thought, let's not go to Dave Barry's blog... it is a silly place.")

Well. I go off to my son and DIL's house for 24 hours away from reality (guess what???? we're PREGNANT!!!!), and I come back to the same buggy thread infested with MANILOWS!!!!


That's just wrong, y'all.

Didn't Englbert Humperdink sing "A Kind of Hush"? For a while there, everybody was covering it.

whoa, bali, wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too (not "to") ambiguous... I'm hoping DIL is pregnant by your son, rather than you being... OK, I'm mixing mojitos, any takers?

frod olives! Puleeze! I'm gonna be a Nana! Due in April, which is kind of a deja vue for me. Everybody, cross your fingers. This is SO tres cool.

Bali, Congrats!, and here's your mojito! (I know Siouxie would probably lend her machete to you for my last comment, which I certainly deserve...) Laissez les bon temps roullez! (Well, you said "tres", so I figgered...)

I like that! "Let the good times roll!" I'm so excited and happy. This is the best weekend I've had in so long!

Well, Training Camp started for Pointy Ball, yesterday. Thank Gawd!!

Annie, go to your room.

Good on ya', mate!

I had nothing to do with it. On the other hand, I'm incredibly grateful I had something to do with it, however miniscually. (Is that a word?)

I had nothing to do with it. On the other hand, I'm incredibly grateful I had something to do with it, however miniscually. (Is that a word?)

stoopid bot

#100!

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