CSI: APPLETON, WISCONSIN

A couple telephoned police in the middle of the night after finding a man in their basement covered head to toe in barbecue sauce.

Key Explanation That Clears Everything Right Up: "He told the officers that it was urban camouflage."

(Thanks to CJrun, who notes, "WTFBBQ?")

Comments

[Punkin]

Completely NOT finger-lickin' good!

*I just made me throw up in my mouth a little*

[Erb's point]

Is the sentence, "This happened in Wisconsin", necessary?

Must be short on the minimum word count for publication.

[Sir John Biffy-Crapper]

In the parking lot at nearby Lambeau Field just before a game, a coating of BBQ sauce might indeed render one effectively invisible.

Wouldn't want to be wearing it when the defensive tackles come out after the game, though...

[Hammond Rye]

Like this hasn't happened to everyone at least once...

[9]

What's the line from Stripes?

"Well, I got the sh*t licked off of me in Wisconsin once."

Isn't that it?

[Cat R]

1. I thought it was ranch dressing in the basement.

2. He now faces burgerlary charges.

3.

[Brainy Jello]

"...covered himself in barbecue sauce because he wanted to hide from the government."

I believe that actually ensures you wind up on a watch list. I wonder if he googled, "How to stay off government watch lists." That's equally effective.

[elDizzle]

Go away!! Baitin n BBQin!

[queensbee]

BBQ sauce, ranch dressing - what's with the condiments?? where's dinner? hold the possum and snake, please.

[Reddsuss]

Don't get saucy with me, Bernaise.

[Jeff Meyerson]

The guy told officers he covered himself in barbecue sauce because he wanted to hide from the government.

Well, at least he had a good reason, right?

Wisconsin has definitely been giving Florida a run for its money in the loony tunes sweepstakes lately.

[Hammond Rye]

In a quiet basement, two doors down, a naked girl, covered in onions, cries alone.

[Ford79]

He was obviously smoking something.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Well, there is evidence that tinfoil hats don't work. What can you show me on the effectiveness of BBQ sauce?

[Suzy Q]

Oh, heck. Just toss him on the grill.

[Allen at Division]

"Tailgate parties are just a little bit different here..."

[Jazzzz]

*winky winky* @ sweet Siouxie... How are you my dearest? I DO miss you

[Mad Scientist Weasel]

Maybe he was a birthday surprise just for you Dave. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[Jazzzz]

was he crabby ? (geezers only)

[Punkin]

Definately NOT one of K.C.'s Masterpieces!

[pogo]

"was he crabby ? (geezers only)"

According to Mighty Manfred, the Wonderdog, "No."

[Diva]

Punkin - don't EVEN suggest it! I have to LIVE here!

In a quiet basement, two doors down, a naked girl, covered in onions, cries alone.
Posted by: Hammond Rye | 01:55 PM on July 3, 2008

*SNORKSNORKSNORKSNORK and a WAVE!!!*

[Diva]

PS, Punkin - I missed your birfday. :( I hope you had a GREAT time!!!!

[Siouxie]

Why

are

they

using

triple

spacing??

???

[Siouxie]

um...was he nekkid?? Annie wants to know.

WEENIE ROAST!!!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Siouxie -

Not

really

sure

but

it's

(not

its)

quite

the

dramatic

effect.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Whoa....that was my first post of the day. Siouxie, how did you know I was here? Or more likely, you've been dissin' me all morning. ;p

[JayP]

He sounds like a sizzling new superhero to me.

BBQ Boy and Earthquake Pig, smoking out the evil baste-ards!

[Siouxie]

Nah..just hoping you'd show up, is all, amiga! I know you've been...ahem...busy ;-P

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yup. Getting ready for fireworks tonight. :)

[Siouxie]

Don't ya mean tomorrow night?

ohh

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

Carry on ;)

[Annie Where-but-here]

I should clarify - our town celebrates on the 3rd of July. This saves tons of money on fireworks, since the pyrotech people they hire work for much less than on the 4th when everyone wants them. Sooo, if your town's trying to save $, might want to try that. Of course now thousands of people invade our town tonight to see our fireworks. Which is good, if you like thousands of people. And their noise. And their trash.

[Jazzzz]

pogo..... ;-)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Sheesh, Siouxie, get your mind out of the butter...I mean bbq sauce.

[Siouxie]

Uh..that's 'xactly what I meant, Annie. Really.

la la la

I'm actually renting a room @ SoBe tomorrow and me and my girls will watch the fireworks on the beach ;-)

(anyone wanna come over???)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Ooooh, I do!!!!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Bertha wants come, too.

[Jeff Meyerson]

We were going to check out the waterfalls, Siouxie, but with thunderstorms predicted we may do it another day.

Have fun with the girls.

[Siouxie]

Thanks, Jeff - you too! (those look pretty cool!)

Annie, sheesh. You're such the Debbie Downer!! Bertha (and her sisters) can kiss my Butt ;0

[Annie Where-but-here]

Used to go to a beach fireworks party at UC Santa Barbara. We'd dig trenches all day (for the kegs). Then we'd hunker down and shoot rockets at the passing boats, who were of course shooting fireworks at us. Somehow it all made sense.

[Mr Freemont Death]

Someone needs to lay off the sauce...

[Margaritaville]

It's somebody's birthday today!!! But I can't remember whose....

[blunt hobo]

In a quiet basement, two doors down, a naked girl, covered in onions, cries alone

*snorks*
*recoginizes as art, prints out, frames, hangs on wall*

-bh

[Siouxie]

I almost forgot...

Happy Birthday Scientolo-alien Tom Cruise!

[pogo]

*smirks at Jazzz*

*looks for magic screen and crayons*

[Mot the Hoople]

It's now 10:50 over here and off to bed. Here's wishing all my American friends a fabulous 4th of July holiday weekend.

[clark Kent]

Well, if my journalism job here falls through I know where they are in desperate need of reporters.... Sheesh!

I would have felt a little better if it started out: Dictated, but not read.

By anyone.

[CJrun]

*Waves grill lighter aloft @ DPC and Ford, wearing nothing butt Independance Day apron (you should see the Roman Candle!)*

[Meanie the Blue]

Thank you, Mot. July 4 is about the most meaningful a holiday that every American can have on the same day.

When I want to camouflage myself from the Government (just about all the time), I usually just wear a loose turban, beard, and some shoulder rockets.

[Cheryl Howard]

I think Dave needs a new category after this week. Basement condiments. Ranch and sewage or burglar in BBQ sauce? Take your choice.

Only because it is his birthday will I avoid the great-ketchup-refrigerate-or-not debate.

[Suzy Q]

Cheryl: Refrigerate between uses. Take out at least an hour prior to use. My sister disagrees. So, I think this settles it, then.

Upon re-reading, I do believe this advice could cover a lot of items/situations. Hmm...

[Meanie the Blue]

Cheryl - what do you mean "or not"?

[WriterDude]

Annie, regarding your 3:59 post -- that was Ledbetter Beach across from SBCC, not UCSB. I usually alternated between a beach pit one year, and get invited aboard a boat the next.

Apologies if any of my Roman candles or bottle rockets got you. ;-)

[eilbeback]

Annie, that's a great idea holding the fireworks show on the 3rd, especially when the 4th falls in the middle of the week and you have to get up and go to work the next day. *Geezer always thinking about getting to bed by 8 o'clock*

[Annie Where-but-here]

WriterDude - you're right, thank you. My memory was not the clearest then, although I do remember lots of frat boys, digging, sand, and alcohol, then rockets, chaos, and diving for cover. Good times, especially for beach-pit pirates. :)
eilbeback - I'm gonna take a nap now so I'm ready to stay up until 9 to watch the fireworks.

[MartiniShark]

With this loon I'd posit that alcohol was involved, but I'd guess he was using either, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, or Budweiser brand sauce.

[MartiniShark]

Suddenly intrigued by the thought of Annie's discount fireworks display, even though it don't cost nuthin' to watch.

[Suzy Q]

You don't know that, MartiniShark. She might very well charge for that privilege...

[CJrun]

Annie, do you take gas cards?

[CJrun]

And it starts (first rocket just went off).

[MartiniShark]

You know Suzy, I was actually talking about actual fireworks, actually. Gotta watch my mouth 'round here -- which would be a first for me.

[MartiniShark]

That's not to say that Annie's "fireworks" wouldn't be nice to see, I'm sure she looks . . .I mean if I were the sort to watch someone when they. . . what I'm saying is if she wanted me to see her I would . . . "Look up there! Fireworks!!!" . . . (runs off to the garage to hide behind the beer fridge)

[Elon@Rice]

Annie, I didn't know you were a pyrotechnic. You ever manage to hit any of those ships?

[Suzy Q]

Fireworks, indeed. Enjoy your beer, MS!

[jazzzz]

so CJ, you can fire more than one "bottle rocket"? You are younger than I thought....

[Annie Where-but-here]

The euphemisms on this blog...oy!

[Siouxie]

Annie - Euphemisms R Us!

CJ - That's nothing. I'm waiting for tomorrow, when all the crazy Cubans start shooting up in the air...not realizing that those bullets will eventually have to come down. They don't teach gravity in La Cuba. OY!

*practices DUCKING for cover*

[Deepu Singla]

Contents of this website are good and appreciative. Recommended to all. http://www.goagifts.com

[CJrun]

Deepu, I think we dated in college. Do you still have lots of pimples? How's the hump?

[Suzy Q]

*hunches down with Siouxie to dodge random falling bullets, wineglass in hand*

[Annie Where-but-here]

That's why I drink wine straight from the box. Bullets don't shatter it so much.

*waiting for the official start of California pyrotechnic fire season*

[MartiniShark]

Had an actual call from a reveler I'll be seeing tomorrow. He told me they have $2,500 in fireworks from South Carolina, and his very next words to were, "So just how much beer you bringing tomorrow?" Southerners, illegal ordinance, and copious amounts of alcohol. God bless our Founding Fathers.

[Annie Where-but-here]

We had 75 yuppies with lawn chairs blocking my street.
Made me yearn for Southerners, illegal ordnance, and copious amounts of alcohol.
Two outta 3 ain't bad. :)

[MartiniShark]

Yuppies,Annie? Sorry to hear. Sipping Chardonnay while commenting how the colors from the blast match those in the Ralph Lauren color scheme of their gift-wrapping nook might send me packing. Or taking aim with a pack of black-cats.

[Annie Where-but-here]

They were talking powerpoint/meeting shop/sh!t right in front of my house. I wanted to turn the sprinklers on and muss their martinis. Grrrr....

[MartiniShark]

No need to turn savage like that! Spare the martini's and trash their notebooks - presto, no more business meeting and maybe they drink enough to become merry.

[Annie Where-but-here]

I'm not that good a shot with a hose, but if you insist, I'll certainly try...

[MartiniShark]

Well, given the holiday you may want to consider amnesty. But insist that if you have to endure their professional antics they have to cut you in on the martini wealth. Hope your Fourth goes better than your 3rd - if not I recommend you grab a fifth.

[Annie Where-but-here]

snork @ ms's # progression...I'm actually working on a biz contract...and a Coors Light.