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June 24, 2008

IN THIS BLOG'S OPINION, THE WORK FORCE HAS BEEN ENTIRELY TOO PRODUCTIVE LATELY. SO THAT MEANS...

...It's time for A CAPTION CONTEST!

The photo below is from an ad for a product called the "Head Spa." Feel free to submit captions. At some random point we will select a winner and give that person a valuable prize that judi will discover lying around the office.

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(Thanks to Lorrie)

Prize Update (List of valuable prizes even the cleaning crew won't take out of here from which the winner may choose):

1) A geniune Fiesta Bowl "yard o' beer" (beer not included) once worn by Bob the Bear

2) Two packs of "24" JOLT gum which has not been chewed by anyone

3) A DVD of Barry Manilow's "Music and Passion" PBS special

4) A Mr. Snail Foam Fish Hat perched jauntily atop a "Dave Barry fan" (next to Bob the Bear in the photo above)

5) A book by Dave (we have no idea which one it is) in what is possibly German or some other language

6) Dave's World hat (model not included)

7) A bottle of Wisconsin Rhino beer once used in genuine (albeit unsuccessful) Santeria offering here at your Miami Herald

Comments

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"I am 12 of 18. You will be assimilated."

"Now you too can be stylish, yet ready for the alien invasion!"

"If you ever link to Manilow again, it stays on for good!"

"Honey, does this thinking cap make my head look big??"

That babe at the end of the bar is looking at me and grinning. I'm in, baby...

The ad said wearing this would make comely women think I had a magnetic personality.

"Just think what it could do for those hard to reach spots!"

What do you mean "The doctor used high forceps during my birth?"

(and by the way, sure, you can wear it at your office desk. Riiiiight ...)

Project Runway's latest challenge: Bicycle Helmets!

Yes, definitely more pleasing to the eye than a mullet

Do you have the chutzpah to wear the Head Spa?

"Why settle for canned, when you can have fresh-squeezed with one easy pull?"

Come on, come on, come on, come on
Now touch me, baby.

NFL officials say Dolphins' new helmets fail to meet league specs.

Brad Pitt auditions for the role of "The Great Gazoo" in the upcoming Flintstones movie sequel.

"This just in for the ladies! The Man-Handle!"

Mind Control? Schmind Control!!!

Head Spa. Because nothing is better than getting your head squeezed in the morning!

"easy to use ... on the morning commute". Yeah, those people laughing on the train all just thought of something really funny that has nothing to do with you.

"...a valuable prize that judi will discover lying around the office". If Judi's lying around the office, how will she find anything?

"To open, just grab the handle and peel back gently. If done correctly brains will retain their shape"

"Mr. Hubbard on line 1, your signal is coming in clearly. Mr. Cruise on line 2, ditto. Miss MacLaine, are you ready on line 3?"

"Ladies, wanna give your man some head??"

Rodin meets Star Trek.

Non, Monsieur Rodin, we will not display your heretical statue in the Louvre ... !

"Wait till Steve sees what I've done with his athletic supporter."

I can hardly wait, only 2000 more box tops and I can get the next item in the do it yourself cyborg kit.

"I can't believe my luck! Gladiator II is gonna kick butt!"

(Sacre bleu, eet eez un blasted simul...!)

"Now that the aliens can't locate my brainwaves, I can formulate a plan to bring beer to the resistance."

Pardon Steve,
Gustave

It's a little known fact that "Tobor, the 8th Man" was Rodin's first choice for a model.

(From the user manual)
The fully adjustable Head Spa has four settings:

1. Giant. This is useful for those "large endowed" men, with above-average sized brains. Think Einstein and Galileo.

2. Normal. This works for the majority of men. Think Pirateboy (Although Mrs. PirateBoy insists I use the "giant" setting. Who am I to argue?)

3. Small. Useful for politicians, editors and managers.

4. Micro. Reserved for lawyers.

You too can make big bucks modeling for Gizmodo...

Tron the Metrosexual Returns

Chicks dig me.

You love me you hate me you know me and then
You can't figure out the bag l'm in
I am everyday people, yeah yeah

Watned: Nude Nerd Models for tasteful vibrator Head Spa photo spread

Wanted: Nude Nerd Models for tasteful vibrator Head Spa photo spread

From The Twilight Zone book, "To Serve Man":

...now, just reach around the back, and pull the handle up. Feeds 2.

If I save just a few dollars a month, soon I'll be able to afford the rest of the Robocop outfit!

*auto spell checkign failed.*

Ladies, ever have a problem getting your husband to mow the lawn when he whines that all he wants to do is watch the SuperBowl? Introducing...the Mandle! Now you can pick up your man with one hand, and the dustpan with the other!

"Her placement of a vise over my head suggests 'No.', but her eyes say 'Yes!'"

Say goodbye to the electric chair and lethal injection...introducing the "Brain-Drainer."

ben her

This is what you get when you give someone 10 dollars and tell them "Make me look like a complete tool"

Before he became well known by playing Remington Steele and James Bond, Future Hollywood star Pierce Brosnan enjoyed a brief career in technical porn, where he acted in a variety of hard-core "hardware" videos. Here, Brosnan demonstrates a device called the 'Auto-Suck', which was both a car cleaner and a adult toy.

Before he became well known by playing Remington Steele and James Bond, Young future Hollywood star Pierce Brosnan enjoyed a brief career in technical porn, where he acted in a variety of hard-core "hardware" videos. Here, Brosnan demonstrates a device called the 'Auto-Suck', which was both a car cleaner and a sex toy.

Now I have something to wear with my new shoes.

"Honey, can you help me find my new titanium Speedos?"

"Ohmigod, this is, like, so awesome. I'm gonna ask for overnight shipping on the Butt Spa!"

Brad worried that chicks might not dig the stubble.

You'd never believe I used to be this guy ...

"I bet the people looking at this ad can't tell I'm naked..."

The AMA announced today that they have recently discovered that men may also suffer from Preeclampsia, and offered this photo as "proof".

"Now that I'm invisible, I can go anywhere ......"

"Porta-brain - make your dumb jock Mensa smart!"

Wisconsin Rhino beer? They don't make any decent beer in Florida??)

Got a hot date? Want to be a gussied-up as she is?

Can you hear me now?

For occasions (few as they are) when the Foam Fish Hat is inappropriate.

Free your mind, 'yer ass will follow.

(Sorry to tell you this, Chris, but Teddybear is wearing a cat scratching post...)

New from the makers of the Flobee! Its the Mohawkinator!

This would be so cute with my Speedo. No, wait. Thong!

I see the same company sells a solar thermometer.
I don't get it.. It's powered by the sun to tell you how hot it is — in the sun?
Makes my head hurt thinking about it. Now I need a head spa!

"His brain is in perfect factory condition and ready for long talks about the relationship, suggestions on which stores to go shopping with you, and ready to upload operating instructions on all household appliances. CAUTION LADIES: Do not operate if headseal is broken!"

This is so cool...wait a minute, is that my brain oozing out of my chin?

"New for zombies! The easy to use Brain Opener"

Francis was quite pleased with the direct-injection computer monitor, but the accompanying 'vibro-britches' caused some uncomfortable chafing . . .

"In our Consumer Reports lab, testers rated these new titanium headphones Superior for style and appearance but Very Poor for functionality and over-ear fit."

"THIS will cover my balding pate, and no one will be any the wiser!"

Sooth Yourself by Yourself

Just wash your hands when you're done.

That's the last time I try to f@#k a Roomba™!

In fact, I do know what you are thinking, Honey.

If I ever get cured of my quadrapalegia, I am gonna kick my idiot friends' a$$ses for dressing me like this!!

"Wow! This DOES make your stool softer and easier to pass!"

How Mother Nature says "Danger!"*

Tomorrow they'll argue whether that was a crossbow or a slingshot and then someone will throw a labrador at the other. Circle of life.

"I definately need to get a new agent."

Wow, power flashed here and I jumped a thread. Wormholes are fun!

"Why do those nasty Hell's Angels guys always have to make fun of me for wearing a helmet?"

"Mr. Cruise, your space cap is ready"

It's such a relief to FINALLY solve my dandruff problem ...

"Soon on Broadway: Tron: The Musical!"

Somehow, the cover of the new Geeks Monthly, featuring an in-depth interview with Design Guru Tron Guy got leaked to the internets.

(come to think of it, I bet a lot of the captions I used for the Flowbee contest would work here too...! *goes to check...*)

"Jeremy, why are you wearing that Klingon jockstrap on you head?"

"Aww, geez. Korvath said it was a Head Spa!"

"And on the Eighth Day, God created Nerds."

Tom's wife found a way to get all of those "dirty thoughts" out of his head forever.
Featuring quick and easy "while they sleep" installation. (Ether, anesthesia, or large mallet for encouraging sleep not included.)

Scott was sure no one would notice his high tech toupee.

(in the meantime, how about...)

I'm sorry, Mr Shyamalan, we didn't like your original version of "Signs", and we're certainly not about to pony up big bucks for this crappy sequel...

"And every man in the 'Six Pack O' Men' comes with a convenient carrying handle!"

JUDI!!! Please tell me there really is no 3!!

"I AM Sparticus!"

The Man-i-low:
Blue light = beer supply dangerously low - add beer
Red light = blood supply migrating to nether region - add beer

Introducing the Pro Phylactic. The ultimate in birth control.

Creation of stress and tension, migraine pain, increase blood circulation. Just wear the stylish new Head Spa and make everyone stare at you.

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