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June 26, 2008

GOOD TO KNOW

According to this scientific item, "a seventeenth-century antidote to idiocy was to rub the forehead with beaver testicles."

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The path to knowledge:

1. Find a male beaver.

2. Rub it's testicles on your forehead.

C. Heal from lacerations from enraged/aroused beaver.

4. Learn to think before doing what someone tells you.

Here endeth the lesson.

"Van der Donk and the Beaver Cods" wbagnfarb

Testicles to the forehead makes you smart?

*considers herself a genius*

"the animals when sought by the hunters for their tests, and when closely pursued, would castrate themselves with their teeth and leave the parts for the hunters, which the creatures knew to be the prize sought after."

yeouch!

"Apply directly to the ..."

?!?WTFBBQ?!?

Hold on, Paris, this is for your own good...

*snork* @ Steve!

I should think that this has been mistranslated and was really called the Test of Idiocy. It's a handy way to identify people to avoid. We're less creative today.

Although these work pretty well.

He's not lying about the dictionary thing. If you have Mac OS X, it is right there in the default dictionary's entry.

Isn't "beaver testicle" an oxymoron?

"Taken in water, it serves to remove idiocy."

Had I known, I may have spared myself from one, if not two, divorces.

I suspect that this was a prank pulled on dumb people of yesteryear, like telling a kid rabbit turds were "smart pills."

"I'm so dumb, how can I get smarter?"
"Well here's what ya do, kid, ya get yourself down to the beaver dam south of town..."

The prankster got extra points if he got the victim to apply the treatment without removing the testicles from the beaver first.

I'm willing to bet some guy got caught rubbing beaver testicles on his head, and thus began a new tradition.
"No, really...it works!"

from the London Times, January 13, 1402...

Doctors of physic surveyed announced that beaver testicles are still the best remedy for idiocy.
'Sure, there are more homegrown remedies like goat testicles, pig testicles, and my mother's favourite, a whack on the head with a wooden mallet, but ancient authorities and modern readings of holy scripture agree...'beaver balls have got it all'!' said Sir Richard de Whackamole, physician to the late Richard II.
He continued, "I have stroked the craniums of every person in the royal family, and at least half are not idiots."
"There are some side effects, like dry mouth and uncontrolled screaming, should the patient's virile member become enlarged during the treatment, immediately see a theologian, who will burn you at the stake."
What does the future hold? "Recent explorations in India and Africa may reveal new creatures whose genitalia we may slice off, and rub on our foreheads. Until they do, I'm a beaver believer!" Sir Richard concluded.

*snork* at insom!

Sir Richard de Whackamole?

Of the West Wembley Whackamoles, I presume.

Is it addictive?

No relation to yours truly, I assure you.

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