THE INTERNET

Meeting Needs You Never Knew Even Existed

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)

Comments

[Annie Where-but-here]

This is just so...wang.

[rickh]

oh Dave. have we come to this?

i remember when only gay guys (nttiawwt) and my Mom gave names to cars. well, "nice" names at least. "f*****g piece of s**t" was my "pet" name for a '66 Chevy Biscayne.

but never, ever, really never in my worst budweiser (yes there was something wrong with that) induced nightmares did i ever feel the need to give a name to my johnson.

or peter, or wally, or ...

[jug]

Everybody Wang Chung tonight....

[Doc Rick]

Damn it Jug! I was about to use that. PHHHTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! ;)

[jug]

Hey Doc, sorry. LOLOLOL

[Doc Rick]

I had a friend named Boog back in college who referred to his "wang" as "Papa Smurf". Little and blue with a red hat. Mind you he was 8 deep into a 12 pack when he dropped that on the party but he had to have put some thought into it.

[Kathybear]

Well, just sayin', the worst I ever heard was the guy who named his after the bullfrog in the 3 Dog Night song "Joy to the World" (and, should you by chance ever see this, you know who you are). And, dammit,now I'm going to have that song in my head all night....

[baligurl]

I got nuthin'. Literally.

[Annie Where-but-here]

As I understand it from my drinking buddies, you guys also name the twins. Soooo....which one is Larry, Moe, & (shudder) Curly?

[WriterDude]

I was never so lame silly as to name my Wang, but I did run across a picture of it.

[jug]

Papa Smurf? I bet they loved that one. Coulda been more embarassing if he popped out with "Skinny" or "Tiny".

[Doc Rick]

Just about everybody in the room spit out their drink when he yelled it out. Had it been anyone else, it would have been creepy. Boog was like Frank "The Tank" from "Old School". You just kind of expected him to say that sort of thing a few beers in.

[Elon Weintraub]

Kathy, someone named it after the song, "Joy To The World; The King Has Come?" I wonder what the Church thought.

[jug]

Bali, its a good thing you got nothing, otherwise you would have to be Baliboy, or Balidude

[CJun]

I see "Apocalypse" is taken.

[Annie Where-but-here]

jug's a little teapot, short & stout....

[packsaddle]

"Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning in the fall."

ahhhh yes, hunting season.

i'm getting aroused just thinking about those crisp fall mornings.

[Jeremiah]

So what's wrong with that, Kathy?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Actually, my favorite has always been "Little Elvis" as The King called his.

[baligurl]

Annie! lol! Is it safe yet, or are there still dix everywhere?

[Cat R]

If I had one, I would name it Vera.

Well, I am a girl.

[baligurl]

A southern girl maight choose...VulvaJane.

[CJun]

"Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning in the fall."

Or, every 30 minutes, especially if she's asleep.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Why name it at all? It's not like when you call it, it's gonna come.

[Kathybear]

Elon Weintraub, if the Church accepts that we can believe in aliens, I don't think they'd argue with that, especially since he'd been raised Catholic. Never mind how that sounds....

[Doc Rick]

There's a joke somewhere in Annie's last statement, but I am not going to touch it.

[Kathybear]

Annie, if you call it the right way, it does come....

[Kathybear]

Doc, if you touch it, that's probably why...Nope, never mind..BTW, did I tell you all my daughter studied sign language as a foreign language? Pass me a beer, folks...

[Doc Rick]

*Slides Kathy a beer of her choosing*
Congrats on your daughter. Sign language is just as valuable as Spanish, French, or heaven forbid English. You should be very proud.

[CJun]

I studied ASL and Russian. Basically, I can order vodka, with my hands.

[Annie Where-but-here]

snork @ Doc & Kathybear!

[Suzy Q]

I love it when guys refer to it as "Junior." I never argue. I just put away the Magnums for someone else.

Then, I get up and leave Senior and Junior to work things out for themselves, IYKWIM.

[Annie Where-but-here]

That's fine, CJ, but can you drive with your Apocalypse?

[Kathybear]

SuzyQ, *Snork*

[Kathybear]

Just as a weird question for the guys- why the H3ll do you all call it a Johnson????

[Suzy Q]

I used to know a bit of ASL. I can still sign for cunnilingus. Does that make me a slut?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Suzy Q - it's like the games at the fair when
'junior' wins a 'prize'- 'you may have any toy off the bottom shelf.' Har.

[Siouxie]

You guys are sick. Which is why I love ya's! Niters!

[Suzy Q]

Annie, that "prize" will never be me. Been there, done that, got the trophy (and the t-shirt)!

[baligurl]

My nephew was born profoundly deaf. I learned ASL along with him. As he grew up, it got harder. Because the evil little so and so would deliberately teach me the wrong sign so I'd embarrass myself around others in the deaf community. I still love him, but I ask his Mom for verification.

[baligurl]

Me, too, goodnight, y'all!

[Cat R]

CJ, "r" you missing something there?

One more name choice: Doodles.

As in, The Last of the Really Great
W(h)angdoodles.
And on that note, I am off to bed.
Good night, blogits!
Slinks out®

[Annie Where-but-here]

Suzy Q - I didn't mean you were the prize, guess I wasn't too clear. There's a joke about a woman having all these stuffed animals arranged around her room. Big stuffed animal in plain view, lots of itty-bitties on a low shelf. She has a guy over, and tells him that when he leaves.

[Suzy Q]

Ahhh, yes, I remember that one, Annie. Yeah, maybe I was being dense. Not at all uncommon for me.

[Meanie the Blue]

I'm terrible with names. But I never forget a face....

[CJun]

Kathy, we don't.

The towel around my waist? Oh! That spells 'Apocalypse', in greek. That might not be spelled right, but neither is he well behaved.

If I I only had back the days he's led me into trouble...well, I might have gotten into more trouble.

[Annie Where-but-here]

CJ, I always thought his name was 'Ape,' but that was probably just because you had to shorten the tattoo.

[Meanie the Blue]

What's in a name?

(Or, one might ask in this case, What's a name in?)

[Annie Where-but-here]

...and because you had just been in the pool...?

[Doc Rick]

If you named your wang "The All Nighter" when you were 15 should it be held against you for the rest of your life? C'mon folks! A couple of beers and a slightly older girl whispering things in your ear will make you say crazy things. Just sayin'. ;)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Doc, if you're gonna hold it against you, you're on your own, pal.

[CJun]

The tedious, unending story.

So my buddy, Hazel got old as the years went by. But she always played me "One-Up" games. One special night, I picked her up and took her to a movie and she was all dolled-up in a pretty white dress and I took her to "Forrest Gump". She beat the crap out of my left shoulder.

Honestly, that movie was a bit loud, so she may have been right. When I dropped my date off, she handed me a stack of cards and they were all Birthday and Christmas Cards from Elvis and Col. Parker.

I gave them to a buddy of mine.

I am scum.

Not financially foolish, just scum.

Later, I learned that Hazel died several days after I left.

I see scum above me.

The guy I gave her cards to is taking care of them and called me to tell me she passed away, but it is, perhaps, my mission to tell you about a funny lady I used to know.

The honest truth is I knew her from everyday and I thought she might get stronger if I left.

I miss Hazel every single day, but not because of Celebrity cards.

I miss her, because she moved from Brooklynn to Arizona @ 1910 and lived in a tent, because her whole family moved when she got TB.

OK, I am underwhelmed because a great lady was ignored, yet it's not correct. I don't happen to be a fan of that early music but I'm sure it must have been Early Maddox and Hazel that gave them a place to sleep.

There is some reason that Col. Parker and Elvis sent cards to Early and Hazel, every single year. When I knew her, it was more like, "Ma'am, do we agree not to run over anybody this week?"

Actually, I just said that for comparison; it never happened. Hazel handed me her keys, told me a bad story, then made me promise I would take care of her if she gave up her license. That was long before anybody noticed.

Smart lady. We had a deal. I would clean up dog poop and she would tell me stories.

[Doc Rick]

I..um...I just...OK, I'm going back into the witless protection program. Haven't been smacked by Siouxie or Annie in awhile so I feel a lot better. Nite Y'all!

[baligurl]

I just dropped in because i was thinking of having a couple shots of tequila and hitting the hay. Turns out I don't need the tequila. Night.

[CJun]

Yeah, Hazel had that effect on me as well.

[Doc Rick]

Nite bali! *sets up the automatic latte and coffee makers to kick in around 4:30am EST and makes sure the pastries from Domingo's House of Donuts will be delivered promptly on time. The keys to the booze are on the bar for the late/early arrivals.*

[Alfred]

I think the Wangs have enough honors. I doubt giving them a certificate saying they are Wangs will not do much for them. I mean, they are members of Chinese and Korean royalty. How much more do they need.
I think they get an official form when they are born. Isn't that enough to say they exist. Do they also need some kind of extra mention from the world.

"Hi, we wanted to make sure you knew that you truly are a Wang." says the host, Dick something or other.

Then the party begins, as large pictures of these particular Wangs sits atop a great menagerie of different deserts. Ice creams, carmel sauce. Noodles and sticky rice.

Great banners would herald the greatness that is the name Wang. And we would all shout out, "They are Wangs!" And then hickory dickory dock, the time will be for us to leave.
We say goodbye to our good friend the Wangs. As they try to shove all the extra icecream and deserts on us, because their freezer can't handle it. And then on to the next Wangs. The next great party of Wangs awaits. Yes Virgina, The Wangs truly exist, and they have diplomas to prove it.

[wingpup]

Any of you male types who smoke happen to read the "wierd facts" section?

*ducks flying boxes of smokes*

[crossgirl]

oddly, "princess" hasn't been taken.

[waxwing]

The funniest name I ever heard was "Russell the Love Muscle". Eventually I'll forget the guy, but I don't think I will ever be so fortunate as to forget that name.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Thanks for sharing that, waxwing. I don't think I'll forget it, either. And as for the smokers, I believe it.

[Siouxie]

5/8 of a inch??????????????????/

wtf"is-it-in-yet" bbq??

[SpecialNobodie]

I can't believe no one quoted this:

So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.....

[russellmc]

wax....It's better than "Beanie Weenie"

[Annie Where-but-here]

Dear '5/8 of an inch' - it's time to get out of the gene pool. Although from the looks of it, we're guessing you were already mathematically eliminated.

[Siouxie]

Maybe the gene pool was too cold??

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yes, my thoughts exactly. After giggling at the thought of it.

[jtd7]

D.H. Lawrence would be astounded to learn that "John Thomas" is still available.

[Eleanor]

Louisville Slugger. And it wsa true.