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May 23, 2008

CSI: WILKES-BARRE

Man reports tree attacked him

You may laugh, but if you have ever attempted to put up a Christmas tree, you know how vicious these things can be,

(Thanks to Amanda Austin)

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Trees are EVIL, man.

There's intel out there that suggests Iran is running a clandestine tree program. We need to confront this menace now.

He's fir real, man.

The rogue tree is still at larch.

He won't get far on fir.

Obviously revenge for this famous assault.

*thinks squirrles were involved, maybe a tortoise too - he's quick!*

Do NOT screw with the trees. They may not be hasty, but eventually they will be roused and come to kick your butt.

It's a shame this awful crime occured in such a poplar area.

Birnam Wood is on the move - get out of Dunsinane.

I maple a muscle reading Meanie's piney puns.

Shocker: Police said Tostevin was heavily intoxicated


I hope they're not sapling your patience, Annie.

You'll notice they don't have this problem in states with concealed weapons permits. Ya gotta make the foliage respect you!

If that happened, Meanie, I wood knot beech chipper.

I wouldn't want to drive you barking mad, so I'll just leaf it alone, oak K?

I wouldn't want to drive you barking mad, so I'll just leaf it alone, oak K?

Sorry about that. It willow not happen again.

If you read all the way to the bottom, you'll find that a 19-y-o was charged with being a minor prohibited from driving a vehicle while under the influence. Does this mean that SOME minors ARE allowed to drive under the influence? That might explain some things.

Dogwood never cedar point of letting that hap-pun.

Meanie and Annie,

Orange yew a pear! Aspen a long time since I've read such good puns. I don't holly expect to hear better ones fir as long as olive.

Appreciate it, Danny, but now it's time forest. Punning canopy allowed to take up my entire day. Ah, life's a birch.....

Right. No day at the beech. Cherry-o, then.

Wait ... deciduous gonna be here awhile ....

It's cheap, locust entertainment. Besides, it's tupelo out. I ain't cone nowhere.

Yew need to branch out and log on more often.

I dunno. I think I should pecan now. Buckeyes I'm plum out of ideas. Acacia didn't notice. I reckon I'll guava drink or something, maybe read some hawthorn.

Fig-ures. Soon as cypress Post, I get the bot. I'm getting sycamore technical glitches and I'm not gonna take it much longer. Joshua wait.

Try moving the cursor doo-hickory a shade to the left.

Wait, I cedar problem. I had the HemLock on.

Sn-oak!

(Annie, I ran across your Christmas tree article the other day. It was delightful reading. I would have posted, but I'm about 6 months too late. The double-ladder imagery made me laugh.)

Good work. Those user's manuals lilac crazy.

I've heard the Apple manuals aren't sequoias poorly written. Much of the others I've redwood give you nightmares, and, man, they arboring.

My wife says "Viburnum?," but I just chuck 'em in the fireplace and watch 'em turn to ash.

For alder money we pay, you'd think we'd get comprehensible instructions. Instead, they end up magnolia hairs stand on end. They ginkgo jump in the lake, these crooks.

Remember, only you can prevent forests.

Isn't it obvious who did this? The guy was hanging upside down. Go to the second report:

"Police said Whitney Roper, 19, and Joshua Pulansky, 18, both from Wilkes-Barre, faces underage consumption of alcohol charges after they were observed with alcohol on Livingston Lane on Thursday."

Roper? What might he do for a living? And as for Roper's accomplice, I would just note that "Joshua" is a name of a tree.

Case solved.

sonuvabeech, termite be a bitter way than stihl-in' maple ol' lines.

*going home to mow the lawn, and, if necessary, dodge trees that have major anger issues.*

Cat - thanks. If you liked that one, here's one from Christmas 2005, now with cantilevered children.

Annie, that was great. Makes me almost nostalgic for Christmas. Almost.

It is presently 58 frickin' degrees here in Chicago, and we're still afraid to put away our winter coats around here, just in case we jinx the weather gods again. Is it too much to ask for a little heat for the holiday weekend?
/rant

Cat - we had a tornado nearby yesterday. Today's quite blustery, with rain here in SoCal. Hopefully it put the fires out to the north.

Since this is on an old thread, here's a little Christmas mush. No tree tipping, but I liked my son's response at the end.

Awww.... *snif!*

(And Snork! at the Temple of Lego!)

Las item wes
"drove my che.. Hyiundai to the levee but the levy..

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