AIRLINE-PASSENGER SAFETY

We're in good hands.

(Thanks to Chris Lawson and Janice Gelb)

Comments

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

The possee is called off!

[Steve Haller]

Speaking for the Air Marshals' Union, Union Chief Ben Laden immediately lodged a complaint ...

[padraig]

Are these the same guys that we trust to carry guns on pressurized airplanes?

[Doc Rick]

Reason #12,439 why I don't fly. The other 12,438 being because I'm too damn broke from gas prices to consider it.

[clark Kent]

This is why I prefer to just fly on my own.....

I do swallow a lot of bugs, though.... the occasional small bird.

[Cat R]

No fly list. Please, no fly list.

Lists, lists, lists. They have enough lists and they are busy enough.

[Psycho-Joe]

As a federal Air Marshall, I think I would have pulled out my gun and explained to the airport security (very calmly and slowly) That I am a Federal Air Marshall, and if they did not step out of my way at once, I would be forced to discharge my entire clip into their torso and head, respectively.

8>
just sayin'

[Siouxie]

Can I fly with you, Joe??

[Sippimink]

Do you think this list was being handled by the people on the "No Brain List"?

[Elon Weintraub]

"Excuse me sir. Your gun keeps setting of the metal detector. We'll have to scan it."

[Meditrina]

Somehow, "Fly the Friendly Skies" doesn't have the same meaning anymore.

[CJrun]

In fairness to the TSA-types, it's the airline folks that are preventing the air marshals from boarding because of faulty no-fly lists. The marshals are supposed to blend in with other passengers and raising hell with the airline people for being denied boarding defeats the purpose of blending.

[Psycho-Joe]

Yes, you can fly with me. I'm not really a Federal Air Marshall, but if I was, I would whip out my gun all the time.

I fly the friendly skies, Holland air.
(Well, not really, but I fly like that.)

Oh, and by the way, I always keep 5 sharpened pencils in my pockets whenever I am on a plane.
Cause I can definately kill a small group of guys wielding boxcutters with 5 sharpened pencils.

I'm just bad like that. I'm trained to handle the worst situations. It's just how I was brought up.

Or, maybe I'm a superhero but I don't know it...

[Siouxie]

Or maybe you're just psycho.

Cool.

[pogo]

"I'm not really a Federal Air Marshall, but if I was, I would whip out my gun all the time."

That's one of the reasons you're not a marshall.

[Psycho-Joe]

I'm psycho? Maybe.
But airline security has gone way past psycho.
Someone needs to explain to these people that this no fly list thing isn't working.
Arresting little kids, denying FEDERAL AGENTS access to an airplane, what's next?
I'm almost afraid to ask.

"Okay people, let's just sedate everyone while they are on the plane, that way, nobody can do anything harmful."

"All in favor?"

:(

[ellie]

Joe, what if every passenger were given a sharpened pencil? Then we wouldn't have a need for air marshalls. Problem solved.

*hair flip*

[ellie]

Oh, AND a pencil sharpener, just in case the first few stabs don't do the trick. I'm just trying to think everything through here.

[Psycho-Joe]

Ellie, I totally aggree.

In fact, I sugguest that every person who flies on an airplane carries at least one VERY SHARP No.2 pencil in their pocket, or if they do not have a pocket, somewhere else readily accessable.

I think this sugguestion would've prevented 9-11.
I've been carrying at least one pencil onto the airplaine since the 90's, and nobody's ever given me any trouble.

I would sugguest this activity to everyone, as an anti-terrorism measure.

[Chris]

CJrun: the airline agents are denying them access because the airlines have been instructed by the TSA to comply with these no-fly lists or face serious consequences.

This would be so much funnier if it weren't so downright idiotic, and I mean that not in the sense of Darwin Award-style idiocy, but in the sense of creating a lot of innocent victims idiocy.

cl

[Annie Where-but-here]

make sure to put it in a zip-loc baggie, though.

Can't wait for airlines to start judging of the sharpness of the pencils. "Hmmm, this one is a bit too sharp. You'll have to leave it behind."

"But it's a #3 pencil."

"Oh, ok, move along, then."

[Doc Rick]

Joe almost has me convinced it's safe to get back on a plane. Almost...

[Siouxie]

Ok...how 'bout a mechanical pencil??

It just sucks that I can't fit my machete in a 1qt zip-loc baggie.

[Annie Where-but-here]

They make foldable ones, Siouxie. In plastic. To defend yourselves against terrorists packing sharp #2 pencils.

[Psycho-Joe]

Mechanical pencils are good, but they have metal in them, and metal doesn't do well in airports.

On the other hand, anyone with a brain could come up with an item (that isn't metal) that could be used to seriously hurt or maim someone.

It's time for personal responsibility to come into play in this country.

If we're not willing to defend ourselves, who is going to do it for us?

I just wish everyone felt the same way, and then would do something.

8>

P.S. The TSA are a bunch of dicks.

[JEC666]

No more guys who want to show they're tough and carry guns aren't allowed to fly in a pressurized aircraft as Cheney wants? I feel safer already.

[pogo]

It was explained to me some years ago that you want security people to follow their instructions exactly, you do not want them to think.

But along with that you need immediate supervision that does think to override the non-thinkers.

[Doc Rick]

Siouxie, you're a hot Cuban chick. Any terrorist type ever gives you guff just stare at them for a few moments. That should scare the crap out of them.

[Siouxie]

Thanks, Rick. I think. ;-P

Joe, I'm flying with you. I like the way you think.

Question:

pencils have lead, no?
lead = metal
hairflip = neck ache

[Siouxie]

Also, if Clark wants to wait up for me, I'm ready!

[pogo]

pencil lead = graphite

[Siouxie]

Ah...mineral. Thank you, Mr. Science guy!

[ellie]

Besides, with the mechanical pencils sometimes when you press the lead down it slides back up into the plastic part. That would do no good if you are trying to fight off a terrorist.

*shake pencil* *press, press* Dang! *shake pencil* *press press* arrgh! "Excuse me Mr. terrorist, just hold on while I insert another lead."

[Doc Rick]

Siouxie, if it involves fear consider it a compliment. I should know. ;)

[Chris]

The amount of metal in your typical mechanical pencil will not be enough to set off a metal detector. Of course, you could always put it in your carry-on/jacket/purse/shoes/etc. instead.

JEC666: Discharging a gun inside a pressurised aircraft is extremely unlikely to cause a serious problem. Even blowing out a whole window isn't going to make the aircraft come apart. See this Ask the Pilot column for more.

cl

[ellie]

Even blowing out a whole window isn't going to make the aircraft come apart.

The stewardess who gets sucked into the open window will be like Pooh Bear when he got stuck in his doorway. That should keep everyone safe until they land the plane.

I'm flying next week and I have never felt safer!

[Siouxie]

Chris, a bullet hole may not, but THIS will.

[Steve Haller]

Siouxie, was that an out-take from "Lost" ?

(Dude ... !)

[Siouxie]

Hurley's crack. The key to the disappearance of Oceanic 815.

[Allen at Division]

My son was drafted as an air marshal post-9/11. He relayed stories of AMs being allowed to board with their guns, but having nail clippers confiscated...

Good weapons if you know how to use them:
Ball-point pen
3-foot length non-shred dental floss
Tightly rolled-up magazine

Use the seat cushion as a shield against box-cutters.

I'm just sayin'...Let's be careful up there.

[Steve Haller]

Hell, the way they've been fiddling around with time travel here, it could explain Amelia Earhart, the Big Bopper and that squadron that supposedly disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle too ...

[Siouxie]

Agree, Steve. Soon they'll find that Fossett dude too.

Allen, thanks - Stab their eyeball with the pen, tie their hands together with the floss and take turns whacking 'em upside the head with the magazine (a la Airplane).

Got it.

[Annie Where-but-here]

That's what they need, Allen - revise those silly seatbelt/exit/flotation instructions. Let's liven it up a bit:
"In the event of a terrorist attack, your seat cushion doubles as a shield. Use dental floss to strangle wayward terrorists. And have a safe flight!"

[DimWitte]

ISIANMTU:

The flight attendant on a SWA flight from Burbank to Sacramento recently fired off the following zingers:

"We never expect a loss of cabin pressure, but if it does happen, an air mask will drop from the ceiling. Let go of your neighbor, stop screaming, take the mask and put it on."

"If you are traveling with a child, put your mask on first and then help the child. If you are traveling with more than one child, quickly decide which one has more potential and help that one."

There were others, but those are the two most memorable.

[klezmerphan]

Anyone else read Steve's "Big Bopper" as "Big Booger?"

Is there any fresh coffee?

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