BECAUSE THE INEVITABLE NEXT STEP IS HEROIN

Youths banned from buying ketchup

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Comments

[Eleanor]

Ketchup: The new gateway drug.

[Sarah J]

But what about toilet paper?

[Eleanor]

FIRST not to be very clever.:(

[Not my usual alias]

Uhm, y'all don't know what kids do with catsup and eggs, do you?

[Meditrina]

That's nothing. Bottled water has been banned at my son's middle school: the boys were poking holes in the cap and using them as squirt guns.

It was funny sharing lunch with him, and a young lady sat down on a soaking wet chair. You'd have thought someone punched her by the dramatic over-reaction. Kids.

[Not my usual alias]

The bus driver involved went in the store to get eggs and catsup.

[Meanie the Blue]

Yup, first they're messing with ketchup, next thing you know they're in a three-month rehab at the mayo clinic.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

After several beverages, I can spray down homes and cars with something a LOT worse than ketchup. And my dog produces a suitable egg substitute for this purpose.

[Wench Lizzy]

But they'd better not touch my beloved squeezable mayonaise!

[oneblankspace]

Shouldn't that be '...not to sell ketchup or eggs for under 18 shillings'?

[Emily Litella]

I can see why they'd ban cat soup. That's HORRIBLE!!

What?? what?? ohhhh...

Nevermind

[daisymae]

next they'll ban watermelon 'cause you can smash them with a mallet and spray everybody within a 10' radius with melon juice 'n bits 'n seeds.

liz - i'm with you...leave my squeezable mayonaise out of this!

[lil rascal]

My lawyer's office building, which he owns, was constantly being 'tagged' by graffiti installers. He was spending more and more time repainting his building covering up the unsightly mess it made. Rudy waited for them and caught the guy by surprise, punched him so hard he injured his arm. I would recommend taking the bottle of ketsup and cramming it so far up their arses, they wished they were hooked on heroine. I mean short of killing them.

[Layzeeboy]

They should have been more proactive. Heinz-ite is 20/20.

[Not my usual alias]

Nigel: Oy! Over 'ere, Mate.
Ian: I have the money. You have the stuff?
Nigel: Aye. Good quality. Only been stepped on once.
Ian: Are you sure that there isn't a tracking device on the squeeze bottle?
Nigel: 'Ats why I stepped on it.

(voice from closed circuit video camera): Step away from the Catsup. Put your hands in the air.

Nigel and Ian flee, only to be caught and sentenced to work in a community service sandwich shop where they can learn how to use condiments for good and not for evil.

[Tampa Norn]

Will squeeze bottles of mustard and mayo be next?

[Emily Litella]

*Joins daisy and Liz in the mayo-lover corner*

You'll get my mayo when you pry it from my cold dead squeezing fingers!

[crossgirl]

*snork* at meanie!!!

[Meanie the Blue]

Good thing they didn't try that here because our Constitution protects our fundamental rights and freedoms. The right to keep and bear ketchup is in the Second Condiment, I believe.

'n' *snork!*@Layzee

[Elon Weintraub]

Bah! Without ketchup, they'll just switch to Mayo.

[Cheryl Howard]

I suspect its just a matter of time before the teens realize they can substitute eggs and ketchup with potatoes and vinegar.

Dave see what happens when you don't refrigerate ketchup? You lose privileges.

[Doc Rick]

Actually Elon, wouldn't spicy hot mustard be more effective? French's makes some of the best, which would be the first time anything related to France ever kicked England's ass.

[Lairbo]

Do you wanna ban fried with that?

[Elon Weintraub]

Rick, I know. Spicy mustard rocks. Never thrown it a car, though. It would be a waste of precious condiment.

[Merri Lee]

If they ban ketchup, they'll throw bags of dog cr@p on people's cars.

[Steve Haller]

When condiments are banned, only outlaws will have condiments ...

[Schadeboy]

This is an outrage! As an advocate for the responsible use of ketchup and an official spokeshuman for the American Association For Those Who Believe Ketchup Makes Everything Taste Better Including Eggs (Which You Have To Admit Taste Pretty Awful In Their Own Right) (AAFTWBKMETBIE(WYHTATPAITOR)), I believe that it is every human's right, including youthses, to be able to purchase ketchup. To prevent people from purchasing ketchup is just the kind of creeping fascism that fascists allow to creep into our society. Something must be done. I suggest nukes.

[Meanie the Blue]

I suggest sedatives.

(For Schadeboy)

[WayneHere]

So much for ketchup's famous mellowing agents (Prarie Home Companion-Ketchup Advisory Board reference).

[Wokka]

Dont do candy floss its really fucked up.