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March 24, 2008

DEATH

Apparently it's not so bad.

(Thanks to Corey Smith

Comments

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I'm not dead yet! I feel 'appy!

I'm getting better! I don't want to go in the cart.

*WHACK*

Dunlap was pronounced dead November 19 at United Regional Healthcare System in Wichita Falls, Texas.

See, there's the problem. He was in a Texas hospital. Texas EEG machines aren't set low enough to detect the brain activity of an Oklahoman.

;-)

*snork* @ Ducky!

That just kills me . . .

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhklahome schnork @ the Duckess!

um...homA

*aflak snork* @ Ducky!

No brain waves, no problem,
No credit, no problem,
Don't intend to pay the medical bill,
Now we've got a problem.

I live in Wichita Falls.

Suffice it to say this does not surprise me at all. I deal with a lot of people at my job that have no brain function, it seems. They may (or may not) have brains, but heaven forbid they actually USE THEM!!!!!!!!!!

This is a new reality show where participants attempt to stay dead the longest to compete for fabulous prizes.

It's called American Vegetable.

"There was no activity at all, no blood flow at all."
Zach's mother, Pam, said that when she discovered he was still alive...

Gotta love those Okie moms, they know lack of brain activity is no proof of death. The next words out of her mouth were probably, "Git yer lazy @ss out to the barn and slop the hawgs!"

Since you never know when this may happen, make sure you have one of these where your loved ones can get ahold of it ...

I can't believe they are not using nursing home pets to confirm the diagnosis.

Oklahoma, where the waves aren’t peakin’ in the brain
And the EEG’s flat as can be
Folks don’t know to come in from the rain
Oklahoma, don’t you cross the border when you’re hurt
You will fail our tests, be laid to rest
‘Fore you know it, you’ll be in the dirt

We know you cannot understand
And we know you count using both hands
So when we say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We’re only sayin’
Don’t cross state lines, Oklahoma!
Oklahoma, OK!

Very nice, Ducky!

WTG, Dux. Guess his surrey was missing a little fringe off the top.

Thanks, Lizzy & Annie!

*Surrey snork* @ Annie. I think he had one of them open-air surreys.

(psst, Annie, I loved your last column. When can we see the next offering in the Ventura County Star?)

I have to flap away for a bit--be back later!

Thanks, JD. Not sure about VC Star. I'm kinda shopping the columns around a bit right now. Stay tuned.

Out here in LA, to test for brain activity, they just hold a mirror in front of the guy. If alive, LA dudes will immediately check to make sure their hair grafts are coming in ok.

LMAO @ American Vegetable!

SNORK at Annie and the hair grafts.

*snorks all around*!!!

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNN

he should've held out longer -- that would have been very lol-worthy.

he could have been legendary as "that one guy whose sister's boyfriend's cousin's uncle arose from the casket."

Hugo, that would have been a bit hard to accomplish without vital organs, but if pulled off correctly could certainly amaze.

"Hey, Billybob - hold my bier and watch this."

This certainly takes the phrase,"Hey Y'all, watch this!" to a whole new level.

Is there an echo here??? ;-P

Didn't see Annie's comment. My bad, although it was a different variation on a similar theme.

*snork* @ Doc, stealin' my material.

HEY!! I'm betting he said...Hey ya'll...hold my IV and watch this!

Hey, if you're going to thieve, thieve from the one of the best. ;)

*smacks* Doc just 'cause he likes it. I'll leave the Easter Monday spankin' to Siouxie because she's the pro.

What, Sio charges now?

CJ, you only get a freebie once. Geez.

With her track record, she's already moved on to All-Pro status CJ. She's in A-Rod territory salary wise. ;)

Hah, Rick! She gives me the five-finger discount; first she hits me with her fist, then she spanks.

Aw, Annie, here's another SNORK for you to make up for it. ("Hold my bier" deserves it anyway!)

*SMACKS* CJ & catches Rick on the rebound.

A two-some!

The sedagive did it, Mahster!

Of course, he might have a future in polytix. Let's see, he could start off with a few failed business ventures, become Governor of Oklahoma, and then who knows?

{Asked if he would have wanted to get up and shake them and say he's alive, Dunlap responded: "Probably would have been a broken window that went out."}

Hmmmm, maybe not. The kid's way too polished as a speaker.

The guy's lucky he didn't almost die in NJ. There they would've harvested his organs anyway. Hey, a contract's a contract.
(ty, Renee)

*Brain waves @ Siouxie!*

Tex, that comment struck me as odd too but I'm sure he still had a coupla wires crossed. Or missing.

*WAVES brain @ Meanie!

um...wait...

I think Siouxie should start a new business...
SLAP-Siouxie's Life Affirming Punch.
She could sell her services like life insurance. Just carry a card that informs the hospital that "Before you pull the plug, Call-1-800-SLAP." Then Siouxie or one of her well trained minions will apply the appropriate "SiouxieSmack™". Should the person in question remain comatose, then they are truly dead.
As a rider to the main policy, she will SiouxieSmack&trade the relative who was so anxious to pull the plug in the first place.

*SMACK-snork* @ iggy!

That is BRILLIANT!

Brilliant Iggy! Plus it means she'll have less time to whack the rest of us with her various weaponstools of the trade.

Siouxie
There could be big money in the SiouxieSmack, especially in certain southern states

Now that Tax time is over, Siouxie has 9 months(how appropriate) to bring this brilliant business plan to fruition.

Who you callin' a 'well trained minion'?
*slaps iggy*

See Annie, that is why you are a minion. You slapped Iggy, and Siouxie would have SMACKed.

Annie, you are not a minion. You would be higher up in the corporate food chain. More like a onion; maybe, considering your familiarity with the CEO, a scalion.
Since it was my idea, I reserve the position of rapscallion for myself.

Sioux, think of the potential gravy train if SiouxieSmacks would be covered by Medicare. Hell, just the Florida market would set you up for life.

Minion this, bucko.
*slaps jug*

Hi, iggy! And a simul, too!

*Catches breath after hot sumul action*

Thank you ma'am. May I have another?

AnnieScallionButHere?
Yep, that will look good on the business card

It has been 30 years since I was last in Texas (Houston), I thought I would never, ever be with a comely Texan Lass again.
Thanks.

Hey igloo, where is it that tax season's over? have you moved to an alternate universe?

Texgal - what am I, chopped onions?

Ever-so-slightly OT - what kind of beer goes with peeps?

Tax season must be over. I was recently in Guayaquil and the place was lousy with accountants. How could I tell? All the men wearing bermuda shorts had black socks and Florsheim shoes.

cold beer AWBH

jug, the Southern States would be the perfect demographics - along with the machete.

Iggy, tax season is FAR from over!!

Tex, I'm thinking of taking the SiouxieSmack™ into the campaign trail. Smack a few candidates around (both parties -I'm an equal opportunity smacker) ;-)

I wouldn't expect much from the Dems Siouxie. They're too busy smacking themselves around these days to notice you. ;)

Yeah, and McCain just thinks she's trying to keep him awake.

Siouxie, just remember, if they don't have all their teeth, they probably aren't worth SMACKing.
Evening, Doc

Evening Jug! Don't mind the blogettes. They're just feeling the effects of the come down from all the Easter candy they pilfered from their children. Throw a peep and a Mojito at them and they should be OK.

You saying they like peep shows Doc? Somehow, that does not surprise me


She did the SLAP
She did the SiouxieSLAP™
The SiouxieSLAP™
It was a blogette Rap
She did the SLAP
It caught on in a zap
She did the SLAP
She did the SiouxieSLAP™

Me either Jug. Although I'm not sure I'd ever want to be the performer. You've seen that they have access to certain web sites that sell some rather unique products.

LOL, igloo! *adjusts bolts in iggy's neck*

Hey, All! *blows smooches at Tex and jug*

Those site do define a whole new level of 'adventurous.'
Heya Diva

Wasn't somebody back up the thread looking for a zombie survival kit?

That seems to be a pretty comprehensive one...

ROFL Iggy! Thank you - that was wonderful! I love it! That'll be my theme song.

Rick?? what websites?? (she asks innocent-like)

Annie, I actually think Hillary might like it if I smack Bill around a bit. I know I would ;-P

*passes jug a . for this collection* ;-)

How're things in your neck o' the woods?

They appear to be dandy Diva.. (I used my spare.-thanks DD)

May I just say YAY for a new CSI: Miami!!!!

Hey, what'd I miss?

BALI!!!!!! :) Hi! *waves*

What'd you miss? Hm. Let's see.

Andy the TropicHunt.com™ guy drank from a toilet. Vodka can be used to clean up vomit. The first sex was between items that are 12" long. Someone's getting divorced over profiteroles. Some guy got in trouble for putting his ding-dong in a pubic public dryer. Trailer trash beat up her sister with her prosthetic leg (which was not found in a BBQ). British headlines are running amok. Men do not understand body language (duh). Some idiot dad left his son as collateral in a robbery.

That about sums it up.

Dang, Diva, I take one week off the blog to actually work, and the world turns into my hometown. Yeesh. How YOU doin'?

Hey, Doc! You still out there? On your recommendation I picked up a six of Shiner Bock. It's good! Thanks for the tip.

Also, I got my certificate of being a grown up and getting a colonoscopy today. Signed by The Blog. Now, it was worth it!

You're welcome Scott. Good beer should be shared by all. And congrats on getting your certificate. The alternative to not getting the procedure done could be quite more painful.

YAY, Scott!! Glad are feeling good about it now. :D How's the fam? Was it your mom? My memory is slipping.

Things are doing OK, bali. :) Easter was a beautiful day. I had people who love me and sang three services in the morning. How was your holiday?

Hi, Diva. Most of us are doing fine. My mom, I'm not sure - she starts chemo tomorrow.

OK. If I'd checked my prayer list before I posted, I'd have remembered that. Sheesh. Who's taking care of her during this? Does she live near you?

My dad is doing the heavy lifting. We're all trying to help as much as they'll let us (and we're not going to wait much longer).

Good man, Scott. (Sorry - stepped out for a while.)

Scott, prayers to you all, keep us posted.

As a multiple smackee, I'm looking at forming an organizaion dedicated to promoting the rights of all smackees. To date, everything has been about the smackers, this has got to stop, we demand equal representation, choice of implement, choice of position and choice of whether smacked area should be covered or uncovered. We will be drawing up a smackee's bill of rights.

*shuffles in*

YAWNNNNNNNNNNNN

*smacks Mot* You got yer representation right here!

*shuffles out*

*smacks Siouxie up the back of her head* You should know better than to smack Mot. He's an international member of the blog and the so-called U.N. has forbidden us from asserting our authority that far. Canada,Mexico, and San Francisco are our suburbs so feel free to smack away at any or all of their citizens.

Oh, and Happy Opening Day Red Sox and A's fans! It's currently 2-0 Oakland in the 6th over in Japan. Thank God baseball is officially back.

Bottom of the 9th, game tied at 4.

We actually got up at 6am to watch.

(We had to, as members of Red Sox Nation, it's in our contracts.)

*YAAAAAWN*

So sorry, Annie (from way up there simul). What iggy and I had must have been premature simul ejaculation. You arrived a second or two after the "early event."

Morning to Scott, Mom, and family.

I've been where you're going. Please step in and help your dad whenever he'll let you. Also enlist nonfamily support from friends when it is appropriate. Good luck and may God bless you all.

*Puts quarten in blog machine.*

*Waits*

*Waits*

*Checks to see if blog is plugged in*

*Waits*

*Gets box of Pop-Tarts™ and beer*

*Adjusts Spiderman Underoos for maximum comfort*

*Hits side of blog machine with hand*

*Waits*

Blows pollen laden kiss back at Diva. Man, I crashed for ten and a half hours after spending the afternoon outside in pollen central.

Hmmmm, or maybe it was the two fingers of Old Forester. Nah, it was the pollen!

Morning, Hammie!!! I think the Blog is suffering from acute constipation. Ham, my man, I may need your assistance in a moment.

*SNAP!!! Puts on latex gloves and fills enema bucket with warm water*

Warm water? Are you getting soft, Tex? Ice water is character-building... *evil grin*

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