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February 21, 2008

NEW COLUMN

Here's a column about an important yet unpleasant, even disgusting, topic. No, it's not the presidential campaign.

CHEESY CERTIFICATE (designed by the marvelous Ed Fiol) UPDATE from the s.b.:

Coloncertificatecompressed

Comments

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I'm trying to remain aloof and unpredictable, Ducky. Kinda mysterious like. Like Eastwood's man-with-no-name. You're (not your) makin' it tough.

Well, it's been popularized in song before (see my 10:54 post)

Thanks! Yes, for some reason, puns were spewing forth from me yesterday like MoviPrep. Nervous energy, maybe.

I told my kids I won a Weinermobile in a caption contest. They and Mr. R. shared a look, and mutually decided I shouldn't take too much time off before I get back into a paying job.

*snork* @ the kittens and the tomcat! I know that feeling. I have to be careful who I talk to about the blog. :-D

Oh, I've been to the movies, saw a man with no name
And I thought, Wyo Cowboy's the same...

Ok, ok, ok. I'm done now.

It's obviously waaayyyy past my bedtime. I'll be flapping off to bed now!

Nighty-night! Y'all have sweet dreams!

Sweet dreams yourself, Ducky! night!

Me too. Nite, all!

:)

A lot late to the game, but I too have had the 17,000 foot camera put into play not once, but 3 times within a 2 year period hunting for some minor internal bleeding. The instapoop in a jug was by far the worst part of the experience as Dave and others have elaborated on. Sadly, the I've had it worse as the ex-wife would occasionally cook. I suspect her recipe for chicken fettuccini is the main ingredient in Moviprep.

Morning, Doc:)

Dave, thanks for the absolutely outstanding and hysterical column, and all good wishes to Sam.

More prep advice:
When I had my maiden, as it were, voyage last year, I got two little teeny bottles of liquid to drink, and then got to follow them each up with a gallon of the Clear Liquid Of My Choice. Vodka didn't occur to me, but 7 Up and ginger ale aren't bad. I was dopey but awake, and kept up a running line of (what I perceived as) amusing commentary throughout. It made everybody nervous, and next time I'm pretty sure they'll use the fifty-pound mallet.
Insom, I'm a fellow member of the polyp club, so I have to do it again next year, but this time I'll read Dave's column first, so I'll have some new material.
OH! And one very important thing: ALWAYS have the procedure scheduled for the morning! I couldn't get on the schedule until 3:30 p.m., and those last eight waking hours without food are NOT fun.

Too bad the "Today" segment was cancelled, though I suppose that allowed the Blog to eat/drink what he wanted, last night.

'Twas the night before Colonoscopy, when all thro' the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The MoviPrep was mixed in the kitchen with care,
In hopes that clean colons soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danc'd in their heads,
And Mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap-
When down in my bowels there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the bathroom I flew like a flash,
Tore open the crapper, and threw down my ass(h).


Not enough coffee yet. Anyone want to help finish?

um...Merry Colonoscopy to all and to all a good crap?

Must. have. coffee.

Great Article! Just a few facts that you left out. On the ride home you feel like you've been violated somehow, although you don't really know what happened while you've slept - AND you rip like a chainsaw without a kill switch! PS - How about the post-procedure consultation where the doctor actually brings in 8x11 glossy's and revisit's his/her trip through your bowels - My personal favorite! Seriously though I had a close friend die of colon cancer - if by reading your article it makes others more aware and actually gets them to have the procedure - You've done them a tremendous favor!

Snow day! Snow day! WAHOO!!!!!

We now return you to your dignity and decorum.

I likened the industrial strength laxative to having a SCUBA tank rupture in your gut. At least I had the kind where you put a couple of ounces of the stuff in some tasty clear liquid (Sprite for me) and the taste wasn't bad at all.

Other than the whole experience was just a minor interruption in my usual routine. (and a day off!)

since my nefarious practitioner of all things medical has been hinting that this is in my immediate future, i'm glad to know all of the gross particulars. i feel so much better now. Thanks Dave.

I too, have all 17,000 feet of my colon examined. And, right afterwards, all 10,000 feet of my esophagus. The doctors were even nice enough to say that they would change instruments between procedures. Not at all fun, but necessary.

As far as music goes, Dancing Queen isn't nearly as bad as That's the Way I (uh huh, uh huh) I like it.

as for that award...does anyone know where that thumb's been?

feels slightly guilty for whining about the scheduling of a mammogram.

dignity?? decorum?? WHERE????

Morning Dread"!! *Flings early morning coffee smooch*

I'll give it a go:

"Then I looked in the cr@pper,
And to my great surprise,
What should appear,
Butt the long lost keys from a 1969 Chevy Nova
And an expired jury summons to appear
Had come out of my rear."

my best wishes to your brother.....

My husband is only 38. He has had four colonoscopies.
He was only 31 for the first one. He has had numerous pre-cancerous polyps removed. He will have these procedures regularly for the rest of his life in order to be here for the rest of his life. He hates it, but it is a life and death situation. He mixes his golytly with ALL of the flavor packs; I will tell him about the vodka!

Golytly should be sued for false product name advertising. Ain't nothin' light about that $h!t.

So, will a sigmoidoscopy count toward the certificate? That's what the doctor ordered.

Drinking the prep ice cold (with actual ice cubes), mixed with ginger ale, and through a STRAW as fast as possible was good advice that worked pretty well for me.

Drinking the prep ice cold (with actual ice cubes), mixed with ginger ale, and through a STRAW as fast as possible was good advice that worked pretty well for me.

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