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February 21, 2008


This was not easy. There were so many fine entries that I had to consult with a panel of distinguished judges consisting of judi, Mrs. Blog, and Mr. Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post. Absolutely nobody agreed on anything. So I have decided that there will be three first prizes, presented below in chronological order.



-- Just press the yellow button for the Man-on-Tap. -- Cat R., at 5:01 p.m.

-- Moments later, Oliver realized he didn't know the first thing about penis-enlargement equipment -- Lou Bricant, 7:38 p.m.

-- Apart from an oddly placed anus, the Alpha Centaurians looked exactly like humans. -- Tony Field, 7:48 p.m.

Congratulations to the winners. Please email judi at the blog with the subject WINNER, and she and you can work out some hideously complex way of choosing and sending the valuable prizes.

As for the rest of you blog folk: many thanks for participating. There were many strong entries, including of course yours, which should have won, and would have won, except that Gene Weingarten detests you personally. Here, in no particular order, are some of the entries I'd like to single out for Honorable Mention:

Jack remained calm, but even the Flowbee couldn't release the squirrel's grip on his head -- Steve (The 24 Guy)

Estimated download time remaining: 45 seconds -- Meanie the Blue

Take one step closer and the honky gets it! -- Dad-O-Lot

When his mother walked in on him using the vacuum cleaner, Randal had to think fast. -- Tony Field

Watch as his love for Barry Manilow increases. -- Alfred

Cuts and styles hair in one easy step, leaving more time for your cousin! -- James Tokarz

Tired of yarmulkes that just won't stay put?
You've tried bobbie pins, hair clips, even staples...
But now with the Permulke®, you'll never go bareheaded again! --

...and after the break... the Brazilian attachment. -- WayneHere

What Happens in shop Class, Stays in Shop class -- Alfred

Alright, Mr. Cruise. What next?? -- Meanie the Blue

Again, thanks to everybody who participated. I feel that, working together, we wasted a huge amount of time. And that is what the Internet is for.


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Damn! so close. I have almost used up my last prize.

But I'm not bitter, no really, not at all.

YAY to Cat, Lou and Tony!

And yay to all the honorable mentions, too. :)

FIRST to say YAY to Cat!!!

(and an Honorable-mention yay to Meanie and the rest)

Hey, D-O-L - at least you made the list! I thought I had a couple good ones in there myself, but owel.

Cat and Tony had to win just based on the sheer volume of their collective posts. Jeez, no one else had a chance.

BTW, those were excellent entries. Good job guys. I'm just sad that thread didn't get all the way up to 666 posts. So close and yet so far. *heh*

I though there were 5 winners 6 if you include the flowbee model, and this has nothing to do with my honorable mention and my desire for a Yard of Beer.


shoot...I was rooting for Flobotomy

Gee, not even an unhonorable mention. Then again, I got in there a bit late....

Doc, we tried, we tried. Maybe next contest????

Ready to have another go at Dave and Judi?

*Sees two happy finger salutes waving in the air and hears a slamming door.*

Texgal, now eternally residing in Blog Hades shouts: "Hello, can anybody hear me???? HELP!!!!!!!!"

A raising of an early blog mug to the winners. I'm gushing with pride that I am actually honorably mentioned. One of my goals for '08 is to get a story posted. If I don't succeed between now and December, at least I'll have this moment (dabs eyes).

um...make that THIRD!

Kathy - I'll be happy to mention you dishonorably! I'll make sure to tell about the time *whisperwhisperwhisper*. OK?


Inserts ^ "it."

Excellent !

You all had me ROLLING yesterday, which made my co-worker so jealous, I had to log him onto the blog.
So we both got the giggles, and the boss wanted "in" on our secret. We didn't let him, though. He's just not snarky enough and would have thought us immature, plus giant time wasters, which could have dastardly consequences.

I demand a recount!!!

The Cat was in top feline form. Purrrrrrrrrrr!

Darnit, I didn't win! Course, I also neglected to submit any entries, which may have had some influence on my non-winner status. Does the fact that Gene hates me have any effect on me volunteering for the Post Hunt in May??

Yay, Cat - add that to your resume! Congrats to the rest - that was fun. Although I never want to see that Flowbee dude again.

Thanks everyone! The contest made for some really great laughs. A+++++++++++++ would participate again!

Anyway, you know what 'They' say: write about what you are familiar with (er... which, of course, I DID NOT do during this contest).

Sheesh, who judged this thing, a bunch of a------, er, Congratulations! To the deserving wienermobile combatants winners!

Congrats to the wieners!

Lou says he wants the BM collection.

Congratulations to the winners and honorees...


I really liked mine:

Flowbee....it sucks when it cuts....

*hugs Afkat* That's OK. I liked it, too.

Annie, that'll stink.

Afkat, use the Flowbee and suck it up! sheesh.

Contest? There was a contest?

It's not that I'm ungrateful, of course, for the honor of being, er, honored, but did anyone notice Mr. Bricant's address, hmmmmm? Do I sense a major Presidential corruption scandal unfolding here (which I'd be willing to not reveal to the mainstream media for, say, one wienermobile)?

Was it something I said, Gene?

Meanie - Watch it. The bot's gonna target you now!

Meanie, I've noticed "Lou's" "email" "address" before. All *I* can say is... "hmmm"

I have too, "Siouxie". That's what had me "wondering".

As much as I hate to do it, I feel obligated to report this brewing Presidential race scandal to the New York Times...

*snork* @ "Meanie" and "Siouxie" !

I didn't enter anything at all, and I still didn't win! I'm pretty certain that despite my non-entries, Gene hates me anyway. I say this based on the fact that he has never responded to any of the e-mails I have not sent him.


I won?

I was in the bathroom.

Doing the Snoopy Happy Dance!!!

Oh, and my department just did a lottery ticket pool, which I decided to join, seeing as it cost me one dollar, and the

\_/ change cup had JUST ENOUGH!

"Good points" "Meanie" and "Siouxie". All I have to "say" is "I have never blogged with that Presidential candidate. Mr. Barry."

"Actually" I don't have an "email" "address" that does not disclose my full "name", so I used "Dave's". But for "you guys" I have "updated" it "accordingly".

Congrats to everyone! That was a lot of fun!

Good choices, judges. CatR's Man-On-Tap was an early favorite of mine....

mutter mutter 'sokay, din't want that little weinermobile anyway DAMN these grapes are sour...

O well, it woulda ended up as a cat toy anyway... My cat, I think he's getting tired of the usual stuff ...

So, this is how it all ends. Not with a bang, but a wiener.

It's an honor just to be mentioned. Honorably or otherwise.

You mean Lou Bricant ISN"T your real name...I'm shocked...

*Waves @ Lou* - congrats and nicetameetcha!

I was honorabley mentioned twice. Very likely because I submitted 6 pages worth of jokes. Yay!

I have decreed that the Florida Supreme Court should decide.
Whaddymean I don't have the authority any more?

Did dimpled chads play any part in the contest outcome?

And do you think the medical folks who administer colonoscopies snicker at our dimpled chads while we're under the influence and fully tubed?

Dang!!! I wish I hadn't missed the contest!! CURSED work!!!

Congrats to all the winners...

This would've been my entry:

"Official Haircut Apparatus of the Franciscan Friars" OR

"...but wait - you ALSO get our Mini Moustache Flowbee - Moustache-Ride Ready in Seconds!"

:( I missed the contest. Here's my belated entry:

"And that is how I got rid of that pesky second head."

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