ADVISORY

Our email system at the Miami Herald does not appear to be working today. We have no idea why. It could be lizards in the system. South Florida has these little lizards that show up everywhere. You wake up in the morning and open your eyes, and the first thing you'll see is a lizard, standing upside-down on the ceiling, looking at you with one of its little lizard eyes with an expression that says, "While you were sleeping, I could easily have pooped in your mouth HAHAHAHAHAHA." So it would not surprise us in the least if they got into the email system. Anyway, please be patient with us while we wait for somebody other than us to do something about this problem. Rest assured that your email is very, very important to us. We miss your email desperately. It is only a matter of time before we turn to heroin.

Comments

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Take the heroin away from the little ceiling lizards. Then they'll stop getting into the email.

[pogo]

I once had a customer's large computer system that got shut down when a fire ant colony nested in it. Why not lizards?

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

I think it's the squirrels.

[Annie Where-but-here]

No email for old men.
Or Dave.

[ScottMGS]

Calling Judi. Go to the server room. They need your mad teknical skillz.

[ScottMGS]

Steve, I think lizards are what squirrels evolve into where it's to hot to wear a fur coat. Like Florida.

[ScottMGS]

That would be "too hot".

[Steve Haller]

I think she's at the Renaissance Fair. Maybe this guy Albert Franquiz could help...

[random thunking]

Dave is gonna be turning to Zena, Warrior Princess? What? Not that kind of heroine?

[Siouxie]

Those terrorist bastards are now using leeezards!

[Jeff Tompkins]

Maybe it crashed because of everyone sending the clip of Gary Busey on the red carpet last night.

[Renee (the First)]

Little Lizard Eyes WBAGNFARB.

[CJrun]

Clearly, The Blog is requesting that we scour the intertubes and find chortle-worthy links to post in this thread, without that whole email-them-to-Dave-Judi thing.

Right?

[Texgal]

We can catch them and make shoes.

[DeskDiva]

CJ - exactly.

PS - those "little lizards that show up everywhere" are called anoles. Yes, it's a funny name, but in keeping with the policies of the Blog, I shan't be making fun of it.

Oh, and if you try to catch an anole by the tail, the tails fall off. It's gross in a cool kinda way. //end Florida biology lesson

[Liz Ard]

Your pathetic blog is next, BWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Betsy]

Dave, this is at least the second time you've mentioned your potentially-pooping-lizards phobia. You might want to consider professional help (or at least Gene Weingarte).

(I'll leave it to someone else to point out what "Potentially Pooping Lizards" wbagnf)

[Howard from Broward]

Is this related to the fact that the link to old Dave columns that I look at every Monday (it gets posted on Sunday I think, but who needs to waste time on Sunday when I can waste time at work?) no longer works?

FYI Dave's rehash-of-the-week is now at http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/dave_barry/

[Betsy]

*tosses 'n' up ^ to Gene*

[Howard from Broward]

Is this related to the fact that the link to old Dave columns that I look at every Monday (it gets posted on Sunday I think, but who needs to waste time on Sunday when I can waste time at work?) no longer works?

FYI Dave's rehash-of-the-week is now at http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/dave_barry/

[CJrun]

No, Diva; those are the 'normal' southern lizards; Anoles can't walk on ceilings. The ceiling-walkers are ChinChuks and Gekkos and if one decides to latch onto your skin with the adhesive pads of its feet, well, it ain't comin' off until it wants to.

Meanwhile, this was fun.... (no, this is not a Stevie-link)

[ScottMGS]

Howard, that sort of thing happen when some dim-bulb decides to "improve" the way everything works which usually makes everything work worse. That, in turn, makes for lots of grunt-work by the people who do make things work. Like Judi. Or Dave.

[ScottMGS]

/end rant

[DeskDiva]

Seriously, CJ? I had no idea there were several brands of FLizards. I learn something new every day!

PS - You might want to get rid of the castle in the middle of your name. Oh, wait. Nevermind. That's just an image that's now BURNED ON TO MY RETINAS. Thanks.

[Wench Lizzy]

You should try some gin in your heroin.

[DeskDiva]

*passes gumball to Scott* Need a hug? ;-)

[DeskDiva]

Lizzy - you got your heroin in my gin!

[Siouxie]

CJ, your link did not work for me. I blame those anoles at Microsoft.

[Wench Lizzy]

Diva! You got your gin in my heroin!

[CJrun]

It's just slow to load, Sio.

Meanwhile, here's an important question that really needs a good answer. *runs away*

[Flowergirl]

Heroin and gin...wow, I thought returning to the frozen NE from the Flizzard state was bad. *checks luggage for reptilian stowaways*

[DeskDiva]

CJ - I can see the machete glinting from here. Keep running.

*^5s Lizzy* Hey, this is pretty good!

[ScottMGS]

Thanks, Diva!

CJ, where's the voting site referred to in your article?

[DeskDiva]

Fg - welcome home! :) Hope you don't have any scorpions in there, either. ;-)

*giggles as she watches Fg hop on a chair and sort through her luggage with a fireplace poker*

[Norm Noullet]

When dave goes to the great blogosphere in the sky will we be able to read his stuff at http://www.miamiherald.com/no-longer-living/columnists/dave_barry/ ?

[CJrun]

And Diva, these are just the native species. There are many other 'introduced' critters, including iguanas and basilisks. The FWM attracts all kinds of critters!

[Liz Ard]

Yes, it's happening here.
Something is going on
You people should fear.
Nobody turn on the light
We're takin' over this party
It started last night

Oh, what a feeling!
When we're pooping from the ceiling
The room is hot...that's good
Some of my friends slithered
In from the swamps and woods
Reptiles are getting
Past the fire walls
Ooh, it looks like everybody's
Email is stalled

Everybody starts to lose control
When they turn on the light
They see somebody hanging around
They shriek with fright
The only thing we wanna see them do today
Is go round and round
And reboot or shut down
We're takin' over this town

So come on, we're all loose
Don't hit send
Because it ain't no use
Hard to keep our feet on the ground
Because we like to watch it
From the upside down
What? you say what?
It's over, no!...
Just got started
Everybody call your techs, come on
But there's no defense...

[DeskDiva]

There are basilisks in Florida? Does Harry Potter know about this?

[Annie Where-but-here]

"blogosphere in the sky"? You mean Denver?

[CJrun]

Here ya go, Scott.

[Eleanor]

I saw the Gary Busey attack on poor Jennifer Garner live last night. Is it on YouTube? I'm afraid to open any links here, after the incident with Stevie last night, and just generally being afraid of most everyone elses links here too.

[Siouxie]

LOL @ the Leezard!!

[DeskDiva]

Mr. Ard, that was lovely.

*drops tail in appreciation*

[ScottMGS]

Thanks, CJ. I voted for closure.

[Steve Haller]

I wouldn't be so quick to diss those lizards. I understand some of them can save you hundreds of dollars on your car insurance...

[ScottMGS]

It feels good to be back on the blog. Unfortunately, I'm now late for work. Later, dude/ttes.

[Siouxie]

El, I found it on People.com

Here's the link (trust me, it's safe)

Gary Busey attacks Jennifer Gardner.

[Guin]

I blame the lizards for Dave not receiving this vital Ebay Item of the Day.

[Cheryl Howard]

*sends smoke signal to Dave about the dangers of fairy cakes*

[oneblankspace]

This book would have my vote if it were eligible.

[Molly Hoopla]

Oh puhleeeze, that was just a bit of spontaneous affection. Such drama queens.

[Layzeeboy]

I found a great item that I need to submit to Dave/judi. Anybody got a stamp?

[Dr. Doug]

Quote
Rest assured that your email is very, very important to us. We miss your email desperately.
Unquote

Oh, please; save it.

Don't worry, the "snorkers" here will entertain themselves for hours.

[Siouxie]

Too bad you can't join us, Dr. D.

[klezmerphan]

Cheryl, do you mean they make cakes out of Tinkerbell??

And people in Britain eat them?

Oh my.

[Eleanor]

Thanks, Siouxie. I wish the clip had run longer. After Jennifer left, Busey came back and Seacrest just freaked.

The FCDA points out that touching someone without consent is a crime.

[Richard the Weasel-Hearted]

Rest assured that your email is very, very important to us. We miss your email desperately.

Yes, after spending 58 1/2 minutes on hold with Verizon last night, I have new-found distaste for that ^&*%!@. Fortunately, they didn't try that line. Instead, I was regaled by really low-quality music.

Our church on Okinawa had a pair of geckos in permanent residence. We named them "Martin" and "Luther".

[klezmerphan]

Richard, I called Verizon a couple of weeks ago to report that my DSL line did not have any connectivity to the Internet. While I was on hold, their perky message kept reminding me that I could "take care of most of my issues by logging on to their website" or some such crap.

When the tech finally answered my call, I told him that listening to this while one has no Internet access is extremely annoying and I suggested they end that announcement pronto.

I ain't holding my breath on that happening.

[Texgal]

Go get 'em, klez. Are there any wireless companies that are worth a cr@p?

[djtonyb]

*hacks into the Miami Herald server*

Aha, the e-mail problem seems to be that a certain person has taken up the entire mail server with his Inbox.

Time to delete some e-mails, Dave!

*hacks quietly back out*

[klezmerphan]

Texgal, if you can find one, let us all know!

[Renee (the First)]

Layzeeboy, what's a stamp?