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January 30, 2008

PRESIDENTIAL STUMPDATE

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Every time I see "Stump"date, I think of Dave walking around with a pegleg. Which, come to think of it, works.

TLC: Studies show that many American teenagers are unable to locate the United States on a map. How do you plan on fixing this national epidemic?
DB: We need to stop putting all these confusing foreign countries on the map.

I couldn't agree more Dave and I am long since removed from being a teenager. I vote we start with France.

We surrender!

Except for the Hillary comment, heh.

Any country with more than 4 vowels in it's name can go next. That ought to thin the ranks a bit.

I am very concerned about the increasing frequency of certain Floridian states issuing drivers licenses to residents of other states. What is the candidate's position on this issue?

Good interview, Dave ... and the juggernaut merely keeps on ... juggernauting ...

TLC: Why hasn't the mainstream media picked up on the fact that you're leading in virtually every poll?
DB: I'm sure they have a legitimate reason, such as heroin addiction.

That explains Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Keith Olberman, and Chris Mathews but how does anyone or any substance explain Wolf Blitzer?

Wolf Blitzer needs no explanation. His momma didn't like him or she would have named him something else. Like Weasel.

*snork @ pogo!* Good point. And much more size appropriate in his case.

Any country with more than 4 vowels in it's name can go next.

I agree. Let's start with the United States of America. Waaaaaaaaaay too many vowels.

Can we get rid of errant apostrophes? Waaaay too many vowels as well.

Next, can we just get rid of every country ending in "stan"??? That should take care of most of the Middle East.

Another fine mess you've gotten us into.

You're looking a little blue, Ollie. Maybe you should let go of your pickle.

But it's such a Hardy one....

Yes!

Pickled simul, oh, yeah..... (hic!)

perennial presidential candidate Dave Barry

How does one care for a perennial presidential candidate? Mulch? Prune?

Pickle him.

*psst!* Somebody should tell Dave that he only has to come back every four years, not every year.

What would that be? A quadrennial?

That would be a four-ever-al.

ok, I'm confused. (and I still need another drink.)

Harold Stassen's dead, and needed a replacement, as I see it. Dave's as good of a choice as any. And far better than most.

I can't believe this candidate dislikes cilantro!!! I need a candidate that likes cilantro.

I like cilantro. But alas. I don't have a clock.

Who's manning the bar? I'll take a mojito, thankyouverymuch.

Now I'm ready to vote...oh...that's right...votes don't count in Florida...!

Mojito coming your way Daisy. And your vote didn't count only if you voted for a Democrat or Rudy Giuliani.

fiv - I told y'all earlier, the prunes are in the Dr. Pepper.

Thanks, Doc.

What do we need cilantro for?

daisy: No one needs cilantro. It's yucky.

Maybe if John Edwards had less cilantro in his diet he would have won the nomination. I blame Giuliani's failure on depending on a state incapable of holding a high school class election without voting irregularities.

Vote Dave!! Aim low, shoot high.

If anyone is still lurking, the keys to the booze cabinet are under Annie Where-but-here's punctuation and grammar guide. For the early risers the blueberry muffins and extra double strength coffee are ready for ya. Have a great day and try to be as nice as possible to your fellow man, as hard as it can be sometimes.

You rock Rick. Where are the raspberry?

Early riser, nice. Early riser, nice. Hmmmmm. It's definitely one or the other.

*Grumbles thanks for coffee and stuff.*
*Leaves cilantro behind*

Seems we're not a morning person, huh Meanie?

Right. Is there a problem with that, huh?

Not even the bot messes with me in the morning.

*Slowly backs away from meanie* Noooo, there's noooo problem.

Bumper sticker sighting:
Republicans for Voldemort

*snork*

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