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January 25, 2008

AS LONG AS THE SPEED-DIAL IS SET FOR PIZZA DELIVERY, THIS SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM

Women leave town and children in the hands of men

(Thanks to DavCat)

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We could do all of those things with our kids that Mom doesn't allow. Grand Theft Auto with the 7-y-o? Sure! Hunting squirrels in the back yard with the .22 rifle? Sure! Chocolate cake for breakfast? Sure!

Where do I sign up??

(don't get me wrong - I do love my wife...)

"Woohoo... Break out the shotgun and skeet launcher, Junior, and we can do the dishes."

My wife takes retreats with her sister every other year or so. The family takes vacations on the years my wife doesn't go. I don't have to use my vacation days to cover the household.

It's a great opportunity to bond with the kids. Duct tape is a great parenting tool.

I wonder how many women actually come back.

Shoot. Been there, done that.

You ought to see the house 6 YEARS after Mom has been gone. It's a veritable living history museum of drive through petrified burgers, pizza boxes, piles of clothes, toys, DVDs and PS2 games, school papers from 2002,3,4.....

I'm up for it. Where do *I* sign up???

Oh wait! Annie, we have to come back??

Buh-bye, don't let the door hit your *ahem* on the way out.

Which is it? Equal or special? Pick one.

I'll be over here, cooking, working a full-time job, fixing the car and doing laundry when you make up your minds.

If.

AS LONG AS THE SPEED-DIAL IS SET FOR PIZZA DELIVERY, THIS SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM

As long as the speed dial is set to 911, it should not be a problem

911 Operator: what's your emergency?
Dad: I don't know, junior is turning a weird shade of green
911 Operator: did he consume anything out of the ordinary?
Dad: No, just eight slices of pizza, two junior whoppers, two glasses of chocolate milk, a bag of cheetos, two small bags of potato chips, a six pack of regular pepsi, a bag of frozen bon-bons, I am not sure but I think he got into the playdough, I only had my back turned for a second ...

Just dial 1-800-AU-PAIRS

911: State your emergency.
Kid: I need help with math.

Tries linkie again

*cries laughing at MOTW's link*

LOL at MOTW's link.

ROFL that poor parental unit.

"How hard can it be?"
Famous last words!

Well, of course, DPC. Chocolate cake has eggs! and milk! and wheat! You just gotta make sure you have grapefruit juice to go with it.

I'd *pay* my son's mother to leave town and leave us alone. We'd both be in heaven.

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