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November 30, 2007

THEY ARE UP TO SOMETHING

This morning, in my driveway, I found this:
Squirrel

Comments

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awwwwww

KILL IT!! it's still ALIVE and just pretending to be dead. See the little beady eyes???

kill it anyways, even if its dead

No, it is definitely a deceased squirrel.

ahhhhhhhhh, it's sleeping. be vewy, vewy quiet.

wonders if sophie will want to explore it. silly question. of course. what kid wouldn't?!?

warming its tummy on your driveway?

You know Sophie won't let you.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Maybe they're trying to frame you for murder.

It's the squirrel Mafia's calling card, Dave. You are flocked

Hide it from Sophie before she can ask you to keep it as a pet.

daisymae --
Remember a couple of weeks ago when Sophie was disappointed that another child was able to get the squirrel skull and she only got a couple of bones?

Now is the perfect time to provide the "Special Gift from Santa" that she asked for yesterday.

Some disassembly required... but no batteries.

Honey, we're eatin' gooooood tonight!

No, it is definitely a deceased squirrel.

Posted by: Dave

'E's not dead. 'E's pinin' for the fjords.

I'm feelin' better now.

I'm not dead yet...

mostly dead

It's like the 'Godfather.' Only with squirrels. And driveways.

Maybe we're all being too negative about this. Maybe it's actually an early Christmas present.

Very suspicious, Dave. Are we to believe that this furry little terrorist just keeled over of his own accord, handily on your driveway? Ha!

I'm with Straw on this one - it looks like a frame-up. Watch out for a pair to show up at your door tonight to play good squirrel/bad squirrel on you, and subsequently take you down to the burrow for questioning.

SEE?? I TOLD you I was worried about what that drunken moose had done to Rocky!

it could have been a horse's head, i suppose....

While you were taking this photo, two other furry rebels infiltrated your kitchen. Good luck with that.

You know, I've seen squirrels do this a couple of times in the last year.

Is this something they always did, and I just never noticed?

dread pirate...

he's stunned!!

Of course....it COULD be a virgin sacrifice as a gesture towards negotiating a peace treaty.

But I doubt it.

sly...that squirrel doesn't look like a virgin.

It'll take a couple more for supper. I'll start choppin veggies while you snag 'em. We'll need a bay leaf or two.

Question du jure: How do you tell whether a squirrel is a virgin.

Dave at around midnight tonight a whole bunch of them will gather on your front lawn carrying pitchforks and torches.

It's a suicide squirrel mission gone terribly wrong. Perhaps the little squirrel parachute didn't open and
*SPLAT*

I'd stay inside all day just in case.

or maybe a squirrel suicide mission...

Where the heck is my coffee?

Mot - Did you share Uncle Jack with Dave's squirrel? I've seen that "passed out" look before.

Sio....Suicide Squirrel has to BAGNF somthing!

Carefully don your surgical gear (oven mitts). Grasp by tail. Carry over and place atop fire ant mound. Voila, furry bastard skeleton (and fat, lazy fire ants)!

A drink perhaps, Jazzzzie???

or Kamikaze Squirrel?

It martyred itself on your driveway to warn you to cease your exposure of the worldwide squirrel-terrorism network.

Time to go into hiding. See if Salman Rushdie's guest room is free.

I was wondering that myself, pogo, but wasn't going to ask.

Quick - grab his nuts!

Don't name him Muha.....nevermind

Eeewww, CJ. That's gonna give me nightmares.

CJ.... here's a neat trick.
Take armadillo road kill in good condition
stake to fire ant hill
set timer for a couple of weeks
wear as hat to next strumpet date

Or a do-rag

Dave, here in SA the criminals employ spotters who place innocent looking items such as empty soda cans in front of a house to show the robbers which houses are safe to hit. I think the squirrels are doing something similar.

Dave, they're on to you. I'm sorry to have to say that, but it appears that they are tired of being maligned on this blog. :)

They're too small to carry a horse's head, so they had to sacrifice one of their own.

I'm with Siouxie - stay inside today.

Also, remember how the movie Magnolia ended. Could just as easily have been squirrels......

I'm just wondering what Dave's neighbors thought of him standing over a dead squirrel with his camera this morning.

STOP WITH THE FIRE ANTS! I'm all ickied out here.

reads cj's post. *swoons*
if anyone needs me, i'll be updating my christmas list.

I think it's time to set the video recorder up in a window at night to see who/what's trying to terrorize the next president of the U.S.

Hey, CTProf, you take you chances when you live next door to a humourist.

Oh, no - I was thinking the same thing as CTProf. I need therapy.

CJ, you're supposed to make GIRLS swoon, not squirrels.

CTProf - I often have that thought about Dave "dressing up" and posing Walter for crapcam shots.

Dave must have understanding neighbors.... or maybe they're so old they don't see or hear what goes on over there!

Does this warrant Secret Service protection for Dave?

You say therapy like it's a bad thing Annie

CTProf.....are you thinkin' this is the FIRST time Dave has done something bazaar?

Good point Jazzzz... must be the lack of coffee that made me think something like that.

gjd, he loves it when i dress like a squirrel and play dead swoon.

LOL, cg.

CTP, I suspect they're vaccinated. The man drives a motorized cooler. He decorates a baculum for holidays and poses it on the walkway.

the French Maid squirrel?

I think it's a squirrel that changed sides. And tried to get to Dave to warn him...but was taken out before he had the chance...

That sounds like a good story, tropic. I wonder if there's anybody around here who writes books.

oops...I meant - you mean a gay squirrel?!? NTTAWWT

Dave has a bazaar? How bizarre!

THIS is what happens to dead squirrels who try to mess with Dave's family.

pogo.....I'm pretty sure you could call it that ;-)

Uh...did somebody say Bizarre Bazaar? That would ne a good name for...a magician?

Sorry for the "errant pedantry" (cite that quote!) but I recently was caught on the same misteak.

the bizarre bazaar sounds like the next installment in a series of unfortunate events.

of course, the bizarre brassiere would be an entirely different sort of story.

Oh dear. So sad.... afraid I won't be hanging around until the photo is archived.

It could be Dennis Kucinich in disguise...

and then there's always the new victoria's secret campaign, the bizarre brassiere bazaar.

(someone please stop me)

cg: don't. Stop.

Here ya go, lower case cg.

Ginger Spice's little girl has chicken pox.

Discuss.

cg, not to be confused with their newest bra, "the bizzare bazaar bazooka bra"

Ginger Chicken with spiced pox sounds like something a bad chef would create.

"the bizzare bazaar bazooka brassiere"

better ;-P

Hmm, after all the photographs of Walter, the neighbors stopped wondering about Dave's photography habits a long time ago . . . and sold their homes and moved away.

It kinda looks like the squirrel has its ear to the ground listening for distant stampeding buffalo herds or the 6:53 stage to Dodge City.

A bazooka brassiere would have a built in holster plus pockets for extra ammo, right?

El. Chicken pox? I thought that there was a vaccine for that?

I agree that its the Sciuridae Mafia... this little guy crossed the wrong rodent and they sent him to "sleep with the Barrys"

"the bizarre bazaar bazooka brassiere"

I've created a monster. Walk this way...

A bazooka brassiere would have a built in holster plus pockets for extra ammo, right?

a squirrel walks in to a bra....

...and says, "Darn. Where are the nuts?"

Dave, Dave, Dave! What are you...one of those stinkin' papaRatsos who only cares about a sleazy crime-scene shot??? I believe you're required under Presbyterian/Episcopalean/
Jewish/Cuban tradition to provide your little friend with a decent burial. Perhaps Walter could say a few words...

Definitely the work of a hit squirrel.

he has squirreled away the nuts...

...and the bra tender said, "why the long tooth?"

Actually, Boo, I think the sqvirrel's punched a hole in the driveway and is rummaging around for a stashed weapon, like maybe a bizarre bazoomba thingy.

Errant Pedantry, pogo, besides being AGNFABritishInvasionRepulsionBand, would be from one of the Spencerian Lion's better known quotes, but not among my favorites (which mostly involve Lady Astor).

*Snork* @ the collective Rabbi/Priest/Presbyterian Horse/Cuban Missile/Squirrel walk into a bra in Sudan ...

Dave, I have so many questions!

What happened after the picture was taken? Did you...

1) Dispose of the deceased squirrel?
2) Toast him like a strawberry Pop Tart™?
3) Sorry; no 3.
4) Call someone to remove the carcass?
5) Run him over with your car several times to make certain he was dead, dead, dead.
6) Allow Sophie to package up the little varmint and take him to school for proper dissection and fair bone distribution?
7) Dress him in a red hat and coat and call him Santa?

I'm sorry, I'll stop now.

For he hath feasted on wormwood and poisoned acorns, and he knows no more.

no, no, no,
a squirrel walks into a bra and.......

the bra tender says, "why the wrong place?"

the bra tender says, "why the long lace?"

Well, it's not a good day in the animal kingdom. I just came back from a funeral for a goldfinch that my daughter found dead on our front porch.

geez, gjd, ya'll out of fire ants?

Obviously there is a pattern here. First a squirrel dies mysteriously, then a gold finch, with each one wearing their own gang colours. A tree turf war has started apparently. It's only a matter of time until we have running gun battles in the trees for control of valuable branch territory.

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