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November 30, 2007

SPEAKING OF BEER:

It can be dangerous.

(Thanks to Phil Snyder

Comments

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Normally my falling that involves beer occurs after I drink it.

And first?

One can fell on him? And it caused "Serious and grievous injuries?"

I think not. Unless the can was made of solid Osmiridium. It's a conspiracy.

All the jury needs to know is this idiot was buying Schl!tz Malt Liquor.

..schlitz malts keep falling on my head..

GMTA fivver. my first thoughts was maybe the falling beer may have knocked some taste into him, but alas, not the case.

Duncan also claims the store failed to "provide a proper means of getting the four-pack from the display cooler" to his basket.

Is this guy disarmed unarmed. Doesn't this guy have arms?

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Take that!

(geezer alert)

...pain and suffering, disability, disfigurement, mental anguish, loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life and other damages.
All cause by a single falling can. If it were a keg, maybe, but a single falling single. That can must not only have been constructed from solid Osmiridium Unnilhexium, but it must also have had many sharp edges and moving parts to inflict that kind of damage.

Methinks this jerkwad litigant is faking it.

Edgar, it was made of Atomantium.

"The companies named in the lawsuit include Albertson's, Cone Distributing, Pabst Brewing, Miller Brewing, Lakefront Brewery, the Stroh Brewery company, and SBC Holdings.

I'm glad to see that he didn't involve just one brewing company. Might as well get several of them with one swat, right? I've worked in the soda distribution industry for a while, and I can tell you right now that the only company listed there that's in charge of packaging is the one that actually distributes the beer. SBC Holdings isn't involved at all. But like I said, you want to make sure you cover all the bases when you sue people, I guess.

Can you say lawyer working on commission for part of the settlement?

A falling can as opposed to him falling down drunk and knocking himself out?

"His wife is part of the lawsuit. Maria Duncan claims she "has in the past and will in the future suffer the loss of the value of her husband's services, society, companionship and consortium by reason of his injuries."

I'm wondering where that can actually hit him.

... and God in his righteous wrath visited a rain of Schlitz Malt Liquor upon the heads of the sinful people of Florida, sore vexing them and causing them to plead: "What? No Corona?"

The pants judge has got to be his lawyer

Maybe if he was the Dublin Guinness thief and the 18 kegs fell on his weener, maybe he'd have a case.

But really - disfigurement, mental anguish, loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life?

Did it fall on his throat and make him unable to drink any more beer?

What a crock.

How could you possibly get hurt by falling beer?

Oh wait... maybe it was still in the container.

"has in the past and will in the future suffer the loss of the value of her husband's services, society, companionship and consortium by reason of his injuries."

So, she's upset that ever since he got hit on the head he won't liquor?

His wife is part of the lawsuit. Maria Duncan claims she "has in the past and will in the future suffer the loss of the value of her husband's services, society, companionship and consortium by reason of his injuries."

For some reason this paragraph stood out to me.
I have 2 questions:
1) Did it hit him in the man-parts?
2) How hard did it hit him?

Just wondering.

"the can fell to the floor, where the pop-top blew off and the can flew, rocket like, into the man's groin, causing severe bruising to his penis and flattening his testicles. several other customers that were nearby when the incident occured have filed smaller suits as the spectacle caused most of them to laugh so hard they wet themselves, thus soiling their undergarments."

The poor guy can't enjoy "life and other damages"? I don't what I'd do if I couldn't enjoy other damages. Probably go back for more beer in a vicious cycle.

His wife has lost "the value of her husband's consortium." Was it sizable?

So, she's upset that ever since he got hit on the head he won't liquor?

Snork at ellie. Good one!

I also was wondering where the can hit him to cause such injuries. Maybe it hit both his heads? (And we know which one he cares most about.)

Ellie - There is a store in Las Vegas that has a large neon sign out front.

The sign reads "Liquor Moccasins".

I can only *hope* they sell Indian-inspired footware inside....

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