ATTENTION HOLIDAY SHOPPERS

Here you go.

Comments

[EveryoneWants2BeRich]

First to show he should be doing something else but is instead surfing the web... Thanks Dave. I look forward to the buying guide every year...

[Auntie M]

Dave, someone posted this link earlier in the day. Already read it. And may I say, the "Ten Plagues" bowling set will be a wonderful gift for my one Jewish friend!

[Auntie M]

Oh, and the "hand soap" was incredibly creepy. I'm buying the "Psycho Shower Curtain" for my mother-in-law.

[danceswithvowels]

Yay! Christmas shopping is saved again. I wonder if the car bunny set combined with a backseat cardboard potty seat would be too Freudian?

[danceswithvowels]

I s'pose any taint could be washed off with AuntieM's simul-soap.

[Alfred Simon Fyodorovich]

The number 9 pin on the Ten Plagues set appears to be a hacidic jew. Wouldn't this mean that the 9th plague means the Pharoah would continue having to deal with these kvetchers?

[Alfred Simon Fyodorovich]

Or is number 9 a ninja.

Japanese history records only 9 great swordsmen and ninja.

[Auntie M]

Thanks for the simul dwv! It washed that gray right out of my....hands.

Alfred--the guy in black looks more like an undertaker. No curls, which a Hasidic Jew would have.

[Annie Where-but-here]

#9 looks like he plays for the Devil Rays. Thanks, Dave, for the guide! If you're buying for me, I already have the tattoo sleeves. Really. And I smacked that nasty guy in your comments section. It was fun. :)

[Annie Where-but-here]

I gotta add, the Ten Plagues bowling set has our inflatable Nativity Set beat.

[danceswithvowels]

Dave, I'm very impressed that you've got Selectons! I didn't realize so much DNA would be involved in the evolution of Christmas shopping. :-)

[Auntie M]

Annie--good job smacking the existential spammer. I just poetry slam him.

[danceswithvowels]

A Dozen Hand(y)Selectons for the Humorous Giver

[Jeff Meyerson]

Dave (well, judi), thanks for the birthday present of including my submission to the Guide. I'm so proud.

[Doc Rick]

*Hey, pal, you will laugh at Dave Barry's writing or I'll rip your...*

The second I read that comment line "Annie" popped into my head as the source. If I've learned nothing in my time in here, its don't tread on Annie's friends toes.

[DeskDiva]

Jeff - is it your birthday?

[scrooge]

now why on earth would someone have posted this in the comments section?! because it's so cooooool to beat dave to blogging his own column? MERRRRY freaking christmas.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Aw, gosh, Doc - that's the nicest thing you've ever said about me. *sniff*
For Danceswithnerdity.

[Guin]

Lucky Sophie will no doubt receive those cute little bowling pins for Hanukah. She can immediately re-gift them to Walter.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Doc, since you're a sports nut, that's an old Lyle Alzado line. At least the 'rip your lips off' part is.

Scroogykins - why? Because we love you and couldn't wait. Deal with it. ;P

[Igloo]

Dave,
It's kinda like carefully unwrapping presents before Christmas; Or scouring the house for unwrapped presents when the parents have returned from shopping.
Not something I have done or would do; but I have heard stories.

[danceswithnerdity]

Annie, don't gravy me, bro!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Dances - I had to 'download' ActiveEkks 3 times to get that thing to play. I hope you appreciate the effort. Or I'll rip yer lips off. :)

[wiredog]

Good job getting Judi to pose for the article.

[Richard the Weasel-Hearted]

Had a co-worker wear the tattoo sleeves as part of his Halloween outfit. They were quite impressive and convincing, actually.

[Punkin Poo]

Yikes! I actually own that bra bag. (It was a gift from a tasteless person I am no longer friends with)
And I once had a breathing puppy. But it stopped breathing.

Anyway......

[Igloo]

OUCH! FSU-6; UF-21

[Annie Where-but-here]

I sent that bra bag in, too. Slightly used. *pouts*
I thought it was a joke about jeffy sending it in, since it's not kosher.*perks* :)

[Jemmy]

Wow. It's good to have Annie as a friend!

I want to get the 10 Plagues bowling set for the Hebrew school where I used to teach (and was a student long ago). Maybe it would help the kids remember more than the first two plagues. Or maybe one kid would swallow the ball, and the others would whack each other with the pins. I think the latter's more likely.

[Annie Where-but-here]

I was gonna send in the ManSac, but I didn't want to be sexist.

[ScottMGS]

Annie, why not?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Golly, Scott - I hadn't thought it thru that far.

[ScottMGS]

I mean really, Annie! Don't go all PC on us and deprive us (or yourself) of the satisfaction. I'm just glad it wasn't mine.

[ScottMGS]

Hmm... that sharpie isn't thick enough.

[ScottMGS]

Oops, I mean "Sharpie™".

[Annie Where-but-here]

Scott - there are creams for that....thicker sharpies...I've seen the ads...and Siouxie told me.

[Igloo]

Lock and Load, CJ. It's 1900 hrs.

[ScottMGS]

How would I apply those creams? Do I do it myself or do I need help? It won't change the color, though, will it? I don't want my green one to get runny.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Uh-oh, they're gonna sing. Do they make kevlar for eardrums?

[ScottMGS]

*can't believe I posted that*

[crossgirl]

i mailed the 7 plagues bowling set to the adult sunday school teacher that keeps sending me messsages to join them in studying exodus. i told her i was too busy bowling.

[Igloo]

Good one, CG.

[Auntie M]

*peeks out from behind blog couch, Kevlar vest and earplugs in place*
Are they done singing yet?
*notes that CJ doesn't seem to be around*
Whew. Dodged that bullet.
*ducks in case blurk is listening*

[Annie Where-but-here]

Auntie M - it's ok - blurkie never listens.

[Auntie M]

I'm not touching THAT comment!

[CJrun]

Iggy, 8 more minutes

[Auntie M]

*dives behind blog couch*
Anyone else need earplugs?
I'm out of Kevlar vests, though.

[daisymae]

The Sigmund sucker is so...I don't know...Freudian!

(maybe it's just me)

[Auntie M]

daisymae--I had to wonder about those suckers....why watermelon?

[scrooge]

annie: so, because you felt like it? that's the answer?

not only that, it was not even the herald version of it! so they jumped the embargo. LOVELY.

[CJrun]

....Foooooor F-L-O-R-I-D-AAAAAAAAA!

Thankyouverymuch!

[Auntie M]

*holds ears (dang cheap earplugs)*
Thanks, CJ. That's enough singing, now.

*pours scrooge an imported beer in a GIANT beer mug*
scrooge--Want a drink? And some valium? And perhaps a Psycho shower curtain for annie?

[Meanie the Blue]

It was his mother's favorite flavor.

[Igloo]

Cj, This is very painful. Kinda what I expected, but painful, nonetheless.
My main hope is the knowledge that FSU, under Bowden, has always been a good 2nd half team. I hold out hope.

[Auntie M]

snork @ Meanie. You always make me laugh. Now make scrooge laugh. He seems a little, I don't know, cranky. I didn't mean to tattle on whoever posted the guide early!

[Doc Rick]

I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure the 7th plague is supposed to be Bobby Bowden. Sorry Iggy!

[gjd]

Are you tending the Blog Bar tonight, Auntie M?

[Auntie M]

I will have to leave for a little while to have a financial meeting with the hubby, but I'll happily get you something right now before I go. You know I always take your color preferences to heart.

[Meanie the Blue]

Thanks, Auntie. But I'm not about to go up against the Stealthscrooge. I'm no match for her a classic character.

[gjd]

In honour of the season and your financial meeting, how about a nice bright green?

[Igloo]

Anybody got a BC™ powder?

[gjd]

To jump back up to the topic, I have seen one of those breathing fake dog things. Absolutely creepy.

[Auntie M]

Bright green, eh? Okay....one appletini, coming up!

[gjd]

I think the hand soap is kind of funny, though. It's like The Addam's Family hosting "Thing's" family reunion.

[gjd]

Oooh. Preeeeetty. Thanks, AM!

[Auntie M]

Sorry, iggy. No BC (TM thingy) powder. How about this?

[CJrun]

Oh well, Iggy. See ya next November....

[Igloo]

Thanks, Auntie, but Asspirn over the counter medication won't help. Time to head for the ABC store form more Grey Goose to assuage the pain.
CJ. Game, Set, Match to the Gators. To borrow an old Gator mantra..."Wait'll next Year.".
Dang!

[Igloo]

Oh, one more thing. Anybody have a good recipe for Crow?
Anyone?

[Just Ducky]

igloo, here ya go!

[Igloo]

Spot on Ducky. Thanks.
CJ. Congrats! I'll raise a glass to the gators.
For the fourth year in a row!!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Whoa, Scroogy - it's snot my fault. I blame the squirrel. btw -I didn't do it, but if I had found that link, I'd probably be too tipsy excited not to share it. Oh and booger. :)

[Edgar Greenberg]

*Reads Annie's Comment*

Speechless Typeless.

[DeskDiva]

I still think the backseat cardboard potty should have made the list. That one was absolutely hysterical.

scrooge - I thought it was really odd, too, but I didn't think it was posted meanly (not Meanie). ;-)

[Edgar Greenberg]

I should have been more clear. I was talking about Annie's threat to rip someone's face off.

[daisymae]

Diva - I thought they should include the backseat potty, too. Oh, well...maybe next year.

Auntie - Meanie's answer makes as much sense as anything...unless watermelon was the flavor of his dreams.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Hey, Freud - nice melons.

Edgar, just the lips. I don't do whole faces. Unless I'm paid....was that out loud?

btw- if something's wanted enough to leak news about it early, as Paris would say, 'that's hawt.' So really it's a left-handed compliment.

It's snot like anyone's out there leaking word about the next post on MY blog....grumble, whine, zzzzzz....

[ScottMGS]

Sometimes a melon is just a melon.

[Auntie M]

Pssst! Annie's next blog entry will be about her never-ending struggle to right the wrong Xmas tree and not catapult any squirrels in the process.

Feel better, Annie?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Watchit, Auntie - I'll sic Scrooge on you...grrrrr....

[Auntie M]

Whut? You were whining about it. I try to oblige. I put up a fire pit to warm up CJ's toes last night, you know.

[WriterDude]

Auntie M: Please consider yourself invited to leak my next blog entry, too. Then I'll know what it's going to be.

[Auntie M]

Okay.....
Psssst...WriterDude's next adventure in blogging concerns the transport of Jack "I have lots of bullets and bombs" Baur from the Denver Airport to somewhere-near-Denver. Along the way, they are attacked by thigh-shooting, perimeter-setting, Freudian-sucker-eating terrorists.

That work for you? Can't wait to read it!

[Auntie M]

Okee-dokee, then. How about this:

WriterDude encounters the arrested lady from "The Bachelor" while driving to the Denver Airport, and is forced to throw cans of gravy at her head while trying to take the fish to the barn and dodge flaming buffalo heads at the same time.

[WriterDude]

Hee, hee! Were it not for the D.I.A. reference, I'd think you have me confused with Steve (the 24 guy).

As it is, I think Jack Bauer is at Arrowhead Stadium tonight, shooting the not much longer if this keeps up #2 Kansas Jayhawks' defense in the thigh(s). Score now #4 Missouri 21, KU 0.

I even got my old Mizzou shirt out for the occasion. Go Tigers!

[Annie Where-but-here]

OMG - Auntie M's an....an...assignment editor! Run away, run away!

[WriterDude]

Now you're talking, Auntie M. All while reading the Gift Guide in its proper Herald place, of course.

[Auntie M]

Why is that labeled a squirrel? It's a gopher, obviously.

I only edit sixth graders, Annie. Don't run. Come back!

[danceswithvowels]

Uncanny. Everyone on the Blog has already leaked the entire contents of this entry.

[ScottMGS]

Or a hamster - Of Doom!!!

[danceswithvowels]

Annie, is this the rip-the-lip-off-a-nerd-but-don't-miss-else-Valencia-turns-to-glass-you-lose-points productivity enhancer you meant? I'm touched.

[Kristina L.]

*Hey, pal, you will laugh at Dave Barry's writing or I'll rip your...*

Good going, Annie!

[Doc Rick]

Auntie, the man's name is Jack "Bauer", not "Baur". I'd tell ya to run but he's probably about to knock on your door right now. Hope you have thigh insurance!

[Annie Where-but-here]

dances - yes, that's it. I couldn't get it to run very well, but I think it's my pc.

Doc - quit pickin' on people's spelling. First you leak Dave's Holiday Guide, now you're dissin' good folk. Who do you think you are, Edgar?

Auntie - I don't know why they called that rodent a squirrel. SW found it a while back and it's funny. But it's not a squirrel. Oh, and I had to go reshuffle my dang blog posts, thanks so very much for blabbin'. ;)

[daisymae]

Oh, was it Doc? I went back and couldn't find the post.

Snork @ Annie's 'assignment editor'

Snork @ everybody whining that nobody leaks their next blog

Snork @ scrooge

Anybody here the radio commercial for Honeybaked Hams?
"Ham, ham, meat for the flute;
the more you eat the more you t00t;
Brother ham, sister ham,
Glam, glam, heironymous ham,
Etc..."

destined to be a classic!

[Annie Where-but-here]

daisy - I have no idea who it was, but I figured Doc's gotta be guilty of something.

[Doc Rick]

I was kidding about the spelling people. As all of you know my grammar and spelling need a lot of help. I was just making a "Jack Bauer is a bad ass" joke. That is all. :)

[Annie Where-but-here]

We know you were kidding, Doc. You will pay for that. Comedy is snot something to be taken lightly.

[Annie Where-but-here]

We'll let you live. This time. ;)

[Meditrina]

Just checkin' in. Annie, glad to see you and Jack have everything under control.

No signs of scrooge? Wheeewww. Thought he might jack us up and steal christmas.