I'm in Washington, DC, this morning, doing a satellite TV tour, which is when you sit in a room with a little thing in your ear and talk to TV stations all around the country for five minutes each, saying the same things over and over and over and overandoverandover until you want to shoot yourself in the head, and so does the camera guy.
So anyway, in the next studio there is another satellite TV tour going on, featuring the Treasurer of the United States, Anna Escobedo Cabral, who is introducing the new five-dollar bill. The new bill has many security features, including a tiny camera that sees what you are doing and transmits an image to the FBI.
Just kidding! I think. But the bill does look different, especially the side opposite the side with Lincoln on it (known, technically, as "the side opposite the side with Lincoln on it") which has three normal-looking "5"s and then, in the lower-right-hand corner, a giant purple "5." So your immediate reaction to this bill is, "THAT'S not a real bill!" But it is, according to Treasurer Cabral, a very nice lady who can be seen modeling it this exclusive CrapCam photo: