MARTIAL ARTIST OF THE WEEK SO FAR

If criminals ever attempt to attack this man with wooden toilet-seat lids, they will be sorry.

Comments

[fivver]

breaking "klodeckeln," or wooden toilet seat lids, with his head.

Never tried that. When I'm going face down into the terlit, I just raise the lid.

[BillyJoeJimBob]

'Do you think you could come to Germany and break toilet seat lids on your head for 60 seconds?' and, naturally, I said, 'Yes!'"

If I had a dollar for each time I got that very same call....

[DeskDiva]

Dave - something tells me there's a way we could use this guy against the creators of the lo-flo toilet.

[Siouxie]

Fortunately, Shelley completed the "kyuk pa," or tae kwon do breaking competition, with only an abrasion on his forehead. His competitor's head looked a fair amount more, er, hamburgery.

kyuk is right

[SW]

Mama don't you take my klodeckeln record away.

[Nookee]

Big deal. I've broken things with my head lots of times. But I was trying to avoid witnesses.

[SW]

Please don't squeeze the sensei.

Nah.

[Siouxie]

Now I know who to call when a toilet seat attacks me.

[Not My Usual Alias]

Whatever you do, don't reach underneath the neighboring stall and tap your feet.

[SW]

He set a new American Standard.

[Siouxie]

I guess someone should say this...

He's got a hard head.

[SW]

"His head was just so purple and swollen up."

How about the other guy?

That'll teach him to keep his hands off the old wienermobile.

[Siouxie]

off or on?

"breaking klodeckeln" = euphemism??

[DeskDiva]

Well, Siouxie - it is now!

[Wes S.]

What a head case.

[fivver]

Okay then, I'll say it: P00p head.

[Annie Where-but-here]

But does he bother to put the lid down at home? Noooooooo...

[Meanie the Blue]

It's at times like this, when martial artists are competing to set records for breaking wooden toilet seats with their heads, that I begin to question my belief in evolution.

Where, exactly, is the survival advantage for this skill? Are there significant dangers posed by intact wooden toilet seats which the general population should be aware of? Do women desire men with exceptional wooden toilet seat breaking attributes, allowing such men to pass along their klodeckl-defying genes? Do I need a gumball?

[padraig (aka Pirate Dick the Staggering Drunk)]

Annie, he always puts the lid down -- in PIECES.

[Guzzlin' Jezebel Slaughter]

yes, MtB. you need a gumball and i need to get my glasses checked 'cause i spend a few minutes trying to figure out what a Camel personal trainer was.

[padraig (aka Pirate Dick the Staggering Drunk)]

Meanie, maybe this technique is a lost skill that was once useful in hunting mastodons. Head strike to the kneecap, mastodon go DOWN! Then the trick is to get 'em skinned before their funnybone stops hurting.

[Annie Where-but-here]

MtB - may I also add my concern for people who enjoy WATCHING someone break toilet seats. Ranks right down there with the "Hey, Billy Bob, hold my beer and watch this" crew.

[Siouxie]

*tosses Meanie a chocolate/mint flavored gumball*

Maybe he got tired of breaking bricks and wooden planks and after much alcohol one night decided to...why not...break a toilet seat. Seems possible.

[Siouxie]

But such hobbies aren't foreign to him. He likes to skydive and currently is working on a trick that involves jumping rope while clenching a basketball between his feet.

A man of many talents...

[Guzzlin' Jezebel Slaughter]

Siouxie, but not useful talents. i'll bet he can't do laundry or put the seat down when he's finished.

[blurk]

Annie, his name is Mike, not Billy Bob.

[crossgirl]

so....is he single?

[blurk]

cg, if he's not I'd luv to meet that chick.

"Ooooooh, you big, strong, manly man...break another one!" gigglegigglegiggle

Blech.

[Meanie the Blue]

Padraig, good catch! I hadn't thought of the remnant skill/function angle. Perhaps that explains this unfortunate occurence.

Having seen no positive responses to my third question, I will be scuttling any plans to work klodeckl breaking into my bar banter.

*Scarfs gumballs*

[Guzzlin' Jezebel Slaughter]

no Meanie, toilet seat breaking abilities is not one of those things most of us really care about when choosing mates or dates.

[random thunking]

*In the same vein as MtB's rant*

Exactly what chain of events leads up to a man discovering that he can break toilet seats with his head? Upon making this dicovery, is he flush with pride? Flush with shame? Or does he just flush?

[Siouxie]

Meanie, there is no # third.

I will have to say that it's not something I look for in a man. I would assume he'd eventually be brain damaged and I'll end up wiping his drool. So no.

[blurk]

random, I was thinking the very same thing. Especially when the dude started talkin' about "proper technique". I mean, how, no, make that WHY would you develop a "proper technique" to break toilet seats with your face.

[blurk]

So, Sioux...a man is a good catch if he can wipe his own drool?
hehehe

[Meanie the Blue]

Blurk - so you don't end up all "hamburgery"?

[Annie Where-but-here]

only if he can wipe it with one of his hind feet.

[mm]

Annie - my guess is that he does put the toilet seat down. After all he's a guy, and how much more fun would it be to blast a hole in the seat, then aim through?

[crossgirl]

now if he can fix things as opposed to breaking them, then he's a winner.

[gjd]

cg - I think the article said the expense paid trip was for him AND his wife. She must be so proud.

[mm]

jeez 4-way simul... that was good

[Siouxie]

blurk, yes and his own @ss.

[Annie Where-but-here]

gjd - she paid for it to get him the heck outta the house.

[Buford]

It is nice to know some people can protect themselves against those gangs of wayward German toilets that are terrorizing the neighborhood.

I'm picturing the test setup with rows of toilets and him running from one to the next breaking them with his head. I can help but feel the he was perhaps a software designer before becoming a professional toilet seat breaker. We are used to banging our heads against hard objects.

[queensbee]

well, good thing he owned up to it, otherwise the police would have nothing to go on.

[SW]

My ex-SO could do the same thing with mirrors.

[Siouxie]

with her head or yours, Stevie?? ;-P

[SW]

Hey, I thought this space was vacant. I was just practicing my act.

[Siouxie]

Well then...take it away, Stevie!!

make sure judi get the rent check.

[DimWitte]

wooden toilet seats? Wimp. Why not increase the degree of difficulty (and cleanse the gene pool) by using good, old fashioned porcelain?

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[WriterDude]

"blessedly empty porcelain toilets" WBAGNFARB. Or an Asian restaurant menu item.